


Love Sees More 3: Greyback's Pack

by SpoonyLupin



Series: Love Sees More [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male Bonding, Minor Character Death, Physical Abuse, Werewolf Culture, Werewolf Senses, Werewolf Turning, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:12:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 131,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7794112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoonyLupin/pseuds/SpoonyLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus has agreed to infiltrate Greyback’s pack. That, however, proves much easier said than done. As the days pass and Remus spends more time with the animalistic werewolves, it becomes harder and harder for him to remember what it was like to live as a human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Infiltration

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including, but not limited to, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
> 
> Author's note: This partially follows the canon storyline of Remus going to live with the werewolves during Half-Blood Prince, but Sirius is alive here, and Dumbledore doesn't die during the course of this story either (because what fun is it if they're dead?). Also, Greyback did not bite Remus in this universe.

“You don’t have to go, you know,” Sirius said, leaning against the doorway of Remus’s bedroom at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. “You _are_ allowed to say no.”

Remus closed his eyes, leaning against one of the bedposts. He couldn’t look at Sirius. “I can’t _not_ go. We desperately need the information, and there’s no one else who _can_ go. They certainly wouldn’t allow a _human_ in among them - that would be a dead give away.”

“Like the fact that you’re a known supporter of Albus and Harry isn’t,” Sirius reminded.

“Albus has a plan for that.”

Sirius laughed, a sound somewhere between mocking and disbelief. “Of course he does.” He stared at Remus, almost as if daring the other man to give him a proper explanation for why he would even consider this in the first place.

Sighing, Remus turned away from Sirius and sat down on the mattress, eyeing the faded carpet underneath his feet. “Albus feels certain that I can gain Greyback’s trust by pretending to be fed up with the wizarding world. Everything I’ve done to fit in here hasn’t worked, and I’m still as much of an outcast as I ever was. Nothing’s changed for me here and I’m tired of fighting for rights - a life I’ll clearly never have.” Remus broke off and finally turned to look at Sirius. “That’s what I have to make Greyback believe.”

A long moment of silence passed, Sirius continuing to stare at Remus as if he had a screw loose. “Greyback isn’t an idiot.”

Remus’s jaw clenched. “Are you saying I can’t do it?”

“No.” Sirius let out a breath of disbelief, taking several steps into the room. “I just mean that if Greyback suspects, even for a _second_ , that you’re trying to deceive him, he could _kill_ you. All it would take is one slip up on your part, just one little inkling that you‘re not being honest with him…”

“Yes,” Remus said tiredly, “I’ve thought about that, Padfoot.” He sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. “That’s what the Order is all about. Taking chances and doing things that we may not get out of. It’s never stopped us before.”

“Moony…” Sirius said, but his mind had gone blank. He couldn’t, for the life of him, come up with a reasonable explanation why Remus shouldn’t go. He knew they needed the information, needed all the help they could get, but…

Sirius sighed heavily, pacing across the room. “I know that,” Sirius finally said, perhaps sounding a little harsher than he had intended. “I don’t know why this time is so different. Maybe because Greyback is a nutcase and the thought of you going to _live_ with him…”

“It disgusts me too if that’s any consolation.”

“So don’t go!” Sirius exclaimed. “If it’s going to make you that uncomfortable…”

“You’re missing the point,” Remus interrupted him. He had wrapped his hand around one of the bedposts, paying much more attention to the details etched into the wood than he should have. “Are you about to tell me that you’ve never once, in all the years that you’ve worked for the Order, done anything that’s made you uncomfortable?” Remus raised his eyes, watching his best friend closely. He paused for effect and added, “I know you have.”

Sirius immediately opened his mouth to respond, but once again, there was nothing he could say - nothing that wouldn’t make him look like a hypocrite. As a last resort, he blurted out, “This is different!” He grimaced then, knowing that wouldn’t help his argument. “It‘s absolutely ludicrous if you ask me.”

“We’re in a war, Padfoot. Few things make sense anymore.”

“Just think about this for a second.”

“I have.”

“Have you?” Sirius asked, sounding doubtful. “Have you _really_? Because I don’t think you have.”

Remus leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and running a hand through his hair. His eyes were narrowed when he raised his gaze again. “You really think I didn’t give very serious thought to this before I gave Albus my word?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Well, think again,” Remus snapped. “I do know what I’m getting myself into, all right? You may not think so, but I do, so I wish you’d give me a little bit more credit. Albus wouldn’t have asked me in the first place if he didn’t think I could do this.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Sirius asked, “Are you sure you aren’t letting that cloud your judgment?”

Remus didn’t reply, mostly because he wasn’t sure what to say to that. A small part of him was wondering if maybe Sirius had a point, if maybe Dumbledore was putting too much responsibility on him.

“You told me,” Sirius said, taking a few steps closer, “that werewolves like Greyback live like animals.”

“They do.”

“Well, you’re nothing like that, Remus!” Sirius said firmly, feeling confident that he was finally getting Remus to see reason. “You’ve never been like that! Now you’re going to go live with these werewolves and try and act like you fit in with them? Don’t you see how bonkers that sounds? That would be like me going to live with the rest of the Blacks, pretending I’m just like _them_.” He paused, shaking his head. “It doesn’t _work_.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.”

Sirius blinked. “What?”

“It’s not as bonkers as you think it is,” Remus said firmly. “On the contrary, acting like the rest of them will be the easy part.”

Shaking his head in confusion, Sirius said, “I don’t follow.”

“I’ve told you,” Remus explained, “that controlling the wolf is hard. Doing what they do - letting it control you - is easy. That’s all I have to do…let Moony out a bit. No, it’s not something I’m accustomed to, but it will be pretty natural for me. Moony _is_ who I am. I just don’t show it, but I am capable of doing so.”

“That sounds even more insane!” Sirius hissed. “I mean, are you listening to yourself?! ‘Let Moony out.’ I can’t believe I’m hearing this!” He covered his eyes with his hands.

“It has to be done, Padfoot.” Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but Remus talked over him. “Put yourself in my place for a moment, would you? What if Albus had asked you to go and live with the rest of your family, pretending that you had changed your mind about everything for the purposes of spying on them. Are you honestly telling me that you wouldn’t do it, just because you would be out of your element? Or would you go, do your best, and use the information you gained to our advantage?”

Sirius couldn’t lie, of course; it was funny sometimes how well Remus knew him. He sighed heavily. “You know I would do it. I‘d go in a second.”

“So why do I get a double standard?”

Sirius struggled with his possible responses to that. “Because you’re Moony!” he cried, throwing his arms up in the air. He was relieved to see a small smile present on the werewolf’s lips. “You’re my best friend. You know I’m not about to let you go and do something completely crazy without a fight.”

“I know,” Remus whispered, “but I don’t think there’s anything you can say to change my mind. You know why I have to do this. It‘s the same reason why you would do it.”

Growling in frustration, Sirius muttered, “I know.” He took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out slowly in an effort to calm himself. He threw his hands up again in a sign of defeat. “I still think this is nuts, but if you insist on going…”

“I do.”

“When are you going?”

“Next week,” Remus replied. “Albus wants me to go as soon as possible before the next full moon gets too close. I have to get as established as I can with them before I even think about how I’m going to get through a transformation with them.”

Silence fell, and the two men stared at each other for a long time, not saying anything. It was hovering on the edge of being uncomfortable, but it hadn’t quite reached that point yet. After a while, Sirius said, “Just…try not to get yourself killed again, all right?”

“I don’t intend to.” A strange expression overtook Remus’s face - something in between a smile and a grimace. “And the same goes for you. No running off and finding curtains to fall into while I’m gone.”

“I’m never going to hear the end of that, am I?”

Remus looked smug now. “No.”

“Good.” When Remus gave him a strange look, Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “You can’t die now, because you just said you’d bug me about that forever.”

Remus smirked. “I will, Padfoot. For as long as you need me to.”

“Forever,” Sirius reiterated.

“Forever it is, then.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The werewolf compound was partially housed in an abandoned colony which Remus found strangely ironic. But then again, it was just like Greyback to want to make a werewolf colony over into his own personal dominion. Remus imagined he found that vengefully satisfying.

The compound itself stood at the edge of a forest and not very far from a small village - the perfect spot for Greyback and the rest of his pack to whet their appetite for flesh.

Much of what remained of the colony had fallen into disrepair. Some of the buildings had been destroyed completely by the werewolves, leaving only stone foundations behind. The chain link fence surrounding the colony had long since been torn down, the victim of many full moons past. Just a few sections of the fence still remained, clinging to the forest floor, intertwined with underbrush and weeds.

As the pack’s numbers increased, their territory had grown beyond these boundaries and into the neighboring forest. There was a cave not far from what used to be the colony’s mess hall which Remus could tell the pack now used for shelter as well; there was a clear dirt path to it, the weeds having been worn away by years of use.

The entire place smelled of blood and decay, making Remus’s stomach curl up into an uncomfortable knot. He wasn’t sure how he was even going to make it through one night here, let alone weeks, or months, or - Merlin forbid - years. But Remus would try and integrate himself into the pack as best he could.

Remus had nothing with him, save for the clothes on his back. The werewolves lived off the land (and people) and they had very few possessions, relying on the ability to quickly pick up and leave if need be. Possessions and settling down were human things.

Remus didn’t even have his wand, which made him feel almost naked. He didn’t think he’d ever been without it, not since he’d first gotten it when he was eleven. His hand kept instinctively going to his pocket to feel for the handle, but it wasn’t there; he had left it behind in the safety of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Magic was for wizards, not werewolves. If Remus was going to fit in at all, he had to play the part as much as possible.

Shivering against the crisp autumn air, Remus’s eyes scanned the buildings, wondering which one Greyback used for his quarters. Remus knew he had to find Greyback first; if anyone else caught him sneaking around, Greyback would be less than sympathetic.

Picking his way through the underbrush, Remus made his way towards the first group of buildings. The moon was waning in the sky, not providing very much light at all. He squinted his eyes into the darkness, once again wishing that he had his wand to help him see.

The very first building he came seemed dark and empty. Remus stepped up to it, quickly pressing himself up against the splintered wooden siding. He stopped and listened, waiting for any sign of movement beyond. When none came, he peeked out around the corner, where the main lane of the colony spread out before him.

The door on the next building to right stood wide open, throwing a bright golden stream of light out onto the weed-covered ground. The windows had all been boarded up, but small hints of light here and there managed to break through. Remus waited for any sign of movement.

After what seemed like forever, there finally was a sign of life. Through the darkness, Remus could just make out a figure emerging from the cave, hurrying towards the main area of the colony. Biting his lip, Remus pressed himself against the wooden wall of his building again, silently praying that he hadn’t been detected.

The man - werewolf - approaching him seemed close to Remus’s own age. His clothes were ripped and torn, and even in the darkness, Remus could see many places where they had grown threadbare. The werewolf’s hair was long, black, and graying, but not quite as much as Remus’s own. It almost reminded Remus of Sirius, making him feel slightly homesick.

Remus had to suppress the urge to let out a mocking laugh. He hadn’t been here for more than thirty minutes, and already he wanted to go home, back to number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Remus shook his head harshly, willing himself to remain focused on what he was here to do.

The young werewolf hurried up the steps of the building with the light on, but then he stopped. He hovered in the doorway, standing straight and placing his hands behind his back. “Sir?” he asked quietly.

“Well, come in and get on with it!” a voice thundered from within the building, and it was one that Remus recognized immediately - Greyback.

The werewolf stepped into the shack, almost disappearing from sight completely. Remus took several steps around the building he was hiding behind in an effort to keep an eye on the werewolf. Everywhere else within the compound seemed to be deserted; the rest of the pack must have gone out on a hunt, so Remus wasn’t concerned with being seen anymore.

“Talon,” Greyback said slowly, his voice carrying on the evening breeze. “Did you find him?”

“Yes, sir,” the werewolf - Talon? - replied. “Well, Canin did. The boy you inquired about lives not far from here, in the village in that direction.” Remus could see him gesturing back toward the area of the cave.

“Excellent,” Greyback drawled, and Remus could imagine him licking his lips or rubbing his hands together in excitement. “Next full moon, that is where we will position ourselves and I will turn the boy. We’ll see how his father feels about us vile creatures then, when his own son is one.” Footsteps echoed in small shack, quickly followed by Greyback’s very pleased voice. “Well done, Talon. You may go now, and close the door behind you.”

“Yes, sir,” Talon replied, emerging from the shack again. “Goodnight.” He pulled the door closed behind him, descending the steps, and heading back in the direction of the cave.

It then occurred to Remus how nervous he was. His heart was beating so hard, he almost feared that the other werewolves would hear, and he had dug his fingernails into the one of the wooden boards he was leaning against. Remus knew he had to go now, before the rest of the werewolves returned, but he almost couldn’t make himself move.

Leaning his forehead against the building, he took a deep breath and let it out. A part of him desperately wanted to turn around, to go back and tell Dumbledore that this entire idea had been a mistake. But he knew he couldn’t. He had already given his word, and he wasn’t about to go back on it.

Remus’s breath was coming fast and hard now, despite his best efforts to the contrary. He knew he had to calm himself; if Greyback even sensed the tiniest bit of fear in him, it was unlikely that he would be accepted into the pack. Greyback demanded nothing but strength and nerve from his followers.

The minutes began to stretch, and Remus almost lost track of the time. He kept imagining what would happen if the other werewolves came back. Even though he wouldn’t admit it, he was hoping they would, so that he would have an excuse to get the hell out of here.

If he didn’t move now, however, he knew he never would. Taking another shaking breath, Remus stepped out from behind the building. He clenched his hands into fists, trying his best to find that Gryffindor courage inside of him that he was supposed to have.

Striding purposefully toward the building with the light still burning, Remus hurried across the overgrown grass and up the small set of stairs. Before he lost his nerve, Remus knocked gently on the old wooden door.

“WHAT?” Greyback demanded from within. Remus didn’t move, but he heard footsteps, which signaled Greyback approaching the door. “What in the bloody hell do you want now, Tal -” Greyback stopped as he pulled the door open, which squeaked loudly on its hinges. Greyback‘s wild and matted grey hair was framed in the golden lamplight, his cold yellow eyes immediately connecting with Remus’s.

Neither one of them said anything, but Remus stared back. He was trying to look confident and sure, but that was something he wasn’t feeling at all.

“Wellll,” Greyback hummed, his mouth twisting into a horrible smile. “Look what we have here - Lupin, right?”

It wasn’t a question; Greyback knew who he was, but Remus answered anyway. “Yes. I didn’t…have anywhere else to go.” Remus had to look away, sure that Greyback would be able to see the lies and uncertainty in his eyes.

Greyback was running his tongue across his dried and peeling lips as he looked Remus over. “Uh huh. I find that hard to believe. What about those wizard _friends_ of yours?” he sneered.

“I wouldn’t call them friends, exactly.” Remus swallowed, realizing for the first time just how badly Greyback smelled. It was a combination of how Remus smelled after a transformation - blood, sweat, and fur, only a million times worse. Remus hated that smell; it reminded him of a hundred painful transformations and about the time his father had taken him to the werewolf colony when he was little. He shut his eyes, trying to stop his stomach from clenching.

When the feeling passed, Remus looked at Greyback again, trying his best to keep his gaze steady. “Friends trust you.”

“And yours don’t, hm?”

It was difficult gauging Greyback’s feelings. He always seemed to have that same look on his face - one of perverted enjoyment.

“No,” Remus whispered. “Not now. Not in the way they should and not with this war going on. Actually, I can’t say that they ever have.”

Greyback looked rather amused. “You’re just realizing this now?”

“No,” Remus repeated. “I’ve always known that, I suppose. I’m just tired of…pretending.”

One of Greyback’s eyebrows went up. “So you come here?”

“I didn’t…”

“Know where else to go,” Greyback interrupted. “Yes, you’ve said.” The large unkempt werewolf stood rooted to his spot for a long time, as if debating with himself. After nearly a minute, he stepped aside, gesturing for Remus to enter. “Don’t think that I’m inviting you to stay, but come in.”

Remus hesitated for a split second before crossing the threshold. If he thought that Greyback had smelled bad while standing in the doorway, it was nothing compared to the stench that seemed to permeate every inch of the room.

The shack was similar to one of the bunks he had seen while visiting a werewolf colony when he was young. The bars, however, that had previously divided the room into cells had been torn away. Small round holes that stood in straight lines in the wooden floorboards and ceiling evidenced this. Everything else in the room had been removed as well it seemed; the only things present were a tatty mattress on the floor, an armchair that had seen better days, and a rickety table and chairs that Remus wouldn’t trust to support his weight.

Greyback shut the door, which gave another loud squeal that made Remus shiver. He didn’t turn to face Greyback, but instead pretended to be taking in the room for much longer than was necessary.

“I’ve asked you before,” Greyback said conversationally, “to join me, and you always made it quite clear that you weren’t interested. Why now?”

“I told you.” Remus made himself look at Greyback again, even though every sight and smell of the older werewolf made him feel sick. If he was really going to do this, he should probably start getting comfortable with the idea. “I’m tired of pretending. They didn’t trust me in the first war, and they sure as hell don’t trust me now,” Remus explained.

“Not even that Dumbledore?”

“No,” Remus said, and he let the repulsion he felt show on his face. “He actually had the audacity to ask me, just last week, if I was still _loyal_ to him.”

“Did he now?” Greyback’s voice was toneless, expressionless.

“You’d think he’d know by now in the bloody second war.”

This seemed to strike a chord in Greyback; that terrifying toothy smile of his was back. “He’s afraid,” Greyback sound around a laugh. “He’s terrified that the Dark Lord is gaining so much power and so many followers.”

Remus had to control the urge to laugh in return, to tell Greyback how wrong he was. Instead, he said, “He wanted to know if I had given any thought to joining _my own kind_.”

Greyback watched him thoughtfully and then he nodded. “You see?” He started stalking forward until he was mere inches away from Remus, staring down at him. “After all you’ve done for them, you see how they treat you? Like you’re some kind of _disease_ , like you don’t even deserve to breathe the same air they do.”

“I know.” Unable to stand the smell of Greyback any longer, Remus stepped away, pretending he was taking in his surroundings again. “How can I continue to pledge my loyalty to a man that doesn’t trust me in return? Who constantly treats me like I don’t belong? Even after I‘ve done everything in my power to prove otherwise?” Remus clenched his teeth now as well as his fists, scowling.

“That’s the way the world is, Remus,” Greyback said, taking several steps towards him again. “No matter what you do, you’ll never belong with them. You’ll never fit in. Not like you would here.”

“That’s why I came,” Remus bit out shakily.

“To see if you could belong here?” Greyback laughed, a horrible barking sound that was almost the exact opposite of Sirius’s. That thought made Remus feel homesick again.

Greyback drew even closer, reaching out to grab the front of Remus’s robes. He tugged on them until Remus was pressed up against him, Greyback’s odor positively sickening in this close proximity.

“I don’t accept just anyone, of course,” Greyback said, grinning again, his unsightly yellow teeth gleaming in the lamplight. “But I don’t turn away potential followers either, unlike _some_ people. You’ll just have to prove yourself.”

“Of course,” Remus said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “Just tell me what I have to do.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Remus regretted them. Dumbledore was certain Remus would have to pass some kind of test. The sooner they knew what it was, the sooner they could figure out how Remus could possibly get through it, but Remus had sounded much too anxious. He knew that, and so did Greyback.

“No,” Greyback said, “not yet. It’s not time. You won’t know when it’s coming, but trust me, it is.”

“But how…?”

“I’ll let you know when it’s time,” Greyback said, his eyes gleaming with amusement. “You’ll have minimal time to prepare, but it will test how strong your loyalty to me is.” He paused for a moment and then without warning, he shoved Remus back until he slammed into the wall. His back screamed in pain, but Remus tried to ignore it, keeping his eyes pinned on Greyback.

Greyback pressed himself up against Remus, once again so close that Remus thought he was going to be sick from the smell. “Make no mistake,” Greyback growled. “I do not tolerate _lies_ or _insubordination_ of any sort. If you fail, if you do not demonstrate absolute loyalty to me, I’ll rip your throat out so fast you won’t know what hit you. If, on the other hand, you are loyal to me, you have nothing to fear. Is any of this unclear?”

Remus shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.

“And you still wish to stay?”

Remus wanted nothing more than to say no, to get the hell out of there and go back home, but it was too late now. Greyback would kill him for wasting his time before he ever got anywhere near the door. Steeling all his courage, Remus firmly replied, “Yes.”

“Very well.” Greyback finally released him and took a step back. The relief from Greyback’s odor was welcome, but that was about the only thing that was. A part of Remus was terrified of what would happen next. Greyback extended his arm and pointed at the door. “Move.”

Remus was frozen to his spot. A million questions were going through his mind, and he felt too overwhelmed to even move. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he was able to push himself away from the wall. Remus headed for the door, wondering where Greyback could possibly want him to go.

Remus went for the door and pulled it open, the fresh autumn air rushing in to meet him. Before he could take a moment to enjoy it, Greyback shoved a hand into his back. Remus stumbled down the stairs, the weed-strewn ground rushing up to meet him.

“Get the hell up,” Greyback snarled. “I don’t have all night to baby-sit you.”

Climbing to his feet as quickly as he could, Remus felt startled by just how fast Greyback’s demeanor had changed. Not more than twenty minutes ago, he had been calm and carried on a reasonable conversation; now, he looked almost ready to explode if Remus said or did the wrong thing.

“That way,” Greyback instructed, pointing in the direction of the shack that Remus had hidden behind. Remus went, not wanting to do anything to upset him further.

When they got to the front door of the shack, Greyback grabbed the back of Remus’s collar with one hand. With the other, he reached out and wrenched the shack’s door open, shoving Remus inside.

This shack was almost completely dark, the only light provided by the moon sneaking through the boards that covered the windows. Before Remus’s eyes could even adjust, Greyback pulled open another door just to the right of the entrance.

“Inside,” Greyback barked, giving Remus another shove.

Remus stumbled again, reaching out his hands for support. When his fingers closed around a cold iron bar, that was when he realized he was in a cell.

“Have to keep you close,” Greyback said, “so I can keep an eye on you.” With a loud bang, he slammed the cell door shut, making Remus feel sick all over again. “Once you prove your loyalty, you’ll be allowed with the others. I don’t trust you yet, so this is for our own safety. You understand, don’t you?” Without waiting for an answer, Greyback instructed, “Get some sleep. I expect you to be up early to meet the rest of my pack.” Without another word, Greyback turned on his heel and left the shack, slamming the door shut behind him.

Remus swallowed and waited, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. This shack was indeed similar to the one that housed Greyback, approximately the same size, except the cells from its werewolf colony days remained. Remus thought he counted seven other cells, four on each side of the room.

They were tiny. There was enough room in his cage for a bed and a toilet, but not much else. Remus alone took up the remaining space, which was barely enough to take one step in.

Dropping down onto the bed, it squeaked heavily under him. Remus ran his hands through his hair, wondering if this had been such a good idea after all. It was too late to think about that now, of course, but the thought of what Greyback could possibly have in store for him terrified him.

But he was in.

_To be continued…_


	2. The Pack

Remus wasn’t entirely sure how he’d gotten to sleep that night. When Greyback had left him alone in his cell, Remus was much too tense and nervous to even think about relaxing. Not to mention, the cot he had been provided with was hard and lumpy at best, with nothing more than a scratchy sheet and a pillow that Remus thought must have hidden a brick.

And the smell…the same stench that followed Greyback around seemed to be in every single area of the compound that Remus had seen so far. The smell here wasn’t as bad as it was in Greyback’s room or around the werewolf himself, but it was strong enough to be disturbing. It kept pushing images of horrific full moons into Remus’s mind that he could have done without.

But for some reason unbeknownst to him, Remus had drifted off almost as soon as he had laid down on his undesirable bed. Perhaps it had just been the fact that he was emotionally exhausted. Remus’s mind kept spinning with everything Greyback had said, everything he had promised, and Remus almost thought he was going to go mad trying to sort it all out. Maybe his brain had just shut down out of pity for him, but whatever the reason, he was grateful for the sleep he had gotten.

Remus awoke the next morning to loud voices outside of his shack. He cracked an eye open, taking in the pale early morning sunlight that was managing to sneak in between the boards on the windows. At first, a very small sense of panic arose in him before he realized where he was. With Greyback. That thought almost made Remus want to go back to sleep, to pull the blanket over his head. He wanted to pretend that the next time he opened his eyes, he would be back in his welcoming bed at number twelve, Grimmauld Place.

The yelling outside, however, continued, piquing Remus’s curiosity. Pushing any other thoughts from his mind, Remus sat up, listening as carefully as he could. He thought he heard Greyback outside and another man, but what they were talking about, Remus couldn’t tell.

Remus’s eyes quickly ran over his cell, taking in everything he hadn’t been able to see last night in the darkness. It was indeed tiny - the cot just managed to fit, leaving enough room for a toilet in the corner and a small square of blank floor. Remus began to wonder when the toilet was last scrubbed, but he decided he didn’t want to know.

He pushed his rough blanket aside and stood up, raising his gaze upwards. There was one small rectangular window in his cell, on the wall across from the bed. It, too, was boarded up, leaving only a few trails of sunlight to break through.

Running his teeth over his bottom lip, Remus braced his hands against the wall and stepped up onto the rim of the toilet. He hesitated for a moment until he was sure he had his balance, and then he reached for the boards covering the small window. He tugged at the lowest one, and the splintered wood quickly gave way, leaving the bottom inch or so of the window uncovered.

Remus leaned into the wall and tried to raise himself up on his tiptoes as much as possible. The window was just low enough for him to peer over the bottom sill. The window itself was grimy and cloudy, but he could still see through it well enough.

Greyback was standing not far from the entrance to Remus’s shack, having a very heated discussion with that dark-haired werewolf from the night before - Talon. Remus held his breath and pressed his ear up against the gap in the boards.

“He’s a known supporter of Dumbledore!” Talon snarled. “What more proof do you need?”

“I said I’m giving him a chance,” Greyback replied calmly, “not that I trust him yet.”

“And you’re making a huge mistake! He doesn’t even deserve that much!” Talon cried. “Are you that stupid that…”

Talon, however, didn’t get any further. Greyback’s right hand flashed out, grabbing the front of Talon’s robes like he had done to Remus last night. Greyback pulled the werewolf closer and then fisted his left hand in Talon’s hair, pulling his head back. Talon stood frozen, his heaving with every breath.

“ _Excuse me_?” Greyback growled. “Would you care to repeat that?”

Talon opened and closed his mouth several times, looking like a fish on land. Finally, he shook just his head as much as he could with Greyback still holding on to his hair.

“No. No, I thought not,” Greyback said. “But I heard you the first time. You think I’m stupid, hm?”

“N-no, sir.” Talon’s voice wavered erratically.

Greyback looked thoughtful, watching Talon closely, as if deciding what to do. “So why on earth would you call me that?” Greyback sounded truly curious.

“I-I’m sorry, sir,” Talon stuttered. “I don’t think you’re stupid at all. It just…c-came out…I don’t like newcomers. Y-you know that…”

“You know what think?” Greyback asked, his voice falling into a growl again. He pulled Talon even closer so that their noses were almost touching. “I think you _did_ mean it. You’re just too cowardly to admit it.”

“No, sir! I promise! I-”

Greyback shook Talon violently, forcing him into silence. “You know what else I think? Giving Lupin a chance isn’t my mistake. My mistake was making _you_ my second-in-command!”

“NO! Sir, you didn‘t…”

“I don’t believe I asked your opinion on the matter,” Greyback yelled, “so _hold your tongue_!” He paused for effect and then went on, “This is _my_ pack and I will _not_ be questioned! If I feel Lupin deserves a chance, then you damn well better get used to it and accept it. Is that clear, or do I need to remind you of your place again?”

“No, sir. It’s clear.”

“You better make sure of that,” Greyback snarled. After a moment, he released Talon, but then placed both of his hands flat on his chest. Greyback shoved him hard, causing him to stumble and fall to the weed-covered ground. “Get the hell out of my sight!”

Talon scrambled to his feet and started to head toward the back of the colony. Just then, however, Greyback called him back.

“Go to the mess hall,” Greyback ordered. “The others will be there by now, and I’ll be bringing Lupin by to meet you all. You may want to let them know of the conversation we just had - that _I_ make the decisions here and I will not tolerate my _subordinates questioning_ my actions!”

“Yes, sir.” Talon bowed his head and took off running for the largest building.

Greyback watched him go, shaking visibly with every breath he took. Remus made a mental note to never call Greyback stupid, to never question his decisions, and to never speak unless spoken to. Those were good things to know, he decided.

After nearly a minute, when his breathing had slowed, Greyback turned towards Remus’s shack. Remus let out a quiet gasp before he let go of the wall and stepped down off the toilet. The last thing he wanted was for Greyback to know he had been spying. Remus dove for his bed, quickly pulling the covers up over himself once again. He closed his eyes tightly, pretending to be asleep.

Just then, the door of the shack squealed open loudly, banging into the wall.

Remus stirred, opening his eyes slowly and faking a yawn. He blinked up at Greyback as he watched the older werewolf retrieve a key from the wall. It was on a large key ring and it had been hanging on a nail above the door. It was the first time Remus had noticed it.

“Up,” Greyback ordered, approaching Remus’s cell and sliding the key into the lock in the door.

Remus immediately threw his covers aside and got to his feet, not wanting to upset Greyback any further than he already was.

“The rest of my pack is waiting to meet you,” Greyback informed him, sliding the cell door open. “Follow me.” Greyback then returned the key ring to its nail above the door.

Not saying a word, Remus stepped out of his cell, eyeing the key closely where it was now swinging back and forth on its nail. It was much too far for him to reach from his cell, but perhaps it would come in handy one day.

“You’re quiet this morning,” Greyback said conversationally as they stepped out into the bright autumn sunshine.

Remus swallowed before replying. “Yes, sir. Just…thinking, I suppose.”

One of Greyback’s eyebrows went up. He looked amused. “You suppose?”

“All right, I am thinking.”

“About?”

Remus paused, considering his words carefully. “How different it is here.”

“Mhm,” Greyback hummed in agreement. “And you slept well, I trust?”

Remus blinked, confused that Greyback sounded so certain of that fact. “Yes, sir.”

Greyback nodded as if he had been expecting that. “Everyone does after they first come here,” Greyback informed him. “It’s because you’re finally among your equals, Remus. You’re no longer with a bunch of wizards or _humans_ -” Greyback spat out the word as if it made him sick, “-simply _pretending_ to belong. You’re just like the rest of us here - you’re the same.” Almost as an afterthought, Greyback added, “Except for the ranks, of course.”

“The ranks?”

“Every werewolf here has a rank,” Greyback replied. “The higher the rank, the more I trust them and the more privileges they have.” He placed his hand over his chest proudly before continuing. “I am the alpha, of course. My second-in-command, Edmund Talon is a beta. Under him are the gamma wolves. I trust them a great deal and I would consider them above all others to replace Edmund if the need ever arose. There are six ranks in all. You’re at the lowest rank right now, a zeta.”

That didn’t make Remus feel very confident, but a part of him almost felt like laughing. He found it funny that a moment ago, Greyback had been talking about them all being equals, just before launching into his monologue about ranks.

“Once you prove your loyalty to me,” Greyback added, “you’ll be moved up to an epsilon. You’ll have complete access to the compound and you’ll be able to interact with the others freely. The longer you’re here and the more I feel I can trust you, you may slowly move up through the ranks.”

“Are there any other zetas here?”

“Not at the moment, no.”

Aside from spying, Dumbledore wanted Remus to reason with some of the other werewolves, to try and persuade them to Dumbledore’s side. Remus figured it would be easiest with some of the lower ranked werewolves, ones that obviously weren’t as loyal to Greyback as some of the others. Being the only zeta at the moment, however, would make it extra difficult. Everyone was probably already suspicious of him, if Talon’s feelings were any indication.

It occurred to Remus that tattling on other members was probably something that Greyback rewarded. If anyone figured out that Remus was there to spy, they might very easily tell Greyback just to prove their loyalty even more. Remus would definitely have to be careful about who he trusted here, if anyone. At the moment, it would be Remus’s word against a werewolf of a higher rank; it was no mystery who Greyback would believe. Remus would have to wait until he was an epsilon at least before he even thought about putting that part of Dumbledore’s plan into action.

“Everyone else has been here for quite some time,” Greyback went on, pulling Remus out of his reverie. “The last time we had a zeta was about a dozen or so moons ago.”

“What happened to him?” Remus asked before he could stop himself.

Greyback grinned so wide, Remus could almost see all of his horrible yellow teeth. “He didn’t pass his test, unfortunately,” Greyback said, but his tone didn’t suggest it was _unfortunate_. On the contrary, Greyback sounded rather pleased with the situation. “Of course, once you fail, I don’t allow you to stay.” After a long paused, he added, “I don’t allow you to leave, either.”

Remus didn’t have - or didn’t want - to inquire further. That was obviously a warning to Remus about what would happen if he failed whatever Greyback might expect him to do. Remus felt his stomach twisting up into a knot again at the thought, but he tried not to let it show.

They continued on in silence, down the center of the compound, until they reached the long rectangular building towards the back. Greyback stepped forward, pulling the large wooden door open and gesturing for Remus to step inside.

Remus’s heart pounded as he climbed the three steps. He wasn’t exactly sure what to expect from the other werewolves. He almost thought he was going to be lynched as soon as he entered the building or something.

It was dark inside the mess hall. The windows had similarly been boarded up, allowing just enough sunlight through the cracks so that Remus could see. As soon as his eyes adjusted, he was surprised to find all of the other werewolves standing still and quiet. They formed a half circle around him and door, watching him closely as he stepped inside.

Remus thought he counted approximately twenty-five to thirty werewolves. Most of them were men, although there were a few women scattered throughout. Truthfully, Remus had been wondering if there would be any women at all; Greyback just naturally seemed more inclined to trust men.

Most of the werewolves appeared to be close to Remus’s age, but there were some that looked much younger, and there were a few that looked about as old as Greyback. All of their robes were in various states of decay, and they all looked like they could do with a shower and some serious personal hygiene. None of them looked as bad as Greyback, however.

The inside of the building itself had been completely gutted. There was absolutely no evidence to suggest that this had ever been a dining hall of any kind. Other than a few wooden chairs and a small round table in the corner, it was completely devoid of furniture. The walls and floor were covered in numerous deep scratch marks, suggesting that this building might be used during the full moons.

Remus noticed that Talon was glaring at him, his hands clenched tightly into fists. If Remus hadn’t been listening to him and Greyback earlier, he’d probably be wondering what in the world he’d ever done to Talon. None of the other werewolves seemed particularly interested in Remus one way or the other, which was somewhat of a relief.

Greyback soon entered as well, looking around to check that everyone was present. Remus inched back toward the wall, keeping his eyes pinned on the floor, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

“Good, everyone’s here,” Greyback said pleasantly. “As I’m sure Edmund has already informed you, we had a new member join us last night.” He gestured in Remus’s direction. “Remus Lupin has entered the pack at the zeta level, of course. He will be tested next-” Greyback stopped suddenly, as if he had intended to say more, but had thought better of it. His eyes went uncomfortably to Remus.

_Next full moon_ , Remus thought. _That’s what he meant to say_. That didn’t entirely surprise Remus - Dumbledore had suspected it would occur during a transformation - but it didn’t exactly reassure him either. At least he knew, though, when to expect his test. He had nearly three weeks before then, so at least he had some time to try and figure out what it could be and to prepare himself for it.

Greyback cleared his throat. “Remus, my pack.” Greyback swung his arm around the room, indicating the rest of his followers. He stopped on Edmund and said, “My second-in-command, Edmund Talon. If I’m not here for any reason, he is in charge. I expect you to give him the same respect and consideration that you give me.”

Talon looked to be very amused by this, and Remus almost thought he was going to laugh out loud. He faked a cough to hide it instead, covering his mouth with his hand. Remus didn’t have to wonder what that was about. Talon surely doubted that Remus had any respect for Greyback at all, and he would be right.

Greyback narrowed his eyes, stalking over to Talon. “Something wrong?” Greyback growled. “Something you might like to share with the rest of us?”

Talon’s eyes went wide, his expression turning hard again. “No, sir.”

“Think it’s funny, do you?” Greyback asked.

“No, sir. Not at all.”

“You, Talon, are treading on very thin ice!” Greyback was silent then, staring daggers down at Talon, as if considering what to do. Talon stared back, not daring to move an inch.

After nearly a minute, Greyback stepped away from Talon and glanced around the room. “Talon, it would seem,” Greyback announced, beginning to pace, “thinks that I am incapable of making the best decisions for my pack. He questioned me this morning, in fact, asking why I was stupid enough to allow Remus in among us.”

Several gasps went around the room. The other werewolves seemed shocked at this, and they began to whisper among themselves.

“SILENCE!” Greyback roared. The room fell quiet at once, everyone giving Greyback their full attention. Everyone, that was, except for Talon. His face had turned red and he was currently focused on the splintering floorboards beneath him.

“You know,” Greyback said conversationally, “I was sort of hoping something like this would happen. It’ll give me a chance to show Remus what happens when I am questioned in my own pack!” He turned on his heel, stomping back over to Talon. “Especially,” he added, “by my very own _beta_.”

Talon’s brown eyes widened even further, and his bottom quivered slightly. “I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.”

“Oh,” Greyback responded, “you’re damn right it won’t.” Talon opened his mouth to reply, but before he could get anything out, Greyback grabbed the front of his robes just like he had outside. This time, he pulled Talon forward and brought his knee up into Talon’s stomach. Talon coughed and heaved, his eyes looking like they might possibly pop out of his sockets now.

“It’s not so funny now, is it?” Greyback laughed. He pulled on Talon’s robes again, forcing him to stand up straight. Then one of Greyback’s hands shot back, forming into a fist. He punched Talon in the mouth and then released him, allowing him to crumble to the floor.

Talon curled up on his side, still coughing. One arm curled around his stomach and the other hand went up to dab at his bloody lip.

Remus found it hard to watch, but he didn’t look away. If the whole thing was partially for Remus’s benefit, he didn’t think Greyback would be very happy if he didn’t watch. Remus also kept reminding himself that Greyback liked strong werewolves in his pack - not weak ones that flinched away when Greyback was exercising discipline.

Turning back to Remus, Greyback said, “ _That_ is what happens when I am questioned in my own pack. Any questions?”

“No, sir,” Remus whispered.

“Good,” Greyback said. “That’s all for this morning.” He looked down at Talon who was still lying on the floor. Greyback’s lips twisted into that grin again. “You’re a mess. Get the hell up and pull yourself together. The rest of you may go to breakfast. Remus, you come with me. I’ll show you how we eat.”

The rest of the pack began to file out of the building, breaking up into groups and disappearing into the woods. If that was any indication, Remus really didn’t want to know what they did for food.

Talon had gotten off the floor, but was still hunched over, holding on to his stomach. A line of a blood had spilled down over his chin and had left a couple deep red drops on the front of his robes. He kept pressing the palm of one hand against his mouth and pulling it away to see if it was still bleeding. Talon’s eyes were focused on Remus, absolutely burning with hate.

“You may want to keep an eye on Remus,” Greyback told Talon. “He’s barely been here for eight hours and he already knows how to behave properly. The only time he’s spoken is to answer me, and he hasn’t moved from his spot. I remember when you used to be like that, Edmund. Before you let your status go to your head.”

Remus really had to control the urge to laugh now. If anyone’s status had gone to their head, it was clearly Greyback.

Talon drew a deep and shaky breath. “Sir…”

“There you go again!” Greyback shouted. “Opening your mouth when I didn’t ask you to! Just because we have a new member doesn’t mean you’re allowed to show off for him.” He stepped forward, grabbing the front of Talon’s robes once more. “ _Don’t_ make me regret the decision of making you my beta. That could all change, you know. In an instant. And it will if you keep running your mouth to me. There are five gammas below you that would jump at the chance to replace you and believe me, they _know_ how to follow the rules.” Greyback leaned in even closer, his lips only mere inches away from Talon’s. “You haven’t forgotten the rules, have you?”

“No, sir.”

Greyback shook his head. “I’m not so sure about that, so you may stay here for the duration of breakfast. I suggest you use the time to think about what you did wrong and how you can prevent it from happening again. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And get yourself cleaned up for god’s sakes!” Greyback ordered. “You’re covered in your very own blood. That’s not very becoming for my beta.” He turned and stalked back towards the door, momentarily stopping in front of it. “Come, Remus. It’s time for breakfast.”

Remus hesitated, eyeing Talon carefully. This was not good. Remus hadn’t even done anything and he already very clearly had an enemy.

“This isn’t over, _Lupin_ ,” Talon snarled. “You’ve got Greyback fooled now, but you won’t for long. I’m on to you, and it won’t be long before he figures you out, too.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Remus said quietly, trying to sound as innocent as possible. He was suddenly grateful for all those times Sirius had done something wrong and had said the very same thing; Remus had heard that line so many times, it wasn’t hard to imitate.

“Yeah, sure you don’t,” Talon muttered, still wiping blood from his chin. “I just suggest you be very careful in the future. We‘re all very loyal to Greyback and if you do something wrong, we‘ll know.”

“Are you sure?” Remus asked coolly. “Because after what just happened here, I’m not sure you even know what wrong is.” He gave Talon a very poignant look before walking past him and following Greyback’s lead.

“I do know!” Talon shouted after him. “But yes, run along now. Go kiss up to him as much as you can.”

Remus wanted to turn and say something more, but he didn’t. Greyback didn’t like his werewolves doing things unless he told them, and right now, Remus had been ordered to follow. But he found it funny - kissing up as much as he could was exactly what he intended on doing.

Greyback was waiting for him just around the corner of the mess hall. As soon as Remus caught up to him, Greyback said, “I heard the two of you.” He gestured back towards the entrance to the mess hall as they fell into step beside each other.

Remus swallowed, wondering if he would be in trouble for speaking to Talon when he hadn’t been given permission. Greyback, however, didn’t seem angry.

“Don’t let him bait you,” Greyback said. “He’s just pissed that he got reprimanded in front of everyone. He has to take it out on someone. Believe me, I will be talking to him further about his behavior.” Greyback threw his head back and laughed harshly before turning on Remus. “I’m counting on you now, you know. I’m counting on you to prove yourself, to prove that I _didn’t_ make a mistake by letting you into my pack. You wouldn’t want Talon to be right, would you?”

“No, sir.” Remus titled his chin up and in his firmest voice, he said, “He isn’t.”

Greyback’s yellow eyes searched his, as if looking for the answer. “You better make sure of that. I would be _very_ angry indeed if you failed me now.”

Remus held his gaze, unflinching and unwavering. When Greyback was apparently satisfied, he continued down the path through the woods. Remus followed closely behind.

Greyback spent the morning showing Remus pretty much everything that was edible in the woods. Remus had already known that the werewolves lived off the land, and he could have done without Greyback’s one-sided instructions. He encouraged Remus to eat - to hunt - as many live things as possible.

Remus, of course, wasn’t about to begin preying on little furry animals. He just simply agreed with everything Greyback said, and then ate as many berries and nuts as he could find when the other werewolf wasn’t watching. It wasn’t much, but then again, he was used to going hungry a lot of the time when he lived alone.

Greyback eventually caught something and found a place on the forest floor to eat. Remus didn’t see what it was and he didn’t _want_ to know what it was either. He simply found his own spot, leaning up against a tree, waiting for Greyback to finish.

Remus closed his eyes, trying to imagine that he was back at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. It was almost easy. If he blocked out Greyback’s noisy and sloppy chewing, he could focus on the soft breeze and the leaves rustling around him. Remus kept telling himself that he was sitting in the garden at home, and that the pleasant silence would be interrupted by Padfoot’s barking at any moment. He smiled.

“Hi.”

Jumping, Remus opened his eyes to find a girl with dirty blonde hair standing before him. She looked quite young, perhaps no more than twenty-five, and her pale blue eyes sparkled brightly.

Remus’s eyes immediately went to Greyback, wondering if they were allowed to talk at all. Greyback didn’t seem the least bit concerned; he was much more interested in pulling the fur off of whatever he was eating.

“It’s breakfast,” the girl said, as if reading his mind. “We’re allowed to talk at meals.”

“Oh,” Remus said, looking back to the girl. “Hi, then.”

“I’m Althea,” she said, sitting down beside him.

“Remus.”

“I know.” Althea’s cheeks turned a bright shed of red and she giggled. “I know who you are.”

Remus bit at his lower lip. “I suppose a lot of you do.”

Althea shrugged. “Dunno. I don’t really talk to anyone else. Before you came, I was the newest one here, and I haven’t gotten to know anyone yet.”

Tilting his head curiously, Remus asked, “How long have you been here?”

“Almost two years now.”

One of Remus’s eyebrows went up. “And you still haven’t gotten to know anyone?”

Althea giggled again. “Well, they’re not exactly friendly if you know what I mean.”

“I know,” Remus agreed. “I’ve already made an enemy out of Talon.”

“He doesn’t like any of the newcomers,” Althea explained. “He’s always suspicious and accusing them of being spies.”

“Oh good,” Remus said, laughing humorlessly. “Now I don’t feel so alone.”

“Nah,” Althea went on, “he was horrible to me until I proved my loyalty.”

Remus was almost tempted to ask how one did that, but with Greyback so nearby, he wasn’t going to risk it. Greyback clearly didn’t want him to know, and Remus wasn’t about to ruin the progress he’d made so far by making Greyback angry with him.

Instead, Remus asked, “What rank are you now?”

“I’m still an epsilon,” Althea said, “one rank above you. I haven’t really had a chance to prove myself beyond that yet.”

Remus began to wonder if Althea was as sweet as she was pretending. If she had been an epsilon for nearly two years, surely she would want some way to further prove her loyalty by now. Perhaps she was trying to get close to Remus just so she could run to Greyback with what she had learned. Greyback might even have asked her to do so. Remus would have to be careful about what he said to her and to everyone else in the pack. None of the other werewolves trusted him yet, and Remus wasn’t about to give his trust to them in return either.

“Remus,” Greyback suddenly called for him, pulling him out of his thoughts. Greyback had gotten to his feet and was currently using one of his long yellowed fingernails to pick at his teeth. Remus tried not to pay attention to the fact that blood was smeared all over Greyback’s lips. Apparently, it wasn’t becoming to wear one’s own blood, but it was perfectly fine to wear the blood of something else. Remus felt his stomach clench in disgust.

“It’s time to go,” Greyback said, motioning for Remus to join him again. “You’ll be returned to your cell after each meal.”

Remus wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of returning to his small, cramped, and smelly cell. He had been enjoying the fresh air and talking with Althea. As suspicious as he still was of her, it was nice to hold a somewhat normal adult conversation with someone again.

Bidding his goodbyes to Althea, Remus stood, brushing off the grass and leaves that clung to his robes. He followed Greyback across the trail that led to the main part of the compound.

Once they returned to the shack with Remus’s cell, Greyback ushered him inside again. Remus entered his cell without having to be told and Greyback slammed the door behind him once again.

Greyback then wrapped his long-nailed fingers around the bars, watching him closely. “You did well this morning, Remus. You didn’t cause any trouble and I didn’t have to raise my voice to you once. If you keep this up, you’ll be an epsilon in no time.”

“Thank you, sir,” Remus whispered, his eyes on the floor. He kept them there until he heard Greyback’s footsteps across the floor and the shack door close again.

When Remus was alone, he let out a long breath and sat down heavily on his bed. He buried his head in his hands, taking several deep breaths. The entire time with Greyback, he had been nervous beyond belief, but to be honest, being a part of Greyback’s pack wasn’t as hard as Remus thought it would be. Being quiet and unassuming were things that came naturally to Remus, and that was the way Greyback liked his followers. All Remus had to do was be himself, really.

Remus didn’t realize, however, the emotional toll that being one of Greyback’s followers would take on him. It had already begun, in fact, working its way into the very recesses of his mind. He was slowly turning into someone that he soon wouldn‘t recognize.

_To be continued…_


	3. The Task

And so life at the compound continued, which Remus decided was one of the most boring things he’d ever done in his life. Greyback liked routine, so everything was always the same - exactly the same, day in and day out.

Remus would be let out of his cell before each meal, and there was always a meeting in the mess hall first. Most of the time, they didn’t have much of anything to talk about; Remus assumed that Greyback held the meetings just to make sure that everyone else was still around and hadn’t run off anywhere.

For meals, Remus would follow Greyback into the woods and (pretend to) watch him hunt for something. Remus continued to fill up on as many edible fruits and nuts as he could find, even though Greyback still encouraged him to hunt live things. Greyback said it was good for exercise and reflexes, and he seemed to think it a bit silly when Remus refused, but at least it wasn’t something Greyback insisted on enforcing.

After meals, Remus would return to his cell and wait for the next one. Remus lost track of time after a while, his days becoming nothing more than hours upon hours of sitting in his cell, with a few meals scattered along the way.

It gave Remus a lot of time to think, especially about Sirius. He kept wondering what his best friend was doing, but most of the time, Remus thought about the fact that Sirius had spent nearly twelve years in Azkaban. It was almost hard for Remus to imagine, sitting in a cell like his for years on end, and for something he didn’t even do. But then again, Remus hadn’t ever bothered to contact Sirius during that time, to try and see if maybe things weren’t exactly as they had seemed.

Now Remus was spending his own days doing nothing but sitting in a cell, staring at the walls. It almost felt fitting to Remus…like he deserved it, for thinking Sirius guilty all those years ago.

He was still terrified about what Greyback’s test for him would be, but at the same time, Remus almost wanted it to come. Once he passed it, Greyback had said that he would be free to go wherever he pleased then. Whatever Remus would be forced to do might even be preferable to going absolutely stir crazy from sitting in the same cell for ages.

Currently, the only break from the routine that had become his life came whenever one of the other werewolves would have to be disciplined. It didn’t happen often, because it was quite clear that they were all afraid of Greyback, but it did happen. The rest of the werewolves would be forced to watch, and Remus had come to dread those occurrences - the looks of fear on their faces when Greyback would become violent towards them.

The only consolation to Remus was that Greyback hadn’t yet felt the need to turn on him. Remus thought that they were getting along okay for the most part (as well as one could with Greyback), and he felt that Greyback was beginning to trust him, even though he never said so.

To be honest, Remus felt that that had been helped along by Talon’s attitude towards him. The second-in-command still made it quite clear that he didn’t trust Remus. Greyback, on the other hand, was much too proud to even think about the fact that he might have made a mistake by letting Remus into the pack. When Talon kept questioning Greyback’s decision (which had earned Talon several more beatings), it seemed like Greyback became even more determined to accept Remus as one of them.

It had all been too easy, getting on Greyback’s good side, and that thought made Remus more and more anxious as the days passed. He knew the full moon was approaching - along with whatever test Greyback had planned for him - but exactly when it was, Remus couldn’t say. He had long since lost track of the days, and from his cell, he hadn’t been able to see the moon to tell how large it was getting.

This was bad. Remus knew Dumbledore had been expecting him to make contact with him in the days leading up to the full moon. Dumbledore was going to have the Wolfsbane potion waiting for him. They had decided that Remus going through a transformation with the rest of the pack would be much too dangerous without it. Greyback didn’t approve of the use of the Wolfsbane, and he would be furious if he knew Remus was still using it, but Remus would much rather keep his mind and accept whatever consequences may come from that. Greyback liked for his pack to run wild during the full moon, and Remus would never forgive himself if he ended up biting or hurting someone as a result.

It had been a little hard, however, to keep in contact with Dumbledore when he was locked in a cell. They hadn’t foreseen that. Remus knew how to get out if he must - the key above the door was still there, as if waiting for him - but he preferred not to take the chance until it was absolutely necessary.

The most important thing at the moment was getting through Greyback’s test. Without a doubt, Remus would need Dumbledore’s help with that, but Greyback hadn’t even mentioned it yet. Until he did, Remus didn’t want to risk sneaking out to alert Dumbledore. If he got caught, this would all be over. There would be no second chances.

The answer to Remus’s questions, however, would come sooner than he thought.

Early one evening, Remus laid on his bed, staring around at the shack like always. He had already taken to counting the boards in the walls, ceiling, and floor, and out of desperation, sometimes he even counted the nails to pass the time. Today, he had moved on to counting the bars that made up the cells.

Small beams of sunlight snuck through the boards over the windows and they moved along the walls, signaling the passing of the day. At the moment, Remus was looking forward to dinner. Even watching Greyback devour innocent prey was preferable to lying here, counting boards and bars until he went insane. Remus wondered how much longer that would take - until he went insane.

Much too soon, Remus heard the door to his shack opening. He immediately sat up, wondering what was happening. It was too early for dinner; he knew from instinct that their next meal was least another hour away.

Greyback stood in the doorway, the dying sun outside outlining his form. He strode in, reached for the key above the door, and then turned back towards Remus. “Up,” he ordered.

Remus got off his bed, his heart beginning to pound. He swallowed, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “Sir? It isn’t dinner time yet.”

Greyback slid the key into the lock of the cell and opened it. “No,” he said, pulling the door open and standing aside. “There’s something we have to do before dinner tonight.”

His breathing growing rapid, Remus stepped out of his cell. Greyback had said that Remus wouldn’t know when his test was coming, but that it was coming. This couldn’t be it, could it? He wouldn’t expect Remus to do something without any warning whatsoever, would he? Remus thought he would have at least a few hours to prepare - hopefully long enough to alert Dumbledore beforehand.

If he didn’t have the time beforehand to prepare, Remus knew that depending on what it was, Dumbledore would probably want him to quit. To get out of there somehow, as soon as he could. But then that would make the past several weeks completely pointless, and Remus was determined to not let his time here be in vain.

When Greyback motioned towards the door, Remus exited the shack and descended the steps. The sun was indeed setting, making its way towards the horizon, and filling the forest with pale orangey light. This emphasized the bright orange, red, and yellow hues that were taking over the trees, making the entire forest almost painful to look at.

If this wasn’t his test, Remus could only think of one other thing that would cause Greyback to break his routine. However, Remus didn’t think that tonight was the full moon. He had lost track of time, yes, but he could usually feel the transformation coming all day beforehand.

“Sir?” Remus asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could. “It’s not the full moon tonight, is it? I don’t _think_ it is, but…”

“You’ve lost track of time?” Greyback asked, emerging from the shack next.

Remus nodded.

“All my followers do at first,” Greyback said, leading Remus towards the back of the colony. It was the same walk they took every day to every single meal. “It’s hard for you to keep track of time at the moment, I know. But no. The full moon is tomorrow.”

Remus had known the transformation was coming, but to know it was so close made him even more nervous than he already was. He still had to contact Dumbledore to get the Wolfsbane, and his time was quickly running out. The very real possibility that he might have to go through this transformation without it scared him out of his wits.

“If everything goes well,” Greyback went on as they continued their walk, “your days in the cell will come to an end very soon. Then again, if things don’t go well, they’ll come to an end anyway.”

So this was his test! Remus’s heart began to beat even faster and his legs wobbled slightly as they went. But he couldn’t let it show. He couldn’t let Greyback see how nervous he was. He wouldn’t.

Greyback seemed to know anyway. “As I’ve told you, Remus,” he said, “if you are loyal to me, you have absolutely nothing to fear.”

And that was exactly what worried Remus.

Greyback led Remus through the woods, past the small clearing where they usually stopped to eat. They walked past the mouth of the cave and even deeper into the woods. Remus had never been here, had never gone past the cave before, and his mind kept racing with possibilities. At least it _wasn’t_ a full moon, because he could only imagine what sorts of chaos he would be headed for then. So what was this all about?

Eventually, the trees started to grow sparse and small cottages began appearing in the distance. It almost reminded Remus of where he had lived as a child, and that made a very uncomfortable feeling settle in his stomach. He tried not to think about what this could mean. There was no sense in worrying until he found out what the test actually was.

Greyback and Remus stayed in the protection of the woods, skirting around the small village they had come across. Remus followed, trying his best to remain calm, to not let Greyback know how absolutely scared he really was.

Finally, Greyback slowed, peering through the trees at the cottage closest to them. It was a particularly small stone cottage, but it looked very friendly and welcoming just the same. A pillar of smoke rose from the chimney and little bursts of bright blue flowers grew out of the flower boxes under each window.

Remus thought he could see a woman through the front window. She looked fairly young, perhaps in her twenties, and Remus imagined that she was cleaning the front room of the cottage. A large smile was present on her face the entire time. She had absolutely no idea that she was being watched by perhaps the most savage werewolf in the world.

“The Farris family,” Greyback said, gesturing to the humble dwelling. “A fairly young married couple. They have a boy, Justin, who’s just turned seven.”

Remus’s hand found the tree nearest him and he grabbed it, his fingers tightening around the rough bark. He tried to keep his breathing quiet, but it was impossible now. He thought he could see what Greyback had in mind, and Remus had already decided that he wouldn’t do it. Not if it involved a little boy in any way. He wouldn’t. For a moment, Remus thought back to his conversation with Sirius, about how he had called this entire thing ludicrous and begged Remus to change his mind. Why on earth hadn’t he listened to the mangy mutt?

“I know the father,” Greyback explained, breaking Remus from his overwhelming thoughts. “I had…an altercation with him not long ago - not long before you joined us. He called me a monster.” Greyback threw back his head and laughed, that cruel, evil, mocking sound that made Remus’s skin crawl. “So I had planned on biting the boy this coming full moon. We’ll see how his father feels about us _monsters_ when his little boy _is_ one.”

Greyback stopped then, almost as if he was waiting for Remus to say something. Remus didn’t. His mind was blank, and he didn’t think he could say anything without giving away his fear.

“But I thought,” Greyback said casually, as if they weren’t talking about completely changing the life of an innocent child, “that this would be the perfect opportunity for you to prove yourself to me.” Greyback had been eyeing the cottage, but he turned to face Remus now, trying to discern how the younger werewolf was feeling. “This is an honor I’m giving you. I don’t normally give my prey to my subordinates, but tomorrow night at this very time, we will position ourselves here. Once we transform, _you_ will bite the boy.”

Remus had been expecting that, but once Greyback said it, he could feel the bile rising inside him. Remus’s throat burned with it and he thought he was going to be sick. He was suddenly thankful that Greyback had chosen to do this before a meal. If Remus had eaten anything recently, he knew he would have just lost it.

Seeming to sense his reservations, Greyback said, “They deserve it, Remus. They do. For the way they feel about us, for the way they look down on us, for the way they _treat_ us. Like we’re some kind of _disease_. They have absolutely no idea what it’s like to be a werewolf. None at all. So it’s time they found out.”

Remus’s eyes went from Greyback’s to the cottage behind him. The woman inside had lit a lamp now that the daylight was quickly dying. She had brown hair and was laughing about something, talking to someone inside that Remus couldn’t see.

Greyback was still watching him expectantly, waiting for an answer. At the moment, Remus had little choice. If he told Greyback he wouldn’t do it, Greyback would kill him at once. There was absolutely no way in hell that Remus _would_ do it, but he couldn’t let Greyback know that.

Remus swallowed, glancing at Greyback again. He nodded, and even though he felt worse with every word, he said, “I’ll do it.”

Greyback looked pleased, that horrible grin twisting itself over his face again. “I knew you would.” He took a few steps closer to Remus, looking down his nose at him. “You’ve been very loyal to me so far. In your time here, you’ve never once questioned me and you’ve never once defied me. Not a single one of my followers has ever been this well behaved this soon. Not even Edmund. Most of them, when they first come here, are defiant and disobedient. They like to test me to see how much they can get away with, but not you.

“After tomorrow night, I may make you even higher than an epsilon.” Pausing, Greyback looked him up and down, seeming to devour Remus with his eyes. “Your actions aren’t that of a zeta,” Greyback added, his voice turning into a growl. “I think you’ve proved that you deserve far more than this. Yes. I think you’d make a fine delta, which is one step up from an epsilon.”

Remus looked down at his shoes, which he knew he was supposed to do when Greyback praised him. “Thank you, sir,” he whispered.

Greyback nodded, continuing to look very pleased with both himself and Remus as well. “Come. It’s dinner time.” Without another word, Greyback turned, beginning to walk back through the woods the way they had come.

Remus stayed put for a moment, watching the cottage beyond. He didn’t want to follow Greyback. Not now, not ever again. At the moment, Remus’s stomach was twisted in so many knots and doing so many somersaults, he couldn’t even think about eating. What he almost felt like doing was leaving. Just turning and walking away. Now was his chance, but he knew he couldn’t. Not just yet.

That was when Remus realized that he could feel tears prickling at his eyes. He almost wanted to give in to the feeling, to sit down and to let the tears come, but he couldn’t do that either. His mission here wasn’t over.

Clenching his hands into fists, Remus started back through the woods, hurrying to catch up to Greyback. Remus couldn’t even believe that Greyback had let him out of his sight. Ever since he got here, whenever he wasn’t in his cell, Greyback always liked for Remus to stay visible. Greyback obviously did trust him now, which made Remus even more certain that he had to keep up this charade for as long as possible.

Dinner that evening seemed to take forever. Remus wasn’t the least bit interested in eating; he felt much too ill. He just wanted to get back to his cell. He needed a minute to himself and then he had to get into contact with Dumbledore, to tell him what it was that Greyback wanted him to do.

Finally, Greyback finished with his own meal, the blood of his prey once again visible on his lips. Remus had long since grown used to the sight, but after everything that had happened today, the blood was something he could have done without. It was almost like it was mocking him, reminding him of what Greyback had planned.

When Remus eventually returned to his cell, Greyback stood just outside his door, watching him through the bars. “Get some sleep tonight, Remus,” Greyback told him. “You have a very big day ahead of you tomorrow, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Your test tomorrow night is really just a formality at this point, isn’t it? I know you’ll made me proud.”

Greyback turned and went, leaving Remus in peace, and it was just in time. As soon as the shack door was closed, Remus’s eyes welled up and tears began spilling down his cheeks. Remus always prided himself on keeping his emotions in check, but this was too much. Pretending to be one of Greyback’s loyal followers when that couldn’t be further from the truth was too much. Living a life of nothing but lies for the last three weeks was too much.

Remus had things to do, but at the moment, he just couldn’t think of anything else. He dropped down on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands, and he let himself cry. Something he hadn’t done since he had been a little boy.

After nearly an hour, Remus began to pull himself together. The tears had stopped and he wiped his face dry. Truthfully, he felt much better now. His time with Greyback always got him so tense and nervous. He was always waiting for something to happen, for Greyback to turn on him for some reason. Tonight had been even worse, learning what Greyback expected of him. It felt good to break down for once.

Remus got up from his bed, running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath. He needed to get out of here and get in touch with Dumbledore. Remus’s heart pounded with the possibility of getting caught, but he had little choice in the matter. If Remus didn’t go now, he would be forced into a horrible position tomorrow night, and there was no way in hell he was going to stand for that.

Climbing up on his toilet, Remus peeked out the window near the ceiling. It was completely dark out and the compound looked to be pretty deserted from what he could see. In the evenings, the pack usually went out on yet another hunt. If daytime hunts were good for the reflexes, nighttime hunts were even more so. The werewolves couldn’t rely as much on their sight, but had to pay more attention to their hearing and sense of smell in the dark.

Remus had never been allowed on a midnight hunt. It was easy to lose track of someone in the dark, and Greyback didn’t quite trust him that much just yet. This was perfectly fine with Remus, because it gave him the perfect opportunity to slip away.

Stepping down off the toilet, Remus went to the door of his cell. He eyed the key on the nail above the door, which he could just see through the darkness. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself. Remus reached his right hand, his wand hand, through the bars. He opened his hand and extended his fingers in the direction of the key. It was much too far for him to reach, but he didn’t need to.

Gripping the bars of his cell tightly with his left hand, he focused all of his attention on the key. He let everything else fall from his mind, except for the key and the fact that he needed it to get out of there.

“ _Accio key_ ,” Remus whispered harshly. The key ring inched forward on the nail, but then it stopped, the key swinging back and forth lazily. Remus closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the bars of his cell and taking a few more deep breaths. He could do this. He had to do this, because something else suddenly occurred to him. If Remus didn’t bite that boy tomorrow night, then he had no doubt that Greyback would, and Remus wasn’t about to let that happen.

“ _Accio key!_ ” Remus tried again, much more forceful than before. The key ring slid off the nail this time, slowing crawling towards him through the air. Remus reached his fingers for it, stretching his arm as much as he could, while keeping his eyes pinned on the key. The metal ring drew closer until Remus finally closed his fingers around it. The key jingled quietly, flopping around on the ring.

Remus grinned and then a laugh escaped him. That felt good. Perhaps the first positive thing he had felt in his godforsaken place. “Never underestimate a determined werewolf, Fenrir,” Remus spoke aloud to the empty shack. “That was your first mistake.”

Unlocking his cell door, Remus slid the door open as quietly as he could. Greyback had sensitive hearing, even more so than the other werewolves, and there was no telling where Greyback was at the moment. Sometimes he went out on the midnight hunts, but sometimes he didn’t. One could never tell with him.

Replacing the key on the nail above the door, Remus went to the cell across from his. All of the other cells in the room were unused at the moment, so they stood empty and open. Remus stepped up on the toilet of this cell, raising himself up on his tiptoes and peering through the window near the ceiling. It, too, had been boarded up, but one of the boards was missing, providing Remus with the perfect view of Greyback’s shack.

The shack itself appeared dark, suggesting that Greyback had indeed gone out on the hunt. He probably wanted to warm up for tomorrow night, Remus thought.

Holding his breath, Remus listened for any sounds at all, anything to indicate that there were other werewolves around. The only thing he heard was the incessant chirping of crickets.

Stepping down off the toilet, Remus grabbed the pillow off of the cot next to him. He went back to his own cell, pulling back the blanket on his bed. He fluffed up the pillow he held, placed it in the center of the bed, and then pulled the cover back over it. Hopefully, it would be enough to fool anyone that decided to look in on him.

Leaving his cell once more, Remus pulled the door closed as carefully as he could. When the lock finally clicked into place, he went to the door of the shack. He opened it just a crack and paused, waiting for any sign of life or any sound at all.

All was silent and still, so Remus emerged out onto the top step, closing the door behind him. He stepped to the ground and pressed himself into the wall of the shack, sneaking around the corner, just like he had done when he’d arrived three weeks ago.

The path into the woods was clear. Pushing himself away from the shack, Remus ran for it, into the safe cover of the trees. When he found a rather large tree, he ducked behind it and then grabbed it, catching his breath. He looked back towards the compound. Not a soul moved.

Confident that he had gotten away undetected, Remus Disapparated.

_To be continued…_


	4. The Choice

Number twelve, Grimmauld Place wasn’t exactly the most welcoming house in the entire world. Despite their best efforts to clean it last year, it remained dirty and musty, and there was still the odd creature or two lurking in the nooks and crannies. Remus, however, wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else in that moment.

It had only been his home for a little over a year, but it had seemed much longer than that. Other than his childhood home, it was the only place Remus had lived where it felt like he truly belonged. The only place where he didn’t have to worry about what people thought of him. The only place that accepted him the way he was.

As soon as he stepped over the threshold, it felt like the entire house was hugging him, welcoming him home. He had been gone for three weeks, but it felt much longer than that. It felt like it might have been years, in fact, and it felt so good to be back.

Remus closed the door behind him and let out a heavy breath. He grasped the doorknob tightly and leaned into the door, still trying to calm himself after everything that had happened. He stood there for nearly five minutes, not moving, just reabsorbing the feel of the house. Remus was actually surprised the house was still quiet; he had been expecting Sirius to come running the moment he heard someone enter the house.

“Padfoot?” Remus called. More silence met his ears. Remus frowned and tried again, louder this time. “Padfoot?”

That did it. Footsteps pounded up the kitchen stairs, sounding vaguely like a herd of elephants. When Sirius emerged into the entryway, he was going so fast, he nearly toppled over. He had to grab onto the wall to steady himself.

When he straightened up, he stared wide-eyed at Remus. Bright blue eyes met deeper blue for the first time in three weeks…which felt much longer to both of them. No one moved a muscle.

Sirius almost couldn’t believe the state that his best friend was in. He was messy, rumpled, dirty, and he looked thinner than Sirius could ever remember seeing him. Even when he wasn’t working (which was most of the time), he’d never been this thin before. Remus’s robes were always in a state of disrepair, but he at least liked to be clean and presentable. He was just an absolute mess now - nothing at all like he usually was.

“Moony,” Sirius breathed. “I didn’t…hear you come in. And then you called for me and…I wasn’t sure if I heard you or not. Thought I might be imagining things.” He laughed nervously. This felt even more awkward than when they had met after all those years in the Shrieking Shack. “I missed you.”

Remus closed his eyes, still pressed up against the front door. “Me, too.”

A small smile appeared on Sirius’s lips then, and he stepped forward. He reached his arms out, trying to pull Remus into a hug, but the werewolf flinched away. Sirius pulled back like he‘d been burned, and Remus stared down at the floor, pressing himself into the door as hard as he could.

“Moony…”

Remus shook his head and pleaded, “I can’t, okay? Not right now.” He looked up at his best friend again, a look of deep hurt on Sirius’s face. “I’m sorry,” Remus apologized. “It’s not you, it’s me. The only person to touch me in the last three weeks has been Greyback. Anyone else touching me right now just makes me think it’s him.” Remus swallowed hard, shivered, and stepped around Sirius and further into the entranceway.

“I’m not Greyback.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

Sirius watched him carefully, not saying anything for a long time. “He didn’t…do anything crazy to you, did he?” Sirius’s voice hovered on anger.

“No,” Remus whispered. “Nothing like that. He’s actually been _nice_ to me. As nice as I think he’s capable of being, anyway. It’s just…” He broke off, rubbing at his temples like he was getting a headache. “You have no idea how much that man - _werewolf disgusts_ me. He is, without a doubt, the vilest creature I’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of coming across. I can barely stand to _look_ at him…and the smell! God, Sirius, the _smell_. I mean, you thought you were nasty after Azkaban, but it’s absolutely nothing - _nothing_ \- compared to what Greyback is like. He _chooses_ to live that way and then _wonders_ why people treat him like a _disease_!” Remus laughed, sounding a bit hysterical. It seemed like everything he had thought in the last three weeks was suddenly pouring out of him, and he couldn‘t (or didn‘t want to) stop it. “That’s one of his favorite expressions - that people treat him like a disease.”

Sirius watched him closely, his eyes following Remus as he paced the entrance hall. He wasn’t quite sure what to say; he had never seen Remus this agitated before, and that scared him.

“And you want to know what the worst part of it is?” Remus asked. “It’s this _pretending_. Pretending that I’m loyally following him when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Pretending that I don’t want to be sick at the sight of him. Pretending that…that I…” Remus stopped and shook his head, not quite ready to even repeat what it was Greyback wanted him to do.

Remus felt tears prickling at his eyes, but he refused to cry again. He had wasted enough time on that back in his cell at the compound. If he was going back at all, he had to return before Greyback came to wake him for breakfast. That didn’t give him a whole lot of time…not as much as he would have liked. Then again, would any amount of time be enough?

Now that he was back at Grimmauld Place again, a small part of Remus was seriously considering never going back to that hellhole. But he had given his word to Dumbledore that he would try his hardest to get as much information as he could. If he passed Greyback’s test, there was no telling what he would reveal to Remus. He knew his time at the compound wasn’t over - wouldn’t be over until he was satisfied that he had gotten every bit of information possible out of Greyback.

Remus, however, was tired. He hadn’t really realized it until he had stepped into number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Even though he still felt like he was tied up in a million knots, just being here made him feel better. He must have been running on pure adrenaline, because now that he had calmed down a bit, his exhaustion seemed to hit him like a ton of bricks. He wanted nothing more than to trudge upstairs, take a nice hot bath, and crawl into his bed (not that ruddy cot at the compound), but that was entirely out of the question.

Unable to remain on his feet anymore, Remus grabbed the railing of the stairs leading up to the first floor. He sat down hard on the third riser, leaning heavily into the wall and closing his eyes.

Neither he nor Sirius said anything for the longest time. It was so quiet that Remus hovered on the edge of sleep, thinking that sitting on a set of stairs was a million times better than the “bed” that Greyback had provided him with.

“Good lord, Moony,” Sirius broke the silence, taking a few steps closer to his friend. He almost had the urge to put a hand on Remus’s shoulder, but knew that wouldn’t be welcome at the moment. “I didn’t…I thought you said you knew what you were getting yourself into.”

Remus cracked an eye open, giving Sirius a piecing look. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Sirius said defensively. “I’m just thrilled to see you, all right? You’ve been gone for three weeks and one day, and I was worried in case you couldn’t tell. I’ve been wondering if maybe Greyback just killed you the moment you got there.”

“I would have come earlier if I could have,” Remus argued. “Is being locked in a cell a good enough reason for not doing so?” Remus pushed himself to his feet and paced back towards the other end of the hall. Being too close to Sirius was making him…uneasy.

“What?”

“You heard.”

“He’s…he’s keeping you locked up?”

“He doesn’t trust me completely yet, Sirius,” Remus hissed. “Why would he? I just show up out of the blue, wanting to join him - as you‘ve said, Greyback isn‘t a moron. I have to _prove_ myself first.” He began to pace back and forth in the foyer. Now that he had some space to walk around in, he seemed unable to stay still.

Sirius blinked wearily. “By doing what?”

Remus sighed heavily, staring up at the ceiling. “Can we Floo Albus first? I’d rather tell it to the both of you at the same time instead of having to repeat it.”

Sirius didn’t exactly need Remus to explain anything then. He could tell…by the look on Remus’s face and his tone of voice that it wasn’t good. Sirius’s mind raced with all of the possibilities, but a couple stuck out in his mind very prominently.

“Tomorrow night’s the full moon,” Sirius said tonelessly.

“Which is why I had to come tonight,” Remus added. “Please believe me when I say that I _couldn’t_ come before now. It wasn’t because I was trying to make you worry or anything…I just couldn’t.”

“Which is why I thought you’d be _happy_ to be here,” Sirius said, “and you’re not.”

“Padfoot,” Remus said immediately, “please don’t think that. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, this is the first time in weeks that I’ve felt even remotely safe and comfortable.”

“Then why won’t you let me come within five feet of you?”

“I told you!”

“Or why you’re pacing around like a caged animal?”

Remus immediately froze in his place. He frowned deeply and stared at a random spot on the wall, still unable to meet Sirius’s eyes. “Sirius. Just don’t,” Remus said, biting out every word. “I’ve been through enough hell these last three weeks without you pointing out everything I’m doing wrong now.”

“Sorry,” Sirius whispered. He took a few steps towards Remus, being careful to stop before he got too close. “I didn’t mean anything…I do that a lot, you know. Say things without thinking.” Sirius laughed breathlessly in a fruitless attempt to lighten the mood. “I was so excited to see you, but…this isn’t quite what I was expecting.”

“What were you expecting?”

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess I knew you wouldn’t be _exactly_ the same, but I wasn’t expecting you to be completely different either. This isn’t you at all and I _still_ miss you - the Remus and I know and love.”

A small smile crossed Remus’s lips and he suddenly felt much better; he supposed that was something he needed to hear - that he was loved - after what he had been through. Remus ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and continued. “Just know that it has absolutely nothing to do with you, but everything to do with the fact that I’ve spent the last three weeks in a hellhole, okay? The only social contact I’ve had has been with werewolves that live like animals. The only physical contact I’ve had has been with a werewolf that makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know I’m not the same person I was, but try and understand. I just…can’t be that same person right now. Not when I have to go back there again. Once this is over…I will be okay. Just not now. I thought you of all people would understand that, because if I remember correctly, you weren’t exactly the most sociable person after Azkaban, either.”

That forced Sirius into a temporary silence as he considered everything Remus had said. Sirius thought back to that time - the most miserable time of his life - when his only contact had been with dementors. He hadn’t really thought about the fact that Remus’s time with the werewolves would leave him feeling the same way.

“I…I guess I wasn’t, was I?” Sirius asked uncertainly. He knew it was the truth, but it made him feel worse to acknowledge it. He growled in frustration and ran his hands through his hair. “Moony, I’m sorry. I know you’ve been through hell these last few weeks, and I’m not even trying to understand. I was just so upset over worrying how you were…I didn’t even stop to think about what you were going through.”

“Don’t apologize,” Remus said. “To be honest, I didn’t even know how much this would affect me. I knew it would be hard, but…this has taken a much bigger emotional toll on me than I thought it would.”

Sirius nodded. “All it takes is one look at you to know that.”

One of Remus’s eyebrows went up. “Thanks, Padfoot.”

“Well…” Sirius said sheepishly, “you do look like hell.”

“You didn’t look so hot after Azkaban yourself.”

“Yeah, don’t bring that up,” Sirius muttered. “Why don’t you get yourself cleaned up?”

Remus shook his head. “Can’t. If I go back looking significantly cleaner than I did before, that would be somewhat of a giveaway.”

“Then how about something to eat?”

Remus’s face scrunched up into a look of disgust. “Please, don’t even mention food.”

“From the looks of you,” Sirius argued, “you haven’t been eating much.”

“If I don’t want to eat _live_ things,” Remus said, “there’s little else _to_ eat.”

“I lived on rats for a while. It’s actually not as bad as it sounds…you get used to it after a while.”

“I’m not eating anything that’s alive when I get it,” Remus said flatly. “That’s exactly what Greyback would like.”

“And I promise you,” Sirius said, “that nothing in my kitchen is alive.”

“I can’t,” Remus insisted, that ill look passing over his face again. “I actually need to Floo Albus before it gets too late.” He headed for the kitchen stairs, but then he stopped and looked back over his shoulder at Sirius. “Once I do…then maybe you’ll understand why I’m not exactly in the mood to eat, either.”

Remus disappeared down the stairs, leaving Sirius with his own thoughts. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know what Remus was going to tell them. Judging by the look on Remus’s face, it wasn’t good, and it pained Sirius to see Remus going through any of this at all. Sighing heavily, Sirius forced himself to move, following Remus down into the kitchen.

Nearly an hour later, Sirius had at least gotten Remus to have some tea. The werewolf was sitting at the table in the kitchen, steaming teacup in front of him. Dumbledore sat across from him, listening to everything Remus could possibly remember about the werewolves - their names, ages, how many there were, their ranks, and everything they‘d ever told Remus.

Sirius, meanwhile, alternated between leaning against the wall and pacing the floor; he had to seriously control himself to keep from ranting about how ridiculous this entire thing still was. Sirius was, however, relieved that Remus had seemed to calm down at least a little bit in the short time he’d been there.

“Have you tried talking to any of them yet about joining our side?” Dumbledore asked.

Remus shook his head, taking another sip of tea. “I don’t think it’s wise yet. Not until I’ve been there longer.”

“I agree,” Dumbledore said. He paused, looking at the piece of parchment where he had written down all the information on Greyback’s werewolves. “Which one would be the easiest to sway, do you think?”

Remus considered this. “Probably Althea. She’s the newest other than me - and some poor bloke that didn’t make it past his test. She doesn’t really know anyone else…too afraid to even try to talk to them. When she found out she wasn’t the newest any longer, she sort of…attached herself to me.”

“You’ve got a girlfriend, eh Moony?” Sirius teased.

“Hardly,” Remus snorted. “She’s young, in her early twenties.”

“So is Tonks.”

Remus stiffened. “And that obviously didn’t work out, so what’s your point?”

“Nothing,” Sirius insisted, “but she‘s a _werewolf_.” The way Sirius made it sound, that one little fact might have made her the perfect girlfriend.

“Currently in Greyback’s pack,” Remus reminded. “If it’s all right with you, I’m not about to get involved with any of them.”

“Did she ever tell you why she joined him?” Dumbledore asked.

Remus was thankful for the distraction from Sirius’s questions. “She doesn’t like to talk about it very much,” Remus said, “but from what I can gather, it was mostly as a last resort. She was eighteen when she was bitten, and her parents didn’t want her after that. It was impossible for her to get a job, of course, and she really didn’t have anywhere else to go - no other family or anything. It was mostly just coincidence that Greyback found her first.”

Dumbledore hummed in response. “She went to Hogwarts. If I had known she was bitten afterwards, I would have been more than willing to help her.”

“I suspected as much,” Remus replied. “She mentioned that she knew you, although she wouldn’t say from where.”

“Moony?” Sirius asked. “Is it really a smart idea to go around asking these people if they know Albus?”

“I didn’t,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “Do give me some credit. She knows who I am, and she started asking about Albus one day.”

Sirius frowned. “She’s not suspicious of you then?”

Remus shrugged. “I don’t think so. Or if she is, she’s at least giving me the benefit of the doubt, since she remembers what it’s like to be the new one there. I think she’s just thankful to have someone halfway sane to talk to, since all the others have let their seniority go their head.” He paused and added, “Like Talon. I’m rather concerned about him. He seems to think I’m a spy,” he said sarcastically.

Dumbledore smirked. “But Greyback isn’t listening to him?”

“Not at all,” Remus replied. “If anything, it’s helped my position. If there’s one thing Greyback hates, it’s being questioned or being told that he’s made a mistake. Since it was his decision to let me in, it only infuriates him when Talon makes those accusations.”

“But you’re still concerned about Talon?”

Remus nodded. “I don’t think he’s going to trust me no matter _what_ I do. I’ll have to be extremely careful around him and about anything I say or do potentially getting back to him.” Remus paused, staring down at the tea in his mug. “Even after I prove myself.”

“Did Greyback tell you what that entails yet?”

Clenching his jaw tightly, Remus nodded. He was beginning to feel sick all over again, not sure if he could even repeat the words. He stood up and walked to the other side of the room, his back to both Dumbledore and Sirius.

“Remus,” Dumbledore said, “you know I won’t force you to do anything. I told you that before you went. If you’d rather stop right now, just say the word.”

Remus shook his head. When he turned back to them, he said, “I can’t quit now. I’m sure as hell not going to do what Greyback wants, but I’m not going to quit either. I didn’t spend the last three weeks trying to gain Greyback’s trust only to give up. Not if there‘s a convincing way for me to get through this.”

After a long moment of silence, Dumbledore said, “You do have to tell me what it is Greyback wants you to do. I can’t help you otherwise.”

“I know,” Remus whispered. He fidgeted, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. Before he could lose his nerve, he quickly said, “There’s a boy. Not far from the compound. He’s seven. Greyback had an argument with his father and…he wants me to bite the boy. Tomorrow night.”

“Oh, bloody hell, no!” Sirius screamed. “I’ve been quiet through this whole thing and I’ve let you go and infiltrate those damn werewolves, but we are not having his conversation! It stops right now! I put my foot down at the biting business!”

“I’m not going to do it, Padfoot,” Remus said calmly. “There’s no need to shout.”

Sirius gaped. “But you said…!”

“I said,” Remus interrupted, “that I’ll do it if there’s a _convincing_ way to get through this.”

“Like we all know,” Sirius argued, “Greyback’s not an idiot.” He suddenly frowned and added, “Well, then again, if he was all that smart, he wouldn’t have let you in in the first place…”

“It’s his arrogance,” Remus supplied. “He’s just blinded by the possibility of his pack growing larger, and then he’s even more blinded by thinking he isn’t capable of making a mistake. It’s actually pretty convenient.”

“All right,” Sirius said, “but he still isn’t _entirely_ stupid. What in the bloody hell do you mean, ‘get through this convincingly‘?”

Dumbledore supplied, “I suspected this was what Greyback’s test would involve, and I have a plan. We’ll need your help, Sirius, but if you’re both willing, then I think we can fool Greyback into thinking that Remus has bitten that boy.”

Sirius stared at them. “Fool Greyback,” he said around a laugh, “right. Well, I still think this entire thing is completely nuts, but let’s hear the plan anyway.”

“First of all,” Dumbledore said, “I want to ensure you that the boy will be perfectly safe. Did Greyback give you his name?”

Remus nodded. “Justin Farris. They live in the village just east of the compound.”

“I’ll have him moved to a safe location immediately,” Dumbledore reassured them. “And then we need a decoy. Someone to drink Polyjuice Potion and pretend to be Justin. Preferably someone who’s been around werewolves during a full moon before and knows what to expect from them.” He looked at Sirius.

Sirius gave a nervous laugh. “I guess that’s where I come in.” He made a face and rubbed his hand nervously over the back of his neck. “But so far, so good. Nothing yet to indicate that this entire plan is crazy.”

“Yet,” Remus mumbled.

“Did I mention that that someone also needs to be an Animagus?” Dumbledore asked sheepishly.

“Yes, I’ve got that covered too,” Sirius said. “But if I’m going to be using Polyjuice Potion, what difference does it make whether I’m an Animagus or not?”

“A great deal of difference, Sirius,” Dumbledore said. He hesitated and sighed, getting up from his chair. Taking his time walking around the table, he stared long and hard at both the both of them. “This is the part that I’m not sure either one of you will like.”

“Uh oh,” Sirius said. “Not exactly the _best_ way to start this, is it?” He shared a grim look with Remus.

“In order to convince Greyback of it,” Dumbledore continued, “he has to _see_ Moony biting that boy.”

“No,” Remus said immediately. “There has to be another way. Some kind of mind control charm, _something_ …”

“If it was just Greyback,” Dumbledore explained, “then that would be an option. But with a pack of almost thirty…” He broke off and shook his head. “A mind control charm would be far too complicated to perform on that many people in such a short amount of time. You’ve already said that they’re suspicious of you and with good reason. If any one of them suspects that something isn’t right during your test, your entire cover will be blown.”

Sirius raised his hand tentatively. “Erm…don’t I have a say in all this?”

“No,” Remus said.

“Well…” Sirius continued anyway, “you know I love you, Moony, but I didn’t exactly think that this would involve me becoming a werewolf. No offense,” he added to Remus.

“You won’t, Sirius,” Dumbledore assured him. “I’m actually surprised that you would think such a thing.”

Sirius blinked. “Oh. Well, you were talking about him biting me and all…I didn’t know what else to think. Carry on, then.”

“’ _Carry on_ ’?” Remus sputtered. “That’s all you have to say?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said uncertainly. “What else is there?”

“How about that this entire plan is insane?!” Remus exclaimed. “Isn’t that your favorite expression as of late?”

“Remus,” Sirius said calmly, “I trust you and I trust Albus. No, this may not be the safest idea in the world, but when have we ever done anything that’s safe anyway?”

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. He suddenly felt sick again and he turned away from the others, staring at the fireplace across the room. He thought at least Sirius of all people would back him up on this.

Silence fell, which Dumbledore eventually broke. “As I was saying, Sirius will be perfectly safe, I assure you. As long as he transforms into Padfoot first, and _then_ drinks the Polyjuice Potion. Justin isn’t his true form, and as long as the last true form he takes is that of Padfoot, the bite will not affect him. It will be the same as Moony biting him while in his Animagus state.”

“No,” Remus said again. “I don’t care how _safe_ you claim he’ll be. I’m not going to do this.”

“Moony…” Sirius said, “I don’t see what the problem is.”

Remus rounded on him, his eyes wide and his chest heaving. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides so tightly, his knuckles were turning white. “You don’t see what the problem is?!” he shouted. “You were the one who was against all of this from the start, and now you don’t see what the problem is?!”

“No, I don‘t,” Sirius said, keeping his voice quiet. “Do you have any idea how many bites and scratches I got from Moony in my life? If that’s what you’re worried about…don’t be. Besides, you’ll have the Wolfsbane, so you’ll be in control of what you’re doing. I can handle a few bites and scratches.”

“Under normal circumstances, yes, you probably could,” Remus agreed, “but these are hardly normal circumstances. In case you’re forgetting, there’s going to be an entire pack of wolves with me who _won’t_ be using the Wolfsbane. If they suspect that something’s not right, they won’t hesitate to rip you to pieces themselves.”

“So make it look convincing,” Sirius said.

“NO!” Remus screamed. He suddenly laughed, sounding a bit crazy. “I can’t believe you’re okay with this! After everything you said to _me_ about not thinking things through and letting certain things cloud my judgment. Maybe you’re the one who isn’t thinking clearly now. Not all werewolves are like me, Padfoot.” He took a few steps towards Sirius, looking him directly in the eye. “Some of them are vicious crazed maniacs when they’re in their _human_ forms. You have no idea - absolutely none - what they’ll be like once the moon is full.”

“Like Moony without the Wolfsbane, I suspect,” Sirius said nonchalantly. “Only more of them.”

“You’ve never been around that many werewolves,” Remus argued. “You may know how to handle yourself around one, but when they’re in a pack, it’s completely different. The entire mentality is changed.”

“If I may,” Dumbledore spoke up, “I doubt very much that Greyback would look kindly on anyone interfering with your…test.” He said the last word quietly, almost as if he was afraid of using it. “As long as you do make it look convincing, the others will have little need to act.”

“How many more times do I have to say it?” Remus cried in exasperation. “I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to _pretend_ to bite anyone. It’s sadistic and I won’t have any part of it. End of story.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked toward the fire, staring daggers down at the flickering flames.

Sirius approached him, taking a moment to think about what to say. “Moony? Is that what’s really bothering you? The fact that you’d have to pretend to bite me? Because I told you…”

“No,” Remus interrupted, running a hand through his hair. He still refused to meet Sirius’s eyes. “It isn’t that. If it was you, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But that’s just it - I wouldn’t be pretending to bite _you_. I would be pretending to bite a _seven year old boy_.” He turned, finally facing Sirius and then looking past him to Dumbledore. “That’s two years older than I was when I was bitten. I know it won’t be real, but…just the _thought_ …it disgusts me,” he finished flatly.

“But it won’t be a seven year old boy,” Sirius stressed. “It’ll still be me. Try to focus on that - like we’re play-fighting like we used to at Hogwarts.”

“I know, but…” Remus stopped, shaking his head. “Just why in the hell are you so anxious for me to do this anyway?” he asked, sounding slightly accusing.

Sirius felt his cheeks growing red. “I’m not anxious. You said so yourself that you didn’t spend the last three weeks there only to quit. I…I don’t want your time there to be in vain, that’s all.”

Remus let out a heavy breath, crossed his arms over his chest, and stared at the fireplace again. “Nor do I. I keep thinking about what Greyback might tell me once he does trust me. And I want him to trust me so badly I can taste it. He almost does trust me as it is - as much as he can right now. If I pass his test…there’s no telling what sorts of information he might share with me.”

“Does that mean you’ll do it?” Dumbledore asked quietly.

Remus stared at them both for a long time, not answering. When he finally spoke, he said, “I can’t believe I’m saying this - I must be completely out of my mind.”

“You’re doing it for our side, Moony,” Sirius said. “Nothing more.”

Shifting uncomfortably, Remus controlled the urge to pace again. He hadn’t realized when he had gotten this sudden need to keep moving. He supposed it was from sitting in the same cell for so long, and he wanted to ask Sirius if he had experienced the same thing after Azkaban.

“Remus?” Dumbledore asked.

Nor had Remus realized how much his mind kept wandering. In a way, it was hard for him to keep focused on the conversation at hand. He had far too much on his mind at the moment to worry about any one thing.

Remus growled in frustration, directed at both himself and Dumbledore. In a way, he still felt like he was locked in a cage, with both Sirius and Dumbledore watching him, waiting for an answer.

“It’ll be getting light soon,” Dumbledore said gently, gesturing to the window. “If you’re going back at all, you don’t have that much time to decide.”

“I know!” Remus snarled in frustration. He just desperately wanted for things to be normal again. He wanted to be able to resume his life at Grimmauld Place - to go upstairs, take a shower, and go to bed like he usually would. The last thing he wanted was to go back to the compound and sit in that tiny smelly cell again. The thought of it almost made him crazy.

“You’re absolutely sure,” Remus asked Dumbledore, “that Sirius will be immune to the bite?”

Dumbledore nodded. “I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise.”

Remus considered this, then shut his eyes in defeat. “I am completely out of my mind,” he decided, “but fine. It‘s what you both want, fine.”

“It’ll be all right, Moony,” Sirius said as reassuringly as he could. “It’ll be over before you know it - tomorrow night _and_ this whole infiltration thing. You’ll be able to come home, and we’ll have more information and followers for our side - it’ll be okay.”

So why did Remus feel like he was signing his soul away?

_To be continued…_


	5. The Insubordinate

All too soon, Remus was back at Greyback’s compound. It was the very last place he wanted to be at the moment, especially with tomorrow night’s task looming ahead of him. He couldn’t believe he had let Sirius and Dumbledore talk him into it; that thought alone almost made him feel like he was going to go crazy, but he tried to push it as far from his mind as possible. There was something else that required his attention right now - getting back into his cell undetected.

It would have been so much easier if he could actually Apparate inside his cell, but Dumbledore didn’t think it would be wise. When the compound had been a werewolf colony, there had been anti-Apparition wards over the entire place. If there were still any remnants left of those wards, it could be very dangerous to even attempt Apparition or Disapparition inside of the compound itself. It could very easily lead to splinching, and Remus could just imagine the other werewolves’ reactions if they found only part of him there in the morning - or what they’d do to him as a result.

Remus stood at the edge of the forest, his eyes scanning the many shacks and buildings. Everything looked dark and quiet. The only thing he currently heard was the lazy chirping of crickets around him. The rest of the pack had probably already returned from their nightly hunt and were asleep. Or so Remus hoped. He took a deep breath and started creeping back towards his shack, just like he had done on that first night three long weeks ago.

Just then, he heard voices from somewhere towards the back of the colony, in the direction of the cave. Remus’s breath caught in his throat, and he temporarily froze in his spot. His heart thudded in his chest before he forced himself to get moving. He sprinted the last several feet to his shack, pressing himself up against the outer wall. He held his breath and waited as the voices drew closer.

“It’s absolute rubbish is what it is,” said a voice that Remus immediately recognized as Talon’s. “Wasting a perfectly good boy like that on Lupin. Greyback’s losing it in his old age.”

Talon’s companion snorted. “Don’t let him hear you say that. You’ve been in enough trouble as it is.”

It took Remus a moment, but he finally realized that the second werewolf was Bruno Canin. He was a gamma wolf, just one rank below Talon. They were almost always together, but Remus doubted it was because they liked each other. Rather, Remus suspected that Canin was after Talon’s position of Greyback’s second-in-command.

“Not for long,” Talon said. “There’s no way Lupin’s going to bite that boy. I mean, can you see him biting _anyone_?”

“Nah. He’s too much of a wimp,” Canin agreed. “Greyback likes us submissive, yes, but he also likes us to have _some_ tenacity. Lupin wouldn’t know the meaning of that word if it bit him in the arse.”

“Which is why,” Talon said, “he’s going to fail. And when he does, _I’ll_ be rewarded for seeing all along what a fake he is. I’ll be back on Greyback’s good side in no time.”

“Er…are you sure about that?” Canin asked. “Greyback doesn’t like to be proven wrong, you know.”

“I’m not going to rub his face in it or anything!” Talon exclaimed. “But he’ll be proud of me for never once trusting Lupin.”

“Sure he will,” Canin said sarcastically. Before Talon could respond (because Remus suspected he had quite a few things to say to that), Canin went on, “So what are you going to do now?”

A long moment of silence passed and Remus could hear their footsteps drawing ever closer. Remus bit his bottom lip, wondering what he should do. He desperately hoped they wouldn’t come around to his side of the building, because if they found him, this would all be over. Everything he had done over the last three weeks would be in vain. Remus pressed himself as hard as he could into the side of the shack, almost imagining that he was blending into it.

“I’m just going to… _rattle_ him a bit,” Talon finally spoke.

Remus’s heart pounded even harder, because Talon sounded impossibly close. He couldn’t have been more than ten feet away, just around the corner of the building. Remus didn’t dare move, didn‘t even dare to draw a breath.

“Get him nervous, you know?” Talon continued. “Let him know that I know how limited his time here is, and once everyone is aware of what a liar he…he won’t know what hit him.” Talon laughed in that sickening way that Remus was sure he had learned from Greyback. “He’ll be even more unlikely then to do a satisfactory job tomorrow night.”

“Oh, I get it,” Canin said. “Give him a bit of…stage fright, hm?”

“Exactly,” said Talon, sounding extraordinarily pleased with himself. “Now excuse me for a moment.”

The door to Remus’s shack squeaked open and Remus silently cursed himself. If only he had arrived ten minutes earlier, because once they found out he was gone, his time here would be over. The last three weeks had been in vain after all. His heart thundered so loudly, he was sure the others would be able to hear it.

After what seemed like one of the longest moments of Remus’s life, Talon emerged from the shack. “Well,” he said to Canin, “it looks like he did chicken out after all. He’s gone.”

“What?” Canin asked, sounding slightly disbelieving.

“Lupin’s gone,” Talon repeated. “Look for yourself - absolutely no sign of him.”

A small laugh escaped from Canin. “You’re kidding! Greyback is going to be _furious_.”

“I know,” Talon said, barely able to control his joy. “Dunno what Lupin even came here for in the first place. It was so obvious he didn’t belong. I’m going to go tell Greyback that he‘s gone. Want to come?”

“Of course,” Canin said, “and then Greyback will let us _hunt_ him down. I can’t wait! I can even taste the blood now.”

Remus could hear their voices retreating, back towards Greyback’s shack. Remus knew he had one of two options. He could either run for the tree line and hope that he could Disapparate before anyone saw him, or he could try and sneak back into his cell and pretend he had no idea what Talon and Canin were on about.

He only had a split second to decide, but the indecision seemed to freeze him to his spot nonetheless. But deep down, Remus still didn’t want his time here to be over. He knew he could find out so much more if he stayed, and like he told Dumbledore, he wasn’t about to give up just yet.

Holding his breath, Remus stayed pressed into the wall of the building and snuck around the corner. The door to his shack stood wide open, as if waiting for him. Talon and Canin were off in the distance, pounding on the door of Greyback’s shack, trying to rouse him. Greyback despised being disturbed in the middle of the night, and that just may buy Remus the time he needed.

As quietly as possible, Remus crept along the building and climbed up the three small stairs to the shack. He reached for the key above the door, unlocked his cell with it, and returned the key to the nail. Remus pulled the extra pillow from his cot and threw it back on the bed in the cell across from his. He reentered his cell and pulled the door closed, which screeched loudly as it went. Remus flinched, but Greyback was currently yelling at the top of his lungs for being disturbed, providing the perfect distraction.

Remus dropped onto his bed and pulled the covers over his head, lying as still as possible. His heart pounded and his breathing was now harsh and heavy, but he tried to calm himself as much as he could. He couldn’t quite believe that sneaking back in had been that easy; now he just had to convince Greyback that he had been here the entire time. It was his word against Talon’s and considering Greyback’s current feelings for his second-in-command, Remus wasn’t too worried.

“I’m telling you, Talon,” Greyback shouted as they approached Remus’s shack, “if this is a false alarm, you are going to be in _very hot water_.”

“It’s not a false alarm, sir,” Talon said, the excitement still evident in his voice. “He’s gone. I saw his cell empty.”

Their footsteps grew louder until finally, Greyback stomped up the stairs into the shack. Remus still didn’t move, pretending to be sound asleep under his covers. The moments seemed to stretch and no one said a thing.

“TALON!” Greyback roared. “Get the hell in here!”

Remus then pretended to wake, stirring and pulling the covers away from his face. He squinted up at Greyback, trying his best to look sleepy and confused. “Sir?” he mumbled.

“Just a moment, Lupin,” Greyback said. “I’m having a problem with the help again.”

Talon entered the shack next and even in the darkened room, his eyes seemed to bug out of his head at the sight of Remus. Greyback grabbed the back of Talon‘s neck and shoved him into the bars of Remus‘s cell.

“Tell me, Talon,” Greyback said, “what do you see?”

“L-Lupin.”

“Funny, that,” Greyback commented, shoving Talon out of the way again. Greyback turned to Remus and explained, “Talon woke me just a few minutes ago, claiming that you, Lupin, had disappeared from your cell.” He looked quizzically at Remus. “Do you have any idea why he would say such a thing?”

Remus swallowed, his eyes darting to Talon and back to Greyback. “No, sir. None.”

“HE WAS GONE!” Talon cried. “Not more than five minutes ago! HE WAS GONE! Honest, sir.”

“CANIN!” Greyback roared next. “Get in here!”

Canin stumbled up the stairs next, looking frightened at all the yelling that had already transpired. “Sir?”

“Did you actually _see_ Lupin’s cell empty?” Greyback inquired.

“No, sir,” Canin answered. “I was outside the entire time…I just know what Talon told me.”

Greyback nodded as if he had been expecting that. “That’s what I thought. You may go then, Canin. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, sir,” Canin said. He shot Talon an apologetic look before he glared at Remus. Then he turned on his heel and was gone.

“It would seem that we have a situation here,” Greyback said conversationally. “The word of Talon, my second-in-command, against that of Lupin, a lowly zeta.” He grinned, his fanglike teeth shining even in the dark.

Talon still looked pleased with himself, despite the fact that Greyback had just been shouting at him. Perhaps Remus shouldn’t have been so certain that Greyback would believe him. As much as Talon was on Greyback’s bad side at the moment, he had still been a part of the pack for a lot longer than Remus had; that had to count for something.

Greyback glanced back and forth between Remus and Talon, looking deep in thought. Next, Greyback reached for the key above the door and unlocked Remus’s cell with it. “Up,” he ordered.

Remus quickly scrambled up from his bed, trying desperately to control his erratic breathing. What if Greyback didn’t believe him? What if Greyback had already sided with Talon? What if Remus was now going to be punished for it? Remus longed for that moment when he had made his decision to come back. Why hadn’t he just left like he _really_ wanted to?

Greyback stalked into his cell and fisted his hands in the front of Remus’s robes. He forced Remus back against the wall, pressing himself up against Remus just like he had done that very first night. Greyback watched him closely and then sniffed loudly, as if smelling him.

“Did you leave your cell tonight for any reason?” Greyback growled. “Do keep in mind that I do not tolerate _lies_!”

“No, sir,” Remus immediately responded as firmly as he could. He was almost going to elaborate, but he stopped himself; he remembered reading somewhere that liars often added explanations to their lies to make themselves appear more convincing.

“You’ve been here all night long?” Greyback asked. “Since dinner?”

“Yes, sir.”

Greyback suddenly let go of him, turned, and paced back out of the cell. “One of you is clearly lying to me,” Greyback said, his eyes going back and forth between Remus and Talon once more. “The question is, which one?”

No one said anything. Remus had expected Talon to defend himself further, but it seemed that he had finally learned to hold his tongue.

Greyback took a few steps closer to Talon. “You know,” Greyback said, “I was wondering what in the hell you were even doing in Remus’s shack in the middle of the night. You are my beta, and you do have permission to go anywhere in the compound that you like, but why here? What business could you possibly have with Remus that couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

Talon’s eyes widened, almost as if he couldn’t believe that he was the one now being interrogated. “I…none, sir.”

“Then what on earth were you doing in here?” Greyback asked, sounding oddly pleasant.

Remus and Talon both knew the answer to that, but they also both knew that it wasn’t one which Greyback would appreciate. Talon didn’t respond.

“Answer me,” Greyback ordered, his voice growing impatient. When Talon still didn’t say anything, Greyback chuckled. “I find it funny. You have more than enough to say when you’re not supposed to, but when I order you to speak, you can’t think of anything at all.” He licked his lips, looked Talon up and down, and then grabbed the front of the younger werewolf’s robes. “You know what I think?” Greyback snarled. “I think you had a very good reason for being in here. Perhaps you wanted to cause some… _trouble_ for Remus before his big test, hm?”

“No, sir!”

Greyback shook his head. “I don’t believe you. You’ve hated Remus from the moment he’s set foot here and you’ve _constantly_ been questioning him and my decision to let him in. This is just more of the same from you, and as I’ve told you before, if it doesn’t stop, I will need to reconsider my decision of making you my second-in-command!”

“Sir,” Talon whined, “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t lying! He was _gone_ just a few minutes ago! Honest! I wouldn’t lie about…”

“SILENCE!” Greyback roared, giving Talon shake. Then he pushed Talon back and slammed him into the wall. Remus could feel the entire shack shake beneath his feet from the force. “I did not ask for your opinion, but once again, you felt the need to give it to me anyway!” Greyback’s eyes were wide, and Remus didn’t think he had ever seen Greyback this angry before. Oh, he had lost his temper with a few werewolves during Remus’s time there, but never quite as much as this.

If Remus admitted it to himself, a tiny part of him felt entertained with this recent turn of events. Talon had been so certain he was going to get Remus in trouble, but it had backfired. It was oddly satisfying. Then again, Remus hated seeing any of other werewolves punished, even if it was Talon.

“If you can’t give me a good reason for being in here,” Greyback said, “I have no choice but to believe Remus.”

“Sir…I’m your second-in-command! I wouldn‘t…”

“I said a good reason for being in here!” Greyback interrupted. “Not more of your _sniveling_!”

Talon opened and closed his mouth several times, but nothing came out. He remained silent.

“Very well,” Greyback said. He pulled Talon away from the wall and then pushed him once again, this time out the door of the shack. Talon stumbled over the threshold and tumbled down the stairs to the ground. “Go to the mess hall and wait there. I have to think about what I’m going to do with you.”

From his position, Remus couldn’t see him any longer, but he heard Talon scampering off towards the back of the colony.

Greyback turned to look at Remus once more. Remus hadn’t moved from where Greyback had left him; he was still pressed up against the wall of his cell.

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Greyback sighed.

Remus’s eyes widened; in all of his time here, he had never heard Greyback apologize to anyone for anything. Remus had always assumed Greyback was above such things.

Greyback smiled, as if amused by Remus’s expression. He walked over to the cell, placing his hands on the bars. “As I’ve told you,” Greyback said, “you’ve never once disobeyed or defied me. That does count for something. Edmund, on the other hand, has been misbehaving left and right since you got here. It’s actually quite embarrassing to have my second-in-command acting up like this, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out which one of you is lying now.”

Remus had to struggle to contain the smile and laugh that threatened to escape him. Instead, he plastered a grateful expression on his face and bowed his head. “Thank you, sir.”

“You’ve still got a few hours left till breakfast,” Greyback went on. “Why don’t you try and get some more sleep? You do have a long night ahead of you today.”

Nodding, Remus moved back towards his bed.

Greyback pulled the cell door closed again, the bars squealing as they went. “Edmund, however, will not be so lucky.” That horrible smile was back, twisting itself across Greyback’s lips like some horrid insect. “But don’t let that concern you. Get some rest.”

Greyback left him alone, Remus’s heart still pounding hard against his ribs. He took several deep breaths and buried his head in his hands, trying to calm himself. Remus was certain he had been caught, certain that all of his time here had been a waste, certain that he was going to be punished for sneaking out. But somehow, inexplicably, it had turned out in his favor, and Talon was the one who was now facing discipline.

Remus didn’t very much sleep at all. What little time he did have left to sleep, he spent worrying about the task that lay ahead of him that night. He did drift off occasionally out of pure exhaustion, but those bits of sleep were few and far between. And even when sleep did come to him, it was plagued with horrific images of what awaited him that night.

Much too soon, Greyback had returned to wake Remus for breakfast. Something, however, was very different about Greyback this morning. He appeared to be in an even fouler mood than usual. Remus wasn’t exactly surprised given what had happened with Talon, but Remus sometimes wondered if Greyback was capable of being any angrier than he normally was. Not to mention, Greyback’s entire right hand was swollen and covered in blood. Remus was curious as to whether that had anything at all to do with Talon or something else entirely.

“Up,” Greyback ordered, retrieving the key and opening Remus’s cell door.

Remus did as he was told and followed Greyback to the mess hall just like he did every morning. He didn’t dare say a word, not even to inquire about Talon. Remus didn’t think that would be a very welcome subject at the moment.

When Remus entered the mess hall, he noticed that Talon wasn’t among them. The second-in-command always stood at the front and center of the group, but he was nowhere to be seen. Remus’s stomach did a somersault. He definitely disliked Talon, but Remus hadn’t wanted anything horrible to happen to him, and especially not because of him.

Greyback entered next, looking around the room to make sure everyone was present. “Good, everyone’s here, I see.” He started pacing back and forth in front of the group. “As some of you are aware, we had a bit of a situation this morning. Talon made some crazy accusations towards Remus which turned out to be false. As a result, Talon has been demoted.”

A murmur of whispers went through the crowd. Several of the werewolves stared at Remus, and he could feel his cheeks growing warm.

“I don’t believe I asked any of you to speak!” Greyback yelled. When the voices died down, Greyback continued, “As I was saying, Talon has been demoted, so the position of my second-in-command is open at the moment. Before we get to that, however…come on out, Edmund. Show them what happens when I am deliberately _lied to_!”

Everything was still and silent, but then some of the werewolves in back of the room moved out of the way. It was then that Remus realized that Talon had been in the room the entire time; he had just been at the back of the crowd.

The former second-in-command finally moved to the front of the room, but he was nothing more than a shadow of what he had been just a few short hours ago. When Remus had first joined the pack, Talon stood tall and proud, very happy with the position he held and not afraid to show it. Now, it looked like he had been…destroyed. Remus shivered inwardly at his thoughts, but there was no other word for it.

Talon’s dark hair was an absolute mess, sticking up in all directions. Remus tried not to think about the fact that it distinctly reminded him of James and Harry. Talon’s robes were a disaster, even more so than usual. Large holes had been torn into the fabric, exposing pale patches of skin. That, however, was not what was so startling. He was also covered in fresh bruises and blood. Talon’s left eye was nearly swollen shut, surrounded by a patch of bright red skin. Remus imagined that it would be turning to a sickly shade of purple within the day. His bottom lip had also been torn open, several trails of blood currently drying on his chin. A large pool of blood was also forming under his nose, and Remus wondered if it had been broken.

Talon was hunched over, one arm wrapped around his stomach. His eyes were pinned on the floor, not daring to look up at anyone. Not even to glare at Remus like he normally did.

“Let this be a lesson to all of you,” Greyback went on, continuing to stalk back and forth. “I am tired of having to repeat myself, but I see that I must, because some of you have clearly forgotten. _I_ decide who is and who is not worthy of being in this pack. I have deemed every single one of you worthy to enter and stay. We have also had those who were _not_ worthy, and we all know what happened to them. Right now, Remus is here because _I_ say he stays. If there’s anyone here who disagrees, please speak up now so that we can clear the air.”

No one said anything. No one even moved a muscle. Not even Talon.

“Very good,” Greyback hummed happily. “Then I trust that we won’t have any more issues like we did this morning.” He stopped in front of Talon, gesturing to the younger werewolf. “ _This_ is what happens when you question me. _This_ is what happens when you lie to me! _This_ is what happens when you DEFY ME!”

Greyback’s voice echoed throughout the mess hall, causing Remus to flinch. He was starting to feel worse by the second, and once again, he wished that he had left the compound when he had had the chance.

“Talon,” Greyback said, “tell them what rank you hold now.”

Talon’s eyes darted up to Greyback and then quickly down to the floor again. “Epsilon,” Talon said, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

“Epsilon,” Greyback repeated. “Only one rank above our newcomer. How quickly they fall,” he said more to himself than to the room. He turned to face Talon again, looking down his nose at him. “And how quickly they rise. At this time tomorrow, Remus may well be above you.”

Talon continued to stare down at the floor, which made Greyback grin, nearly every single one of his teeth showing. “Now,” Greyback went on, resuming his pacing, “I do, of course, need a new beta. They just don’t make them like they used to.” He paused and laughed. “I will be thinking very carefully over the next few days which one of you most deserves that position. And please, no sucking up to me before then.” Greyback rolled his eyes. “It just makes you look desperate.”

Greyback waited for a few moments and then said, “I believe that’s all for this morning. Don’t forget that Remus is being tested tonight, but I will talk more about that before lunch, so you may all go to breakfast now.”

The other werewolves quietly filed out of the mess hall. No one spoke for fear of upsetting Greyback and putting themselves in Talon’s position. Talon, meanwhile, still hadn’t moved from his spot. He remained hunched over, now rubbing fresh blood away from his nostrils with the sleeve of his robes. Greyback didn’t seem to care. He motioned for Remus to follow him and left the shack.

That was when Talon finally looked up at Remus. The eye that wasn’t swollen shut was narrowed in hatred. “I know you were gone last night,” Talon said, his voice sounding like he had been gargling with broken glass. “Greyback chose not to believe me, but I know the truth. I will find out what you’re up to and I will be rewarded when I prove it.”

Remus stood up as straight as he could. “I don’t know what you think you saw,” Remus said nonchalantly, “but I didn’t go anywhere last night. It was dark. You must have been imagining things.”

“I know what I saw!” Talon said as loudly as he was capable. “You don’t fool me for a second.”

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” Remus said calmly. “I‘m not trying to fool anyone.” He threw his head back and turned on his heel, following Greyback. Remus wondered when lying had become so easy for him.

Greyback hadn’t even waited for him. The older werewolf had already gone into the forest and was currently chasing after some poor unfortunate creature. That made Remus feel slightly better - that Greyback trusted him enough to let him out of his sight more often.

Sighing, Remus found a spot under a tree like he usually did. There was a small raspberry bush nearby, which he pulled a few berries from. He still wasn’t feeling very hungry, but he knew it was going to be a long day, and that he should try and keep his strength up at least.

Althea, of course, could always be counted on to keep him company. She licked at her lips as she approached him, looking very pleased with herself. Remus tried not to think about what she could have possibly eaten.

“Hey,” she said, plopping down next to him. She took a moment to smooth down her hair and straighten her robes before she continued. “Talon was in _so_ much trouble this morning. I was up early and heard Greyback yelling at him. You should have seen it - I don‘t think I‘ve ever heard Greyback that loud before.” She sounded amused.

Remus couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across his face, and he wasn‘t quite sure why. As much as he disliked Talon, and despite the fact that Talon was doing everything in his power to discredit him, Remus still didn’t take joy in seeing the werewolf get beaten up. Remus shook his head, trying to focus on the conversation instead. “He accused me of sneaking out last night.”

Althea’s blue eyes grew large and round, then she frowned. “You didn’t, did you?”

Remus smirked. “Would I still be here if I had?”

“No,” Althea giggled. “But…what did Talon hope to accomplish from that?”

“No idea,” Remus said, shrugging. “Did he ever make crazy accusations like that with you?”

“Well, you know he accused me of being a spy like he does with everyone,” Althea said, “but that’s about it. He never went running to Greyback, claiming that I snuck out or anything.”

“Maybe he’s losing it,” Remus snickered.

“Remus, he lost it a long time ago, believe me.” Almost as an afterthought, she added, “Everyone here does.”

“So why are you so normal?”

Althea didn’t respond, but she watched him closely. A small breeze flittered through the clearing, lifting her dirty blond hair back from her neck. She shook her head, enjoying the feel of the air along her skin. “Dunno,” she finally answered, her eyes closed. “Haven’t been here long enough, I suppose.”

“Well, I hope you _don’t_ lose it,” Remus said. “Who would I talk to then?”

“That makes two of us,” Althea said seriously, meeting his gaze. “ _Please_ don’t go mental on me, all right?”

Remus smiled. “I’ll try not to.”

“Are you afraid for tonight?” she asked suddenly.

Remus took a deep and shuddering breath. “Out of my mind.”

“Have you ever bitten anyone before?”

Remus wondered if perhaps her questions were a result of much more than curiosity. Maybe she was asking questions on Greyback’s orders, or maybe she was trying to find out more about him so that she could go to Greyback with it. But for some reason, Remus couldn’t lie to her, even though he probably knew that he should. “No,” he said. _And I never will if I can help it…at least not for real_ , he thought. “Did you…bite anyone before your test?”

Althea shook her head. “Nope, but don’t worry. It’s no big deal, and then you won’t have to sleep in that tiny little cell anymore.”

Remus didn’t reply, but he thought that sleeping in that cell for the rest of his life was preferable to biting anyone. How on earth could these werewolves bite a child - or anyone, for that matter - and go on with their lives like it had been nothing? Remus couldn’t even begin to fathom that. He knew they lived like animals and had little regard for humans, but the idea was still completely foreign to him.

It then occurred to Remus that he had been extremity lucky so far. Getting into the pack and onto Greyback’s good side had been far easier than he had anticipated, and he started to wonder when his luck was going to run out.

_To be continued…_


	6. The Transformation

By the time Remus returned to his cell after breakfast, he was exhausted and sore. His joints were already aching in anticipation of the full moon, and staying up nearly all night long certainly hadn’t helped. He collapsed on his cot and for once, sleep came easily to him.

What felt like only mere minutes after he had laid down, Greyback was waking him again already. “Up,” he ordered, unlocking Remus’s cell. “It’s almost lunch time, and we have a lot to do before the transformation tonight.”

Remus’s heart did a flip-flop in his chest as he got up from his bed. He rubbed at his face, wishing desperately for just five more minutes of peaceful sleep - of that place where he didn‘t have to think about the task that lay ahead of him.

“You look tired,” Greyback commented as Remus stepped out of his cell.

“I didn’t…sleep very well last night,” Remus said, wondering if that was a good thing to say or not.

Greyback narrowed his eyes. “Are you _sure_ you didn’t sneak out last night?”

Remus’s own eyes widened, and he suddenly felt awake and alert. “No, sir.”

Greyback’s expression softened. “I was joking.”

A breathless laugh escaped from Remus, partially a result from surprise; he didn’t think Greyback ever did such things as make jokes.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Greyback said, leading Remus from the shack, “I didn’t sleep well either. Not after Talon felt the need to wake me up at the arse crack of dawn for no reason whatsoever.”

For reasons he couldn’t explain, Remus felt like he should apologize for that. Apologize for what, he wasn’t even sure. Maybe for being the reason Talon had been acting up and for causing Greyback to lose his second-in-command. Maybe for being there in the first place when he knew he didn’t belong. He couldn’t, of course, so he didn’t say anything. In the back of his mind, Remus wondered why he even cared so much.

As they walked, Greyback watched him closely. “You’re nervous about tonight,” he observed.

Remus considered lying, but he didn’t think it would do any good. He knew his fear was showing more and more the closer he got to his test, and Greyback wouldn’t be happy at all if he knew Remus was lying. “Yes,” Remus finally whispered.

Greyback stopped walking then and turned to face Remus who followed suit. The older werewolf’s head was tilted and his eyes looked slightly curious. “You’ve never bitten anyone, either,” Greyback said.

Remus swallowed. Why was Greyback telling him these things? From his tone, Greyback clearly already knew the answers. Maybe he was testing Remus, just to see what sorts of answers he would give, so Remus didn‘t think it a good idea to even attempt to lie. “No, sir,” he said quietly.

Greyback grinned, that horrible toothy smile that Remus had grown to hate. “I can tell,” Greyback said. “You smell…innocent.”

_What other things can he smell?_ Remus thought. _Lies, perhaps?_ Remus doubted that; surely Greyback would have killed him already if he could, but it still made Remus uncomfortable. If he smelled innocent now, what would he smell like after his test was over? Would Greyback be able to tell that the entire thing was a farce? That he hadn’t really turned anyone? Then again, if Greyback was that sensitive to things, he’d certainly know by now that Remus had been doing nothing _but_ lying, wouldn’t he?

Remus began to suspect that Greyback was only saying things to scare him. They weren’t allowed to lie to Greyback, but Greyback probably didn’t have any problems lying to them if need be.

“I don’t suspect that Dumbledore would have liked for you to be biting people though,” Greyback went on, breaking the silence that had fallen. “Not if you were trying to prove your loyalty to him.”

“No, sir.”

“And look where that’s gotten you,” Greyback replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’ve been denying yourself blood all this time and for what? For an old fool that drove you away with his distrust. I would never drive any loyal followers away, and unlike Dumbledore, _I_ know the difference,” he said haughtily.

_I’m sure you do_ , Remus thought sarcastically.

Greyback dropped his arms and stepped closer to Remus, staring down at him. “Nor would I ever deny you blood,” Greyback went on. “You don’t know what it’s like yet. You’re too afraid to even try eating any animals. That will all change after tonight. When you turn someone, it’s like no other feeling in the world. It’s empowering and it’s what we are _meant_ to do! And there’s nothing wrong with biting people, Remus, unlike those human fools would have you believe. It’s just our true nature and we are entitled to that. There’s no need to be afraid of it. On the contrary, you’ll see after tonight how rewarding it is to embrace your true nature.”

Greyback suddenly turned and continued on toward the mess hall. Remus hung back, taking a moment to let out the shiver he had been suppressing. He rolled his eyes, then had the insane urge to laugh. Greyback, he was coming to realize, was nothing but a huge fake himself. Remus was pretty sure Greyback didn’t have the slightest clue about _anything_ , and he only succeeded as alpha wolf through his bullying tactics.

Not for the first time, Remus wondered why anyone would want to live with Greyback. Everyone was terrified of him, of whatever reason he might find to punish them, and they were constantly walking around on eggshells. That wasn’t much of a life, but Remus didn’t suppose they had much of a life to begin with. Remus always considered himself extremely lucky for the opportunities he had gotten and the friends he’d been able to make. If he’d never had any of that, then he could almost imagine being desperate enough to want to join Greyback, to have just _some_ place to belong. Almost.

Remus finally shook his head to clear his thoughts, took a deep breath, and followed Greyback, hoping that any wayward reactions were out of his system. He joined Greyback and the others in the mess hall and waited while Greyback made sure everyone was accounted for.

“Excellent,” Greyback hummed, “everyone is here. Now, as I mentioned before breakfast, Remus is being tested tonight. As a reminder to all of you, _no one_ is to interfere in his test in any way, shape, or form. This test is for _Remus_ , the prey is for _Remus_. If he fails, then _I_ will deal with both him and the prey. I expect all of you to be able to control yourselves. The forest is large and so is the village, and you’re all more than capable of finding your own meals. If anyone else so much as lays a single toe on that boy tonight, I can guarantee it’ll be the last thing you ever do. Do I make myself clear?”

A murmur of affirmative responses went through the group, and it looked like Dumbledore had been right; he didn’t think Greyback would look kindly on anyone interfering with Remus’s test. Remus was still scared to death for his best friend, but at least there wouldn’t be two dozen hungry werewolves after Sirius if something went wrong, which was somewhat of a relief.

“Very good,” Greyback said cheerfully. “Remember that there will be no meeting or proper dinner tonight due to the full moon, so I’ll see you all before breakfast tomorrow. Hopefully Remus will still be here-” He broke off and gave Remus a piercing stare. “In fact, I know he will be, and he’ll receive his new rank then. But that’s all for today, so you may all go to lunch now.”

As the mess hall emptied out, Talon came into view. He was hanging around at the back of the room like he had done that morning, apparently too embarrassed to be in front of the others any longer. Just as Remus had suspected, the bruise around Talon’s left eye had started to turn a sickening shade of purple, the eye itself nothing more than a mere slit. Talon, however, was grinning.

Greyback turned and left, leaving Remus and Talon in silence. Remus waited; Talon always had words to share with him, and judging by the rather smug look on his face, this time wasn’t any exception.

“I guess this is goodbye,” Talon finally said. “I _know_ you’re not going to bite him. You don’t have it in you to bite _anyone_ , much less a little boy.”

For reasons unbeknownst to him, Remus found himself smirking right back. It wasn’t Talon’s words, of course, but Remus supposed it was just the fact that if everything went according to plan, Talon would be “proven” wrong yet again. Remus’s smile deepened in a way that he hoped was similar to Greyback’s often disturbing grin. “Just watch me,” Remus said flatly. Before Remus’s words sank in, he quickly turned on his heel and followed Greyback, leaving Talon staring open-mouthed after him.

Just _pretending_ like he was fully intending on biting a seven year old boy made Remus feel worse than he could have possibly imagined. He was beginning to have serious doubts about his ability to even get through this, let alone do so convincingly. Remus knew he had to make it believable for Greyback; he had to make himself appear as vicious and bloodthirsty as possible, but he didn’t know if he even had that in him. And even if he could somehow muster the strength to do so, just the thoughts of how he would feel afterwards scared him senseless.

When Remus rejoined Greyback around the corner of the mess hall, the older werewolf was looking rather pleased with himself. It was clear that he was confident in Remus…even if Remus wasn’t very confident in himself at the moment.

As they walked into the woods, Greyback said, “Be sure to eat an extra large lunch. As I said, we won’t be having our regular dinner tonight due to the full moon, of course. After you pass your test, you’ll be free to catch and eat whatever you like in the woods or even the village.”

Of course Greyback would want his pack to be extra hungry when they transformed, hence no dinner beforehand. Not that it mattered, because Remus never ate much right before a transformation anyway. He’d learned very early on that a full stomach didn’t go well with the pain.

Remus wondered if biting someone was supposed to make him want to eat live things. It certainly seemed that way, with Greyback encouraging him to find a meal in the village afterwards. What would Greyback think if he didn’t? Would that be a giveaway? Remus was slowly coming to realize that he didn’t know nearly as much about lycanthropy as he thought he did.

“We will transform together,” Greyback explained as they walked, “in the area I showed you yesterday. Once you bite the boy, you can go wherever you please and you no longer have to stay with me. You are, however, expected at the mess hall at the regular time tomorrow morning and at all before-meal meetings afterwards. You’ll no longer have me to baby-sit you, so be sure to keep track of when the meetings are. It’s understandable if something happens and you must miss a meeting, especially after a transformation, but you must have a _reasonable_ explanation for doing so.” He paused and added, “Being on your death bed, for example, would constitute as being a reasonable explanation.”

“What happens if you do miss a meeting without a good enough reason?” Remus asked.

Greyback replied, “Physical punishment and then loss of a rank if it keeps happening. If you get back down to zeta as a result, you’re out of the pack. Regular missed meetings or more than three missed meetings in a row without a suitable explanation counts as desertion of the pack. You know what happens then.”

“Yes, sir.”

Greyback nodded. “So don’t miss meetings unless you absolutely have to. I trust you can handle that much.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Also,” Greyback added, “while you may go anywhere, that does not include my shack. It is off-limits at all times unless I invite you in. If I catch you in there when I’m not, that is also grounds for punishment. As for sleeping arrangements, all epsilons sleep in the cave. As I told you yesterday, I believe I will grant you the rank of delta, which means you may sleep anywhere - in any of the other buildings, or the cave itself if you wish, or anywhere else on the grounds. Whatever you find most comfortable.”

Had that only been yesterday that Greyback had told Remus about making him a delta? So much had happened since then, it felt like it had been a week or more, not just a day. Then again, days here did seem extremely long. Remus had only been there for three weeks, but he could have sworn it was at least three months.

When they finally entered the woods, Greyback stopped and turned to Remus again. “When you finish with your meal, you may stay out here. Use the time to rest or to prepare for this evening any way you wish. As it gets closer to the transformation, we’ll go on to the village.”

Remus nodded and watched as Greyback ran off to chase after some poor creature. Remus sighed, leaning heavily against a tree. He still wasn’t the least bit hungry, but he knew he should probably try and eat something. He hadn’t eaten very much in days and while a full stomach didn’t go well with a transformation, neither did a completely empty one. Transformations were taxing enough, and he knew he needed as much strength as possible in order to get through tonight.

Remus picked his way through the woods, eating as many nuts and berries as his stomach would accept. He wondered if would ever truly feel like eating again.

When he’d had enough, Remus found his usual spot underneath a tree. He sat down, leaning up against the trunk, watching as the sun made its way through the sky. As it got closer and closer to the western horizon, Remus’s fear and anxiety grew, and he was afraid that he’d be absolutely in a panic pretty soon. This entire thing was insane, and he still couldn’t believe he had let Sirius and Dumbledore talk him into this.

Greyback was currently busy lying underneath his own tree, picking at his teeth with one long and yellowed fingernail. If Remus decided not to go through with this, this was probably his last chance to slip away undetected, and he considered doing just that. But he knew he couldn’t. He had already given his word to Dumbledore that he was going to do this - that he was going to try and get as much information out of Greyback as possible. He couldn’t quit yet.

So Remus waited, closing his eyes and trying his best to forget everything that he had to do. He was so exhausted, sleep even came to him once or twice, blissfully transporting him to that place where he didn’t have to think any longer.

All too soon, Greyback woke him once again, ordering Remus to stand up and to follow him. Remus did as he was told, his movements almost seeming mechanical at this point. The entire thing even seemed unreal to him. He wasn’t following Greyback to a village so that he could pretend to bite a little boy once he transformed. He just wasn’t.

But he was.

When they finally got to the village, Greyback led him to the tree they had been at yesterday - the large one that stood across from the Farris’s cottage, with only a few smaller trees in between. About the only thought that comforted Remus at the moment was knowing that Justin was far away from there; Dumbledore had taken the little boy to a safe place where no werewolf would be able to get to him. If nothing else came out of this, at least Remus had saved Justin from ever knowing what lycanthropy was like.

The curtains had been drawn over the cottage’s windows, but bright golden lamplight glowed behind them. Remus was curious as to whether Sirius was there yet, and perhaps Dumbledore, waiting for that evening’s events to begin. Justin’s parents were certainly there also, being an integral part of Dumbledore’s plan. Remus wondered if they were nervous at all, but he decided they were probably more relieved at this point, since their son was safe.

It was then that Remus noticed that several other werewolves from the pack had gathered around the area. It almost seemed like they were waiting for a show, excited to see a little boy turned. It made Remus sick.

Greyback turned and sat down, leaning up against a tree trunk and watching the cottage closely. He motioned for Remus to join him. “Sit down,” Greyback said. “Nothing to do now but wait.”

So, Remus sat down as well, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself, trying offer himself just a little bit of comfort. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to do this anymore. Actually, he had never been all that sure, but now that it was so close, the fear was growing to be unbearable. It was making his throat tight, and he was having a hard time even breathing. His heart pounded faster and louder than he could ever remember, and Remus was sure Greyback would be able to hear it. Despite the cool autumn breeze, Remus was also sweating, his already dirty robes clinging to his sticky back uncomfortably. Merlin, what he wouldn’t give for a shower.

“Sir,” Remus asked, hoping his voice didn’t shake too much, “what if the boy doesn’t come out?” Remus already knew, of course, that Sirius was supposed to come out not long after the transformation, but Remus decided that asking such questions couldn’t hurt. Anything to make it look like he _didn’t_ know what would happen - to put on a good show for Greyback.

“You break the door down if you have to,” Greyback ordered. “And feel free to bite the parents too if they get in your way. You do anything and everything to get to that boy, understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Remus said. He had absolutely no intention of even lying a toe on either of the boy‘s parents, but Greyback didn‘t know that.

“Be sure you _don’t_ kill them, however,” Greyback said. “The entire purpose of this is to make them know what it’s like to be a werewolf. So they know what it’s like to suffer every month from something they have no control over. See how they like it then.”

Remus simply nodded, his throat too tight for him to speak at all. He was suddenly sorry he had asked anything. It had only served to get Greyback started on one of his rants again, and that was the last thing Remus wanted to listen to.

The sun continued to move across the sky, making its way down toward the horizon. The light began to die, filling the forest with the orangish hues of sunset.

To try and take his mind off the task at hand, Remus directed his thoughts to his best friend. He was curious as to whether Sirius was afraid at all. He’d insist he wasn’t, but sometimes Remus knew better. That was the way Sirius was; he always pretended he wasn’t scared when deep down, he was terrified. Last night, Sirius had told him this wouldn’t be a big deal, but was that how he really felt? Was he only pretending? Acting like this was nothing so that it might be easier for Remus?

Perhaps even Remus had been lying to himself all along. He was afraid, first and foremost, of pretending to bite a little boy. That thought frightened him like no other, but what he hadn’t wanted to admit was that he was terrified of hurting his best friend in the process. Remus knew he had to make this convincing. If he didn’t, his entire cover would be blown, and then Merlin only knew what Greyback might do to the both of them. What if Remus made it a little too convincing? What if the taste of blood made Moony crazy and he wouldn’t be able to stop? Remus had taken the Wolfsbane last night so he would be able to keep his mind, but that didn’t mean that the wolf still wouldn’t try to influence him.

Why on earth had he ever agreed to this?

Remus’s mind was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn’t even notice it had gotten dark. Not until the very first ripples of pain ran up his spine. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Instead, he sucked in a harsh breath and stiffened, his hands forming into fists.

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw Greyback’s body going rigid from the first throes of the transformation as well. Remus closed his eyes then, trying to forget the fact that he was transforming in the middle of an open forest with Greyback of all people. This was so careless and went against everything Remus had promised himself. When he was young and stupid, running wild during a transformation had been fine, but now…even with the Wolfsbane, there was the possibility of something happening that Remus would never be able to forgive himself for. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be back in the safety of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, with Padfoot beside him. Not Greyback, the most savage werewolf in the world.

Remus curled in on himself and slowly lowered his body to the soft forest floor, cushioned by grass and leaves. At least it was much more comfortable here than in the stone basement at Sirius’s house. Remus was grateful for that much.

One of his hands opened and then closed again around a handful of fallen leaves. They crunched softly under his grasp, and he could smell them - the smell of death. Remus had loved that smell so much, but now, it only seemed like it was mocking him - reminding him of what he still had to do.

He screamed then, but whether it was out of anger and frustration or out of pain, he wasn’t quite sure. He wasn’t even sure where his emotional pain ended and his physical pain began anymore. It all seemed to have intermingled into one giant ball of hurt, raging inside him. That scared him. What he didn’t let himself feel, the wolf certainly always did, and then it came out when the wolf came out. The last three weeks had forced Remus to suppress his feelings so much, and now he was certainly going to pay for that. Or someone would, anyway.

Remus twisted over onto his back, his limbs flailing and then reforming. He tried to ignore the yells from the other werewolves around him, concentrating on himself instead. He just needed to get through the transformation, and then he would worry about the task at hand. One thing at a time, because worrying about everything all at once was only serving to amplify the pain, he was sure.

Remus’s back arched, pain running up and down his spine and out through his limbs. He threw his head back and screamed again, but then something occurred to him - an almost comforting thought. Maybe Sirius - or perhaps he was Padfoot already - could hear him. That didn’t quite make him feel so alone; Sirius was here, and he wasn’t very far away. Maybe he was even looking out the window of the cottage, trying to find Remus in the darkness.

“Padfoot,” Remus whispered, and then he turned over on his side again. He shut his eyes as tightly as he could as the last spasms of the transformation ripped through his body - Moony’s body. The pain began to subside, leaving Remus panting for air, his mind slowly turning to the next part of the plan once again.

Everything was quiet. The werewolves were resting for a moment, recovering from the pain of the transformation. The only things Moony could hear were the soft autumn breeze, and the relentless chirping of crickets.

Moony slowly opened his eyes, finding the golden lamplight of the cottage, only slightly obscured by leaves and the trunks of trees. The minutes seemed to stretch, and Moony began to hope that perhaps the transformation had killed Greyback. He hadn’t heard a peep from the older werewolf and didn’t dare look in his direction. He just wanted to forget that Greyback even existed.

Something squealed, and Moony’s heart thudded when he realized it was the door to the cottage. It opened just a crack, spilling a pillar of gold light across the forest floor. Moony swallowed and then he saw him - Justin. _No, it’s Padfoot. Padfoot._ That was what Remus had to force himself to remember, otherwise he would never get through this.

Justin didn’t look unlike Remus as a little boy. He was rather small, even for seven. His hair was brown, but darker than Remus‘s, appearing almost black in the gloom of the night. That sort of helped, in fact - just something else to remind Remus that this was _Sirius_.

The boy stepped out onto the porch of the small cottage, appearing to just be taking in the night. He looked up at the sky, at the full moon hanging above them, then back down towards the woods. Remus was sure he imagined it, but he almost thought that their eyes connected. Then Justin shook his head, letting his shoulder-length hair flop around his shoulders. That gesture was _so_ Sirius, and that made it easier, too. Remus felt Moony’s lips curling up into a smile.

Moony wondered if Greyback would think it suspicious - the very boy he was supposed to bite suddenly waltzing out into his yard immediately after the transformation. Greyback, however, didn’t seem to care. He had made his way over to Remus, prodding against Remus’s back with his nose to alert him to the prey. Greyback’s mind was probably too animalistic at that point to worry about such “coincidences”.

Moony turned over onto his stomach, getting his feet on the ground. He pushed himself up and shook his body, trying to divest his fur of a few clinging leaves and blades of grass. Greyback nudged him again, and Moony growled. If Greyback so much as touched him again, Remus thought he’d feel like ripping his nose off, consequences be damned. This was hard enough without Greyback hovering over him like this. But Greyback seemed pleased; the entire point of this was to make Justin suffer, so growling, irritable Moony was good.

It was then that Remus realized just how large Greyback was, not just in human form, but in his wolf form as well. Moony’s head only came up to Greyback’s hulking shoulders, which was more than a little intimidating. If Remus didn’t do a convincing job of this and Greyback decided to attack him for it, Moony wouldn’t have much of a chance at all.

Greyback growled, his yellow eyes narrowed and his teeth bared. He threw his head in the direction of the cottage, making it clear that he wanted Remus to go now. Moony stalked over to the very edge of the tree line, trying his best to appear confident, even though his legs felt like jelly. He could hear Greyback not far behind him, watching his every move. Merlin, did he have to stand so close?

Remus had never been around other werewolves during a transformation before, and he realized for the first time just how territorial he felt. He didn’t like Greyback hovering around him one bit. Remus had never felt that way with Padfoot or any of the other Marauders, so it must have been strictly a werewolf thing. He kept getting the urge to snarl in Greyback’s direction and claw at him, but he knew that wouldn’t be very smart.

Justin had descended the steps from the porch, wandering along the edge of the flower bed against the side of the house. His head was directed up, apparently trying to get a good look at the full moon through the thick growth of trees overhead.

Is that how Remus had looked as little boy? Wandering around outside, unaware that his entire life had been about to change? But no, this wasn’t like that at all. Justin was somewhere safe. This was Sirius, who was fully prepared for and protected from what was going to happen.

Remus tried desperately to hold on to that thought as he lowered himself toward the ground, trying to look as much like a werewolf stalking its prey as possible. He crept along the forest floor, blades of grass dragging along the underside of Moony’s belly as he went. Thankfully, Greyback stayed behind, continuing to hide in the safety of the trees. Remus didn’t know what he would have done if Greyback had insisted on following the entire way.

Moony continued to close the distance between himself and the boy, and truth be told, it wasn’t as hard as he had imagined it would be. Remus was reminded of all the times he and Padfoot had played, chasing each other around the grounds of Hogwarts, pretending to prey on each other. It was just like that, only Padfoot wasn’t quite in dog form at the moment. Now that he was close enough, Remus realized how much the boy even smelled like Sirius, making those memories stronger yet.

When Moony was only a dozen or so strides from Justin, he let out a low, guttural growl, letting the prey know he was close. Justin rounded on him, his bright blue eyes growing wide - blue, just like Sirius’s. Remus could see him swallowing as the boy began to step back. Moony followed, keeping the same distance between them. Justin kept on going, backing up through the flowerbed, smashing some of the flowers in his wake. When the boy’s back connected with the side of the house, he stopped, his eyes widening even more in fear.

Neither of them moved for several seconds, and then everything seemed to happen all at once. Justin darted towards his left, running for the porch. Moony broke into a run as well, which the body of a seven year old boy was no match against. Moony reached him quickly, reared up onto his back legs, and jumped.

Moony’s front paws connected with the boy’s shoulders, immediately forcing him to the ground. Justin yelped in surprise, his arms and legs spread-eagling and scrambling for purchase on the ground. Moony reached for the boy’s waist, being careful with his claws, and pushed Justin over onto his back. Remus needed to see his eyes - the bright blue ones that were like Sirius’s.

Moony opened his mouth wide and snarled. Justin’s own mouth opened wide in a scream, his tiny limbs continuing to flail. That sound almost made Moony want to stop - that horrible, little boy scream that he was sure wasn’t much different from his own at that age. But Remus knew he couldn’t stop. If he did now, Greyback would turn on the both of them, and Remus wasn’t about to let that happen.

The boy continued to scream, but then Remus focused on the eyes again - just the eyes. He could see Sirius in them, somewhere in the depths of the little boy’s body, and they were fearless. Not terrified like they should be, but brave and trusting like Sirius’s always were when he looked at Remus.

Before Remus could lose his nerve, he pressed his left paw into Justin’s shoulder, holding him securely in place. He allowed his claws to pierce the sleeve of the boy’s robes until he felt a warm wetness against his paw. Sirius had told him to make this believable, after all. Remus didn’t think it would be very convincing at all if he had little to no blood on him.

Moony opened his mouth again and let out one last snarl. Then he leaned in and fastened his teeth around Justin’s left shoulder. The boy’s screams, nothing but sounds of pain, echoed in his ears while blood rolled over Moony’s tongue like there was no tomorrow.

And perhaps there wasn’t.

_To be continued…_


	7. The Bite

The blood wasn’t quite Sirius’s. Well, it was, but it had a slight tinge to it that Remus really didn’t like (not that he liked the taste of any blood, but this one was especially vile). Perhaps it was what children tasted like, and that thought made him sick. He wasn’t sure how anyone could possibly enjoy biting people, and judging from what Greyback had said earlier, this was apparently supposed to give him a lust for more blood. Remus didn’t see that happening. Ever.

After what felt like an hour, but was certainly just mere seconds, Moony released his grip on the boy’s shoulder. For a precarious moment, Remus thought he was going to lose whatever food he had eaten that day. Moony’s stomach lurched uncomfortably, so he shut his mouth and his eyes, desperately praying for the nauseous feeling to recede. It wouldn’t do to be sick when he was supposed to be convincing Greyback that he was suitable for this pack.

The boy stopped screaming then, and the silence felt awkward. Moony hadn’t realized that the boy still _had_ been screaming, not until that moment. He had been yelling throughout the “attack”, and it had become almost like a background noise to Moony.

Moony still couldn’t open his eyes. His stomach had settled the tiniest bit, and he was afraid that if he saw the blood, that the nausea would start anew. That was when he felt little fingers in his fur - tiny fingers that belonged to a little boy.

“’M fine, Moony,” came Justin’s whispered voice in his ear, but in words that were strictly Sirius’s. Remus needed that. Maybe he hadn’t been looking, not just to keep the nausea at bay, but because he didn’t want to see what sort of state the boy could possibly be in. “Just trying to make it convincing,” Justin said quietly.

Moony opened his eyes then, Justin’s bright blue ones looking up at him through the dark of the night. There was nothing in them to suggest that Sirius was in any pain, even though Remus knew he was. The boy did look a bit tired, but Remus supposed that was to be expected.

Justin winked, letting his hand fall from Moony’s fur. Justin’s eyes began to droop and he screamed again, although this one was much quieter than before. It actually sounded more like crying now rather than screaming. He started calling for help, for his parents, and Remus thought he could feel his heart actually breaking apart in his chest.

An ear-piercing scream startled him from this thoughts. Moony looked up to see who he assumed to be Justin’s mother, Mrs. Farris standing on the porch of her house. She was shrieking at the top of her lungs, her hands pressed to the sides of her face in horror. Even though she knew the boy wasn’t really her son, the sight had to be shocking to her nonetheless.

Remus definitely couldn’t understand how anyone could enjoy this. If he had just bitten her son for real, Remus suspected he would feel like the lowest creature on the planet. Then again, he supposed that many of the werewolves already felt like vile creatures before they ever even set foot in Greyback’s Pack; they wouldn’t be there otherwise.

“R-ROBERT!” the woman yelled. She started sobbing and fumbling around in her robes for something. When she finally looked up at Moony again, he saw that she had withdrawn her wand. She raised it high over Moony’s head and yelled, “ _Avada Kedavra_!”

It missed by nearly a dozen feet, slamming into the branch of a tree somewhere and causing it to snap off. Remus knew that was his cue to leave, but he was torn. The last thing he wanted to do was leave Sirius now. Sirius had said he was fine, but Remus wouldn’t be able to relax until he knew for sure. Then again, if he stayed any longer, especially after Mrs. Farris had thrown a Death Curse at him, he would probably be precariously close to throwing his cover with Greyback.

Moony took one last look at his best friend. The left shoulder of Sirius’s - or the boy’s - robes was now soaked through with blood. Justin’s eyes were drooping, and he looked like he might be losing consciousness. Remus wondered if that was part of the act or not, but he knew he couldn’t stay any longer to find out for sure.

Moony turned and took off running into the woods. Behind him, he heard Mrs. Farris calling for her husband again, but he tried to block it out as he ran. He even passed Greyback and the other werewolves, not wanting to even look at them at the moment. Remus didn’t even care how that made him look. He just kept on running, and he didn’t plan on stopping until it was completely quiet - until he couldn’t hear a single sign of what he had done.

When he was sure he was alone, Moony finally slowed, coming to a stop near a small clearing. His heart was racing so fast, it almost felt like he _had_ done something wrong - like he had bitten a child for real.

Sighing heavily, Moony noticed for the first time that he had blood all over him. It had dripped down his chin onto his chest and paws, staining the grey fur crimson. The taste of the blood hung in his mouth, a stark reminder of what he had just done. It made him feel dirty, tainted.

All he wanted to do at that moment was to return to the village and make sure that Sirius was okay, but he knew he couldn’t risk it. If he was still on good terms with Greyback, he couldn’t do anything to jeopardize it, especially not now. He hadn’t just gone through all of this to throw it away for a moment of weakness.

With any luck, however, Sirius would be gone by now. As soon as Justin’s parents got to him, they were supposed to immediately Floo to Hogwarts under the guise that they were taking Justin to a healer. Dumbledore was waiting for them, and he was going to take Mr. and Mrs. Farris to be with Justin.

That was perhaps the only thought that kept Remus from losing his mind - that Justin was somewhere safe and nowhere near any of this madness. Remus tried to push everything else out of his mind and focus only on that.

He curled up under a tree and hoped that Greyback and the rest of the werewolves would have enough sense to leave him in peace. When morning came, he would have to carry on with his charade, but for now, he just wanted to be left alone…he wanted to stop being a spy for just a moment.

~~~~~~~~~~

When the sun rose, Remus awoke and was stunned to find himself back in human form already. The transformation back almost always woke him up, but he had managed to sleep through the entire thing. That had only happened a handful of times that he could recall; he truly must have been exhausted.

Remus sat up, feeling beyond disgusted with himself. The taste of blood still lingered in his mouth, and his hands and robes were still stained with blood from the night before. He tried not to think about the fact that he probably smelled pretty close to the way Greyback did. Remus had never wanted a hot bath, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and clean clothes more than he did right now.

Remus slowly got to his feet, looking around at the clearing he was in and the woods surrounding it. He didn’t see anyone else around, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Remus still didn’t know for sure whether he had done an acceptable job last night. He supposed that if he hadn’t, Greyback would have hunted him down and killed him already, but it still make him uneasy to not for sure.

Taking a deep breath, Remus started making his way back towards the direction of the village and the compound. He knew he was expected at the meeting before breakfast, and he felt like it was pretty close to that time.

Remus didn’t encounter anyone else at all on his way. The woods were empty except for the birds and other small creatures that inhabited it. He stopped briefly at the Farris’ cottage, but it appeared to be dark and empty as well. Trying not to look at the pool of blood that had formed on the front lawn, Remus continued on along the outskirts of the village. A part of him hoped that he’d never have to walk that path again.

When he approached the compound, everything appeared normal to him. The only sign of life he saw were a few of the werewolves sitting around the mouth of the cave. Remus assumed that everyone else was either inside somewhere, or still in the woods, recovering from the transformation. If they were deciding to throw Remus out of the pack, he doubted they would lounging around.

He wasn’t quite sure where to go. Greyback said he was allowed to go anywhere now, but he didn’t exactly know if he would be welcome to sit with the others around the cave entrance. He still felt like he was an outsider, like he didn’t belong among them.

Finally, he decided to just go to the mess hall to wait for the meeting to start. Remus wasn’t sure how it had looked to the others when he had run off into the woods last night, but he wanted them to know that he wasn’t afraid. Even though he was really terrified.

A few of the werewolves around the cave looked up at him as he passed, but none of them seemed particularly interested in him. They never did, which he supposed was a good thing. Remus continued on to the mess hall, trying to act like he was confident and knew exactly what he was doing. Even though he really didn’t.

At first, the mess hall appeared to be empty. The corners remained in shadows, and it was hard to see, even with the little bit of sunlight creeping in through the boards over the windows. But as Remus’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw that someone was there - Greyback.

The older werewolf was sitting in the corner, watching him closely. Remus’s heart hammered in his chest. What if Greyback didn’t think he did an acceptable job the night before? What if he was going to be attacked? What if he was going to be punished for wasting Greyback’s time through all of this? What if Greyback was going to try and kill him?

After several minutes of silence, Greyback got to his feet. He eyed Remus for a moment longer before saying, “I wondered when you were going to be back. Where’d you run off to last night?”

Remus blinked. He didn’t know what he had been expecting Greyback to say, but not exactly that. “I…into the woods. That bloody woman started to throw Death Curses at me. I got scared.” He paused and swallowed.

Greyback started to stalk towards him, and Remus kept wondering if he had failed - if Greyback was just playing around with him before he attacked. “You didn’t have to stay in the woods, you know,” Greyback said. “I like to come back here after the initial transformation and after I‘ve had something to eat. It’s much more comfortable than the woods.”

“I was tired,” Remus explained. “I ended up passing out in a clearing. Woke up just a bit ago.”

“I see,” Greyback said, now only mere inches away from he Remus. He looked down at him, and Remus wasn’t sure what to make of his expression. One could never quite tell with Greyback; he could be perfectly calm one moment and fly off the handle the next.

Suddenly, Greyback’s lips broke into a smile. “You should have stayed for the show. It was wonderful, seeing the distraught parents struggling to get their broken son into the house, while he cried out in pain, leaving a trail of blood behind. I’m sure they’re at some healer’s as we speak, begging him to _fix_ their little boy, because they can’t bear the thought of him being a _monster_. I wish I could see that, too.”

Remus tried to hold Greyback’s eyes and to keep his face expressionless. Remus wanted nothing more than tell Greyback what a sick freak he really was and to walk out and never come back. But he stayed, pretending like Greyback’s words didn’t phase him.

After what seemed like forever, Greyback broke the silence that had settled again. “You did well, Remus, as I knew you would. Welcome to my pack. You‘re one of us now.”

“Thank you, sir,” Remus mumbled, looking down at the floor. He took the opportunity to glare daggers at the poor, defenseless wood. Greyback’s words were partially a relief, knowing that he had passed his test, but on the other hand, he wished didn’t feel like the worst possible person on the planet.

Greyback reached out a finger, placing it under Remus’s chin. He directed Remus’s gaze up again and inhaled deeply, as if sniffing Remus. “You still have his blood on you,” Greyback growled hungrily, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. “I’ll bet he tasted sweet, didn’t he?”

“Yes, sir,” Remus said, pretending like he might have been answering a completely different question - if he liked chocolate perhaps.

“I’m sure he did,“ Greyback almost purred. “Don’t wash it off. Wear it like a badge of honor for as long as it will stay - a reminder to the rest in this pack that you do belong with us now. Especially that Talon. I can’t wait until he shows up,” Greyback hummed pleasantly, finally releasing his hold on Remus‘s chin. “He seemed so sure you wouldn’t do it, that I was making a horrible mistake by letting you stay. I can’t wait to see his expression when he finds out that not only are you still here, but that you now outrank him.”

For some reason, that make Remus smile. “I can’t either.”

Greyback continued to grin in return. “They should be here shortly,” he said, “but do make yourself at home until they arrive.” He turned and returned to the corner he had been sitting in before. He resumed one of his favorite activities - picking at his teeth with his long and yellowed fingernails.

Trying not to think about what Greyback could have possibly eaten last night, Remus found a place on the floor, stretching out his tired and sore limbs. He leaned back against the wall, dozing slightly until he heard the other werewolves begin to arrive.

As usual, none of the others seemed all that curious or surprised to see him there. The only ones to truly acknowledge his presence were Althea (she smiled and waved) and Talon. He, on the other, did not look the least bit pleased.

Greyback stood and counted them as they entered, making sure everyone was accounted for. Remus got to his feet as well, trying to pretend like he really did belong there - like this was his home now, which it would never be.

“As you all can see,” Greyback announced proudly, walking back and forth among the werewolves, “Remus is still here, which means that yes, he passed his test. He successfully turned the Farris boy last night.” He continued to pace back and forth, but then stopped in front of Talon. “I know that there was some _doubt_ among you about Remus’s suitability for this pack. I was accused of being _stupid_ by letting him in.” He threw his head back and laughed. “I do hope that this clears up any reservations on your part. Remus is one of us now, and he is to be treated as such.” Greyback stepped closer to Talon, glaring down at him. “Especially by those _beneath_ him.” Greyback looked up and then around at the rest of the pack. “Is that clear to everyone?”

A murmur of affirmative answers went through the crowd, and Greyback looked even more pleased with himself by the moment. He turned on his heel and faced Remus next.

“Remus,” he said, “you are now officially a delta - two ranks above where you were yesterday. Well done.”

Remus held his head up, trying to look as proud as could about it. “Thank you, sir.”

“And that’s all for today,” Greyback said. “You may all go to breakfast now, and I’ll see you at lunch.”

Greyback immediately left the mess hall, probably happy about the fact that he didn’t have to “baby-sit” Remus anymore. Even Talon left right away, not even bothering to stick around to throw some nasty words at Remus. Perhaps Talon was beginning to accept Remus.

The only one to stay behind was Althea. She hurried over to Remus and said, “I knew you’d still be here. I’m kind of glad, and congratulations on making delta. I’ve been here for two years, and I haven’t even gotten that far.”

Remus smiled in return, not sure what else he was supposed to do.

“Did you want to get some breakfast together?” she asked.

“Actually,” Remus said, “I’m still pretty tired from last night. I think I’m just going to take a nap, but I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

Althea looked disappointed, but she nodded and tried to put on her best smile. “Okay,” she finally responded before she left him alone.

There was only one thing Remus wanted to do in that moment. He quickly left the mess hall and looked around. The other werewolves had all gone into the forest to hunt, so Remus headed towards the front of the compound. He passed the shack that he had spent so many nights in and returned to the spot behind the tree where he had first arrived.

He looked around, making sure he was completely alone, and then he Disapparated.

~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing he did upon arriving at number twelve, Grimmauld Place was run to the nearest bathroom. Greyback had told him not to wash off the blood, but he had to. The continued tang of it around his lips and the stickiness of it on his hands was making him crazy. He needed it off and he didn’t give a damn about what Greyback thought.

Remus went to the sink, turned on the water, and grabbed the bar of soap. He spent nearly five minutes scrubbing his hands until they were raw. When he rinsed them, he started on his face, rinsing out his mouth and scouring at his cheeks and chin until there was no sign of the dried red blood left.

When he was done, Remus looked in the mirror for the first time in nearly a month. The only thing he seemed to notice was that his face was still bright red, no longer from the blood, but from scrubbing at it so hard. He really hated the color red.

He stared at himself for so long that he lost track of time, wondering how on earth he had even gotten involved him something so insane. Remus finally bowed his head, and that was when he noticed that the basin now held the remains of what he had scrubbed off. Pinkish trails of blood and water were swirling around the drain.

Before Remus even realized it, tears began dripping down his face. They pooled into the bottom of the sink, mixing with the blood and water already there. Just then, he heard a knock at the bathroom door which made him jump.

“Moony?” came Sirius’s voice from the other side. “Is that you?”

Remus stared open-mouthed at the mirror. He wiped frantically at his face, not wanted Sirius to know he had been crying. Then again, he wasn’t even entirely he wanted to see Sirius at all. Well, he did, and that’s why he was there, but a part of Remus was embarrassed about what he had done last night, even though it was all a part of the plan.

“Yeah,” Remus responded miserably. “It’s me.”

“Are…you okay?” Sirius asked next. “Can I come in?”

“Help yourself.”

The door squeaked open and then Sirius stuck his head in. He looked normal (as normal as Sirius did anyway). He didn’t look to be in pain or anything, which relieved Remus somewhat.

“I…didn’t expect you be back again so soon,” Sirius said awkwardly, coming further into the room. “Are you okay?” he asked again.

“No,” Remus said truthfully. “I’m really not, but…” He broke off, not able to form the words. He took a deep breath and then gave Sirius the most apologetic look he could muster. “I believe I should be asking you that question.”

Sirius blinked. “What, last night? I told you not to worry about it. It really wasn’t a big deal, and I’m fine.”

Before Remus could stop himself, he had crossed the room, pulling Sirius’s collar open. He had to see, had to make sure that the bite was healing, that he hadn’t somehow sentenced his best friend to the same fate he suffered.

Remus found the area where he had bitten Sirius, the area between his neck and left shoulder - the same place were Remus‘s own scar would remain forever. Sirius’s shoulder, however, was clean and completely devoid of any sort of injury whatsoever.

Sirius pulled Remus’s hand away. “I said I’m fine.”

“I know,” Remus breathed in relief, “but I…I had to see. No matter how confident Dumbledore was, a part of me was still terrified that it would scar. That you would be…”

“I’m not a werewolf, Moony,” Sirius interrupted. “Madam Pomfrey was able to fix the bite and scratches in no time. Besides, if you had infected me, I doubt I’d be standing here talking to you. I’d be unconscious from the bite right now, wouldn’t I?”

“Yes,” Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I know, but…” He felt the tears welling up in his eyes again, but he tried to push them away. He turned away from Sirius, unable to hold his best friend’s gaze any longer. “I’m sorry, Sirius.”

“Moony, I told you,” Sirius said, approaching him from behind, “I’m _fine_. Honestly. It really wasn’t any worse than when we were at Hogwarts together, before you had the Wolfsbane.” He didn’t know if it would be welcome - it certainly hadn’t been before - but he reached out and placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder. When Remus didn’t shake it off, Sirius added, “I told you I trust you. I did last night and I still do now. Nothing’s changed, and you didn‘t hurt me. Not in the least. I knew you wouldn’t and that’s why I agreed to it. You have nothing to feel ashamed of.”

Remus continued to stare down at floor. He still had a hard time even looking at Sirius, and he still did feel ashamed, even though Sirius had told him not to be.

“Moony, look at me.”

It took Remus nearly another minute before he could raise his eyes to his best friend. When he saw that Sirius was smiling, however, it did make him feel the tiniest bit better.

“Don’t even worry about it,” Sirius said. “I’m not made of glass, you know.”

That caused a smile to spread across Remus lips. Sirius had always said the same thing when they were at Hogwarts, especially after particularly nasty transformations. “I know you’re not.”

“So…you’re not dead,” Sirius said.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Brilliant observation, Padfoot.”

“No,” Sirius said, “I mean…it worked then? Greyback fell for it? You said he probably would have killed you if he thought it a farce.”

“Yeah,” Remus replied, nodding. “He fell for it. Pretty hard. He made me a delta, in fact.” When he received a confused look from Sirius, Remus explained, “Two ranks above what I was when I arrived. That’s a good thing. It means he trusts me.”

Sirius looked mischievously happy. “I take back what I said. He truly is an idiot, isn’t he?”

“You have no idea.” Remus let out a quiet laugh before he turned serious once again. “What about Mr. and Mrs. Farris? I couldn’t bear to stick around and watch last night, and I was a bit worried that Greyback or the other werewolves would do something crazy…”

“They’re fine,” Sirius said reassuringly. He paused and then said, “Actually, maybe you should see for yourself.” He suddenly grabbed Remus’s hand and began dragging him towards the door.

“Wait, what?” Remus asked, frantically trying to loosen Sirius’s grasp on his hand. “I’m a mess - I can’t possibly go meeting people.”

Sirius stopped and looked at Remus again. “Under the circumstances, I doubt very much that they’ll mind.”

“What circumstances?” Remus asked, continuing to try and pry Sirius’s fingers off. Without waiting for an answer, he said, “Padfoot, I’m in no condition…”

“I told you they won’t care,” Sirius said. “Trust me.” He gave Remus a firm look before continuing to drag his best friend out into the hallway. Remus followed him down the steps, albeit grudgingly, not sure he wanted to look these people in the eye at all.

“Er…where are they? Hogwarts?” Remus asked. He certainly didn’t want to go to a public place to meet them either.

“Nope, they’re here.”

“ _What_?”

“Dumbledore needed a safe location to bring Justin last night,” Sirius explained as they continued down the stairs. “He was going to take them to Hogwarts at first, but then he thought that a Secret-Kept house would be safer. He didn’t have time to find another place on such short notice, so he settled on here. It’s only for a few days until he can find them a more permanent place.”

Remus felt even more awkward. If he had known they were there, he didn’t think he would have come at all; if he felt embarrassed around Sirius, he knew it was nothing compared to what he would feel in front of the Farris family.

Sirius, however, didn’t seem the last bit concerned. He didn’t stop until they reached the kitchen where Mr. and Mrs. Farris and Justin were all seated around the table. When Sirius and Remus entered, the family looked up, curious as to who was there.

Remus recognized Justin and his mother immediately - their faces from the night before would forever be burned into his memory. They both had brown hair and blue eyes. Mr. Farris was the only one who looked remarkably different; he had blond hair and green eyes.

“I didn’t know you guys would get to meet so soon,” Sirius said. “I wasn’t expecting Remus to come by at all today, but…he did.” He gestured to Remus and said, “Remus Lupin.” He pointed at the others and said, “The Farris family - Robert, Ava, and Justin.”

Remus only looked at them for a few moments before he directed his eyes at the floor. He felt more awkward than ever, and he really wished that Sirius hadn’t dragged him down here. Maybe once this was all over, it would have been better, but Remus could only imagine what he must have looked like in that moment.

A long silence consumed the room, but then it was broken by one of the chairs sliding across the stone floor. Remus heard footsteps approaching, but he still didn’t dare look up…but then he didn’t need to. Justin, the little boy, had come right into his field of vision, smiling up at him. It was such a stark contrast to the expressions on his face the night before that Remus had a hard time processing it.

“Are you the man that saved me from becoming a werewolf?” Justin asked.

Remus opened his mouth, not to respond, but in surprise. He didn’t know what he had been expecting to hear, but it certainly wasn’t that. He looked up at Ava and Robert, then to Sirius again. “I…er, I guess I am,” he finally managed to get out.

Justin smiled. “Thank you.”

Remus felt his cheeks growing warm. “You don’t need to thank me.”

Ava stood up from the table next, coming over to them. “Mr. Lupin…”

“Remus, please,” Remus corrected.

“Remus,” Ava repeated, stopping just behind her son and placing her hands on his shoulders. “We do need to thank you. Sirius and Albus explained to us what would have happened if not for you…that Greyback was planning on biting our boy…on turning him into a werewolf.”

“Mr. Lupin…” Robert began next, standing up from the table as well. “I mean Remus,” he corrected himself as he crossed the room. “You think we’re afraid by…what happened last night…by what we saw. But we’re not. We’re just grateful to you for protecting our little boy, and thanks to you and Sirius, Greyback will never know the difference.

“Greyback is,” Robert continued, “a _vile_ creature. Of course, it was saying things like to him in the first place that got us into this position, but he is. He thought that, maybe, making Justin a werewolf would make us understand it, but…I think you’ve done more to help us understand it than he ever could. You showed us that not all werewolves are bad, certainly not like Greyback. If that’s the way _he’s_ treated, he has no one to blame but himself for that.” He paused and ran a hand through his blond hair. “I’ll admit that I did used to think that all werewolves were like him, but you’ve proven that there are some of you who aren’t. Thank you for showing me that I was wrong.” He put out his hand for Remus, which the werewolf took.

“You still don’t need to thank me,” Remus said quietly. Before he even thought about what he was saying, he began, “I did what any…” He broke off, because he couldn’t even say that, could he? He didn’t do what anyone else would have done, and certainly not Greyback. Greyback himself had just proven that.

“My point exactly,” Robert said. “Not just anyone else would have done what you did. Greyback would have bitten him just because we were ignorant. And I don’t know you, but what from I’ve heard, I doubt you would have bitten him for _any_ reason.”

Remus closed his eyes, feeling caught, somehow, by their praise. He wasn’t really one to be made a fuss over like this, because it made him uncomfortable, but on the other hand, he didn’t entirely mind. “No, sir. I wouldn’t have.”

“We know it hasn’t been an easy month for you,” Robert added, “but if nothing else comes out of this, please know that we are grateful for what you’ve done. If nothing else, be proud of yourself for that.”

Remus knew they spoke the truth, but they didn’t really understand everything he had to do to keep up this act. Perhaps if they knew the whole story, they would feel differently, because Remus did; he truly wondered if he could ever feel proud of himself ever again.

_To be continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: It occurred to me that when a werewolf transforms, their clothes are probably torn off, but there was no way I was going to have the entire colony naked in the morning :P I also sincerely doubt that they have a lot of spare clothes lying around, nor would they repair them with magic, so what on earth would they do in that case? Steal new ones, I guess, but I‘m going to assume that (hopefully) their clothes can transform with them and still be on them when they change back to human form. The same goes for Animagi, too, because that could cause some very uncomfortable moments otherwise. I wonder if JK ever thought about that…


	8. The Altercation

Remus Apparated back to the large tree just outside of the perimeter of the former werewolf colony. He immediately held his breath and froze, his eyes darting back and forth across the trees to make sure no one saw him. When he was certain he was alone, he released his breath and slumped back against the tree.

He knew he had to quit sneaking off, because his luck was going to run out sooner or later. Greyback didn’t care if the werewolves left the compound, just as long as they were back in time for meetings. However, Remus knew it was an unspoken rule that as soon as he joined the pack, all magic stopped. Greyback despised magic, and Remus was certain that Greyback would be furious to know that Remus was still using it. Not to mention, if Greyback knew _where_ Remus was sneaking off to, he’d be in even bigger trouble. Remus still hadn’t given Greyback a reason to punish him, and Remus intended on keeping it that way.

Besides, the more Remus returned to Grimmauld Place, the more homesick it made him feel and the harder it was to return to this hellhole. If Remus went back to Sirius’s house one more time, he was fairly certain he wouldn’t have it in him to return to Greyback. Remus wanted nothing more than to go home, to forget this place forever, but he couldn’t; he certainly didn’t spend the last month here only to throw it away now.

Squaring his shoulders, Remus stepped out from behind the tree, ready to continue this ridiculous charade. The more time that this went on, the more Remus became convinced that Sirius was right - this whole thing was insane. Then again, at least Remus had been able to save Justin from the same fate that he and other werewolves endured month after month. Even if Remus didn’t gain any useful knowledge from Greyback, he supposed that saving Justin was reward enough.

It appeared that most of the werewolves had returned from breakfast. As usual, the epsilons were all gathered around the mouth of the cave. They stared in Remus’s general direction as he approached, and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of their expressions. They didn’t look like they were feeling much of anything - which was pretty common - but Remus was afraid they might be angry with him. Remus wouldn’t blame them in the least if they were; Remus had only been there for a month, and he already outranked the dozen or so of them. Other than him, Althea was the most recent addition to the pack and she had been there for two years. Remus was pretty sure that the other epsilons, having been there even longer, wouldn’t exactly be happy with him at the moment.

Remus knew he had to begin trying to sway some werewolves over to Dumbledore’s side as soon as possible. He already figured it would be easiest to start with the lowest ranking werewolves, but then again, he wasn’t so sure. Some of them would probably love nothing better than to report him to Greyback just so they could advance in the pack. Remus might be safe with one slipup since Greyback had already made him a delta, but if more than one werewolf reported him, he knew his time here would be limited. Greyback could only be fooled for so long.

So Remus decided to start with the very easiest - Althea. She still didn’t feel like she belonged in the pack, even after two years, and since Remus was her first and only friend there, he figured he’d have the best luck with her. Hopefully.

Althea never stayed too close to the other werewolves, and today was no exception. She was sitting on the ground outside of the cave, her back pressed up against it. She was alone, and she had her knees pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Little beams of sunlight were peeking through the canopy above her, and she seemed to be fascinated with the patterns it was making on the forest floor.

She looked up and smiled when she heard Remus approach. “Hi,” she greeted, pushing her dirty blond hair back, which had been caught up in the autumn breeze. “So where’d you go off to?”

Remus sat down next to her, blinking. “What?”

“I asked before if you wanted to get some breakfast together,” she explained. “You said you were going to take a nap instead, but I saw you go off into the woods. Where’d you go?”

“Oh. I did take a nap,” Remus lied. He still couldn’t believe how easily it seemed to come to him now. “I find the forest floor much more comfortable than any of the ruddy beds here.”

“Oh, I do too, actually,” Althea replied. “I remember the cot Greyback made me sleep on when I first got here. It was like sleeping on a piece of concrete, for Merlin’s sake.” She scowled. “Dunno why those above us even _use_ them. Or why they would want to.”

“It’s a status symbol, I suspect,” Remus said. “Just because they have something the epsilons don’t, they think that makes them special. I doubt they like to use them, but they do just because they can.”

“You’re a delta now,” Althea pointed out. “You’re allowed to sleep in a shack if you want. How come it’s not a status symbol to you?”

“Because I have common sense?” Remus teased, which made Althea giggle. “It’s not worth throwing my back out just to look important. Especially not around here.” A moment of silence passed, broken only by the sound of the breeze through the trees and the low din of the werewolves talking just around the wall of the cave. “Besides, I never had much to begin with. You think my wizard _friends_ ever gave me such amenities?”

That was another blatant lie, but Remus was supposed to be playing a part. The part of a werewolf who had been oppressed and was fed up with the entire wizarding world.

“I guess not,” Althea whispered. She picked at a blade of grass, bending it in different directions. “What about your parents?” she asked after a while. “How did they treat you after you were bitten?”

Remus closed his eyes briefly, but then looked up at the bright blue sky peeking through the trees. “My parents were wonderful. Not only did they completely accept it, but they took care of me. They built a shack for me in the backyard to use for transformations, so I didn’t even have to leave home. And they never treated me like I was any less of a son - they treated me just the same as they always did.” It felt good to be finally be honest about something, and Remus didn’t think he could have lied about how wonderful his parents were even if he tried.

Althea pulled several blades of grass out of the ground and tossed them away in frustration. “Wish my parents did. They told me to leave and never come back. They said it was my fault that I was bitten at all, so I was on my own.”

“I’m sorry.” Remus didn’t know what else to say.

Althea shook her head and changed the subject. “So why aren’t you with your parents anymore? If they treated you so well, what on earth are you even doing here?” She lowered her voice on the last half-dozen words so the other werewolves nearby wouldn‘t hear.

“I would love to still be with them, but it’s not possible,” Remus said. “They passed away some time ago.”

“Oh.” Now it was Althea’s turn to apologize.

Remus attempted to brush it off. “Like I said, it was a long time ago. My mum passed away when I was just six, and my dad raised me on his own after that. He died when I was seventeen.”

“Wait,” Althea said, turning towards him in curiosity, “you said both your parents accepted you after you were bitten.”

“Yes.”

“So how old _were_ you when you were bitten if your mum died when you were six?”

“I was five.”

Althea looked shocked. “Damn. I can’t even _imagine_ dealing with this at that age.”

Remus suppressed the urge to respond with a cynical comment. He wasn’t entirely sure if Althea’s test had involved biting a child, but Remus assumed so. Greyback loved nothing more than to turn children; why would he choose anything other to test his potential followers?

“At least I was old enough to take care of myself when I was bitten,” Althea continued, pulling Remus from his thoughts. “Although how anyone really expects us to take care of ourselves is beyond me, especially when they won’t even give us proper jobs.” She paused and added, “You were very lucky to have your parents, then.”

Remus nodded. “I know I was. Believe me.”

“What would have happened to you if not for them? Would you have gone to a colony?”

“Probably.”

Althea seemed to think this over for a long time. “I know they’re bad, but…I don’t really know anything about them. My parents threatened to have me sent to one if I _didn’t_ leave. Yeah, thanks, Mum and Dad,” she muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “The way they talked about colonies, I could tell they were horrible places, but…”

“Let’s put it this way,” Remus interrupted gently. “Greyback was in a colony, and based on that information alone, I can absolutely understand why he is the way he is.”

“Oh. Do you think that’s why he’s so-” Althea stopped and glanced around to make sure they were alone. She tapped her temple with her index finger and whispered, “Mental?”

“I’m sure there are other factors, but I’m positive that that’s part of it.” Remus leaned in closer to her, not wanting any of the other werewolves to hear what they were talking about. “You know that this place _used_ to be a colony.” When Althea nodded, Remus went on. “They didn’t let you leave your cell except for meals. You weren’t allowed to have anything to occupy your time - books or anything of the like. Imagine sitting there, day after day, doing nothing except staring at the walls. You had _one_ pair of robes, and if they wore out, you were out of luck. If you got sick, you were still out of luck. If you were on your deathbed, they didn’t care. One less werewolf to worry about. The rubbish that they served for meals could hardly be called food. And if you broke the rules or even so much as talked, you were beaten to a bloody pulp. So no, it’s not surprising at all that Greyback is like this. It’s all he knows.”

Althea stared at him, her eyes wide, trying to absorb everything he had just said. “But…” she began, but she stumbled over her wording at first. “Well, you’ve never _been_ to a colony, right? So how do you know all that?”

“I’ve never lived in one,” Remus corrected, “but I _have_ been to one. When I was-” Remus squinted, the details feeling a bit faded with time “-eleven, my dad took me to one. Just to see what it was like,” he added hurriedly when Althea looked like she was about to interrupt. “I was a bit curious, and he wanted me to know what sorts of things other werewolves went through. He wanted me to see that they all weren’t as lucky as I was. That was the first time I ever laid eyes on Greyback. It was during a meal, and they were under strict orders not to talk. Greyback did anyway, and they beat him for it until he bled.”

Althea frowned deeply, taking in Remus’s words. She swallowed before she admitted, “You know, I kind of feel sorry for him now.”

“I do, too.”

“Merlin, people are stupid.”

“Er…who would that be? Because in here, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific.”

Althea laughed out loud, but then slapped her hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t disturb any of the other werewolves. “I mean the world in general. They treat us the way they do and then they act like _we’re_ the ones who are in the wrong? It’s insane. What else are we supposed to do? We don’t have any options - we can’t get jobs. What are our choices other than a colony or joining up with Greyback? And no one in their right mind would _willingly_ go to a colony, so there’s really only _one_ option if we want any company at all. Then they blame us for associating with the most savage werewolf that’s ever lived, who turned out the way he did _because_ of people like them…” She seemed to realized she was rambling, because she cut herself off with an irritated growl. “I don’t get it.”

Remus saw his chance, and he took it. “Althea, what if there was a place - other than this - where you could belong? A place where you could live like an actual human and be accepted as one? A place where you could have a comfortable bed, and clean clothes everyday, and three proper meals a day?”

Althea smiled wistfully. “Three proper meals a day - that’s something I really miss. My mum’s cooking, too.” She licked her lips. “I would give anything right now for a bagel with cream cheese. And scrambled eggs. And a doughnut! With cream filling and chocolate icing…”

“Oh, a girl after my own heart,” Remus joked. “I am a chocolate addict!”

“And a hot cup of coffee!” Althea added. “Nothing makes chocolate taste better than coffee.”

Remus paused and then said, “The place I’m talking about, there are things like that there.” He hoped that his tone suggested that he was imagining the whole thing - just playing along with their little game. “And bacon and sausage.”

“And orange juice?”

“Of course.”

“And showers, and soap, and toothbrushes?”

“Yes.”

“I really miss being able to wash my hair, too.” She pulled at her messy hair, trying to thread her fingers through it, and frowning when they got caught up on tangles. “But you know there isn’t a place like that, Remus.”

“What if there was?” he pressed. “Would you go?”

“That would count as desertion of the pack.”

“Yes, it would,” Remus agreed, “but is that something you’d be willing to risk? Turning Greyback against you if you could have a fairly normal life? A _real_ life?”

“Oh, Remus,” Althea sighed, “I’d go in a second! Of course I would, but we both know that it isn’t possible. If there was a place like that at all, neither one of us would be here. We chose this place out of desperation - because we didn’t _have_ a choice.” She crossed her arms over her chest, leaned back against the wall of the cave, and stared off into the distance. “It’s not like I enjoy being here,” she mumbled.

“I know,” Remus said quickly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just…sometimes it’s fun to pretend that there is a place like that.” He let his eyes drift up to the sky, watching the patches of blue in between the leaves.

She was silent after that, and Remus felt bad for being the reason, but his plan was in motion. All he wanted to do was plant the idea in her mind that there was a better place for them out there, and let her think about it for a bit.

“Oh, wonderful,” Althea suddenly muttered sarcastically. “Just what we need.”

“What?”

Althea was looking past Remus and pointing towards the front of the compound. “Guess who’s coming.“

Remus turned to look and saw Edmund Talon, Greyback’s former second-in-command stalking towards them down the center of the compound, his stringy black hair flying out behind him.

Remus groaned, closed his eyes, and pressed his head back against the cave wall. “Please let him walk past us,” he prayed aloud. “I’m really not in the mood for his attitude right now. He’s got to be my least favorite person here. Even more so than Greyback at this point. And that is saying something.”

“He’s still really angry with you,” Althea whispered.

Looking at her quickly, Remus asked, “How do you know? He didn’t even seem to acknowledge me at the morning meeting. I thought that meant he’d finally decided to leave me alone.”

Althea shook her head. “You missed breakfast. He was talking to the rest of the epsilons about what a fake you are. About how we all have to keep an eye on you, because you’re bound to slip up sooner or later.”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” Remus rolled his eyes and then pressed his hand over them. Not for the first time, he desperately wished that this entire thing was over with and that he could go home. “I proved myself to Greyback! What the hell else does he expect me to do?!”

“I’ve no idea, but if you ask me, he’s _this_ close-” Althea held up her thumb and index finger a minute distance apart “-from getting himself killed. Greyback isn’t going to tolerate this much longer, and look at the state he‘s still in from the last time he acted up.” She thrust her chin in Talon’s direction.

Talon was still a small distance away, but the purple bruise around his left eye was as plain as day against his pasty skin. His lips were also swollen with bits of dried blood around the areas where they had split. Remus doubted that he would survive another attack from Greyback.

“Well,” Remus said, “he can’t exactly give up now, can he? Not when he’s spent this long trying to prove that I am an imposter. He’s probably willing to die before he ever admits that he’s wrong…”

Remus trailed off and his stomach suddenly twisted up in knots. After all, Talon _was_ right. He was a bastard and Remus greatly disliked him, but he certainly didn’t want Talon to be killed because of him - because he was the only one that saw through Remus’s act.

Talon finally reached them and unfortunately, he didn’t walk past them like Remus had been hoping. He stopped just in front of Remus and Althea, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking down at them.

“What do you want, Talon?” Althea demanded.

Talon chuckled cruelly. “I just wanted to let Lupin know that I’m still not fooled. I _know_ he didn’t bite that boy last night. As I’ve said before, he doesn’t have it in him to bite anyone.” He threw his eyes up to the sky. “I’ve never seen such a farce in my life! I can’t believe I’m the only that saw through it! Are all of you that stupid?!”

Remus clenched his teeth in anger, but tried to suppress the feeling. He wasn’t about to let Talon make him lose control. He took a deep breath, then coolly said, “Maybe you shouldn’t use that _particular_ word around here - stupid. I don’t think Greyback likes it too much. You wouldn’t want to…get hurt again.”

Talon narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? But personally, I am just _dying_ for the day that Greyback realizes what a phony you are, and beats _you_ to a bloody pulp.” He paused for effect before adding, “He will someday, you know. It’s only a matter of time before he sees through you.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Remus replied.

“You didn’t think anyone saw you, did you?” Talon suddenly asked, sounding genuinely curious. “When you Apparated in the woods not long ago?” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the front of the compound.

Remus’s heart gave an uncomfortable thump, but he decided that the best thing would be to shrug it off. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Talon tilted his head, regarding Remus carefully. “Don’t you? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I know what I saw. You, very clearly, appearing out of nowhere behind some trees. So where’d you go off to? Reporting to those wizarding friends of yours? The ones you claim you don’t have?”

Remus got to his feet, staring down at Talon. He decided to play along a little. “If you’re so sure I’m up to no good,” Remus said, grinning at his own choice of words, “then why don’t you just go and tell Greyback?” He waited, pleased with the way Talon’s expression faltered. “Oh. That’s right. You can’t, can you? Because Greyback wouldn’t believe you, and you’d end up looking even worse than you do now.”

Clenching his fists in anger, Talon took a step closer to Remus, glaring at him. Remus stood his ground. Even Talon wasn’t stupid enough to physically attack Remus, even though it was clear that he desperately wanted to; Greyback would certainly kill him then.

“He will believe me someday!” Talon said through clenched teeth. “And I’ll be welcomed back as his second-in-command. In fact, I’ll be honored for being the only one to know from the start what a liar you are!”

Remus didn’t say anything, but he was happy with the way he handled the situation. There was no doubt that Remus had to stop sneaking off, but if Talon was the only one who saw, it wasn’t much to worry about; no one else would believe him now, and Talon was losing any composure he had had.

Althea got up next and stood just behind Remus. “Look,” she told Talon loudly, “he’s already proved himself to Greyback, so why don’t you just leave him alone? And just…get over yourself.”

Talon’s expression quickly changed to one of amusement. “Hm, got yourself a girlfriend, Lupin?”

“No. She’s not my girlfriend.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if she was,” Talon said, looking Althea up and down. “She is quite a tart.”

That made something snap inside of Remus. He couldn’t care less if Talon made fun of him or called him names, but now he was just going too far. Before Remus even realized what he was doing, he had fisted his hands in the front of Talon’s robes. He forced the other werewolf back until Talon was pressed up against the wall of the cave.

“Don’t you _ever_ call her that again!” Remus snarled. “You don’t even know her!”

“Remus…” Althea said quietly from behind him. “Don’t worry about it…”

“So you do like her,” Talon said smugly. “You only stick up for girls that you fancy.”

“She’s my friend!” Remus bit out. “And you are a very sorry excuse for a person to talk about women like that.”

Talon threw his head back and laughed loudly. Remus wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, but it was the last reaction that he had been expecting.

When Talon’s snickers finally died down, he threw his arms up in the air. “See what I mean?” he cried. “It doesn’t make any sense! You have a fit when I call a girl a tart - and she is, by the way - but yet, you claim that you turned a _seven-year-old boy_ last night! It just doesn’t add up!”

“It’s none of your business why I am the way I am,” Remus retorted, “but I told you to _never_ call her that again!”

“Remus,” Althea tried again, “he’s only trying to bait you. Don’t let him - it doesn’t bother me.”

“Yes, you see?” Talon asked. “She’s already resigned herself to the fact that she’s nothing more than a-”

Before he could get the word out again, Remus had pulled him away from the wall of the cave and slammed him back into it. Talon‘s head connected with the stone with a soft _thud_. Remus didn’t even know what he was doing, but he didn’t think he could have stopped if he tried. He was just sick of this entire charade, of pretending to be someone he wasn’t, and he had it with Talon egging him on all the time. He just had it.

Talon’s words died in his throat, replaced with a low moan. His face screwed up in pain, reaching his hands up for the back of his head. He didn’t move again right away, but then he opened his eyes to glower at Remus. “Just who do you think you are?!” Talon launched himself against Remus, forcing him away. Talon stumbled for a moment before he caught his balance, then he pressed a hand against the back of his head again. “Damn it! Greyback really did a number on me yesterday, okay? I don’t need you adding bruises to my bruises.”

Remus stepped a bit closer to him again. “You’re really unbelievable, you know that? Let this be a lesson to you to stop next time when I order you to. Let’s not forget - I now outrank you, and I won’t hesitate to put you in your place again if I feel you deserve it.”

Talon looked up at Remus for a moment before directed his eyes to the ground again. He kept running his hand gingerly over the back of his head. Meanwhile, Althea kept looking back and forth between the two of them as if she wasn’t sure what to do. She almost looked shocked at the recent turn of events.

Just then, the silence that had fallen was broken by the very last voice that Remus expected to hear. “Is there a problem here?” Greyback asked. He was standing a short distance away, near the mouth of the cave. “Canin said you were fighting.”

Remus’s heart felt like it had somehow found its way into his throat. Would Greyback be angry with him for laying his hands on Talon? Greyback had never told him that he _couldn’t_ do so, but then again, Remus didn’t think that Greyback would be okay with his followers beating each other up. This entire place would probably be in chaos if that were the case.

Remus took a step back from Talon, seeming to shrink a bit. He stared at the ground uncomfortably, wondering if he was about to be punished by Greyback for the first time.

“ANSWER ME!” Greyback roared.

“Bastard threw me into the wall of the cave! He made me bleed!” Talon cried. He had pulled his hand away from the back his skull, and his palm was indeed covered in blood. The sight made Remus’s stomach curl in disgust. Had he really done that?

Greyback looked shocked at first, then he turned to look at Remus carefully. “ _Remus_. I’m surprised at you.” He stalked towards Remus, narrowing his eyes at him. “Explain yourself.”

Remus felt sick, and his breathing had become hard and fast. He hung his head, trying to hide the fact that he was shaking - both out of anger at Talon, and out of fear about what was going to happen. He ran over his choice of words carefully. “I’m sorry, sir,” Remus apologized. “He was out of line.”

“How so?” Greyback demanded.

Remus forced himself to look Greyback in the eye. “He was showing insubordination. He kept insinuating that I’m not loyal to you, and that I’m even spying on you for someone.”

“Oh?” Greyback whirled around to face Talon now. “Is that so? Talon, I underestimate you. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now.”

“He’s up to something, sir,” Talon insisted, still rubbing at his head and flinching as he did so. “He Apparated away from the compound this morning. I saw him return not long ago.”

Greyback’s eyebrows went up, but then he chuckled. “You know, Talon, but you’re not exactly the most trustworthy member of my pack anymore, so forgive me if I don’t believe you. Is there anyone who can back up this claim of yours?”

“There’s no need, sir,” Remus said before Talon could reply. “I won’t deny it.” It was a spur of the moment decision to come clean about it, but a plan had suddenly formed in Remus’s mind. He only hoped he could use it before Greyback decided to hurt him. Or worse.

“I see,” Greyback hummed.

“You are such a liar!” Talon yelled at Remus. “You claimed not five minutes ago that _I_ was the one who was full of it!”

“You’re beneath me,” Remus snapped. “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“SILENCE!” Greyback screamed. “I don’t believe I gave either one of you permission to talk amongst yourselves, now did I?”

“No, sir,” both Remus and Talon whispered at the same time.

Greyback was silent for a moment, but then he turned to Althea, who had shrunken back from the scene. She was currently under the nearest tree, almost as if she was hiding in the shadow, trying not to be noticed. “Anything you would like to add, Jameson?” Greyback asked her.

“Everything Remus said is true,” Althea said just loud enough for them to hear. She picked at a piece of bark on the trunk of the tree which came loose in her hand. “And he was sticking up for me, too. Talon was calling me names.”

Talon rolled his eyes, but Greyback seemed satisfied with this. “Very well,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. “Remus, will you come to my shack please? I need to speak with you.”

Remus swallowed hard, unable to find his voice. He looked down at the ground again and simply nodded.

“Ooooh!” Talon mocked, waving his hands around.

Greyback immediately stuck a finger in his direction. “ _Don’t_. You’re not off the hook yet. I’ll just deal with you later.” Greyback looked at Remus again and ordered, “Come,” before he turned and started walking back towards his shack.

Remus glanced quickly at Talon and then Althea. She looked at him apologetically, but before he could give Greyback another reason to be angry, Remus turned and followed him on shaky legs. He was absolutely terrified out of his mind. He had no idea what Greyback was going to do to him, and for a moment, Remus thought about just making a run for it. Dumbledore would certainly want him to leave rather than let Greyback harm him, but Remus continued to follow. He wasn’t even quite sure why. His mind had suddenly gone blank except for one thought - what kind of shape would he be in once he got out of the shack?

_To be continued…_


	9. The Beta Wolf

Remus climbed the three small steps to the entrance of Fenrir Greyback’s shack. The door was open, and the hulking alpha wolf was already inside. Remus hovered in the doorway and gripped the wooden frame tightly in his shaking fingers. His legs felt like they were full of jelly, and he was afraid for a moment that they wouldn’t support him.

Greyback was standing in the middle of the shack, his back to Remus. Without even turning around, he ordered, “Come in and close the door behind you.”

Remus threw one last look over his shoulder, desperately eyeing the woods beyond. If he made a run for it, he could make it to the trees and Disapparate before Greyback caught him. He could put this entire place behind him once and for all, but he didn’t. He still felt like he had more to do here - more to learn for Dumbledore. Despite the fact that he had saved Justin from being turned, Remus would feel like his time here had been wasted if he left now. He didn‘t come here to save Justin, after all; he‘d come for things that might help them in the war. If he left now, they wouldn’t be any better off than they had been before he’d come, and that just wasn’t good enough.

Steeling himself and taking a deep breath, Remus stepped over the threshold, pulling the door closed behind him. Greyback turned to face him, and his expression almost surprised Remus. He didn’t look angry like Remus had been expecting; he looked almost interested.

Neither of them said anything, and the only thing Remus could hear was the harsh beating of his own heart. When Greyback finally began to approach him, his footsteps against the wooden floor almost seemed to emphasize that pounding which now seemed to have spread to the rest of his body.

Remus’s hands were still shaking, and he clenched them tightly in an attempt to stop it. He didn’t want Greyback to think he was weak or timid, even though it was probably obvious. Especially to Greyback. He could sense certain things easily. Or so he said.

Greyback’s own hands were clasped behind his back as he looked over Remus carefully. That made Remus feel slightly better; if Greyback was going to beat him, Remus was pretty certain he’d look furious like he did all those times before he lost it with Talon. Not curious. Besides, wasn’t Greyback one to act now and discuss the matter later? Or maybe Greyback was going to play with him a little bit first, like a cat going after a mouse. That was probably a good possibility, too.

“You look scared,” Greyback observed.

“Yes, sir.” Remus wished his voice didn’t shake so much.

“Why?”

Remus had the urge to roll his eyes, but he didn’t; he doubted Greyback would like that very much. Greyback didn’t like a lot of things. Then he felt like telling Greyback that when a deranged, homicidal werewolf was angry at you and wanted to see you in private, then there were plenty of reasons to be scared! Instead, Remus said, “You’re angry with me, sir. I don’t like to upset you.”

The tiniest smirk appeared on Greyback’s lips, but then it was gone. “But you’re still here.”

So he was playing with him. Remus almost began to wish that Greyback would just get to the point; this cat and mouse game was nerve-wracking. “Yes, sir.”

“Again, why?” Greyback asked, sounding genuinely curious. “You think I’m going to hurt you, correct? So why not - oh, I don’t know - run and hide instead?”

His heart thumping erratically, Remus said, “Because you told me to come.”

There was that smirk again, quickly playing across Greyback’s dried and cracking lips before it flitted away once more. “You sound confused.”

“You’re my alpha wolf, sir. I’m supposed to obey you, even if I am afraid.”

“Indeed,” Greyback hummed, stepping away from Remus. He started pacing the shack, and Remus was grateful that Greyback was no longer hovering over him. When Greyback turned to face him again, he tilted his head. “Do you know how many of the others have done just that - run instead of facing me like a proper wolf would do?”

“No, sir.”

“All of them. Every single last one of them,” Greyback immediately replied. “Oh, they know better now, but when they were new to my pack, they all ran like _cowards_ when they knew they were going to be disciplined. Even Talon and Canin when they first came here. They learned, of course, that that just makes things worse. That it just makes me angrier.” He approached Remus again, this time looking very pleased. “But here you are. Facing me like a real wolf.”

Remus felt more confused than ever. He really wasn’t sure to make of this…praise. If Greyback was capable of such a thing. He just met Greyback’s gaze, trying to pretend like he wasn’t scared to death.

Greyback grinned - that wide, toothy smile that Remus had grown to hate. “You can relax, Remus,” Greyback said. “I’m not angry with you, and I didn’t call you in here to punish you.”

Remus blinked. “Oh…” He had been about to ask why, but Greyback didn’t like to be questioned, so he didn’t say anything.

“Whoever said that I did?”

“No one,” Remus said. “I just…you were angry outside. You said you were surprised at me. And when you wanted to see me in here privately, I just assumed…”

“Didn’t you ever hear the expression that to assume makes an arse out of you and me?”

Remus contained a smirk. “Yes, sir.”

“Being surprised at you isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Quite the contrary. This time, it’s actually a very good thing.” When Remus looked even more confused than ever, Greyback started pacing back and forth in front of him and continued. “Remus, when you first came here, I’ll admit I had my doubts. You’ve lived among wizards for far too long. They’ve tamed you. They’ve tried to turn you into a human when that couldn’t be further from who you are. I had wondered, if after all this time, you might have forgotten what you really are.” Greyback stopped pacing and stood just in front of Remus, facing him. “I was surprised, yes, when you decided to put Talon in his place just now. I didn’t think you had it in you, but you’ve pleasantly proven me wrong.” Greyback bared his yellow teeth in a maniacal grin. “Well done.”

Remus felt ill, and not just because of Greyback’s putrid breath. Remus had completely lost his temper with Talon, and he had physically laid his hands on him. That was something he never would have even contemplated before he’d come here. One month ago, the very idea would have sounded completely absurd to him, that he would physically hurt someone else with his bare hands just because he got angry. Just being there, just interacting with Greyback and the other werewolves, was clearly affecting Remus more than he’d expected, and that was exactly what Greyback wanted. He wanted followers that were more animal than man.

“You still look confused,” Greyback hummed. He sounded pleased nonetheless.

“Well…” Remus forced himself to stop. He wasn’t quite sure how to phrase his thoughts without sounding like he was questioning Greyback.

“Speak freely, please,” Greyback said casually. He finally turned away from Remus and went to the back of the shack. He leaned back against the round and rickety wooden table, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’d very much love to hear what’s going on in that mind of yours.”

Remus eyed him closely for several seconds. He had almost been certain that the table would give out under the weight of the massive werewolf, but it didn’t. Then, Remus wondered if Greyback had truly been serious about speaking freely. That certainly wasn’t something that Greyback normally liked. Then again, Greyback had told him to do so, so Remus said, “I didn’t think you’d like us…fighting among ourselves.”

“Did I ever tell you you couldn’t?”

“No.”

Greyback held a hand up for a moment, as if to say that his point had just been proven. “If you didn’t think I’d like it, why did you do it?”

Remus hung his head and closed his eyes in shame. “I couldn’t help it. I lost control.”

If Remus had been looking at Greyback, he would have been positively sickened by the twisted expression of pleasure that was on Greyback’s face. “But you said Talon was out of line,” Greyback said. “That he was being insubordinate to you. Correct?”

“Yes.”

“There are a lot of rules that I didn’t spell out for you, Remus, or for my other followers when they first came here. Sometimes I don’t need to. The wolf’s instinct doesn’t need _rules_. It just _knows_ without being told. Just like you knew that Talon, now being beneath you, _isn’t_ allowed to be insubordinate to his superiors, and your wolf knew exactly how to deal with that. I don’t exactly deem that fighting, so you did nothing wrong.”

It may not have been wrong in Greyback’s eyes, but it was in Remus’s. He wasn’t even sure which would have been worse - upsetting Greyback and being punished for it, or going against his own principles. The latter, he supposed, which made Remus feel even worse.

“Now,” Greyback went on, seemingly ignorant of Remus’s own feelings, “what’s this about you Apparating away from the compound?”

Remus swallowed hard. He had almost been hoping that Greyback had forgotten that tiny little detail. It had seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, but now he wasn’t so sure he did the right thing in being honest about it. However, if Greyback was truly angry at him for it, wouldn’t he have already punished him?

When Remus didn’t say anything, Greyback asked, “Didn’t I tell you that once you passed your test, you may go anywhere you pleased?”

“Yes, sir.”

“This may surprise you, but I don’t want this place to be like a prison, Remus,” Greyback said quietly. “That’s exactly what those filthy humans tried to do with these places when they were colonies - make them into _prisons_. Like we could ever truly be caged. I only keep any newcomers locked up for the safety of everyone else here.”

For a very precarious moment, Remus thought he would laugh. The urge came over him so suddenly, and he only barely kept it in. Remus doubted very much that Greyback really cared about the safety of everyone else, considering he’d beat them to a pulp if he so wished. Greyback was surely only concerned about his own safety. No one else’s.

Greyback considered Remus thoughtfully. “So why did you seem so afraid to admit to me that you did leave?”

“You mean aside from the fact that Talon made such a big deal out of it?”

Greyback rolled his eyes. “Talon’s an arse, all right? I’m actually quite a bit embarrassed that he was ever my second-in-command. Now that he’s an epsilon again, he’s going to do everything in his power to try and discredit anyone he can. He’s turning into a rat, running around, tattling on everyone for breathing wrong. God, how I hate that.” He shook his head, seeming to realize that he had gotten off-topic. “So yes, aside from that.”

Remus swallowed hard. “I just know you don’t like magic, and I didn’t think you’d exactly approve of me using it.”

“But you did it anyway.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

A very odd expression passed over Greyback’s face. He looked vaguely amused with something, and his lips were twitching like he was trying to hide a grin. “You’re right. I don’t like magic. In fact, I despise it. You, however, were raised as a wizard. I didn’t expect you to automatically stop using it just like that. As long as you don’t do it in front of me, as long as you’re not using it to otherwise defy me, and as long as you’re not making a habit out of it. You aren‘t, are you?”

“No, sir,” Remus lied.

“So where did you go?” Greyback demanded.

Remus looked down at his shoes and whispered, “To my best friend’s house. Or who I always thought was my best friend.”

“You said you came here because none of them trusted you anymore.”

“Yes, sir.”

Greyback narrowed his eyes. “So why would you go back there?” His voice had dropped considerably, almost to a growl. “To see if they’d _take you back_?”

Remus met Greyback’s eyes immediately. “No, sir. Not at all. I never would have come here if I had the slightest doubts about leaving them behind. But as I said, I did consider this man to be my friend at one point. I know he doesn’t trust me, but he isn’t the reason I left, not primarily, and I had this crazy idea that he might actually be _worried_ about me.”

“And he wasn’t?”

Remus laughed humorlessly. “He took one look at me, and I thought he was going to be sick to his stomach. He said he didn’t care where I was or what I was doing, just as long as I didn’t do it around him, because he was disgusted by the sight of me.”

“He doesn’t know you’re here?”

Remus shook his head. “No. I didn’t tell anyone. I just left, which is why I thought he might be concerned about what had happened to me.”

“Hm,” Greyback hummed, pushing himself away from the table and approaching Remus again. “That’s a human emotion - worrying what your _friends_ might think of you. I don‘t blame you, of course. As I‘ve said, they‘ve tamed you, and I expect it‘s going to take some time for you to let go of those _bad habits_.” He placed a finger under Remus’s chin, forcing Remus to meet his eyes. “You don’t need them. _Friends_ who only pretend to like you when you fit their _mold_? As soon as you start showing the real you, they want you out of their sight.“ He threw his head back and laughed loudly. “Those aren’t friends, Remus. They may have pretended to be in the interest of having one more _number_ on their side. That’s exactly what you were to them - a number. One that is easily dispensable when you no longer act like they want you to. Anyone that treats you like that isn’t a friend at all.”

Remus had never wanted so badly to tell Greyback that he was wrong. Remus had left behind not only friends, but a family that he was much more than just a number to. For a moment, Remus felt terribly sorry for him, because that was something that Greyback would never know. “No, sir,” Remus forced himself to reply instead, “they aren’t.”

Greyback nodded and released Remus’s chin. He started walking around Remus in a circle, inhaling deeply, like he was smelling him again. Remus felt like a piece of meat, just waiting for Greyback to devour him, and perhaps that was exactly what he was.

“You’re different,” Greyback hummed as he appeared in Remus’s line of vision again. “ _So_ different than anyone else who has ever been in my pack before.” Greyback pressed a finger to the front of Remus’s robes, trailing his yellowed fingernail along the dirty and torn fabric. Remus wanted nothing more than to squirm away from his touch, but he tried his best to remain still. Remus wondered just long he would be able to keep this up, because every time Greyback laid a finger on him, Remus had the insane urge to claw his own skin off.

Greyback leaned in so close to Remus, the stench was almost unbearable. “You came when I told you to,” Greyback continued, “even though you were scared to death. I knew you were the moment you walked in - I could _smell_ it on you. You wanted to turn and run like so many before you. You thought about it, didn’t you? Turning and running?”

“Yes, sir,” Remus bit out. He kept wishing that Greyback would give him some space; the close proximity to the alpha wolf was making his stomach turn and his skin crawl.

“But you knew better, didn’t you?” Greyback asked. “Just like you knew not to lie to me. You didn’t _have_ to tell me that you Apparated, that you went to see that _friend_ of yours. You could have very easily kept the entire thing from me. The only one that saw was Talon, and he‘s no longer trustworthy, so I never would have been the wiser. You were afraid of being honest, too. Afraid that I’d punish you for using magic or for sneaking off, but you came clean. Do you know how many of the others would have done that in your position?”

Despite the fact that Greyback was still too close, it was everything Remus could do to contain his smile. In that moment, he thought he just might have Greyback completely figured out - knew exactly what to say to charm the slimy wolf. “None of them, sir?” Remus asked complacently.

“Indeed.” Greyback gestured towards the door of the shack. “They’re all a bunch of self-serving bastards that would lie to me as soon as look at me if it meant making themselves look better. In fact, I know that they _all_ have lied to me at one point or another. And then you stand here and confess to me about sneaking off of all things.” Greyback threw his head back and laughed, a sound that grated on Remus’s nerves. “You put them all to shame, quite frankly.”

At long last, Greyback stepped back a bit, giving Remus some much needed space. He looked Remus up and down, as if appraising him before nodding. “I suppose you’ll do.”

Remus blinked. “Do for what, sir?”

Greyback laughed again, and this time, he sounded truly amused. “It’s the furthest thing from your mind, isn’t it? We’ve been in here, having a civil conversation for the better part of an hour, and you have no clue, do you?” He finally turned around and started pacing towards the other end of the shack, and Remus couldn’t have been more relieved. “As I’ve said, you couldn’t be more different than the rest of my followers.”

Remus felt more confused than ever. He had absolutely no clue where this was going, or what Greyback could possibly be on about. The only thing that Remus was sure of was that Greyback liked to hear himself talk.

Greyback tilted his head, an almost devious expression appearing on his face that gave Remus the chills. “Everyone’s going to think I’ve lost it, but let them. This, perhaps, will be a good test for all of them. They’ve been here such a long time, I think they’ve forgotten _certain_ things. Like who is truly in charge here. But not you. This is still so new for you - I suspect you’re trying your hardest to please me, which I think is exactly what I need.” He stalked towards Remus, his head thrown back, looking down his nose at the younger werewolf. “I want you to be my new second-in-command.”

Remus felt like the entire floor of the shack had dropped out from under him, but not necessarily in a bad way. Not exactly in a good way either. Did he honestly have Greyback wrapped that tightly around his finger already? A part of Remus said no, that there must be more to it than this, that it couldn‘t possibly be this easy.

“I can see it didn’t even occur to you that that’s why I invited you in here,” Greyback said.

“No, sir. It didn’t.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I…erm…” Just when Remus thought he had Greyback all figured out, Greyback did something to catch him completely off-guard. Remus’s mind scrambled with the right way to respond. “I’m surprised,” Remus slowly started off with. “Please don’t think I’m questioning you in the least, because I’m not…”

“I told you when you came in that you may speak freely. Please continue.”

“I thought you’d pick Canin.”

Greyback chucked, a sound that almost came out as a growl. “I’m sure that’s what everyone thinks, but don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

“Noticed what?”

“The way he follows Talon around everywhere,” Greyback said, sounding disgusted, “like some sick little pup. He’s been after the position since I can remember - and even worse since I picked Talon over him.”

“How long has that been?”

Greyback looked up at the ceiling of the shack for a moment, appearing deep in thought. “Going on two years. Ever since then, he’s pretended that he’s Talon’s very best friend. Canin thinks I don’t know what he’s really up to, but he underestimates me. He watches Talon’s every move, copies him like he doesn’t have a brain of his own, because he thought that would _prime_ him for the position.” Greyback paused, an intense look of disbelief present on his face. “Tell me, Remus. Is that the type of second-in-command you think I should have?”

Remus swallowed hard. “No, sir.”

“No,” Greyback agreed, “of course not. And when I think about it, they’re all exactly the same. A bunch of suck-ups that would stop at nothing to win the position. Like it’s some sort of _trophy_ they’d be able to hold over everyone else’s head.”

As far as Remus was concerned, Greyback constantly held the fact that this was _his_ pack over every single one of their heads. In fact, it occurred to Remus that Greyback might want him for his second-in-command for that very reason - just so he could prove that it was his pack, and he could do whatever the hell he pleased. Not for the first time, Remus realized how full of it Greyback really was.

“But you wouldn’t do that, would you?” Greyback was watching him closely, almost like he might have known exactly what Remus was thinking.

Remus shook his head, unable to form the words at first. “No, sir,” he finally got out.

“No,” Greyback repeated, “I thought not. Which is exactly what I want you. I think you’ll take it seriously - not use it as a status symbol. Of course, that also means that you’ll need to assert yourself and put the others in their places if the need arises. If I’m ever away, you’d need to be able to take charge of the pack. Is that something you’d be able to do?”

“I…I don’t know, sir.” And Remus didn’t. He had been hoping that what had happened with Talon was a one-time thing. He certainly wasn’t prepared to make beating people up a regular occurrence, nor did he want to start doing such a thing on purpose. Then again, Remus hadn’t found out much of anything yet that would help them in the war, and being Greyback’s second-in-command could change that drastically.

Greyback leaned in closer, his lips almost touching the shell of Remus’s ear. “Just like you did with Talon today,” Greyback said simply, like it was no big deal to beat up someone else. “As I’ve said, your wolf will naturally know when it is appropriate to do so, and then all you have to do is put them in their places. _Make them bleed_.” Greyback pulled away a bit, grinning once more. “Werewolves don’t like that very much. It is in our nature to make others bleed, so nothing is more embarrassing for a werewolf than to have his own blood spilled.”

Personally, Remus could think of at least a dozen things off the top of his head that were far more embarrassing than bleeding. This time, he failed to contain his smile at how little Greyback really knew.

Greyback, however, mistook his expression. “You like that idea, don’t you? Taking your hands to them and _making them bleed_?”

Every time Greyback said those words, it made Remus want to shiver. The tone that Greyback used suggested that blood itself was some delectable food he couldn’t quite resist. Much like that Death by Chocolate dessert that Remus had tried in a Muggle restaurant once.

“I don’t know,” Remus said again. He sighed. “This is still such a shock, and…I’m not sure I’m ready for...”

“I am,” Greyback confidently cut him off. “This is all still very new to you, I know, but I wouldn’t have asked you unless I was positive that you could do the job. I told you that I had my doubts when you first came, but in the short time that you’ve been here, you’ve proven yourself to me completely. Especially after today, I see that you are capable of handling things on your own. Of course, I won’t force you to do it if you don’t want to. That would just be asking you to disappoint me. Then again, I have a pretty good feeling that anyone else I pick will disappoint me, just as Talon has.”

Remus hated being reminded of how far Talon had fallen. Technically, Talon had done absolutely nothing wrong; he had actually done everything right in suspecting Remus. Once Greyback eventually figured Remus out - and Remus was completely sure that he would - Remus was going to have a lot more to pay for than simply lying to Greyback. He had lost Greyback his second-in-command, one that Greyback would deem worthy once again when the truth came out.

Greyback clasped his hands behind his back and growled, which broke Remus out of his thoughts. “It’s quite a sad day indeed,” Greyback rumbled, “when I feel like my newest follower is the most capable of following in my footsteps.”

Those words made Remus want to cringe. He didn’t care what he ended up doing in the interest of keeping up his charade with Greyback; none of them would ever make him close to following in Greyback’s footsteps.

“Remus?” Greyback asked after a moment of silence.

Realizing that Greyback was waiting for an answer, Remus’s mind scrambled with his choices. At first, he had considered asking for some time to think about it, but Greyback’s expression didn’t suggest that he’d allow such a thing; he looked like he wanted an answer now.

When Remus really thought about it, however, he knew he couldn’t say no. The chance of acquiring useful information was simply too great to pass up. It would require Remus to do things that made him immensely uncomfortable, but then again, this entire experience made him feel sick to his stomach. Would a few more things really be so bad?

Remus knew the real answer to that question, but before he could even begin to think about it, he nodded. Almost instantly, a wave of nausea flooded over him at the thought of everything that would entail, but he closed his eyes and fought it down. “Yes, sir,” Remus tried to say as firmly as he could. He doubted that Greyback would accept it if he sounded scared or uncertain in any way. “I accept it.”

That maniacal grin was back, seeming to split Greyback’s face in two. Then just as quickly as it had come, it was gone, only to be replaced with a very serious expression. Greyback reached out and wrapped one clawed hand around Remus’s throat, only tight enough to be uncomfortable. “Do keep in mind that this doesn’t give you the right to abuse said position. You are allowed to discipline those beneath you, but only when they _deserve_ it. If I find out you’re beating others up just for the hell of it, I’ll rip your throat out so fast you won’t know what hit you. Understood?”

Greyback constantly beat everyone up just for the hell of it, so as usual, this was just another double standard for him. Not that Remus would want to do such things just because he could, but he still found it funny. Remus just nodded.

Greyback released Remus’s throat, then immediately placed both his hands on Remus’s shoulders. “Down,” he ordered, forcing Remus to his knees.

Remus’s heart pounded. Greyback had never wanted him on his knees before, not even when he’d first arrived. Even though it was much too late for such things, Remus wondered what he was getting himself into.

“This is just a formality,” Greyback said casually, looking down his nose at Remus. “You have already proved your loyalty to me, and you’re already well aware of what happens if you aren’t loyal, but I like to do it this way anyway. Being my beta is much more important than simply _joining_ my pack. It means that you’re the second most powerful one here, but do keep in mind that _I_ am still in charge of _everything_. Some of my betas have tended to forget that, and they let their power go to their heads. Like Talon. That’s why you’re down there - to remind you of your place. That you’re still _beneath_ me.”

Without waiting for a response, Greyback leaned forward, his hands still in place on Remus’s shoulders. He pressed down so hard, Remus’s knees dug painfully into the wooden floor. “Now,” Greyback said, “as my beta, a time may come when I might order you to do something that you may find uncomfortable or wrong. I don’t _care_ even if you do. If I order you to do something, you do it. _No questions asked_. Failure to comply will most likely result in your immediate and untimely death, because I do not take no for an answer. Especially not from my beta. But as I’ve already told you, if you are absolutely loyal to me, and you are ready to make such a commitment, you have nothing to fear. Am I clear?”

Even though Remus was terrified of what else Greyback could possibly expect from him, Remus forced himself to answer immediately. He didn‘t think that any hesitation on his part would look very good, so he said, “Yes, sir.” He knew he was getting himself into something horrible that he might not be able to get himself out of. He just knew it, but he supposed that he would deal with that when the time came, just like he had dealt with his entire time here thus far.

“Wonderful,” Greyback said cheerily, releasing his hold on Remus. “It’s almost lunchtime, so I’ll see you in the mess hall in a few minutes. I’m rather excited to see everyone else’s expression when they find out. Especially Talon. He was so certain he had gotten you in trouble, and now…” Greyback growled with delight. “Should be rather amusing, hm?”

Greyback stepped around him and opened the door. Remus remained in his position, but he heard the door slammed closed behind him. When he was certain he was alone, Remus bent his knees until his backside was resting on his heels. He remained in that position for a very long time.

A horrible sense of dread had settled into his stomach, coupled with the fear that Greyback would expect him to do something even worse than to turn a little boy. And the next time, it wouldn’t even be a test; it would be a direct order that Greyback would expect his second-in-command to carry out without question.

Remus knew he needed to do this, whatever else Greyback expected of him. If Remus could obtain some sort of truly useful information for Dumbledore, then it would be worth it. Or so he kept telling himself. But when he really thought about, would any information be worth the price of his humanity? Because he was almost certain that that was something he might lose the longer he kept this up. In fact, he could already sense it, barely hanging on by a thread, and it scared him that the next time he lost his temper, that thread might just snap.

_To be continued…_


	10. The Silent Predator

As soon as Remus got to his feet, he immediately found the wall of Greyback’s shack. He leaned into it heavily with his shoulder, then rested his forehead against the wood as well. He really wasn’t ready for this. Nor, he was certain, was the rest of the pack. He knew many of them had ill feelings towards him, and he really didn’t blame them.

Remus had only been a member of the pack for about a month. Everyone else had been there for at least two years, and Remus already outranked them all - except for Greyback, of course. They wouldn’t be ready to accept him as Greyback’s second-in-command. There was no way. They might lie and put on a good show for Greyback - except for maybe Talon - but Remus was rather concerned about how they might treat him behind their alpha’s back.

Remus wondered if his encounter with Talon and the fact that he had been called to Greyback’s shack afterwards had gotten around to the rest of the pack yet. Talon would have certainly spread it around to at least his friends by now; he probably felt pretty proud that he had finally gotten Remus into trouble (even though he hadn‘t). If Talon had spread it around, Remus decided that that was not a good thing. When they found out that Remus was now the pack’s beta wolf instead, he was certain that they would distrust him more than ever.

Despite what he had told Greyback, there was no way that Remus could take his hands to the others just because they showed him disrespect. He had with Talon, but that was because he had lost his temper. Talon had a way of pushing his buttons, which Remus was going to try and prevent in the future. He very much doubted that he’d ever feel like beating someone up simply because they were rude. At least, he hoped not.

Then again, if Remus wasn’t able to exercise control over the rest of the pack, they’d have absolutely no respect for him. In that case, it would only be a matter of time before Greyback figured out that Remus really wasn’t cut out for this position. Remus didn’t want to think about what would happen then. Would Greyback mercifully return him to a lower a position? Or would Greyback perhaps be greatly offended that Remus had blatantly lied in order to obtain the position? The latter, he was sure, the prospect of which terrified him.

Remus felt backed into a corner. He had to make this position work for him. In all the time he had been there, he hadn’t learned a damn thing to help them in the war. If Greyback figured out that Remus really wasn’t trying as his beta wolf, then the chances that he’d gain any information at all would be pretty nonexistent.

Remus wondered if he would have been better off simply turning down Greyback’s offer. Greyback had said that he wouldn’t force Remus into the position, but Remus wasn’t entirely sure how Greyback would have reacted to a negative response, especially when everyone else would have jumped at the chance. Perhaps that would have been a sign that Remus really wasn’t suited to this pack at all, in which case, he wouldn’t have been allowed to stay.

Letting out a heavy breath, Remus shook his head back and forth against the wood. He felt tiny splinters prickling into his forehead here and there, but he barely even noticed. He had the sensation that he was standing in the middle of a gigantic jigsaw puzzle, all of the pieces around him shifting constantly. They only went together one way, and if Remus moved the wrong one into place, then the entire thing might be beyond repair.

As much as he hated it in there, he sort of wanted to stay in Greyback’s shack all day long, even though he knew he couldn‘t. Lunch was in just a few minutes, and Greyback was expecting him in the mess hall to announce Remus’s new position. Very reluctantly, Remus pushed himself away from the wall and pulled the door open. He stood at the top of the three wooden steps for a very long time, trying to prepare himself for what might lie ahead of him.

He was more certain than ever that this was not going to turn out well, but he finally forced himself to descend the stairs. He paid extra attention to how he carried himself, forcing his shoulders back and standing up straighter than he normally did. It wasn’t him at all; he wasn’t one to go around with his chest puffed out like he was important, and it felt utterly awkward. But if he tried to _look_ the part, if he looked like he was indeed Greyback’s second-in-command, perhaps that would garner some sort of respect on its own.

The entire compound seemed deserted. Everyone was probably already in the mess hall, waiting for the before-lunch meeting to begin. Remus really didn’t want to go in there, but if he was indeed the last one to arrive, it really wouldn’t do for him to keep them waiting. Especially now that he was Greyback’s second-in-command, he was probably expected to be punctual, even more so than the others.

Squaring his shoulders even more and drawing a deep breath, Remus ascended the three steps to the door of the mess hall. When he reached out for the door handle, that was when he realized his hand was shaking terribly. This was bad. It really wasn’t appropriate for Greyback’s beta to be shaking from fear, and Greyback would know it was fear. It was one of those things that he insisted he could smell on people.

When Remus was certain that he was getting precariously close to being late, it was only then that he pushed the door open. Just as he had suspected, it looked like the hall was full. They all looked up expectantly when he entered, like they had been waiting for him.

A wave of whispers went through the crowd, but the werewolf that immediately caught Remus’s eye was Talon. He was staring at Remus wide-eyed (as wide-eyed as possible anyway with one eye still partially swollen shut from his last beating from Greyback). He looked genuinely shocked, almost as if he hadn’t been expecting Remus to return at all. Or perhaps he had been expecting Remus to be in even worse shape than Talon himself.

“Wonderful!” Greyback exclaimed. “Everyone is here then.”

“Sir,” Talon said quietly, looking at Greyback, “I believe Lupin is late.”

“I’m well aware of the time!” Greyback roared. “I don’t need _you_ to remind me!” When Talon glared down at the floor, Greyback turned his attention to Remus. “I suspect you were simply preparing yourself for this important occasion.”

“Yes, sir,” Remus said, trying to sound as confident as possible. He looked at Talon then, giving him the most complacent stare that he could. If Remus knew Talon at all, then he was going to go out of his way to cause even more trouble for Remus now. Remus just wanted Talon to know that he now in very good standing with Greyback. Apparently it worked; Talon looked rattled.

Greyback hummed in response, then he also gazed at Talon. “Yes, you see, Talon?” Greyback asked. “As I’m sure you’re aware, Remus and I were just speaking. I was well aware of where he was and that he was, in fact, on his way. So don’t you dare presume to tell me who is and is not breaking a rule when it‘s happened in my very presence! I have eyes, and this tattling is getting rather old, you know,” he said tiredly and rolled his eyes.

Talon looked positively livid now, but for once, he seemed to know better than to anger Greyback further. “Yes, sir,” he grumbled in between clenched teeth.

Greyback glared at Talon for a very long time. Remus almost thought Greyback might attack him again, but then Greyback seemed to let it go. Remus assumed that he was simply much more anxious to make the new announcement than to bother with disciplining anyone at the moment.

“Now that that’s all settled,” Greyback said, beginning to pace in between the lines of werewolves as he had a habit of doing during meetings. “As I told you, I’ve been thinking very carefully about which one of you is the most deserving of the title of my second-in-command. I’ve come to a decision, and to be honest, it’s actually quite sad that it has come to this. Not that I don’t have confidence in my choice. I wouldn’t have picked him otherwise.” He paused with his back to Remus, his eyes narrowed at the others. “But it is _very_ sad that I feel the one most capable of holding the second most important position here…is also our newest member.”

Those were the words Remus had been fearing the most. Somehow, the prospect of being Greyback’s beta wolf didn’t seem half as terrifying when it had just been him and Greyback that had known. Now that the rest of the pack had been informed of it, it felt so much more real to him. So much more of a responsibility that he knew he was going to have to live up to.

Whispers broke out at once. Those who were standing close around Talon turned to him, covering their mouths with their hands as they spoke to him. Talon, predictably, looked angrier than Remus could ever remember seeing him, his eyes narrowed in hatred and his face turning beet red. Others stood on their tiptoes to get a look at Remus over the crowd. Remus hated that feeling - that he was being watched, surveyed.

“I did not ask for anyone’s opinion on the matter, DID I?” Greyback asked, his voice rising to a shout at the end.

Silence fell immediately, but Remus always wondered why Greyback needed to raise his voice at all. They all knew very well that Greyback detested such whispering, and even more, he despised being interrupted in any way during a speech. It was an obvious shock, of course, that Greyback had chosen Remus at all, but it was rather moronic to do anything that would anger Greyback further.

But as Greyback had said, it was exactly that sort of thinking that had led to Greyback choosing him at all. Greyback wanted someone who could stand up for himself, but also someone who would listen to him without question. Remus was never one to talk back to people, or to deliberately do something that he knew others wouldn’t like, even if it was Greyback. Remus supposed that that was a difficult thing for some people - to keep their feelings quiet - even when they were supposed to.

Remus hated that. He hated the idea that he did anything at all that pleased Greyback. He hated that he seemed to fit Greyback’s “mold” even when he kept telling himself that he wouldn’t. The very idea made his skin crawl and made his stomach tie itself into knots. But he’d been feeling those things off and on ever since he had arrived in this place, so what else was new?

Greyback took several steps closer to the other werewolves, staring down at them menacingly. “But maybe I _should_ ask for your opinions, hm? It seems that many of you disagree with my decision since you were all so quick to talk a moment ago. Please, if you feel that I have made an error in judgment, do speak up. I would _hate_ for there to be _dissention_ in my pack, after all.” Greyback’s tone, however, was dangerously close to a growl, which made it very clear that no one was to speak unless they had a death wish.

No one did. No one even moved, except for their eyes, which were all darting around the room at various places, trying to look at anything but Greyback himself.

“No one?” Greyback asked, then he snorted. “It’s funny. You’re all keen to talk when you don’t have permission to do so, but when I ask you to, no one says a word.” He started stalking back and forth again. “There’s nothing anyone wants to say about the appointment of Remus as my beta?” He looked back and forth across them, almost like he was daring them to speak; still, no one moved. “Well, just remember that you had your chance. If I hear _one word_ from _any_ of you outside of this room about how Remus is _wrong_ for this position, you will pay dearly.”

Remus struggled against the urge to close his eyes and lean into the wall; it wouldn’t be very appropriate for Greyback’s second-in-command to look ill at such words. Just like Remus had hated the idea of Talon getting into trouble with Greyback because of him, he certainly didn’t want anyone else here to be put into that position. He didn’t really care one way or the other for any of them - except for Althea - but the last thing he wanted was to cause them pain of any sort.

“Yes,” Greyback hummed happily, causing Remus to wonder if he had bipolar disorder. Then he felt like laughing, and it was all he could do to hold it in. There was a hell of a lot wrong with Greyback, so much so that something like being bipolar would be the least of his problems.

“As I was saying,” Greyback when on, “Remus is now my second-in-command. I expect you all to show him the exact same respect and consideration that you show me. If you feel _uncomfortable_ with him being above you, or with taking orders from him - and I know that some of you do despite your _cowardly_ attempts to prove otherwise - I couldn’t care less. You better learn to suck it up and damn quick. I will not tolerate my pack questioning me anymore. If you do, then you certainly don’t belong here.” Greyback paused, that sneering expression taking over his face. “Is that in any way unclear?”

A small murmur of “no sir”s went through the crowd. Many of them still seemed too afraid to speak.

“Very good. Not that I need to explain myself to any of you, but just so you know, I chose Remus, because I feel he’s the most suited to the position right now. Curiously enough, he’s the only one in this room to _never_ show me the least bit of disrespect. To never talk back to me. To never QUESTION me and my decisions.” He regarded the pack thoughtfully, tilting his to the side the tiniest bit. “If you really want to know how to become the second most important wolf here, then I suggest you keep an eye on him. He sets a good example. One that you should all be following already, without me needing to remind you every time I turn around. Just…don’t follow him around like a sick pup, copying his every move. That only succeeds in making you look desperate.” Greyback threw Canin a pointed look, causing him to turn bright red, a color which clashed with his straw-colored hair.

“I believe that’s everything,” Greyback said. “Everyone may go to lunch now.” Everyone started to file towards the exit, but then Greyback added, “Oh, except for Remus and Talon. I’d like you two to stay.”

Remus froze in his tracks, wondering what Greyback could possibly want from him now. He had been looking forward to some time away from the alpha wolf for a while. Remus had been around him so much today that he almost thought he was getting used to the smell, which was something that he definitely did not want - to be the least bit comfortable around Greyback.

Talon had stopped as well, retreating into the corner that was furthest from Remus. He kept giving Remus dirty looks, his eyes furtively going to Greyback every once in a while and then quickly looking away before Greyback could notice. For the first time since Remus had arrived, he thought Talon truly looked scared.

When everyone else was gone, Greyback turned to Remus and said, “Your first test as my beta will come immediately after lunch. I have a guest coming to the compound, and we will be having a meeting in my shack. I expect complete privacy during that time, and we will not be interrupted for any reason. If any problems arise within the pack, you will deal with them as you see fit. Understand?”

Remus nodded quickly. “Yes, sir.” All the while, he was wondering why Greyback would make such an announcement in front of Talon. It was almost like he was inviting Talon to cause some sort of trouble during said meeting just to make Remus look bad. Then again, perhaps that was what Greyback was counting on; Remus would truly be tested in that case.

“Very good. Then you may go.”

Remus hesitated for the briefest moment. He was partially curious about would transpire between Talon and Greyback when he was gone, even though he thought he probably knew. Without another word, Remus turned and left the hall.

Once he descended the steps, he stopped and pressed himself up against the wall of the building, listening carefully. Remus almost got the feeling that Greyback had wanted him to.

Remus could hear Greyback’s heavy boots noisily making their way across the floor of the shack. Greyback laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, I’m through beating the living shite out of you. I’ve been doing nothing but for the last month since Remus arrived, and it’s obviously done nothing to change your frame of mind. Nor do I have the time at the moment. I have much more important things to attend to, but suffice it to say that you gambled away your position in this pack,” he said, his voice dripping with pity and disappointment. “You _handed_ it to Remus like it meant nothing to you. You have no one to blame for that but yourself. Perhaps Remus now holding that position will get through that thick skull of yours. I am TIRED of you! If you wish to remain a member of this pack, I will not tolerate your antics any further! No more this of tattling, no more showing disrespect to your superiors. I expect it to stop right this minute. You’ve used up all your chances. You won’t get another.”

Apparently, without waiting for a response of any sort, Remus could hear Greyback making his way towards the door. Remus hurried away around the corner of the building before he emerged. Even though he had a feeling that Greyback wanted him to hear all that, he certainly didn’t want to take the chance of sticking around in case he was wrong.

Althea was waiting for him, leaning up against a tree not far from the shack. She had her arms crossed over her chest, and she smiling at him. “I’m impressed,” she said. “I thought for sure you were going to come out of Greyback’s shack looking worse than Talon. What on earth did you say to him?”

Remus stood blinking at her for several seconds. “You mean you’re not angry with me?”

“Why would I be angry?”

Remus thought that much was obvious. “Because aside from Greyback, I outrank everyone now and I’ve only been here for a little over a month. I‘d wager to guess a lot of them aren‘t very happy with me right now.”

Althea shrugged. “I’m _relieved_ he didn’t see fit to hurt you. I was worried there for a moment. I told you, if something happened to you, then who would I talk to? But, erm…you’re not suddenly going to stop talking to me, are you?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m just a lowly epsilon,” Althea said quietly. “When Talon was the second-in-command, he wouldn’t be caught dead talking to one of us unless it was to yell at us for something.”

“Don’t be silly.” Remus smiled warmly. “I told you that you’re the only sane person here to talk to. If I didn’t hang around you, I’d likely go as nutters as the rest of them.”

“Well, it’s better you than me anyway,” Althea giggled. “I could never be suited to a job like that.”

Remus wanted to tell her that he wasn’t either, that this was the last thing he’d ever wanted to do when he came here, but he couldn’t.

“Actually,” Althea continued, “better you than a lot of people here. You’re _way_ better than Talon ever was, and better than someone like Canin could ever hope to be.”

Remus knew she meant it to be a compliment, but it made him feel rather uncomfortable being referred to as a “better” beta wolf than the others. He wasn’t entirely sure whether that was a good or bad thing. Attempting to shrug it off, he said, “I didn’t say anything to Greyback. He wasn’t angry with me in the least…just with Talon.”

“How much do you want to bet that he’s going to get killed before the next full moon?”

“Nothing,” Remus said seriously. When Althea gave him a funny look, he added, “Well, we’ve nothing to bet with in the first place.”

She smiled at him again, leading the way into the woods for their lunch. Remus followed along behind her quietly. Althea probably wouldn’t mind seeing Talon gone from this pack entirely. Truthfully, neither would Remus, but _not_ at the price of Talon’s life. Remus hadn’t come here to bring such dreadful consequences into their lives, especially not for things they didn’t even do. He’d come here for information, none of which he had gotten yet. Damn it, but it was frustrating!

While they were eating, Remus had almost forgotten that he had just been put in charge of the rest of the pack. They ended up “joking” around again about a better place where they would be accepted. If only everyone else in the pack was like Althea, this whole thing would have been so much easier. It would have been a much nicer atmosphere for one, and it would be a hell of a lot easier to change their minds about remaining with Greyback.

When they were returning to the main part of the compound afterwards, Remus saw Greyback walking with someone - the man that he had planned a meeting with. He was a short, heavy man wearing black robes. Both he and Greyback were walking towards the latter’s shack from the front of the colony. Up until that moment, Remus had completely forgotten that someone was even coming to see Greyback. Remus had been concerned with so many other things, and it hadn’t even occurred to him that this could be his chance to finally get some useful information. His heart began pounding with excitement.

“It’s Carrow,” Remus gasped in surprise. He hadn’t even meant to say anything out loud.

Althea looked confused. “Who?”

Remus threw a sideways glance at Althea, then quickly back at Carrow and Greyback. Briefly hoping that she wouldn’t make this difficult, Remus explained, “Amycus Carrow. He’s a Death Eater. Much higher up than Greyback. I wonder what he’s doing here.”

“Planning some attack.”

Remus looked at her sharply. “Do Death Eaters come here a lot?”

“No idea. Not the ones that I know anyway, but that’s not very many. The only ones I know are Malfoy and that crazy lady with the wild hair - what’s her face?”

“Bellatrix Lestrange?”

“That’s her. And I’ve never seen them in person. I just saw them in the paper a lot before I came here.”

“No, they’re way too high up to be sent to relay information to the likes of Greyback.”

Remus watched them until they entered Greyback’s shack, the door closing behind. Merlin, how Remus wished he was a fly on the wall inside that building. The chance to obtain some information was finally staring him right in the face for the first time since he had arrived, and he was missing it!

He looked closely at Althea, not quite sure how to put his thoughts. He thought he was making some real progress with her, but if she learned that he was a spy so early on, it could put his entire mission in jeopardy. “Althea…” he began. He battled with himself for several moments before deciding to throw caution to the wind. “Fancy doing a little spying?” If she took it the wrong way, at least he’d still have a chance to play it off as a joke.

Althea looked utterly shocked, her eyes and mouth both going wide. “Remus! I’m surprised at you!” Remus had been about to backpedal, but then Althea’s expression faded. “Okay,” she said simply, shrugging and immediately heading towards Greyback’s shack.

Remus stared after her, dumbstruck. “Wait, what?” he cried, getting his legs moving again.

“So I’m curious!”

“You’re curious and _you’re_ surprised at _me_?”

“Yes!” She kept walking as Remus fell into step next to her. She looked around and lowered her voice in case anyone was listening. “You’ve just been appointed Greyback’s beta. You shouldn’t be doing things like this, especially not so soon.”

“So it’d be okay if I waited a couple months?”

“Well, no, but still! You're not even going to wait? If Greyback finds out that you just turned around and betrayed him...” She trailed off, shivering.

“I won’t tell anyone if you won’t.”

“Same goes for you,” Althea whispered. “I’m just a lowly epsilon. If Greyback finds out I’m spying, I’d probably be killed. If you were found out, you’d probably just be beaten and demoted.”

“I don’t know,” Remus mused. “Sometimes I get the feeling that Greyback wants me to hear things. Like after the last meeting, I hung around outside for a while and listened to him give Talon what was supposed to be his final warning.”

“I’m telling you, he’s not going to make it much longer.”

Remus shook his head. “He looked scared - I mean truly scared for the first time since I met him.” He sighed heavily. “Then again, I’m not sure if he’ll ever learn his lesson.”

They fell into silence as they drew closer to Greyback’s shack. Remus could hear the voices from inside, but they were too muffled to make out. He and Althea looked around, checking to make sure that no one was watching. Remus led the way around to the back of the shack, figuring that it would be safer there, away from the prying eyes of the others, and away from the door if Greyback and Carrow suddenly decided to exit.

Remus and Althea both leaned up against the wall and stood on their tiptoes, trying to get as close to the high, tiny window as possible, but their effort was futile. The voices inside were still much too low to make out anything clearly. Remus frowned in frustration, wondering her perhaps Greyback had allowed Carrow to use magic to safeguard their conversation. “I can’t hear a thing,” he whispered.

Just then, Althea looked up at the window and pointed to it. “Lift me up.”

Remus’s heart thumped again in his chest. Could he really be about to find out something useful for once? Could Remus even trust Althea to be honest with him about what she heard? Remus, however, was out of options. He threaded his fingers together and crouched down, providing Althea with a step. She placed one of her shoes in his hands, boosting herself up and clinging desperately to the wooden wall to stay upright. She finally caught her balance, and they both stilled.

The window was much too high for her to see inside, but perhaps now she was close enough to at least hear what they were saying. Remus waited for what hopefully would be something that would help Dumbledore.

Althea listened for a long time, then looked down at Remus. “Carrow wants to know if Greyback wants in,“ she whispered down to him.

“In on what?”

Althea listened again, then shook her head. “Not sure. He just promised that Greyback’ll get kids to eat.” She looked disgusted. “That’s gross. During a transformation is one thing, but to eat them otherwise…”

According to Remus, it was never okay to eat children at all, but he didn’t say anything.

“Greyback said yes,” Althea went on.

“Of course he did. Are they saying anything about where or when?”

“Not yet. Oh! Greyback wants to know if he can bring you along. Test you out further, he said.”

Remus grimaced. “Wonderful,” he muttered. He wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or a good thing. Surely, if it involved children, then Remus would try his hardest to prevent harm from coming to any of them, but then his cover would likely be blown. Greyback would never trust him again if he didn’t cooperate.

The men in the shack both raised their voices just then, because for the first time, Remus could hear them clearly.

“How dare you!” Greyback roared. “I can’t go a moment without being questioned round here, now you think I’ve gone loopy, too?!”

“In case you‘ve forgotten,” Carrow shouted back, “I’m much higher up than you! Don’t take that sort of tone with me! You’re worried about eating children, but my priority is the Dark Lord! I have every right to question the loyalty of any outside parties you choose to bring into this!”

“They’re arguing about whether or not you’re trustworthy,” Althea said.

“Yeah, I can hear them now,” Remus said in amusement. He found it oddly funny that for once, Greyback was the one being shouted at and put in his place by a superior. Perhaps that was why he went out of his way to exercise control over his pack, because he certainly wasn‘t worth much to the Death Eaters.

The voices seemed to fade again after that, and even Althea shook her head, straining to get closer to the window. “I think they’re moving towards the front of the shack. I can’t hear them now.”

They waited for a while, but only silence met their ears. Remus was about to let Althea back down to the ground, but then Greyback’s voice rose once more. “JUST GET OUT! You saw fit to invite me, and I’ll bring whomever I deem worthy. If the Dark Lord has a problem with it, he can come tell me himself instead of sending his little messengers.”

Carrow laughed loudly. “Like the Dark Lord would ever address _you_ directly, but do as you wish.”

The front door of the shack slammed a few seconds later, and Althea jumped at the sound. She lost her balance and toppled out of Remus’s hands. She let out a yelp and managed to catch herself on the edge of the wall before she fell to the ground.

Remus frowned deeply. Surely her yell would alert someone to their presence, so he grabbed Althea’s hand. “We better go,” he said, pulling her for the safety of the woods.

They quickly picked their way through some bushes until they reached a clearing not far from the mouth of the cave at the back of the compound. Remus leaned up against a tree, pressing his head back against it and looking up at the clear blue sky peeking through the leaves.

His first instinct was to inform Dumbledore at once, but honestly, what did he have to tell him? That Greyback had something planned with the Death Eaters and Voldemort, something that he wanted Remus to join in on. Remus had no idea of the details, or of how or when this would happen. He didn’t know which was worse - not knowing anything at all, or having such useless information dangled in front of his face.

“What in the bloody hell could Greyback want me to do now?” he asked.

Althea was silent for a moment, watching him, but then she asked, “Remus?” Her tone was uncertain, cautious.

“What?”

Althea opened her mouth, but then she closed it again, apparently reconsidering her words. “It’s nothing.” She looked down at her hands, rubbing at some dirt on the back of one palm. “Never mind.”

Remus tilted his head. “It’s not nothing. Tell me what you were going to say.”

“No, really, don’t worry about it.”

Remus smirked. “Not that I’ll do anything if you still say no, but your beta wolf commands you to answer.”

Althea snickered loudly. “That’s exactly what I was going to say! You’re not-”

Suddenly, Althea was cut off. Through the woods, near the outside wall of the cave, Talon’s loud voice carried to them on the wind. “I’m telling you, he has lost it! Greyback has finally lost it! Making someone like _Lupin_ his beta wolf…! It boggles the mind!”

There were several soft murmurs from the crowd that had gathered around Talon. It was too far away to hear them clearly, but this was exactly what Remus didn’t want to deal with at the moment - an upstart Talon. Again. And possibly those who were listening to him getting out of hand themselves.

Althea gave Remus a look of complete disbelief. “Er…well, you know,” she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “ranting in the middle of the woods about how crazy Greyback is isn’t exactly the sign of a sane mind, either.”

Remus bit at his bottom lip in nervousness, but didn’t reply. He was silently hoping that the situation would pass. He knew Greyback would want him to do something about such blatant disrespect, but hopefully Greyback was still busy with seeing Carrow out of the compound. Remus would just pretend that he hadn’t heard anything, and hopefully, Greyback wouldn’t to be the wiser.

That, however, wasn’t the case. Remus wasn’t even sure where he had come from, but Greyback was suddenly standing just to Remus’s right, at the edge of the clearing. No one said anything for a long time, but it vaguely occurred to Remus just how much like an animal Greyback could be, stalking his prey like the silent predator that he was.

The expression on Greyback’s face was somewhere between anger, curiosity, and excitement. Remus wasn’t even sure how anyone could display that many emotions at once, but Greyback somehow did. It was very unsettling when he looked at Remus like that, almost like Greyback knew something that he didn’t.

“Remus,” Greyback said calmly, gesturing in the direction of the cave, “are you going to let them talk about me like that?”

Remus’s first instinct was to tell Greyback that if he had a problem with it, then she should deal with it himself. Not that Remus wanted to see Talon hurt any further than he was, but the thought of Greyback deliberately forcing Remus to take care of it rubbed him the wrong way. For detesting the tattling so much, Greyback wasn’t much better with sending his minions to deal with things that he didn’t want to be bothered with.

And what could Remus do? He certainly couldn’t ignore it now, even though he desperately wanted to. If Remus said yes, that he was going to let Talon and the others speak like that, that wouldn’t go over well with Greyback at all. Just as Greyback had told him that very morning, a time would come when he would order Remus to do something that he probably found uncomfortable, but he was expected to comply anyway. Remus just hadn’t been expecting that time to come so soon.

_To be continued…_


	11. The Breaking Point

Greyback was watching him, waiting for an answer. Remus felt absolutely frozen to the spot, a hundred different possibilities seeming to race through his mind in a matter of moments. Then Remus realized how distinctly uncomfortable Greyback’s gaze made him, almost like he was reading every single one of those thoughts as they passed through Remus‘s consciousness.

Remus had no idea how to even begin to respond. Actually, that was a lie; he knew perfectly well what Greyback wanted, but he was trying desperately to come up with some way out of it. Remus’s eyes went from Greyback to Althea, and she looked just as worried as Remus himself.

Perhaps she already had figured him out. Her expression certainly made it seem that way. Remus had been spending this time trying to figure her out, to come up with some way to sway her over to Dumbledore’s side, but he wondered if she knew perfectly well what he was doing there. She had already made it quite clear that he was completely different than the rest of the pack. Had she maybe figured out even more than that?

Focusing on Althea for a moment longer, Remus silently wished that Greyback would just leave. That he would think of something much more important to attend to, or that he would decide to take matters into his own hands. Anything to get Remus out of this now precarious moment that he found himself in.

But Greyback was still there, his expression seeming to grow more annoyed by the moment. “Remus,” Greyback said, his voice now bordering on a growl, “I asked if you were going to let them talk about me like that. Like I’ve lost it. Like I’ve gone mental for making you my second-in-command.” He tilted his head, and when he spoke again, his tone was distinctly curious. “You don’t think I’ve lost it, do you, Remus?”

The question sent chills down Remus’s spine. Greyback didn’t ask such questions for an answer, he did so for effect. Almost like he was challenging Remus to answer that truthfully. And when Remus thought about his honest answer to that, it made him want to laugh. Again. What the hell was the matter with him, always getting the urge to laugh? One of these days, he would be unable to contain it, and Merlin help him if he ever laughed in Greyback’s face.

Remus took a deep breath and closed his eyes until the urge passed. By then, he knew he was getting awfully close to Greyback losing his temper completely, so Remus forced himself to shake his head. “No, sir.”

Greyback grinned. “No. No, I thought not.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned into the tree next to him. He looked oddly elegant for someone so large and hulking. “The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

Remus knew he didn’t have a choice. He had already dragged this conversation out for as long as he dared. If he hesitated any longer, Greyback would know without a doubt that Remus wasn’t really taking his newfound position seriously.

Perhaps if it was just him, Remus would have considered getting the hell out of there, but there was so much more to think about. Not only was Dumbledore still counting on him to learn any useful information at all, but based on what Remus had heard of Greyback’s conversation with Carrow, there was a possibility that Remus might be able to save some children in the process. He couldn’t fail now. There was way too much at stake.

Steeling himself, Remus straightened up and pushed away from the tree against which he had been leaning. Remus didn’t even look at Greyback again; he thought he could feel Greyback’s anger growing, and he wasn’t about to press his luck. Instead, Remus simply turned on his heel and headed off in the direction of the other werewolves near the cave.

He had no clue what he was even going to do when he got there. He still wasn’t about to take his hands to any of them, at least not yet, no matter what Greyback expected of him. Perhaps he could talk his way out of it. Remus knew that that very idea seemed almost laughable where Greyback was concerned, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to lower himself to Greyback’s level if he could help it. Not again.

Talon was leaning up against the outside wall of the cave casually, surrounded by the rest of the pack‘s epsilons. Talon was still muttering about what a fruitcake Greyback had turned into, although much more quietly now, almost like he realized that he might have been overheard.

As Remus approached, he could hear Greyback behind him, following him, curious as to what Remus was going to do. That made Remus wonder if Althea was coming as well. Remus wished she wouldn’t. She wasn’t involved in this in the least, and he’d rather that she didn’t see him do whatever he needed to do. After all, if he was trying to gain her trust, it wouldn’t help if he started becoming more like the others.

When Talon looked up and saw Remus and Greyback approaching, he didn’t look the least bit scared like Remus expected him to. Rather, he looked quite bored. It was the first time that Remus wondered if Talon was purposely trying to get himself thrown out of the pack. Of course, that also meant death, but was it possible that Talon was so fed up with the way things had turned out for him that he might have preferred such a fate?

“You know,” Remus told him coolly, “if you have a problem with the way this pack is run, perhaps you should address your concerns to our alpha wolf directly. As I recall, you had that opportunity just before lunch not more than two hours ago, and you chose to say nothing.”

Talon rolled his eyes, but when they shifted to Greyback a moment later, fear flickered there for the briefest moment. “Oh, please,” Talon muttered. “It’s not any surprise that I don’t like you. I’ll never trust you, I’ll never respect you, and I don’t care who knows.”

“Be that as it may, you will abide by our alpha wolf’s rules for as long as you are a member of this pack,” Remus snapped. “I don’t _care_ if you don’t like me, because believe me, the feeling is mutual. But Greyback has made it quite clear that unless you spoke up at the meeting, you were all to keep your feelings on the matter to yourselves. What part of that did you not understand?” When Talon didn’t show any sign of responding, Remus added, “Not to mention, disrespecting me is one thing, but under no circumstances are you permitted to speak ill of our alpha wolf.”

Remus was partially disturbed by how easily his words came. He wasn’t even sure where they had come from. Up until a moment ago, he had been completely unsure of what he wanted to say, but now it all seemed to spill out. Perhaps Greyback had seen something in him after all, something that did suit him to this position. Remus shivered at that thought.

The rest of the epsilons that were gathered around all seemed to bow their heads and shrink back from the scene. They had all been keen to agree with Talon before, but now that Remus and Greyback were there, none of them wanted to be involved.

Remus didn’t look, but he could tell that Greyback was hovering not far behind him, the smell that followed him everywhere being only one of the tells. “Indeed,” Greyback hummed. “I thought you were all clear on that. Did I fail to explain myself properly?”

“No, sir,” several of the epsilons muttered. Then one of them that Remus recognized as Rufus Phinx stepped forward and said, “We’re sorry, sir. We were out of line. It won’t happen again.”

Rufus was more or less the self-appointed leader of the epsilons. He certainly stood out, being one of the few gingers in the pack, his hair brighter red than anyone else’s. When he transformed, his fur almost looked like it was on fire, and some of his “friends” (Remus wasn’t sure if any of the werewolves were truly friends) had taken to calling him Red.

At least, he had been the leader of the epsilons until Talon had been demoted. Talon was never happy unless he was in charge of something. Since there were no longer any werewolves beneath him, he was trying desperately to assert his dominance over the rest of his rank. None of them seemed to be having it, however, certainly not if Talon was going to be getting them into trouble.

“No,” Greyback said, “I don’t think it _will_ happen again.” His eyes darted quickly to Talon before he added, “Unless any of you have something else to say, then you may go. Except for Remus and Talon, of course.”

As much as Remus hated having an audience, especially if Greyback expected him to actually become physical, he didn’t exactly fancy being alone with Greyback and Talon either. Greyback normally liked the others to watch when he disciplined someone so they could be an example. If he was sending everyone else away, it terrified Remus to think about what he had in mind.

Some of the epsilons lowered their heads and shuffled away, but a few others remained behind, throwing uncertain glances at Talon. It almost seemed like they were hesitant to leave him alone, afraid of what might happen to him.

When they didn’t make any move to leave, Greyback said in an uncharacteristically calm voice, “I said you may go.”

Even though they seemed concerned for Talon, no one wanted to risk angering Greyback, so the rest of the epsilons followed the others into the woods. Talon himself, however, still seemed very bored by the entire situation. He was leaning against the wall of the cave, alternately yawning and rolling his eyes.

For the first time, Remus looked back the way he and Greyback had come. Althea was standing quite a distance away, hiding behind a tree, watching the scene. Remus wished that she would leave too, because he did not want her to see whatever it was Greyback had in mind, but she showed no signs of moving.

Greyback leaned heavily into the wall of the cave, crossing his arms over his chest. He considered Talon for a very long time before he asked, “So what do you think we should do with him, Remus? Physical punishment hasn’t worked. Losing ranks hasn’t worked. Threatening him hasn’t worked. I’m about out of ideas here. Not to mention patience.”

Remus suppressed a shiver. He knew exactly what Greyback had in mind, because Talon was out of chances. Greyback was certainly on what he considered to be his final option - killing Talon. Only he didn’t say so, because Remus knew Greyback wanted him to say it first. Almost like that would make it Remus’s idea.

As big of a bastard as Talon was, Remus didn’t want him to killed. Certainly not because of him. After all, Talon was absolutely correct in his suspicions of Remus. Talon wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box, making his thoughts known as often as he did, but he didn’t deserve to killed by Greyback, either. Remus didn’t think there was anyone in the world who did deserve that kind of fate.

But Remus knew his back was up against the wall. He doubted very much there was anything he could say that would change Greyback’s mind, at least not without turning Greyback against him in the process. Besides, Remus was fairly certain that Greyback was now determined to kill Talon regardless; Greyback had made it very clear that Talon would not get another chance. If Remus didn‘t go along with it, he didn‘t think that would bode very well for him.

“Kill him, sir,” Remus bit out, and in that moment, he didn’t think he could have ever hated himself more.

Perhaps that was the first time Talon ever truly looked surprised. His eyes were large and round, just a few shades lighter than Sirius‘s, in fact. It was almost eerie how much their appearance reminded Remus of his best friend, but the similarities ended there. Where Sirius’s eyes were warm and friendly, Talon’s were cold and calculating.

Greyback, on the other hand, seemed rather pleased with this, for that large toothy grin spread across his face once again. He inhaled deeply, almost like he was sniffing Talon, seeing how good he would taste. “He thinks we should kill you, Talon.”

Remus had no idea where Greyback had gotten “we”. Remus only hoped to Merlin that Greyback wouldn’t see fit to include him in this. It was one thing to tell Greyback to do such a thing and to see it happening, but there was no way in hell Remus would participate in it. Remus had a pretty good idea what killing involved, seeing as Greyback like to eat live things. He knew very well that Remus didn’t share his tastes, but perhaps that was what Greyback was counting on. Maybe Greyback would use it to see whether or not Remus was truly loyal to him.

Talon didn’t look like he thought Greyback was serious. Surely he didn’t think that Greyback was bluffing? Because if Remus knew anything for sure, it was that Greyback didn’t play around with such threats. If Greyback said he was going to kill someone, then Remus was absolutely sure that he would. Or maybe Talon had been in so tightly with Greyback at one point, he didn’t even believe it possible that it had come to this. Remus almost couldn’t, either. Couldn’t believe that the once proud werewolf who had had the entire pack - save for Greyback - under him had fallen so far. All because Remus had gotten the foolish idea that he would ever truly be able to fit in with such animals.

But what did it say about Remus that he would tell Greyback to do such a thing, that he would be willing to watch as it happened just to keep up with some charade? Just six short weeks ago, Remus would have thought the very idea was absurd that he would stand for something like this, no matter what kind of information he was trying to get out of it. Perhaps Remus really wasn’t much better than the rest of the werewolves after all.

“Kill me then!” Talon yelled. His tone was somewhere in between frustration and disbelief, like he really didn’t think that Greyback was capable of doing so, at least not to him. Then he did something Remus hadn’t been expecting at all. Talon squared his shoulders and stepped forward until his nose was mere inches from Greyback’s.

The alpha wolf was, of course, very territorial and hated to have his personal space invaded in such a defiant manner. Greyback bared his teeth and straightened up to his full height, looking down his nose at Talon. It was then that Remus knew this was not going to end well.

Talon, however, didn’t seem the least bit frightened. Instead, he said, “When the truth comes out about Lupin - and it will - then you’ll realize what a mistake you’ve made. Not only for trusting him-” he thrust a finger carelessly in Remus’s direction “-but for losing me in the process.” He stopped for a moment and sneered. “You’ll never find anyone who is more loyal to you than I was.”

Greyback scoffed, stalking even closer to Talon, who immediately shrunk back. “Talon, Talon,” Greyback said sadly, shaking his head, “if you were loyal to me, I wouldn’t have to keep reminding you of your place!” His clawed hand shot out so fast, Talon barely had time to react. He tried to step away from it, but Greyback was much too fast. Greyback’s hand closed around Talon’s throat, forcing him back into the wall of the cave.

Talon’s mouth opened in an expression of pain, but no sound came out. His hands went furiously to Greyback’s, trying desperately to pry them away from his neck, but Greyback was the stronger one by far. Talon’s nails scraped against the skin on the back of Greyback’s hand, but he didn’t even seem to notice.

Greyback licked his lips. “It’s been a while since I’ve had a human meal.”

Remus couldn’t stand to stay there any longer. He didn’t care if Greyback was expecting him to participate or even to watch. Remus feared that if he stayed, he would be sick anyway, and that wouldn’t do for Greyback’s second-in-command. Remus took a few steps backward, almost feeling too shocked and disgusted to move properly. It was when Talon’s first scream pierced the autumn air that Remus finally turned and disappeared into the shelter of the woods.

Talon’s screams chased him as he ran, a staunch reminder of what he was allowing to happen back at the cave. Brambles and twigs caught at his clothes as he went, tearing even more holes in his already threadbare attire. In the back of his mind, Remus imagined that those branches were Talon’s hands, grabbing at him for help, reminding him that he could have stopped this if he’d wanted. That he _should_ have stopped it.

Remus kept on going until Talon’s screams died, either because he was too far away or because Talon couldn’t scream anymore. As much as Remus hoped it was the former, he very well knew that it wasn’t. Remus’s breaths were coming harsh and fast when he caught himself on a tree, clinging to it with his hands so tightly like it was a lifeline, like it might save him from the hell his life had become. He pressed his forehead into the rough bark and closed his eyes, trying not to think about the state that Talon’s body might be in now.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, holding on to the tree. He almost hoped that if he waited long enough with his eyes closed, that he’d be back at Grimmauld Place the next time he opened them. Remus knew that was a silly thing to wish for, but he would have given anything in that moment to return to his home. To put this entire nightmare behind him, to hell with Dumbledore’s plans.

Remus remembered the last conversation he’d had with Sirius before he had come to this god forsaken place. Sirius had accused him of not putting enough serious thought into this, of not knowing what he was getting himself into. Remus had insisted that he knew very well what he was doing, but now, he didn’t think he’d had any clue at all. Neither did Dumbledore for that matter. Remus didn’t think Dumbledore would have even suggested it at all if he knew everything this entailed. And Remus didn‘t think he ever would have agreed to it had he known everything he‘d be risking.

But that all seemed like a lifetime ago now.

Sighing heavily, Remus turned and pressed his back into the tree. His legs suddenly felt weak, so he sunk towards the ground, sitting on the grass underneath him. It was then that he realized that he heard the sound of rushing water. Just through the trees ahead of him, there was the stream where the werewolves came to drink. Normally, the sound would have calmed and soothed him, but now, he didn’t think that those were things he could ever again.

Quite a while later, Remus jumped when he heard a twig snapping somewhere behind him. His heart sped up. He was almost certain that it was Greyback, coming to demand why Remus had run away. Remus swallowed hard and looked around, but when he saw the dirty blond hair, he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

Althea was making her way through the trees towards him, picking her way in between the bushes much more carefully than Remus had on his way. When their eyes met, she paused for a long time, almost like she was afraid to move or to say anything.

“Remus?” she asked quietly, uncertainly. She hesitated again. “Are…are you okay?”

He stared at her for a long time, not quite sure what to say. Of course he wasn’t okay, but he still had to be a little bit wary of what he said to her, after all. Finally, he shook his head, looking back in the direction of the stream. He thought of saying something else, of lying and pretending that he was fine, but he thought that he just might have reached his breaking point. If he wasn’t honest with someone, he was afraid that it would come out at the most inopportune time. Perhaps in front of Greyback.

“This isn’t me, Althea.”

More silence followed, and then Remus heard more branches breaking behind him. A moment later, Althea was sitting next to him, but not too close. She seemed a little bit more cautious of him than she had been. “That’s what I was going to tell you,” she whispered. “Before Talon…” When Remus flinched and closed his eyes at the name, Althea stopped. “He had it coming,” she continued after a while. “I told you he wasn’t going to make it to the next moon.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Remus muttered. He still wasn’t quite ready to face the reality that Talon was dead.

“Sorry,” Althea said quickly. She sounded a little bit afraid, and Remus hated that. Hated that she would fear him in any way. Did she actually think that he might yell or get physical with her if she said the wrong thing? That was what her tone suggested to him. Of course, the other werewolves wouldn’t hesitate to do those things, but Remus never would. At least not to a woman. Remus’s father always told him that it took a very a very vile person to hurt a woman.

“What were you going to tell me before?” Remus asked gently, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen.

Althea gave him a nervous smile before she said, “Just…exactly that. That this isn’t you.” She looked away at some spot in the trees, unable to hold his eyes. “I told you that you’re nothing at all like Talon or the others. You don’t seem suited to this place at all.” When she looked back at him, she asked, “What are you _doing_ here?”

Remus blinked, then hurriedly said, “I don’t…I told you. I’m here for the same reason you are. Because I don‘t _have_ anywhere else to go.”

Althea shook her head, her expression making it quite apparent that she didn’t believe him. “But you’re not like me.” He raised an eyebrow at her, but she insisted, “You’re not. I could tell before you bit that boy. And afterwards, too. I could tell just now when you couldn’t watch Talon…” She cut herself off, but then added, “I could tell from the fact that you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Remus snapped, “because it’s my fault!” He hadn’t been intending to tell her that at all, but it had escaped him somehow.

“It’s not,” Althea disagreed. “I told you, Talon had it coming…”

“ _I_ was the one that started it all!” Remus interrupted. “It was me coming here in the first place that caused Talon to start acting like he did. If not for me, Talon would still be Greyback’s second-in-command.” He couldn’t believe that he was sharing this with her, but now that he started, he was finding it difficult to stop. “I know he was a bastard. I know I shouldn’t care. But I do.”

“Which was my entire point,” Althea whispered. “I don’t think anyone here is going to miss Talon…except you.” Remus frowned deeply, and she added, “I mean that in a totally nice way, of course. I think it’s nice that you seem to care about everyone, even those who aren’t worthy of it.”

Remus looked away again in the direction of the stream, feeling a little uncomfortable by her words.

They were both quiet for a long time, and then Althea asked, “Remus, we’re friends, right?”

Remus glanced at her quickly. “Yeah. Of course.”

“Then trust that I’m not going to go running to Greyback if you tell me something he wouldn’t like,” Althea said. “I mean, we just spied on Greyback for heaven’s sake! If I was really all that loyal to him, do you think I’d have even _considered_ doing that?”

“If you were loyal to Greyback,” Remus retorted, “I might expect you to say and do the same things in order to get me to trust you.”

Althea shrugged. “Fair enough. But I’m not.” She scooted a little closer to him. “I like you, Remus, all right?” Remus smiled the tiniest bit at that, and Althea’s cheeks turned a bright red. “As a friend, of course.” She picked at a strand of her hair and played with it for a moment until her embarrassment passed. “I like you more than anyone else in my life at the moment. And I know that my life consists of a bunch of bloodthirsty werewolves, so that really isn’t saying much, but…” She seemed to realize she was rambling, so she ran a hand through her hair in frustration and took a deep breath before beginning again. “You’re the first real friend I’ve had since I was bitten. I’m not about to rat you out to Greyback. It’s been a while since I’ve had a friend, but I remember enough to know that friends don’t do that sort of thing to each other.”

Althea’s words immediately reminded Remus of Sirius. Merlin, he missed the mangy mutt, but he shook his head in an attempt to try and keep his mind on the present conversation. “No, they don’t.”

“It’s obvious you’re miserable here,” Althea said softly. “More so than I ever was. Not that I’m trying to get rid of you, because I’d miss you, but…you belong here even less than I do.”

Remus wasn’t entirely sure he agreed with that. After all, Althea wasn’t the one strutting around here, suggesting that Greyback eat people. On the other hand, Althea did seem comfortable with turning children, something Remus would never be. If those two things balanced out, Remus really wasn’t that different.

“I’m going to ask you again,” Althea said. “What on earth are you doing here?”

He stared at her for a long time. “You want the honest answer to that? Because I have absolutely no clue. I am no leader. I _can’t_ go around ordering people to do things and punishing them if they don’t.” A wistful expression passed over his features suddenly, and he chuckled. “Except maybe my students.”

“What?”

“I’m a teacher. Or I was before I came here.”

“At Hogwarts?”

“Yes.”

“What did you teach?”

“Defense Against the Dark Arts. Ironic, isn’t it?” Remus asked good naturedly. “That I taught students how to defend themselves against the likes of creatures like us. And then I ended up here, following a werewolf who takes orders from the darkest wizard in the world.” His tone had turned much more bitter at the end, and Althea picked upon it.

“So why don’t you leave?”

“You mean aside from pissing off Greyback forever?”

Althea giggled. “Yes. That’s not something you’d really concern yourself with, is it?”

Remus shook his head. “No. But I can’t leave. For a lot of reasons.” He looked at her apologetically. “A lot of which I can’t explain to you right now.”

“Will you someday?”

“I think so, yes.” Remus paused before asking, “What about Greyback? Did he seem particularly angry that I didn’t stick around?”

Althea leaned back a bit, propping herself up with her hands and looking up at the sky. “I don’t think he noticed at all, to be honest. He was a bit…er, distracted.”

Remus grimaced. “Yeah, I’m sorry I asked.”

Truthfully, Remus was sorry that he had come here at all. The last thing he’d wanted to do was cost anyone their life, even if that someone was Talon. At the same time, that made Remus’s resolve to remain there even stronger. He sure as hell wasn’t going to let his time here be in vain, and certainly not the events of the last hour. Not to mention, with the prospect of possibly saving some children, Remus was even more determined to stay. He didn’t care if he was miserable. He didn’t care if he hated it more with each passing second. He was going to try his hardest to save as many children as possible, even if it killed him in the process.

He still wasn’t entirely sure that this was worth the price of his soul or his humanity - in fact, he was positive that it wasn’t - but if there was even the smallest chance that he could save another child from Greyback, he would risk it.

If he knew that that child was Harry, he would have made that same choice a million times over.

_To be continued..._


	12. The Trail of Blood

As much as Remus wished he could hide in the woods forever, he knew he couldn’t. He had already taken a risk by running away in the first place. Surely, it wasn’t appropriate for Greyback’s second-in-command to disappear into the woods when the alpha wolf decided to kill a member of the pack. Especially when Remus had been the one to suggest it.

What if Greyback took it as a sign that he was weak? What if Greyback decided that Remus really wasn’t suited to this position, especially if he couldn’t even watch those beneath him being punished? After all, it might only be a matter of time before Greyback ordered Remus to do something similar himself. Remus would deal with that when the time came, but if he couldn’t even watch such a thing, clearly he wouldn’t be able to do it, either.

Remus suspected he might have some fast talking to do once he went back, but he clung to the hope that Greyback would still be too distracted to care. Althea had said that he was too wrapped up in his “meal” to even notice that Remus had gone, so maybe that would hold true.

Remus finally got to his feet, his legs shaky underneath him. He pressed the palm of one hand against a tree and took some deep breaths, hoping to steady himself. He pressed his other hand over his eyes and rubbed them harshly, almost like that would help him to wake up from this hellhole. When he pulled his hand away, he saw Althea not far from him, still sitting crossed-legged on the ground. She was looking up at him curiously.

“I should get back,” Remus sighed. “Greyback’s probably wondering where I am.”

Althea opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but then thought better of it. She closed her mouth and simply nodded. Remus wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, but he thought he caught the slightest trace of disappointment on her face, almost like she had been expecting him to leave the pack behind instead. Truth be told, Remus couldn’t blame her in the least if that was what she was feeling; he wasn’t feeling very proud himself at the moment, either.

He felt like he was betraying everything he had ever promised himself, sacrificing everything he had ever held important. Except for his loyalty to Dumbledore, of course, and he wished he didn’t feel so bitter about that. After all, Dumbledore had given him every opportunity to say no, and he hadn’t.

Once again, Remus thought back to his last conversation with Sirius, when his best friend had accused him of letting Dumbledore’s trust in him cloud his judgment. After all, not very many people had ever trusted Remus, so when someone did, a tiny part of him wanted to go out of his way to prove that that trust wasn’t misplaced. If that meant putting himself into some rather insane situations, then so be it. Remus had known then that Sirius had a point, and he knew it now.

Remus shook his head and tried to push those thoughts from his mind. It wouldn’t do him any good to go over and over his reasons for still being here, or to try and analyze the ones responsible for him being here at all.

Remus hesitated for a very long time, giving Althea a pleading look. He desperately wished that she would say something. Anything to delay his return to the compound and Greyback. Perhaps even something to change his mind, to try and talk him out of staying there. But if that was a decision he was so determined to avoid, what made him think that anything Althea could say would change his mind? Sirius had always accused him of being as stubborn as a mule, and here he was, proving exactly that.

Leaving Althea alone and feeling a bit disappointed about it, Remus slowly made his way back towards the compound. He kept going over and over Greyback’s possible reactions to him running off, and working out all of the possible answers he could give. None of them seemed very convincing to his own mind, let alone to Greyback, so then Remus resorted to silently praying that Greyback would still be too caught up in “other things” to care.

Remus returned to the spot where he had last seen Greyback and Talon, just around the rear of the cave. At first he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but then when he came around the last few clumps of bushes that gave way to the clearing, it came into view. Talon’s remains.

There wasn’t much left at all of the once proud werewolf. Pools of blood spread across the forest floor, turning the bright green into a crimson color. More blood had been splattered across the wall of the cave and along some of the nearby tree trunks. Only the sad remnants of Talon’s tattered clothes, torn to shreds and littered across the area, gave any sign that there had ever been a person there at all. Indeed, when Greyback decided to eat something, he didn’t leave anything behind; he clearly didn’t believe in wasting “food”.

Unable to stare at the scene any longer, Remus turned away, but that proved to be a mistake. On the other side of the clearing sat one of Talon’s shoes, somehow perfectly intact and upright on the grass, unlike the rest of his clothes. Just peeking out of the opening in the shoe, Remus could just make out something - the biggest piece of Talon that Greyback had probably left behind.

Remus knew without a doubt that he would never forget that image. Knew that he would lie awake at night for years to come and see the contents of that shoe, like someone had indelibly pasted a picture of it in his brain. His eyes burned at the thought, and he felt nothing but revulsion at himself for allowing such a thing to happen in his presence. For allowing a man, however horrible, to be killed, all for the purposes of keeping up with a silly charade. For pretending like he even remotely belonged here when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Perhaps that was the very first time that Remus realized what a fool he’d been for agreeing to come here at all. For thinking that he could remain here for a little while and return home like nothing had happened. This entire experience was changing him forever, he couldn’t deny that any longer, and he could never go back to the person he’d been before. He really hated the thought of that - almost like there would be a piece of his place with him for the rest of his life.

In his entire time there, Remus had never wanted to go home as badly as he did right then. Since he’d been there, a strengthening ache had slowly developed somewhere inside him, one that Remus now knew was homesickness. He’d felt the very same thing twenty-five years before when he’d started Hogwarts, and that ache had lasted until he knew that he was sharing his dorm with three boys that had become his best friends.

Only one of those friends remained, and Remus missed that mangy mutt more than he could ever possibly put into words. Remus had just seen him - had it only been that morning? So much had happened since then, it already felt like it had been ages, and Remus was desperately longing for another visit. He knew, however, that that was completely out of the question. Remus had gotten very lucky so far, and he couldn’t constantly keep running home every time he felt like it. Sooner or later, it would become a huge red flag for Greyback, which Remus couldn’t risk.

Remus briefly wondered where Greyback had gotten to, but another look around the area answered that. A trail of blood led into woods straight ahead from where Remus was standing, painting the way directly to the alpha wolf. Putting it off wouldn’t make it any easier, so Remus steeled himself and quickly crossed the clearing. He followed the bloody trail, trying to tell himself that it wasn’t really blood, but perhaps just some crimson paint that someone had spilled.

Remus was again reminded of how much hated the color red.

A small distance into the woods, Greyback sat on the ground with his back against a tree. He had one hand over his stomach like he had just eaten a very large, very tasty meal. He was using the long and yellowed nails of his other hand to pick at his teeth, like he always had a habit of doing after eating. Blood was smeared all over his hands, mouth, and down the front of his clothes. True to what Althea had said, Greyback didn’t seem the least bit concerned with where Remus was, or anyone else in the world for that matter. In fact, the alpha wolf seemed positively content.

Remus’s stomach churned uncomfortably at the sight, but he tried his hardest to push the sensation away. It didn’t seem like Greyback had spotted him yet, but it wouldn’t do for Remus to be running off into the woods again. Nor would it be appropriate for Remus to be physically sick at what Greyback deemed only natural for them.

A moment later, Greyback sniffed at the air and immediately turned to look at Remus. It was very off-putting to say the least, to know that Greyback could tell that someone was nearby simply from the smell. Greyback still didn’t seem to care what Remus was doing, which was a very good thing. He continued to pick at his teeth leisurely, watching Remus like he was some sort of fascinating creature to be studied. It made Remus shiver to be regarded in such a way.

“Remus,” Greyback finally said around a yawn. He already seemed bored of the conversation. “Where did you run off to?”

Remus hoped against hope that that was simply a figure of speech, and that Greyback hadn’t actually seen him run off. “Nowhere,” Remus said nonchalantly. “I just thought you’d want to enjoy your meal in peace.” Remus suppressed the frown that threatened to spread across his face at the way he had just described the last moments of Talon’s life.

Greyback licked his lips at the words, looking impossibly hungry for more. “You could have helped yourself, you know. I like to share. Sometimes.”

Remus had no idea how to respond to that, so he didn’t say anything, trying to act like he didn’t want to be sick.

Greyback got to his feet then, stretching and yawning some more. After such a big meal, Remus imagined he could probably do with a nap. “Oh, that’s right,” Greyback said tiredly. “You don’t eat meat, do you?”

“I…not that fresh.” Remus really didn’t like this conversation. Given, he had been expecting far worse, but this wasn’t exactly welcome, either.

“You’re used to cooked food, I know.” He approached Remus, still licking his lips, seeming to savor every last drop of the blood that remained behind. “I believe I’ve told you before that I don’t want this place to be like a prison. That’s exactly what those _humans_ tried to make this place into at one time - locking us into tiny little cells, and starving us so that we were forced to eat whatever the hell they bothered to give us if we wanted to survive. If I tried to dictate what you could and could not eat, I wouldn’t be much better than they are, now would I?”

Remus thought it was rather ironic for Greyback to be talking about being better than anyone. Greyback probably didn’t even realize that he’d picked up a lot of his behaviors from those who ran the colonies, and as a result, he was more like them than he’d ever admit. Not to mention, those who ran werewolf colonies weren’t exactly upstanding citizens, but at least they didn’t eat people.

“If you want to eat berries and nuts for now,” Greyback went on without waiting for a response, “help yourself. I understand that you’re not comfortable yet with the thought of preying on people or your fellow werewolves. You lived among those _humans_ for so long…you’ve allowed them to tame you. They’ve forced you into a mold, forced you to eat _their_ food. It’s only what you’re used to, so I can’t blame you for that.”

Greyback looked him up and down in that penetrating way that made Remus feel like his entire soul was being exposed. He reached up a hand and ran one blood-encrusted fingernail under Remus’s chin. “Give it some time,” Greyback purred. “I never would have made you my beta wolf unless I thought you were absolutely capable of filling that role. I’m not the least bit disappointed in anything you’ve done thus far, but I know it will take some time until you let go of some of those human habits. Until you truly embrace your wolf. But it will happen. Of that I’m sure.”

Remus knew that this whole experience was changing him. He’d finally admitted it to himself that he’d never be the same person he’d been before, but there was one thing he knew. He would never, ever be anything even remotely close to Greyback, and he’d never let his wolf take him over completely. Of that _he_ was sure.

Greyback had turned away from Remus and was starting to make his way through the forest. Remus hesitated for a moment, not sure if he was meant to follow or not. In the end, it didn’t seem like their conversation was the least bit over. Besides, wasn’t that a second-in-command’s job, to follow his superior around? If he was expected to follow and he didn’t, that very well might upset Greyback, so Remus decided that he couldn’t go wrong with sticking to his alpha. He quickly made his way through the brush, rushing to keep up.

Greyback headed back towards the center of the compound where his shack was located. He stopped along the way, leaning against a tree and watching a small group of the epsilons (Althea included) that had gathered some distance away. They only looked to be chatting casually, but Greyback seemed very interested in them nonetheless.

Remus came up behind Greyback. The epsilons were a bit too far away for Remus to hear anything they were saying, but he wondered if Greyback could. His senses were obviously sharper than Remus’s could ever be, and he sensed things that no one else could.

After a while, Greyback looked back over his shoulder at Remus. “Just checking,” he explained. “Talon got some of them to be right little upstarts recently, but I think I’ve put a stop to that. They seem very concerned with this recent turn of events, and none of them sound very keen on causing anymore problems.” Greyback grinned. “They know not to question me anymore, because it will only land them in hot water.”

Greyback kept on walking back towards the center of the compound, leaving Remus to marvel at the fact that Greyback had heard the other werewolves so clearly from this distance. Or maybe he hadn’t heard them at all. Perhaps Greyback sensed things from their body language or even their smell. Either way, it made Remus wonder if he was truly fooling Greyback as much as he thought he was.

Remus knew he should be following Greyback, but he stood rooted to his spot a little bit longer, watching the group of epsilons. Just then, Althea looked up and their eyes connected for a long time. As long as Remus dared, because it was now clear that Greyback expected him to come along. Remus finally broke their gaze, and once again rushed to catch up with the alpha wolf.

When Remus was close enough, Greyback began talking again. “Speaking of the epsilons, why do you hang around with that one blonde so much? What’s her name?”

“Althea,” Remus said. He was sure that Greyback knew very well what her name was. After all, he had called her by name just that morning, but he was apparently trying to play her off as insignificant and forgettable. “And I don’t hang around with her. She follows me around.”

“Not following you now, is she?” Greyback asked. “I wonder if you now being my beta wolf scares her.” He stopped walking and turned around to face Remus again. “She’s beneath you, Remus. So far beneath you it’s not even funny.”

Remus was a bit caught off guard with this new line of questioning. Did Greyback expect him to stop associating with the epsilons, except when necessary? Remus certainly didn’t want to do that. After all, that would just be another step closer to being like Greyback - cutting off contact with those who were inferior.

“I don’t care if you do associate with her,” Greyback said, answering Remus’s unspoken questions. “We’ve been over this,” he said a bit tiredly. “I don’t make rules like that. You’re more than free to talk to whichever pack members you see fit. When will you realize that?”

It was possibly the first time Greyback had ever sounded the least bit annoyed with Remus, so he quickly bowed his head. “I’m sorry, sir. I wasn’t questioning you. I’m just not used to this.” Remus was abhorred at what he was about to say, but he forced himself to go on before he could lose his nerve. “Those _humans_ had so many rules for how I was supposed to behave. It surprises me that I’m free to do whatever I wish here. Within reason.”

“Indeed,” Greyback hummed. “I think those _humans_ would be downright shocked that I’m not as bad as they make me out to be.” He smiled to himself like he had made a joke, then turned his head to look back towards the epsilons. “I just brought it up, because you’re so different from Talon. Once he made it up a couple of ranks, anyone beneath him was automatically off limits, unless he needed to discipline them.” When he looked at Remus again, he asked, “But you don’t mind talking to anyone, do you?”

“No,” Remus replied truthfully. “I was a zeta not long ago, and Althea talked to me then. Why should she no longer be fit company just because I’ve moved up a few ranks?”

“Far more than a few, Remus,” Greyback reminded him around a grin. “It may surprise you, but that gives me confidence in you. Talon’s problem was that he let his seniority go to his head. He got it in his mind that he could do no wrong, so he started acting out in every way possible. As I’ve said, you’re obviously very different, so I don’t expect to have that problem with you.”

“I hope not, sir. I don’t want to disappoint you.” Remus looked towards the epsilons as well, hoping that Greyback didn’t catch the disgust that he was sure was present on his face at telling such lies. He saw Althea again, and the idea came to him so quickly, it was almost overwhelming. Remus knew that Althea was feeling a little bit leery of him, especially since the latest events with Talon. Remus was sure she couldn’t care less whether she was any higher in the pack or not, but if Remus could get her a promotion, something she hadn’t been able to achieve on her own, perhaps it would help persuade her to trust him a little more. He only hoped he wouldn’t be overstepping his bounds.

“Sir?” Remus asked tentatively. “Permission to speak freely?”

“Knock yourself out. You’re well past the point of having to censor yourself around me.”

“Althea’s been here a long time,” Remus explained. “Two years, she told me, and she’s still an epsilon.”

“Some of the other epsilons have been here even longer than that,” Greyback replied. “I don’t promote them just for being here and quietly following the rules. For that, they get to stay. Nothing more. I promote them when they do something that makes them stand out, something that proves their undying loyalty to me.” He tilted his head towards Remus. “Such as you. I promoted you, because you never fail to stand and face me, even when you are terrified that you’ve done something wrong. That’s something not a single one of the other werewolves here can claim. Just you, and I thought you should be rewarded for it.”

Remus ducked his head again in a sign of submission, which Greyback usually liked to see after he gave a compliment. “Well…Althea did. To me, at least.” He raised his gaze then, looking Greyback straight in the eye. “When I first came here…she took me under her wing. Explained some of the things that I wasn’t sure about. She helped me adjust, I guess, faster than I would have done otherwise.”

“Is that so?” Greyback asked, sounding a bit skeptical. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down his nose at Remus. “What are you saying? That I should promote her?”

Remus wondered if he really was treading on thin ice. It was difficult to read Greyback, because his moods seemed to shift so quickly sometimes. “No. It’s not my place to tell you what to do, sir. I just thought I’d let you know that she helped me.”

Greyback seemed to consider this, stepping closer to Remus until they were mere inches apart. “Do you think she had any part at all in getting you where you are right now?”

Remus thought he knew exactly what had gotten him into his position as Greyback’s second-in-command. It was Remus’s submissive yet brave nature that Greyback liked so much, and that would be true with or without Althea in the picture. Greyback, however, didn’t need to know that. “I don’t know,” Remus lied, shrugging. “I suppose she could have.”

Silence fell for a while, during which Greyback seemed to be going over his options very carefully. He even looked Remus over even more closely than before and spent some sniffing the air, as if those things would tell him whether or not Remus was lying. Greyback did have keen senses, but the more time that went on, the more Remus became convinced that they were nothing more than - sharp senses. He liked to pretend that he could smell things like lies and deceit on people, but surely he would have killed Remus by now if that were the case. Remus was positive by now that it was just one of the things that Greyback used to make himself appear even more threatening than he already did.

“If she was the least bit responsible for giving me such a promising beta, perhaps she does deserve a promotion,” Greyback replied quietly. “I’ll think about it.”

Suddenly, Greyback turned on his heel again, and Remus finally realized that they were, in fact, heading back in the directions of Greyback’s shack. Remus hurried to catch up again, swallowing hard. That only meant that Greyback wanted to discuss something with him that no one else would overhear. He followed the hulking wolf through the underbrush, wondering what on earth Greyback could possibly want to talk about now.

When they returned to the shack, Remus ascended the small wooden steps after Greyback, closing the door behind him. It was getting on towards dinner, and the sun had already started to set, leaving the interior of the shack rather dim. Just the way Greyback liked it.

If Remus wasn’t imagining things, he thought he could make out the faintest smirk on Greyback’s face. He looked oddly amused with something, and that made Remus distinctly uneasy. He shifted on his feet.

“You please me, Remus,” Greyback finally said. “I didn’t order you to follow me, yet here you are.”

“Er…I didn’t think our conversation was over,” Remus responded. “If you didn’t want me around, I figured you’d tell me to get lost.”

Greyback’s ugly, toothy grin was back, his sharp and yellowed fangs gleaming in the darkness. “Indeed.” He laughed, a sound that came out more like a growl than anything. “Again I have to say how different from Talon you are. If I had left him in the woods, he couldn’t be bothered to follow me. Not unless I ordered him to, in which case, he didn’t disobey. Not back then. But sometimes I had to remind him - give him orders for things that should have been common sense already.” Greyback crossed the shack, growing closer to Remus until they were a minute distance apart. When Greyback spoke again, his voice was raised. “I had to remind him of his job here! That as my second-in-command, his priority was to serve me! Not himself. He forgot that sometimes. But not you. You’ll never forget that, will you?”

Remus had been a little taken aback by Greyback’s shouting. For a precarious moment there, Remus had almost begun to think that Greyback was angry at him for some reason, but apparently it was just some long held in anger for Talon. Then again, Remus wished that Greyback would stop comparing him to Talon already. It only served to make Remus feel worse, reminding him of what he had allowed to happen to the previous beta. Remus looked Greyback straight in the eye and shook his head. “No, sir.”

“No,” Greyback repeated. “I know you won’t. You’re a good pup.”

He turned away again, for which Remus was thankful for, because this time, he failed to suppress the shiver that ran through him. He hated being praised in such a way by Greyback. In fact, it almost made Remus want to shout about how he’d never truly be loyal to Greyback.

Greyback stalked to the small wooden table near the back of the shack. He leaned against it, which always made Remus think that the small rickety structure would give out under the weight of the stocky werewolf, but it never did.

“I’m sure you recognized the visitor I had today,” Greyback said after a while.

Remus considered denying this, but then he reminded himself that he should be telling as few lies as possible. He had no doubt that they would catch up to him someday, so the fewer he told, the better. Remus nodded once. “Amycus Carrow. A Death Eater.”

“Yes.” Greyback didn’t say anything further right away, but he seemed to be watching Remus carefully, trying to gauge his feelings. After a while, he went on. “How would you feel about accompanying me on…a _job_ with the rest of the Death Eaters?” Before Remus could even think about his response, Greyback added, “I know you’ve only just denounced your loyalty to Dumbledore, but I think this might be a good way for you to announce your switch to everyone. To show them all - and me - who are you really are loyal to now.”

Of course Remus wouldn’t say no, but he didn’t want to seem too eager, so he pretended to mull over his decision for a while. Even though the prospect of going anywhere with Greyback and the rest of the Death Eaters scared him senseless, Remus knew that he might inevitably have the chance to save someone from a horrible fate. He couldn’t pass that up. That was even a part of the reason he was here at all - to do whatever possible to help their side. “I’m honored, sir,” Remus said quietly, lying through his teeth, “that you think I’m ready for such a responsibility.”

“I never would have made you my second-in-command if I thought otherwise,” Greyback replied. “So that’s a yes?”

“Of course, sir,” Remus firmly. “Whatever you wish of me.”

“Wonderful,” Greyback hummed. “After this, all those wolves will realize once and for all that I made the right decision in making you my beta. You won’t have them whispering behind your back anymore.” Greyback started to pick at some of the dried blood on his fingernails. “Although I’m sure the rest of the wizarding world will be whispering. They’ll be so distraught that they trusted you for so long. You won‘t mind that, will you?”

“No, sir,” Remus bit out, although Greyback’s words were making him more uncomfortable by the minute. “In fact, I’d like very much to see the expression on Dumbledore’s face when he realizes where my loyalties now lie.”

“Maybe not Dumbledore,” Greyback said conversationally, “but we’ll definitely see the expression on _someone’s_ face.” He laughed again, that sound that was beginning to grate on Remus’s nerves. “Yes, it should be good fun.” Greyback pushed away from the table and approached Remus once more. “I’m not quite sure when that will be yet, but soon. And when the time does come…make me proud, Remus.”

“I plan to, sir.”

“I know you will. I can‘t wait.” Greyback gave him one last gruesome grin before turning on his heel and heading for the door, leaving Remus alone in the ever-darkening shack.

He closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath he didn’t know he had been holding, rubbing a shaking hand over his face. It was getting ever harder to keep up with this charade, to pretend that he was unfailingly loyal to Greyback when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sometimes, Remus barely stopped the urge to scream about how he was loyal to Dumbledore, that he would always be loyal to Dumbledore, and that Greyback was a giant fool for ever thinking otherwise. He obviously didn’t know Remus as well as he thought he did.

Or perhaps he did, because sometimes Remus got the distinct feeling that Greyback knew exactly what was going on. That he was playing Remus just as much as Remus thought he was playing Greyback. Maybe it was just in Greyback’s demeanor, the way he always tried to act like a know-it-all. But if that was the case, why did Remus feel like he was being tested all over again?

_To be continued…_


	13. The End Is Near

Remus had taken to sleeping in the cave, which was reserved for the epsilons. However, Greyback had told him that he was allowed to sleep anywhere he wished, and he was taking full advantage of that. Remus figured that if he was going to try to sway as many of the werewolves over to Dumbledore’s side as possible, his best bet was with the lowest ranking ones. He reasoned that they wouldn’t be as close or as loyal to Greyback as some of the others, and they’d have the least to lose if they ever did decide to abandon the pack.

Remus thought that by sharing their sleeping arrangements, they’d realize that he didn’t think himself any better than the rest of them, and that he’d begin to gain their trust. His attempts were proving to be futile, however; with the exception of Althea, they still all seemed very distrustful of him. Since Remus held such a high place in the pack, most of the others were leery of even talking to him, thinking that he would go running to Greyback with anything they said that was even remotely out of order.

Moreover, many viewed what had happened to Talon as a betrayal of the pack on Remus’s part. Talon was a bastard, yes, and everyone had hated him, but the rest of the werewolves very much had a pack mentality. Many of them were there for the very same reason - because they had nowhere else to go. They were all in this together, and there was safety in numbers. They may not always get along or agree with each other, but this was their family (or at least the closest thing to a family they had). They did not approve of causing problems for each other where Greyback was concerned.

They knew Talon was a troublemaker, and that he hadn’t been entirely innocent in the whole situation, but as far as they were concerned, Remus was the new one. Before he had come into their pack, they had all been living at least somewhat peacefully among each other. It was only when Remus had joined that the problems with Talon had started at all, which didn’t help Remus’s position any. Some of the werewolves were even beginning to suspect that Remus had come to them for the sole purpose of destroying the pack. Remus had only let things with Talon turn out like they had because he was trying to get on Greyback’s good side; he never imagined that he’d be sabotaging his efforts with the rest of the pack in the process.

On the other hand, at least no one was causing anymore problems for Remus. After what had happened to Talon, none of the other werewolves wanted to suffer a similar fate, so they were keeping quiet about their reservations for the most part. Remus sometimes caught them whispering about him among themselves, but none of them (as far as he knew) were going to Greyback with their concerns. He was pretty sure that Greyback wouldn’t have any of it anyway, and that he certainly would have heard about it if they had.

Remus knew that Greyback would want him to take action against them for their blatant disrespect - whispering about their second-in-command was certainly not allowed. Remus was also well aware that Greyback would want to hear about, or else for Remus to discipline the werewolves himself if he saw fit. But he didn’t. If Remus had any hope of swaying them over to Dumbledore’s side at all, it wouldn’t do to become physical with them, or to tattle on them to Greyback. Let them see exactly what kind of person Remus was when he didn’t cause them any problems over their insubordination; maybe they’d start to trust him then. Remus only hoped that Greyback wouldn’t ever catch them at it, because he was terrified of another Talon situation erupting, of being forced into possibly disciplining any of them. But so far nothing more had happened; they were obviously all being extra cautious, at least when Greyback was around.

Remus even began to suspect that many of the other werewolves were jealous of him. After all, he was the newest one there, and he already outranked all of them except for Greyback himself. The others had all been there for years, many of them still in the second to lowest rank. Remus imagined that a lot of them were pretty frustrated with him, that he just seemed to waltz in and charm Greyback so easily.

Remus would be lying if he said that very fact didn’t scare him. He oftentimes wondered if he was fooling Greyback at all. The alpha wolf seemed to pride himself on being able to tell when people were being untruthful with him. Greyback was a bit full of himself, but sometimes it seemed like he knew exactly what Remus was up to. It occurred to Remus that he might very well be the one that was being deceived, and that Greyback was only letting this continue to punish Remus for trying to put one over on him. Then again, Greyback was not a patient werewolf. At all. Many times, he told Remus that he wouldn’t waste any time in ripping Remus’s throat out if he found out he was being deceitful. Not that the thought of being mauled by Greyback made him feel any better, but he didn’t like the feeling that Greyback might be playing a game of cat and mouse with him either.

If nothing else, Remus at least felt like he was getting a little bit closer to Althea. They spent most days talking, usually about their lives before they had joined the pack. Remus still hadn’t told her what he was really doing there, but he kept planting ideas in her head that there was a better place - a better life - than the one they were currently living in. That she didn’t have to settle for this godforsaken place, because there were other options if she wanted them badly enough.

Remus had long since lost track of the days, but it was going on almost two full months since he had been there, because the moon was getting rather large and looming in the sky again. Many times, he felt like using a rock to carve marks into the wall of the cave in order to keep track of the days, but he had quickly decided against it. That was something that people in prisons did, and the last thing he wanted was to do more things to remind himself that that was exactly what this place was. He abhorred the moon even more for doing so.

He almost couldn’t believe it, that he had been living a lie for that long. That it had been so long since he had lived like an actual human being and since he had even seen home. The last time he had been to number twelve, Grimmauld Place was right after the last full moon. He’d gone there out of desperation, because he had felt so close to breaking down after the task that Greyback had asked him to perform in order to prove his loyalty. He was dying to go back again, to see his best friend once more, but he didn’t want to risk it. Remus had been extremely lucky, and he thought Greyback had been very forgiving of his missteps so far. Remus didn’t want to push his luck any more than he already had.

Remus would have to return home before the next full moon in order to get the Wolfsbane potion. Remus sure as hell wasn’t going to go through a transformation with the pack without it, not when they made it a point to position themselves near populated areas. Remus would never forgive himself if he ended up biting someone as a result, but the thought of going home again was almost too much to bear. Oh, he wanted nothing more than to return home _forever_ , but just going there for a few hours only made this experience all the more difficult for him. Every time he set foot in his home, it just made it that much harder to return to the compound, to continue on with the farce his life had become. In fact, home almost felt like a carrot hanging in front of a turtle, the one that made the turtle keep going out of hunger, but the one that the animal would never really get, the one that would remain perpetually out of his reach.

Remus would go to get the Wolfsbane the night before the full moon and no sooner. Greyback did tell him that he was allowed to leave the compound if he wanted, just as long as he was back in time for all before-meal meetings, but Remus wanted to put as much time in between his visits as possible. He didn’t want to make it too obvious what he was up to, and he feared that by leaving the compound regularly, he might arouse even more suspicion from the other werewolves.

He was also afraid that if he went home again, he’d be tempted to stay there and forget this entire plan. If he went on the night before the full moon in order to get the Wolfsbane, he felt like that would a staunch reminder that his time with the werewolves wasn’t over yet. That it wouldn’t be over until he did _something_ \- swayed _someone_ over to their side or learned some epic secret that would help them in the war.

“It’s almost lunchtime,” said Althea, approaching him and pulling Remus from his thoughts.

He was in what had become their customary position where they liked to sit and talk - outside of the cave, leaning up against the side wall. Giving her a half-hearted smile, he adjusted his legs and pressed his back into the wall of the cave, wriggling around. Nearly two months of sleeping on shoddy beds and the ground was beginning to catch up with him. He longed even more for his bed at home, for the mattress, his pillows, and the blankets, all worn and soft with age.

“Wonderful,” Remus muttered. He had come to hate mealtimes with the pack. Trying to sustain himself on whatever nuts and berries he could find while the others made it a point to hunt live animals only served to alienate Remus from the others even more. Greyback told him that he could eat whatever he pleased, but the others were already suspicious of him, and this didn’t help matters any. But Remus would never lower himself to catching and killing anything, not even in the interest of proving his loyalty. He wouldn’t.

When Althea reached the cave, she sat down next to Remus, leaning back against the stone wall as well. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

“About my home,” Remus answered almost before he could even think about it. He turned his face away from her and added quietly, “Before I came here.”

“You miss it.” Althea’s tone was knowing.

Remus shook his head. “There’s not really anything to miss,” he lied, even though he suspected that he was already fighting a losing battle. He and Althea never came right out and said things a lot of the time; they danced around topics and made insinuations, but it always seemed like the other one knew exactly what it was they meant.

“That’s what you say, but…I know you do.” She started playing with a strand of her hair, which she had a habit of doing when she didn’t want to look at him. “It’s in the way you lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling of the cave so intently, it’s like you’re reading it. Like there are words written there that only you can see.”

Remus turned towards her again and raised an eyebrow. “You watch me sleep?”

Althea shrugged, and Remus thought he could see a pinkish color growing in her face. “You’re not sleeping anyway.”

“Not much, no,” Remus sighed. “But how do you know I’m thinking about home?” His eyes darted around the area, and he lowered his voice before leaning in closer to her and going on. “I could be thinking up ways to try and get Greyback to bathe, for instance.”

Althea snorted loudly, pressing a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. “And he does need one. Badly. But that‘s not what you‘re thinking about.”

“Althea…”

“You told me once that this isn’t you,” she interrupted. “That this place isn’t you, how you’re acting isn’t you. Sometimes I think that a part of you is still at home.”

Remus wanted to deny it; she was coming awfully close to figuring him out and that terrified him, but what could he say? It was the complete and absolute truth - a part of him _was_ still at home. It was where he belonged, the only place on earth where he felt totally accepted. Of course a part of him would always be there. Not to mention, his best friend was there. Remus almost felt like they were two halves of the same whole - Remus the calm and sensible part, Sirius the wild and crazy part. They complimented each other perfectly. People might suspect that they would drive each other to the nuthouse after a while, and sometimes they did; most of the time, however, they seemed to fit together like two puzzle pieces - one not making sense without the other.

“You’re not here for the same reasons the rest of us are,” Althea said on. “I think you _do_ have a place to go, and that you’re _not_ here as a last resort.”

Remus felt like he was on the verge of spilling his guts. Althea kept prodding, and Remus could only keep everything inside for so long. “Althea,” he repeated, “I told you that there are things going on that you can’t understand and that I can’t explain to you. Not yet.” He pressed his head back into the wall of the cave, looking up at the sky, perhaps for answers. “Or maybe I can. I don’t know.”

Althea was quiet for a long time, but then she said, “I suppose I can understand that. You don’t trust me yet, and why would you? I‘m just a werewolf in Greyback‘s pack. None of us are very trustworthy.”

At that moment, many of the werewolves started emerging from the woods and heading to the mess hall for the customary before-meal meeting. Suddenly, Remus didn’t hate said meetings so much, because he was more than ready for his conversation with Althea to be over.

“We’re going to be late,” he said, getting quickly to his feet. He didn’t wait for her to follow him, not like he usually did, but made his way to the mess hall among the throng of werewolves.

Once again, Greyback was the last one to arrive. He took a moment to look around and make sure everyone was accounted for as usual. When he had taken note of everyone, he frowned deeply, then looked around the room again, slower this time, counting more carefully. When he finished the second time, Greyback stood there, looking very puzzled, but Remus didn’t understand why. No one was missing that he could he see. Perhaps Greyback was going senile.

Suddenly, Greyback threw his head back and laughed. “It’s funny. Sometimes I keep thinking that Talon should be here, but he’s not. Obviously.” He licked his lips as if he could still taste the former second-in-command on them.

Remus closed his eyes against the stark reminder of what had happened to Talon. Of what he had allowed to happen to Talon. Of just how much he disrupted this entire pack by thinking that he could be a part of it.

“No matter,” Greyback hummed cheerily. He clasped his hands behind his back and started to walk back and forth in the middle of the group. He loved to do that when he spoke to them. Remus suspected it made him feel important. “I have an announcement today,” Greyback said. “As I’m sure most of you are aware, I’ve been quite pleased with my new second-in-command. Remus has been doing a wonderful job since being promoted to his new rank three weeks ago. I’ve had absolutely no reservations, then or now, with my decision. I suspect that might come as a shock to some of you.” He paused in his steps and swept a glare across the group. “I’m well aware that some of you haven’t been happy with his appointment, but I see you’ve all learned to keep your opinions to yourselves. And you’ll continue to do so, because that’s not for any of you to decide. Just me, but Remus is proving to be quite a promising beta wolf. Better than, I think, any of you could have done. Deal with it.”

Remus was even more sure than ever that Greyback just liked to hear himself talk. He often made similar speeches to the pack, repeating things that they already knew very well. None of the other werewolves had been that out of line lately, so Remus really didn’t think that Greyback needed to go over these things as often as he did, but apparently Greyback enjoyed it. Remus, on the other hand, hated it. It only served to put him on a pedestal, to make him even more separate from the group than he already was.

After pausing for effect, Greyback continued, “However, it has come to my attention that Remus had some help in achieving his current position. Anyone that had a part in giving me such loyal second-in-command certainly deserves to be rewarded.” He took a few steps towards one of the corners. “Jameson,” he said, raising a finger and motioning for her to come forward.

Althea always stood near one of the corners during meetings, and she looked absolutely put on the spot by being summoned forward. Her eyes went wide, and she reminded Remus of a deer caught in a pair of headlights. She stared at Remus for a moment, and he didn’t like her expression. Not one bit. It was somewhere in between anger and accusing, and either way, Remus wondered if he had made a grave mistake in trying to get her a promotion.

Directing her eyes to floor, Althea made her way through the group until she was standing just in front of Greyback. He stared down at her, and it only now occurred to Remus how much smaller she was than him. Greyback simply towered over her, and if he ever had a reason to attack her, she wouldn’t stand much of a chance. No wonder she didn’t like to make a spectacle of herself.

“Jameson,” Greyback drawled, seeming to savor the fact that she looked terrified. “You helped Remus when he first came here, did you not? Explained to him a little about the pack and made it a little easer for him to adjust. Is that not right?”

Althea threw her eyes towards Remus again for a moment, then back down at the floor. “Yes, sir. I suppose I did.”

Greyback reached out, placing one finger underneath her chin and forcing her to look up at him. He grinned when their eyes met, that ugly toothy grin that never failed to send a shiver down Remus’s spine.

“Look at me when I talk to you,” Greyback softly. “It is a sign of respect after all.” He released her chin, and she kept her eyes pinned on his, so Greyback seemed quite satisfied with that. “As I said, since you had a hand in giving me a stronger beta than I ever imagined, you certainly deserve to be rewarded for that. I’m moving you up a rank to delta. Congratulations.”

Althea’s eyes went wide again, almost as if she didn’t believe it. Judging by her body language, it had almost looked like she was bracing herself to be punished, certainly not rewarded. Now that Remus thought about it, that was how most of the other werewolves looked at that moment - that they didn’t believe this recent turn of events at all. None of them moved a muscle or made a sound, of course; none of them fancied angering Greyback at all.

Althea stumbled over her words before she was finally able to get out, “Thank you, sir. I’m honored.” Her tone was one of disbelief, but she still she kept her eyes on Greyback, which seemed to please him even more.

“As you should be,” Greyback said. He stepped away from her, turning to face the rest of the werewolves. “I trust you can all adjust to this change, and I won’t have any problems from any of you over it, hm?” When a murmur of assent went through the group, Greyback said, “Very good.”

He started pacing back and forth again, running one of his long yellowed fingernails over his chin like he was trying to remember something. “Oh, yes.”

He turned to Bruno Canin, a wolf with straw-colored hair. He held the position of gamma in the pack, just one rank below Remus. Before Remus had been promoted to beta wolf, everyone had seemed pretty certain that Canin would have been the one to replace Talon. He had often followed Talon around, copying his every move and had seemed pretty favorable with Greyback. Until Remus had arrived, that was. Now, Greyback seemed to have a different view of all the werewolves, and he no longer seemed to like Canin as much as he once had. In fact, Greyback told Remus that Canin was nothing more than a sick little pup who wasn’t capable of thinking for himself.

It was rather disconcerting just how much of an effect Remus was having on them all.

“Canin,” Greyback said, “I would like you to come to my shack after lunch. I have something to discuss with you.”

“Yes, sir,” Canin replied, sounding slightly confused.

Remus, on the other hand, was very confused. It wasn’t often that Greyback called anyone from the pack into his shack to discuss things. Remus was the one who had been in there the most recently, but only because he was Greyback’s second-in-command. Remus didn’t think anyone else from the pack had been in there since Talon had held that position.

“That’s all for today,” Greyback said. He almost looked he was going to say more, but then he thought better of it. He promptly turned on his heel and headed out of the shack.

The other werewolves began to follow, some of them whispering in hushed tones about Althea’s promotion. A tiny part of Remus wondered if Greyback was still close enough to hear them, in which case, they were skating on thin ice. And so was Remus if he didn’t say something.

“Excuse me,” Remus barked, causing them all to stop and stare at him. It wasn’t often that Remus raised his voice to them, but he thought this time was necessary. “Is there a problem?”

Many of them shook their heads rapidly, and a few of them murmured, “No, sir.”

“Then I suggest that you all _quietly_ get to lunch,” Remus said firmly. “No one asked for your opinions on the matter.”

They all ducked their heads, hastening their exit from the shack, until Remus was left alone with only Althea. Remus shut his eyes again, leaning back into the wall of the mess hall. Oh, how he hated having to discipline any of them. He was not cut out for any of this at all, and it made him even more uncomfortable than he already was. It felt like every time he raised his voice, any time he corrected them, it was just making the target on his back even larger.

“What was that?” Althea hissed when she was sure they were alone. She stalked over to him, her hands on her hips. “I don’t need you to do me any favors, thank you very much. I’m quite capable of taking care of myself in case you hadn’t noticed, and I was doing just fine before you arrived.”

This was definitely not turning out the way that Remus had hoped. He opened and closed his mouth several times, not sure how he should attempt to placate her. “Althea, I didn’t…” He took a deep breath, rethinking his strategy. “All I said to Greyback was the truth. That you helped me when I first arrived here. That’s all. He made assumptions like he always does, which I find rather funny, considering he always says that assuming makes an arse out of you and me.”

Althea didn’t looked amused. Not one bit.

“I’m sorry,” Remus pleaded. “I didn’t know it would make you that uncomfortable. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said anything.”

“I like to blend in,” Althea said, moving her arms to cross them over her chest now. “Did it ever occur to you that I’ve held the same position here for two years because I wanted to? Because I don’t like to draw any attention to myself? I’m not stupid. I know exactly what sorts of things will please Greyback, but the way things are now, he doesn’t take any notice of me and that’s the way I like it. I’m just…here. You constantly have to watch your step, you constantly have to be on guard that you may do something that’ll anger him. I can tell from your posture - you’re always so tense all the time.” Remus felt like inquiring about the fact that she watched him again, but she didn’t even seem to take any notice of what she had just said. “But me,” she went on, “I’m just a lowly epsilon. Or I was until you interfered. Greyback doesn’t care what I do. As long as I come to all the meetings and don’t cause any problems, I’m free to do as I wish, and I never have to think twice about it.”

She turned away from him, taking a few steps across the room. “I don’t want this _promotion_ ,” she sneered. “The higher you move in this pack, the more aware you have to be of your actions, of the fact that Greyback is watching you in case he ever needs any other betas.” She scoffed. “Of course, you can’t tell Greyback that, because he’ll accuse you of being ungrateful.”

“You never said-”

“You never _asked_!” Althea cut him off. “It might have been nice if you had run this past me first before going to Greyback with it.”

“I told you, I didn’t know that Greyback was going to do this,” Remus lied. This was bad. So far, Remus had been telling as few lies to Althea as possible. Actually, he was only _hiding_ certain things from her, not outright lying, and he almost felt like they were at the point of being completely open with each other. Almost. This was not going to help matters at all, especially when he felt like had been so close to being able to tell her the truth. Now he was lying about what he said and what Greyback did, which could all very well come back to bite him in the arse.

“Yeah,” Althea said, “I may make comments about how lucky you are to have gotten your position so quickly, but the truth is, I couldn’t care less what rank you or anyone else here holds. It’s just a silly title, and as I said, I do just enough to blend in here. I have to act like ranks and things impress me. It’s an act, Remus. An act. Surely you’re quite familiar with that.”

“I don’t-”

Althea rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t. Don’t go over that rubbish about how you have no clue what it is I’m on about, because you do. You know very well what I’m talking about. _This isn’t you_ , so obviously this is all an act on your part, isn’t it?”

Remus didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to respond, and he felt everything he had done here was falling apart at the seams. All the time he had spent, all the carefully laid plans he had put into place were in danger of being destroyed in a matter of seconds. Everything he had done would be a waste.

“I was hoping you would confide in me on your own,” Althea whispered. “After all, you said you would someday. Obviously, you don’t trust me enough for that yet, but you do trust me enough to get me a promotion. Weird.”

“All right!” Remus snapped. For some reason, he could feel his anger rising out of control, something that it hardly ever did. That seemed to be happening more and more the longer he was here. “I’m not loyal to Greyback! Is that what you want to hear?”

“And you think I am?” Althea yelled back, pressing a hand to her chest. “Remus, I told you, I’m only here because I have nowhere else to go. I hate Greyback! The sight of him makes me sick, he disgusts me more than anyone else I’ve ever met in my life-”

“Well, that makes two of us,” Remus commented dryly.

Althea was quiet for a moment, her chest heaving with anger. “I hate it here,” she said, getting her temper back in check. Shouting at the top of their lungs about how they hated Greyback wasn’t exactly the smartest idea. When she spoke again, her voice was much lower than before. “I don’t want to be here, but I don’t have a choice. No one will hire a werewolf to do _anything_. I can’t support myself, and I don’t have anyone to help me out even a little bit. Everyone I used to know - they’re all disgusted by what I am. At least I get a place to sleep and a steady supply of food here. And it’s safe.” Remus opened his mouth to protest, but Althea corrected, “Safe from those who hate werewolves, of course.”

They were both silent for a while. Remus had simply run out of things to say. He knew his entire plan was in shambles, and nothing he could do or say now was going to save any face with Althea.

“So let’s hear your story,” she said. “You do have a better place to go, don’t you? That much is clear from the way you talk about _home_ ,” she said in a mocking tone, but it gave Remus a tiny bit of hope. “But yet, you chose to come here instead. Why is that?”

She knew. She didn’t need Remus to tell her. She was well aware that he was a spy. She had figured him out.

“That’s what I thought,” Althea said. “I suspected for a while now, but…you could have just told me.”

“It wasn’t that easy!” Remus exclaimed. “You of all people should know that most of the werewolves here will sell their soul to the devil to move up a rank. If any of them even have any souls.” He shook his head in an effort to keep his mind on the topic at hand. “Just like Talon, you could have gone running off to Greyback-”

“But I never did!” Althea interrupted. “As I’ve said, I suspected for a long time now, but I never said one word to Greyback. Ever. I could have easily backed up the things Talon was saying, you know. Told Greyback that you’re really not all that trustworthy. Maybe the both of us would have held some weight with Greyback. If you never even realized how easily I could have ruined things for you…” She took a deep shuddering breath, trying to compose herself. “But I kept your secret, and if you thought, even for a second, that I would go to Greyback with it…you never knew me as well as you thought you did.” With that, she swept from the shack, leaving Remus alone.

“Althea!” he called after her, but she was already gone, and Remus knew she wasn’t coming back. That she might never talk to him ever again. He banged his head back against wall in annoyance, letting out a growl of frustration. He had only tried to get Althea a promotion, because he thought it might gain even more of her trust. Remus never imagined that it would destroy whatever relationship they’d already had.

This was definitely not working out the way he had intended.

For the first time in quite a while, Remus ate his meal alone. He almost always spent mealtimes with Althea, but she was nowhere to be seen, and Remus doubted they’d ever eat together again. He was completely alienated from the pack now, Greyback being the only one that even remotely seemed to like him, and Remus wondered how long that would last.

Remus spent the rest of the afternoon in the forest, leaning up against a tree and watching the sun move across the sky. He didn’t have any idea how this would impact his time here, whether Althea would say anything to anybody or not. She wouldn’t go to Greyback, Remus was certain of that, especially not now, and he wouldn’t believe her if she did anyway. Remus knew he was in well enough with Greyback to discredit anything she claimed, but Merlin only knew what she could say to the other werewolves. She didn’t like any of them, but perhaps she would let something slip out of anger, and that would just make things that much worse for him. But Remus wasn’t really keen on finding out how much worse. Not at all, so he decided to avoid everyone for as long as possible. At least until the next meeting, when he would be forced to rejoin the others.

Unbeknownst to Remus, he would never have another meeting with the rest of the pack again.

_To be continued…_


	14. The Journey

“Lupin.”

Remus jerked awake. He was still leaning up against the tree in the forest where he had sat down after he finished eating. He must have passed out from exhaustion, and now his back was screaming in pain from being pressed up against the hard trunk for so long. He leaned forward, twisting around a bit to try and relieve the cramp that had settled into his muscles.

Judging from the position of the sun in the sky, it was getting rather late; it would be getting dark soon, which meant that it was almost time for the pack’s before-dinner meeting. Remus supposed that it was good that he was awoken now, because sleeping through a meeting would not please Greyback at all. Especially given the opinion that the rest of the werewolves had of Remus at the moment, he wanted to do as little to rock the boat as possible.

It took a while for Remus to get his bearings, but he finally noticed that Canin was standing over him, apparently waiting for a response.

“Sorry,” Remus said, running a hand over his eyes and through his hair. “Did you want something?”

“Greyback wants to see you,” Canin said. “In his shack.”

Remus’s heart gave an unpleasant thump. He couldn’t imagine what in the world Greyback would want to see him for…unless Althea had said something to him. But no, Remus didn’t want to believe that. She was angry at him, but Remus still considered her a friend. She wouldn’t lower herself to that level - running off to Greyback with the information she now had. What would she hope to accomplish from that? Aside from the fact that Greyback might not believe her and get angry at her for lying, Althea had made it quite clear that she didn’t care about gaining ranks. She liked to blend in, and tattling on him to Greyback would have the opposite effect.

So what could Greyback possibly want from him now? At the last meeting, Greyback had told Canin to come to his shack after lunch. Had Canin been in there for this long? Did Greyback wanting to see him now have anything to do with that? Could Greyback possibly suspect Remus of being dishonest with him? Was he perhaps arranging for Remus’s departure from the pack?

Remus’s mind felt overloaded with all the possibilities, so he shook his head sharply, attempting to clear it. “Thank you,” he said to Canin, trying not to sound like he was scared to death. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Without saying another word, Canin turned on his heel, walking away, and disappearing into the forest.

Remus turned around, looking back in the direction of the compound for any clues as to what could be going on. He saw no one. Everyone was still apparently in the woods, waiting for the time of the next meeting.

Taking a deep breath, Remus got to his feet, which felt like they were full of jelly underneath him. He clung to the tree trunk for support, attempting to calm himself. He knew he shouldn’t keep Greyback waiting. When Greyback wanted to see you, he meant right this second, the hell with whatever you were doing at the moment.

Perhaps it was nothing. Maybe he just wanted to give Remus some more of the perverse praise that he had a habit of doing lately. Not that Remus wanted more of that from Greyback; it abhorred him to think that he was doing anything at all that pleased Greyback, but he would vastly prefer that to getting maimed or killed by the alpha wolf.

But standing here, waiting in fear would only anger Greyback more, so Remus forced himself to get moving. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides as he went, determined not to look like he was the least bit scared. Even though he was. Truth be told, he was terrified.

He crossed the compound on still shaking legs until he reached the bottom of the stairs that led to Greyback’s shack. Remus looked back over his shoulder, at the woods where he had just come from. Once again, he thought about how utterly easy it would be for him to leave, to run for the shelter of the woods, Disapparate, and never return. Why did he always have the urge to do that whenever Greyback summoned him to his shack? Even when Remus knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, the thought of stepping into that tiny little room with the alpha wolf was enough to make him crazy.

He hated being in that confined space with Greyback. Remus supposed it was partly due to the stench that followed Greyback everywhere. It was much easier to tolerate if they were out in the open, but Greyback also seemed much more intimidating inside his shack. Perhaps because it was _his_ domain, the place where no one else could go unless they were invited. Not to mention, if Greyback decided to attack him in such a confined space, Remus’s chances of escape would be almost nonexistent.

This wasn’t helping. Standing here, thinking about everything Greyback could do to him was only serving to make even more nervous than he already was. Remus was going to do this. He was going to remain a part of the pack until he wore out his welcome, for as long as Greyback would have him, until he was thrown out. If he left any sooner, he knew he would always wonder if he could have done more had he stayed longer.

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath before ascending the three small steps to the door. It stood wide open, and Greyback was inside with his back to Remus. He was leaning up against that small rickety table, the one that Remus was still waiting to collapse. Greyback was rather preoccupied with the fingernails of his right hand; he kept alternately looking at them and chewing at them fiercely like he had something stuck under them. Remus shivered.

Swallowing hard, Remus knocked lightly on the door. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Indeed I did,” Greyback hummed, not moving from his position nor taking his eyes from his fingernails. “Come in and close the door.”

Remus’s heart was beating erratically, but he did as he was told. He stepped into the shack and shut the door behind him. He stood there for a long time, waiting for Greyback to speak. Remus wanted to ask what this was all about, but he didn’t think he could do so without his voice shaking. Besides, Greyback liked to do things on his own time, and he hated to be rushed; if that meant keeping everyone else waiting, that was their problem.

After what seemed like forever, Greyback finally apparently decided that his fingernails were satisfactorily clean, because he turned to face Remus. Greyback looked thoroughly pleased about something, but Remus wasn’t entirely sure if that was a good thing or not.

“It’s time,” was all Greyback said.

“Time for what, sir?” Remus suspected that Greyback loved playing these games with people. He loved hinting at things and asking questions, but he never came right out and said anything until he was absolutely ready to do so. Perhaps Greyback enjoyed it like an animal would enjoy playing with its prey before the kill.

“Surely you remember I invited you to accompany me on a job with the rest of the Death Eaters,” Greyback replied. “It’s tonight.”

Remus was partially relieved to know that he wasn’t in any trouble, but this wasn’t exactly what he had been expecting either. With everything that had happened with Althea, Remus had entirely forgotten about the fact that Greyback had told him about such a mission. Not to mention, Remus had been hoping that Greyback would give him a little advance warning so that he might have time to inform Dumbledore beforehand. Somewhere in the back of his mind, however, Remus knew that he wouldn’t have any time to prepare. That wasn’t the way that Greyback played. If you weren’t ready at the moment Greyback decided, that was also your problem.

“You were wondering why I invited Canin to see me after lunch, yes?” Greyback asked.

“It…crossed my mind.”

“You weren’t afraid that you were being replaced?”

Was Greyback trying to make him jealous? Either way, the answer would be the same. “No, sir,” Remus said confidently. “You dislike Canin.”

“Now, yes. Very much so.” Greyback made a face and growled. “I dislike them all.” He paused, tilting his head and looking at Remus like was prey. “You put them all to shame. Not that I’m sorry you’re here. Quite the contrary. I’m very happy that you’ve come to us, but I am sorry that I thought so highly of the rest of them at one time.”

Remus wondered if this mission with the rest of the Death Eaters would force him to reveal where his true loyalties lay. It certainly seemed like a very real possibility to Remus, depending on what would be required of him. If it did come to that, Remus was very curious how Greyback would feel about the rest of the pack. After all, Greyback hadn’t had a problem with the rest of the werewolves before Remus had showed up. Remus suspected that Greyback would easily appoint Canin as his second-in-command and pretend that the entire past two months had never even happened. That actually sounded like a very good idea to Remus - pretending like this had never happened - and quite possibly the only thing that he had in common with the savage werewolf.

Greyback shook his head quite suddenly, almost like he realized he had gotten off track. “Anyway, since we’ll both be gone for the dinner meeting tonight, I asked Canin if he would oversee it and keep an eye on things until we return.” Greyback grimaced. “I know. He’s nothing but a sick pup who can’t think for himself, but he can handle that much. I’m sure of it. I wouldn’t trust him with much more than that, but one meeting…it’ll be fine.”

“I think so, too, sir.” If Greyback liked anything, it was being told he was right. “He isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he is loyal to you. Sometimes he gets blinded by that, but I think he can hold the roof down for one night.”

Greyback hummed grimly. “But as I was saying, I’m very pleased that you’ve joined us.” He approached Remus, standing just mere inches from him, and Remus strained not to cringe away from the stench. “That’s why I’ve asked you to join me tonight. I wouldn’t trust any of the others with this. Just you.”

“And I’m honored, sir.”

Greyback grinned, his yellow pointy teeth sending shivers down Remus’s spine. Not to mention Greyback’s breath. In this close proximity, especially indoors, it was just awful. Remus wanted nothing more than to give him a toothbrush and some toothpaste.

“As always,” Greyback continued, completely obvious to Remus’s discomfort, “I expect you to do as I say without hesitation. We’re going with a bunch of other Death Eaters, but we’re nothing but a bunch of animals to them, and you do not answer to them. You answer to me. Is that clear?”

Remus nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“They’re hesitant about me bringing any outside parties into this,” Greyback said. “They don’t trust my judgement as it is, so don’t do anything to embarrass me. Not that I care what they think of me, because talk about a bunch of mindless zombies going along with their master, because they don’t have a brain of their own. I go along for the prey, nothing more. If I bring in someone who isn’t absolutely trustworthy, I risk upsetting the Dark Lord, and I risk losing the victims that he offers to me. If you do anything to jeopardize that…I will be very angry,” Greyback finished with a growl.

Remus felt the insane urge to grin. After all, losing Greyback his position as a Death Eater wouldn‘t be such a bad thing; it might save a lot of innocent victims, but he couldn‘t let Greyback know that. Remus pressed his lips together in an attempt to contain the humor that he found in the situation. “I wouldn’t dream of it, sir.”

“I know you wouldn‘t,” Greyback replied. “That’s why I’m entrusting you with this.” At long last, Greyback stepped away from Remus, which he was grateful for. Greyback started pacing around the small shack before he continued speaking again. “The place where we’re going tonight…I imagine you’re very familiar with it.” Greyback watched Remus for a while, trying to gauge his reaction.

Remus had suspected that they might be going someplace from his past. After all, Greyback had made a point over the fact that this would be a good way for Remus to renounce his allegiance to Dumbledore. Of course there would be people there who would recognize him. Remus didn’t suspect anything less from Greyback, so he didn’t react, waiting for Greyback to speak again.

For a moment, Greyback even looked slightly amused by it all. “I don’t care even if you are,” Greyback went on. “If you see anyone you recognize, all the more reason to go out of your way to display where your loyalty now lies.” His pacing ceased and he stood in front of Remus once more, looking down his nose at him. He pressed one clawed finger to the underside of Remus’s chin. Greyback leaned in close, his face just inches away from Remus’s, and he inhaled deeply, sniffing him.

Remus hated when he did that. He hated when Greyback got even remotely close to him, let alone touched him, but smelling him was something else altogether. It made him feel like a piece of meat, like Greyback was preparing to devour him. And perhaps he was.

“You smell anxious,” Greyback growled.

Half the time, Remus liked to think that Greyback was completely full of it when he claimed he could smell emotions on people, but the other half, he wasn’t so sure. After all, if Greyback truly could identify emotions that easily, he would have killed Remus already for his deceit. But it was times like this when Greyback hit the nail on the head that made Remus wonder if Greyback really knew what was going on after all. If he was playing along with Remus because it amused him, like a cat playing with a mouse.

“I am, sir,” Remus said, trying not to let his voice shake. “Anxious to see how they’ll react when they see me standing next to you.” Remus threw his head back and looked Greyback directly in the eye.

Greyback smirked and there was a low rumbling sound in his chest, almost like a purr. “Anxious to show them exactly where their mistreatment of you has gotten them, hm? With one less follower, because you’re my pup now. Isn’t that right?”

Remus swallowed hard. “Completely, sir.”

“Then you have nothing to fear.” He released Remus and stepped around him, reaching for the door of the shack.

Remus used the opportunity to look away from the savage werewolf, pressing his eyes closed and taking a deep shuddering breath. Not only for the fresh air the now open door provided, but to try and regain some semblance of control. Whenever Greyback touched him, Remus got the intense urge to rip his own skin off. He didn’t know what it was. Perhaps it was just the filth that clung to every inch of him, or maybe it was the thought of every single person Greyback had ever ripped apart with those clawed fingernails. Remus wasn’t even sure, but it made him feel just as dirty, just as evil.

Not to mention, when Greyback went on about Remus’s loyalties, he wanted nothing more than to set him straight. To scream that he was and always would be loyal to Dumbledore, and nothing Greyback could ever say or do would change that. As horrible as the moment would be when he was found out, Remus prayed for it to come. He would still do everything in his power to put it off, to hold on to this lie for as long as possible, but if he was honest with himself, he wanted nothing more than for the truth to be revealed. To finally be able to return home and to make it clear to everyone that he wasn’t a traitor.

“Let us be on our way,” Greyback said cheerily, pulling Remus from his thoughts.

Trying his best to push his feelings away, Remus clenched his fists and turned to exit the shack. Greyback followed, pulling the door shut behind them.

“I’ll need you to Apparate us there,” Greyback said as he descended the stairs.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

“I know,” Greyback muttered, rolling his eyes. “I despise magic, but sometimes it’s necessary. Besides, this saves me from having to have one of the other Death Eaters come and _pick me up_ like I‘m some child. God, how humiliating. All the while, they whine about having to come here at all, about having to _fetch_ someone so _beneath_ them, and about having to _touch_ me.” Greyback snorted derisively. “Well, believe me, the feeling’s mutual. I’d like nothing more than to tear their fingers off any time they lay one on me.”

Remus didn’t exactly blame them for not wanting to touch Greyback, but he tried not to let his mind go there. He didn’t need to be distracted again. He simply just started walking for the shelter of the trees.

“Whoever said you couldn’t Apparate inside the compound?” Greyback asked curiously, following along behind him.

“Common knowledge,” Remus answered, glancing back over his shoulder. “Obviously the place would have had anti-Apparition wards all over the place at one time. Unless you know for a fact they’ve been removed, it’s best not to attempt Apparition inside the boundaries.”

Greyback muttered indistinctly for a moment. “I’ve been trying to get one of the Death Eaters and come here and get rid of them, because I want no traces of magic around here if I can help it. Of course, I’m not deemed _important_ enough for any of them to spare a moment to do so.” They walked in silence for a while, and then Greyback asked, “Could you do it?”

“Now without a wand. I left mine behind when I came here.”

“Smart pup. I wouldn’t have allowed you to have one here anyway, but…it’s a pity. The fewer traces of magic here, the better in my opinion.”

When they reached the tree line, Remus turned to face Greyback. “Sir?” he asked. “You haven’t told me where we’re going.”

“Oh, yes,” Greyback chuckled. “We’re going to Knockturn Alley.” He grinned at Remus’s expression. “You look surprised.”

Remus frowned. “Not exactly the place I was expecting, especially if we’re supposed to be running into people that I know.”

“Oh, it won’t be our final destination this evening,” Greyback corrected, “but it is our first stop. We need to _pick up_ the other Death Eaters.” He threw his head back and laughed, although Remus didn’t see what was so funny.

Remus merely held out his arm for Greyback to take. He tried not to shudder when he felt Greyback’s sharp claws poking through his sleeve and into his skin. He tried not to think about the fact that he might be feeling those same talons tearing into his flesh very soon if he wasn’t careful. Instead, Remus shut his eyes tightly and focused on their destination.

Apparating with Greyback was horrible. If Remus thought his stench was unbearable while standing next to him, it was nothing compared to being pressed in upon from all sides with the great hulking werewolf next to him. It even felt like the very smell was stronger, like the pressure from Apparition had increased it tenfold and was pressing it unbearably into his lungs. Remus had never been that fond of Apparition to begin with. After all, who was? But he had never been more grateful that a trip was over in his life.

“My god,” Greyback growled when they caught their balance, “how I hate that.” He shook almost like a dog, like he was trying to rid himself of any traces of magic the trip might have left upon him. “You wizards and your silly modes of transportation. Haven’t you ever heard of walking?”

Remus smirked. “I hate it, too, sir.” Perhaps the most truthful words he had ever spoken to Greyback.

They had appeared at the very end of Knockturn Alley, just around the corner from Diagon Alley. Greyback wasted no time in hurrying down the alley known for the Dark Arts, while Remus glanced back in the direction of the less notorious one. It always brought back so many memories of shopping for school with the rest of the Marauders, of his father reading off the list of everything he needed for the new term. Sighing wistfully, Remus hurried to catch up with Greyback, not wanting it to be too obvious that his heart wasn’t in this. That he had never walked down Knockturn Alley a day in his life. Except for that time when he was thirteen and the other Marauders had dragged him along out of curiosity. Remus had hoped that he would never have to return.

The place was completely deserted. Of course, with the war raging on, most people probably wouldn’t be caught dead skulking around here. Some of the shops looked like they had closed up, but Remus wondered if that was really true, or if it was simply a front so that they could continue to exchange goods with more privacy.

Greyback led them along until they came to Borgin and Burkes, a shop that Remus was familiar with for two reasons. Not only was it well known in the wizarding world for selling dark artifacts, but it was one that Remus distinctly remembered Sirius and James pressing their noses up against the window of during their little excursion. Almost exactly twenty-three years before, Remus had stood in this very spot with Peter next to him, trying to tear the other two Marauders away this horrific place. Never in a million years did Remus ever imagine that he’d be back here with the most savage werewolf in the world. It all seemed so strange to him, the path his life had taken.

Greyback forced open the door of the shop, causing the little bell above it to ring, and waking Remus from his reverie. He felt like shaking himself. This was not a good time to be daydreaming about the past, not when there was so much going on. Remus needed to be on his guard, because Merlin only knew what the evening had in store for him.

It wasn’t until they entered the shop that Remus got a pretty good idea. Oh, he’d known beforehand that they were going to be meeting up with Death Eaters, but somehow, that didn’t seem real to him at all, that he‘d be going on a mission with them. The very idea still seemed absurd to him. After all, he’d dedicated his life to fighting the Dark Arts. How in the world did he ever end up here?

But Borgin and Burkes was full of them, all standing around in their black robes, waiting for everyone to join them. There were a few that Remus had never seen before, but he did recognize most of them. Unfortunately, they recognized him as well, and they were all too familiar with whose side he had been on not that long ago. The side he was still on, he almost had to remind himself.

Bellatrix Lestrange was the first to step forward, going wide-eyed at the sight of Remus. “What in the hell is _he_ doing here?” she demanded, pointing her wand in Remus’s direction, but staring daggers at Greyback.

“ _I_ brought him!” Greyback snapped. He advanced upon her, and Remus almost thought he was about to attack her. If there was one thing Greyback hated, it was being questioned.

Bellatrix laughed, a cruel derisive sound. “What in the world for?! In case you didn’t know, he was working with _them_ not very long ago. Just last June, he fought with them at the Ministry of Magic!” She threw Remus a sideways glance, almost like he wasn’t worth looking at directly. “He probably still _is_ working with them.”

Remus felt like defending himself, but he didn’t know if he was supposed to or not. Greyback had told him before they had come he was the only one Remus should answer to. He wasn’t sure if that included standing up for himself or not, but he didn’t want to do anything to anger Greyback. If he was supposed to say something, Greyback would tell him to. Besides, Greyback seemed to be more than capable of handling the situation.

“He isn’t!” Greyback barked. “He came to me, he’s been living with my pack for many months now. He’s pledged his loyalty to me. He’s one of my pups now, and that’s all you need to know.”

“Loyalty!” Bellatrix sneered. “As if your lot know anything at all about _loyalty_!”

Greyback bared his teeth, letting out a guttural growl. “By all means, take it up with the Dark Lord if it’ll make you feel better! Run along and tell him that I’ve been doing exactly what it is he wants me to do, which is gather followers. I’m sure he’ll be very happy that you wasted his time with such petty complaints, just because the ones I’m finding don’t exactly measure up to your standards.”

Bellatrix’s face turned slightly red. “He never said you could bring whatever _followers_ you find with us on missions.”

“That’s what I told him,” said Amycus Carrow from among the crowd, “when I informed him about the mission. He seemed intent on bringing Lupin regardless.”

“And as I said, go and tattle on me to the Dark Lord if you want!” Greyback yelled. “He can come and tell me himself if he has a problem with it.”

Bellatrix snorted and rolled her eyes. “Like he would ever address you creatures directly. I don’t know why we even have to.”

“Then that’s his problem!” Greyback roared. His shoulders heaved for a moment, but then he seemed to get his temper under control. He retreated from the group a bit and laid a palm against one of the display cases, leaning against it. “So, should we wait here while you go and complain to the Dark Lord and delay the mission he entrusted us with? Or should we go?”

In the very back of the shop, Remus could see Mr. Borgin eyeing Greyback suspiciously, especially once he had chosen to lean up against one of the displays. Borgin looked caught somewhere in between anger and fear, almost like he wanted to tell Greyback to get the hell off his things, but too afraid of retribution to do so.

The Death Eaters stood around quietly for quite a while, glancing uncomfortably between each other as if someone else might have the answer. Obviously, none of them were happy with the fact that Greyback had seen fit to include Remus in this, but no one wanted to go running to Voldemort to see what he had to say about it either. Remus was sure that Voldemort would take issue with it, but probably not enough to hold up the entire mission while they checked with him first. From what Remus could tell, this was very important, and Voldemort would surely be angry at anyone who hindered it, no matter who was going.

When still no one said anything, Greyback stepped forward once more. “Let him come with us. He’ll show you and them once and for all where his loyalties lie. That’s why I’m bringing him, so there will never be any question again about whose side he’s on.”

Bellatrix huffed. She still wasn’t very happy with any of this, but she wasn’t exactly keen on being responsible for interrupting this mission either. She raised her wand in Remus’s direction once more. “If he does _anything_ he shouldn‘t,” she warned Greyback, “ _you’re_ going to take full responsibility for it.”

Greyback grinned. Remus was standing just behind him and to the side, but he could still see more of the savage werewolf’s teeth from his position than he would have wanted to.

“That’s the only way I want it,” Greyback hummed.

“He’s going to kill the both of you,” Bellatrix said, shaking her head, “but it’s your funeral.” She turned on her heel and said, “Let’s go then.”

For the first time, Remus really began to wonder why they had chosen to meet in Borgin and Burkes. After all, wouldn’t someplace closer to their final destination be more appropriate? Unless they were planning on attacking Diagon Alley, which Remus severely doubted. Since it was the traditional place to buy school supplies, it wouldn’t be very busy at this time of year. An attack on Diagon Alley would have been much more fruitful to them in the summer, just before school started.

But then Remus realized that Bellatrix had reached for the door of a large black cabinet just in front of where Greyback was standing. She pulled the door open and motioned inside with her other hand. “Who would like to go first?” she asked.

Remus’s heart squirmed uncomfortably. He knew exactly what it was and what it could do. They could be going anywhere in the world, and Remus wouldn’t know until he got there, until he was stuck right in the middle of a Death Eater attack. He didn’t like this at all.

“Ladies first,” Amycus said, gesturing for Bellatrix to go on ahead.

Bellatrix threw one last look over her shoulder at both Greyback and Remus. She narrowed her eyes before she stepped into the cabinet and pulled the door closed behind her.

Amycus stepped forward next, pulling the door of the cabinet open, which was now empty. He motioned for his sister, Alecto to go on next, which she did. One by one, the Death Eaters stepped into the Vanishing Cabinet, being automatically transported to wherever their destination could be.

As the crowd dwindled, Remus’s heart started pounding louder and louder. He almost began to fear that Greyback would be able to hear it. When they were the last two left, Greyback turned and motioned for Remus to take his turn in the cabinet.

“Go on,” he said. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Remus’s chest felt so tight that he feared it might explode. He almost had the sudden urge to run from the shop and Disapparate, to hell with the mission and whatever good he could do for their side. This was quickly becoming too much for Remus, and he felt like he was about to get in over his head. But he steeled his courage and forced himself to step forward, passing Greyback and climbing into the cabinet.

Greyback immediately closed the door behind him, consuming Remus in darkness, and then an odd feeling came over him. It was a strange cross between using a Portkey and Apparating - he felt a jolt somewhere around his middle and a slight squeezing sensation, but then it was gone. The door of the cabinet reopened a moment later, and when Remus stepped out, he was indeed in a completely different location. One with a high vaulted ceiling and tall windows. Remus knew exactly where they were.

The rest of the Death Eaters looked at him apprehensively, but no one said a word. Not until Greyback himself came through the cabinet.

“You lot _really_ need to come up with better ways to travel,” Greyback complained, shaking himself like a dog again, his grey and matted hair flying out around him.

“We’re here!” Bellatrix exclaimed, and Remus almost expected to squeal. “Well done, Draco.”

Remus blinked. The room they were in was so crowded. Not only was it full of Death Eaters, but it was full of everything else one could imagine. There were towers of books, all kinds of different sized cabinets, various articles of clothing, vials of potions in every color of the rainbow, as well as an assortment of weapons and many magical items. What Remus hadn’t noticed in all the chaos, however, was the blond-haired boy standing off to the side. A boy who had once been his student. For the first time, their eyes met, each seeming to search the other’s questioningly, but neither one of them said anything.

“Do let us be on our way,” Bellatrix said, placing a hand on the back of Draco’s neck and steering him through the twisting piles of discarded objects. The rest of the Death Eaters followed, once again leaving only Remus and Greyback behind.

Remus didn’t want to do this. For the first time, he was seriously beginning to regret ever getting into that cabinet. Even now, he looked back at the cabinet wistfully, wanting to crawl right back through it to Borgin and Burkes, as uncomfortable as that shop had made him in the first place.

“Don’t lose yourself, Remus,” Greyback said quietly. “Come.” Greyback started picking his way through the debris, leaving Remus alone.

He momentarily thought about turning right around and leaving, but he didn’t, and he wasn’t sure why. Something felt like it was holding him there, urging him forward. He was scared to death of what was in store for him, but something was making him stay. Something that was much more important than himself.

Remus did as he was told. In the end, he would be glad he did, but he already felt like he had lost himself.

_To be continued…_


	15. The Dark Mark

Remus had never wanted his wand so badly in his entire life. His hand kept going instinctively to his pocket like it always did when danger was imminent, but of course, his wand wasn’t there. It was still sitting on his bedside table at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, right where he’d left it before going to join Greyback. For a very brief moment, Remus wondered if he would ever see it again.

As soon as he realized that the other Vanishing Cabinet, their final destination was in the Room of Requirement, Remus knew exactly why they were there. In fact, it had crossed his mind the moment Greyback had told him that they would be going on a mission, and that it may involve someone that Remus knew. Remus had been hoping that he was wrong, and he even convinced himself that he was. After last year, Harry would be more cautious about being lured into danger, and there was no way for the Death Eaters to get into Hogwarts. Or so he’d thought.

Except for the Death Eaters, the castle was deathly quiet. Everyone was safely tucked away in their common rooms or dormitories, unaware of the danger that was about to befall them. Remus only hoped that they would stay there, protected by their house’s passwords, but he knew they wouldn’t. As soon as they found out that Death Eaters had invaded the castle, more than a few of them would be willing to help protect it. Especially Harry.

Remus’s mind kicked into overdrive. He started working out different scenarios, wondering if it might be best to cut his losses now. He could slip away from the group and run to warn someone. Then again, if the Death Eaters were going after Harry, and Remus was absolutely sure that they were, he decided that it would be best to stick with them. If they lured Harry out of safety, at least he wouldn’t be alone with a bunch of psychotic Death Eaters; Remus would be there to protect him. Besides, Remus wasn’t even sure yet what their plan entailed, and it might be best to stay with them until he knew more.

“We’ll need someone to run on ahead and set the trap,” Bellatrix whispered, pausing in an abandoned corridor. She turned and gave Remus a sneering smile. “How about you, Lupin? This could be your first test, before things get too…involved, because forgive me if I have my doubts about your loyalty.”

“I tested him already!” Greyback roared, which echoed up and down the empty hallways. A bunch of the Death Eaters flinched and then shushed him, which made him growl, but he did lower his voice after that. “I don’t care if you believe it or not, but you _don’t_ get to test him again.”

“I didn’t see this test!” Bellatrix snapped. “Your assurances mean nothing to me.”

Greyback stalked forward until he was mere inches away from Bellatrix. The rest of the Death Eaters slinked away a bit, forming a circle around the two of them.

“I don’t need to defend myself or my judgement to you,” Greyback growled. “But by all means, if you’d like to have Remus participate, feel free. Just don’t call it a _test_.”

Remus really didn’t like this. He didn’t like them determining what he would and would not do, and he certainly didn’t like Greyback answering for him. Greyback on the hand, seemed to prefer having Remus’s conversations for him. Remus suspected it made him feel powerful, like he had even more control over Remus.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Call it whatever you like if it’ll make you feel better.” She tilted her head at Remus curiously. “Lupin…” Her eyes went down to his hands. “You’ll need a wand for this next part - do you not have one?”

“We don’t need things like _wands_!” Greyback snapped. “Unlike you silly wizards, we don’t need _sticks_ to defend ourselves. We do that through other means - with our own power.” Greyback directed his gaze at a rather large and brutal-faced Death Eater whom Remus recognized as Thorfinn Rowle. Greyback bared his teeth at him, and he shrunk back in horror.

“Oh, yes,” Bellatrix said, “you’re barbarians. I keep forgetting.”

Greyback snarled at her, his eyes narrowed. “Say that again.”

Remus began to suspect that Bellatrix was making a point out of it on purpose. She seemed to like to antagonize Greyback, and every time the hulking werewolf raised his voice or growled in anger, she looked amused by it all. Remus wanted to tell Greyback to ignore her. The more he reacted, the more it only encouraged Bellatrix, but of course, Remus didn’t say a word. That would certainly classify as embarrassing Greyback in front of the Death Eaters.

“Can we please get this over with?” Alecto spoke up for the first time since they had arrived at Hogwarts. “The longer we stand here arguing, the bigger the chance that we might be spotted before we’re able to put the plan into action. The Dark Lord will be very upset if that happens.”

“Keep your knickers on,” Bellatrix sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and surveying the group of Death Eaters. She stopped when she came to Draco, a large smile spreading across her face. “Why don’t you do the honors, Draco? You do know how to cast to Dark Mark, don’t you?”

Remus could see Draco swallowing hard, his grip tightening on his wand. “Of course I do,” Draco said.

“Then go on,” Bellatrix said. “The Astronomy Tower - the highest one, so everyone can see it.”

Draco looked around at the others, perhaps waiting for one of them to protest. No one did. His grey eyes paused on Remus for the briefest moment, as if Draco was hoping that he would say something, do something to get him out of it. When Remus didn’t say a word, Draco turned on his heel and hurried down the hall away from them.

Remus couldn’t blow his cover yet. He hated the idea of Draco having to cast the Dark Mark for what seemed like a rather cowardly group who didn‘t want to do it themselves, but getting Draco away from the rest of the Death Eaters couldn’t exactly hurt. Draco was working with them, yes, but they were like a bunch of sharks - they’d turn on him in a second. Besides, Draco was just a child; Remus highly suspected from his demeanor that he didn’t want to do any of this, but he had little choice in the matter. Just like Remus himself. Draco had never been nice to him, but Remus couldn’t help but feel for him nonetheless.

Remus thought he saw where this plan of theirs was going. They were going to cast the Dark Mark over the highest tower of Hogwarts to lure everyone out of the safety of their dormitories. As soon as Harry saw it, being the brave Gryffindor leader that he was, he would certainly be among the first to react and race to the top of the Astronomy Tower.

Remus felt rather confident in his plan to stick with the Death Eaters. Once the Dark Mark was cast, people would start coming to find out what was going on. At least this way, Remus could keep an eye on them. If he needed to turn on the Death Eaters in order to protect the children, then so be it. Remus didn’t care if he would be the only thing in between them and the Death Eaters. Nothing was more important than his students, former or not. They were worth it. Especially Harry.

A tiny part of Remus was relieved that they hadn’t asked him to conjure the Dark Mark. That was one of the spells he never wanted to perform if he could help it. It was _his_ mark, Voldemort’s mark, and Remus wanted nothing to do with it. He suspected that conjuring it might make him feel dirty, might tie him indelibly to the Death Eaters forever. Not to mention, if Remus did anything that directly led to people getting hurt, he’d never forgive himself. Of course, he felt horrible that Draco had to do it instead, and it just proved how utterly ridiculous the Death Eaters were - that they would make a child have any part in this plan of theirs.

The group of Death Eaters had begun to move down the hall, following the same path that Draco had taken earlier. Remus was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost hadn’t noticed that they were moving. He was at the back of the pack, and he hurried to catch up. He made a mental note to stop getting lost in his thoughts; it wouldn’t do for Remus to be left behind while the Death Eaters did Merlin only knew what.

The closer they got to the Astronomy Tower, the more certain Remus became that this was not going to end well. He would surely have to take a stand against the Death Eaters before the night was over; Remus didn’t see any way around that now, not if this was going to play out like he thought it would. Why did it have to come to this? An angry Greyback was one thing, but upsetting the entire group of Death Eaters that was there scared Remus senseless.

All too soon, a very bright green light began pouring in through the windows. Remus couldn’t see the source from his vantage point, but he knew that it was coming from the Dark Mark on top of the Astronomy Tower. His only hope was that no one would see it, that they would all remain asleep and safe in their beds. But of course they would see it. It was much too bright, blazing in and lighting the darkened castle like the midday sun.

When they finally got to the staircase that led to the Astronomy Tower, the Death Eaters stopped, looking up and down the corridor for any sign of life.

“We’ll need a few… _volunteers_ to wait on the tower for…our _target_ ,” Bellatrix said. She gave Remus a pointed look, like he was a moron and couldn’t tell who she was referring to. “He’ll definitely come. The rest of us will stay down here and guard the staircase so no one can come to his _rescue_. When the coast is clear, we’ll give the signal and then we can deliver him to the Dark Lord.”

So that was the plan. They weren’t interested in killing Harry. At least not this time. They simply wanted to take him to Voldemort and let him do the honors. Remus wasn’t sure what was worse - taking Harry to Voldemort or just killing him outright. At least Harry would be safe for the time being - as safe as one could be around a bunch of psychopaths - but that just meant that Remus had do everything in his power to keep Harry in the castle.

It occurred to Remus just how much of a coward Voldemort was. He was the one who wanted Harry, but yet, he refused to come, and instead sent his minions to do his dirty work for him. He prided himself on being the most powerful wizard alive, but most of the time, all he did was sit around and give orders to those beneath him. Remus didn’t think Voldemort would ever set foot in Hogwarts, not in Dumbledore’s domain and not while the headmaster was still alive, but it was ironic nonetheless.

“We’ll go,” Amycus volunteered, gesturing to his sister who nodded.

Bellatrix moved aside, letting the Carrows make their way up the staircase. “Help yourself. I’ll stay down here and kill,” Bellatrix said excitedly.

Remus watched the Carrows disappear up to the Astronomy Tower, his heart thumping uncomfortably. He had to get up there. If that was where they were going to be waiting for Harry, that would be Remus’s best chance to keep an eye on him. He swallowed hard, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his bounds.

“Sir?” he said to Greyback, hoping he didn‘t sound too anxious. “Let me go. I’d very much like to see the look on Potter’s face when he sees which side I’m on.”

“None of us said anything about Potter,” Bellatrix said.

“We have brains!” Greyback yelled at her. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he‘s why we‘re here.”

“Do you really? Have brains, I mean?” Bellatrix retorted. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

Greyback squared his shoulders, stepping over to Bellatrix once more and looking down his nose at her.

“Why don’t both of you and Lupin go?” Rowle said to Greyback. “It’ll save us from having to play referee between you and Bella all night.”

“Wait just a minute!” Bellatrix argued. “I never said Lupin could go!”

“I did,” Rowle answered in a tone that suggested the topic wasn’t open for discussion.

Bellatrix rounded on him instead. “You’re _hardly_ one to be giving orders to _me_!” She laughed mockingly.

“Yes, you’re the Dark Lord’s _favorite_ , aren’t you? Perish the thought that you‘re not the one in charge.”

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes. “Yes, I am his favorite, and that gives me just a little bit of seniority over the rest of you. Sending Lupin to capture the very boy he’s been known to protect is insanity!”

“Now you’re the one that I don’t think has a brain,” Rowle said tiredly, rolling his eyes. “So Lupin fails while he’s up there. So what? I doubt very much Greyback would allow that, would you?”

“He won’t fail,” Greyback growled, “but no, I wouldn’t.”

“Then eat him if you like,” Rowle said. “What’s Lupin going to do if comes that? Jump? He’ll be dead either way. Use your _head_ , Bella. Up on the top of a tower with Greyback is the safest place for him.”

“I told you to stop treating Remus like he needs a test!” Greyback roared.

As serious as the situation was, it almost amused Remus that they were talking about him like he wasn’t even there. He supposed that it might have been a habit for the Death Eaters, treating those beneath them like they didn’t even exist.

“I’m going out on a limb for you here, don’t take that tone with me,” Rowle snapped. “If Lupin does come through for us, then maybe Bella will shut her trap once and for all, so we all win.”

“HEY!”

Rowle ignored Bella’s cry. “So do you and Lupin want up on the tower or not?”

That seemed to silence any arguments Greyback might have had. He threw a furtive glance in Remus’s direction, but then said, “Yeah. I‘d quite like to see that myself - the Boy Who Lived‘s reaction to Remus working with us.”

Bellatrix didn’t look the least bit happy. She had crossed her arms over her chest and was pressing her lips together in a fine line. “Just don’t eat the boy for god’s sake,” she finally muttered. “The Dark Lord wants him alive!”

“I know!” Greyback snapped at her one last time before turning to Remus. “Come, Remus. Let us show them where your loyalty does in fact lie.”

Greyback started up the spiral staircase leading to the Astronomy Tower, and Remus followed suit. Just before he got to the first riser, Bellatrix shoved Rowle towards Remus rather hard.

“Go keep an eye on them since you’re such an expert,” Bellatrix said.

Rowle fell into step behind Remus, and the three of them climbed to the top of the tower, emerging out into the night. Remus was rather glad for the fresh air. It had gotten so stuffy downstairs with all of the Death Eaters crowded so close together, and the fact that Greyback reeked didn‘t exactly help matters.

Amycus, already waiting on top of the tower with his sister, raised an eyebrow at them when they arrived.

Greyback clarified, “We came to help.” He started licking his lips, almost like he could already taste any children he might end up eating that night.

“Five people to capture one little boy,” Alecto sighed. “Unbelievable.”

For the first time, Remus noticed that Draco was still there as well, lurking in the shadows of the castle wall. Of course they didn’t count him as one of them. He was just another boy. A boy who had been responsible for bringing them there at all, but a boy nonetheless.

“He’s hardly ‘one little boy’,” Rowle disagreed. “He has a habit of getting out of situations such as this, so be on your guard! At least there’s no one up here to help him now. He’ll be all alone.” Rowle laughed.

Remus almost felt like laughing, too. He almost couldn’t believe that they had let him come up there at all. It all seemed too easy. Unbeknownst to them, Remus was there to help Harry, and he would give up his own life to keep Harry alive if need be. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that, but if it did, then so be it.

Just then, the very first signs of commotion sounded from downstairs. People started screaming, and Remus thought he could hear spells being fired and hitting targets. He only hoped that he had made the right decision in coming up to the tower, and that no one was being seriously hurt downstairs that he could have stopped.

Remus, Draco, and the four Death Eaters waited as the battle increased in loudness and intensity below them. Every second that passed, Remus grew more anxious, wishing that he could do something rather than just standing there. Then he reminded himself that he was supposed to be with the Death Eaters, and he couldn’t just start fighting them without revealing his true motives. Remus was now certain that he would have to do so tonight, but he didn’t want to do so until the last possible moment. Until he didn’t have any other choice. Preferably, Harry would be close to him by the time that point came.

Remus didn’t know how long they stood up there, listening to the quickly growing battle. It seemed like hours, but Remus suspected it was probably only mere minutes. And then there was another sign of life on the very quiet and still tower. The door creaked open the tiniest bit. The light from the still glowing Dark Mark above them caught a glint of metal from a pair of glasses, and that was when Remus knew - it was Harry.

Harry had his wand held out in front of him, but no spells were fired. No one moved a muscle. Harry emerged out onto the tower, his eyes taking in the scene before him. They stopped on Remus, who was standing at the end of the short line of Death Eaters, not looking the least bit like he was trying to defend himself. The Death Eaters didn’t even seem to be taking any notice of him at all. Harry held Remus’s gaze for a long time, looking caught somewhere in between confusion and disbelief.

“Remus-”

“Potter,” Greyback drawled, interrupting him. “Not sure if you’ve heard of me - Fenrir Greyback. Werewolf among other things.”

“I know who you are,” Harry said tersely, his eyes never leaving Remus. His expression was almost pleading now, as if he was begging Remus to set things straight, to say that he wasn’t a part of this.

“Wonderful,” Greyback hummed cheerfully. “I see my reputation precedes me. So pleased to finally meet you.” He was licking lips again, like he was imagining how Harry would taste on them.

“Too bad I can’t say the same thing about you.”

Greyback didn’t seem to take any notice of Harry’s comment. “You know Remus, I’m sure,” he said instead, gesturing next to him. “He used to be on your side, didn’t he?”

Harry’s eyes widened the tiniest bit, and he clenched his teeth. “Don’t fool yourself. He still is.” Harry tried to sound confident, but he didn’t exactly pull it off.

“Oh, no, Potter,” Greyback said hungrily, like he was savoring every word. “That’s where you’re wrong. He’s been with us for many months now. He’s been with _me_.”

“Remus…” Harry began again, but then he stopped, lost for words. He started to shake his head, his teeth clenched.

“Tell him, Remus,” Greyback spurred. “Set the little boy straight.”

A rather large lump had formed in Remus’s throat, and he tried to swallow it away. He wanted nothing more than to tell Harry the truth, to tell the Death Eaters the truth, but couldn’t. Not yet. Rowle’s words were repeating in his mind - that if he revealed his loyalties, he’d basically be trapped for Greyback to do with as he pleased. He couldn’t be honest with them, not yet.

“He’s right, Harry,” Remus whispered. He tried to keep his voice as cool as possible, like he didn’t want to just grab Harry, tell him that he would join the Death Eaters over his dead body, and get the hell out of there.

An odd and strangled sound escaped from Harry, somewhere between a sob and a laugh of disbelief. “But you said - all that stuff about Peter, and how you’d die rather than betray your friends-!”

“ _Friends_ ,” Remus said scathingly. “That’s when I thought I still had them on your side.”

“We are your friends, Remus,” Harry said quietly. He almost sounded defeated. “Sirius, me-”

“Of course you would say that now,” Remus cut him off. He hated doing this. This was quite possibly the hardest thing he had done during his entire time with Greyback, but if he let Harry start talking about Sirius, about how they were friends, Remus thought his resolve would crumble. “Looking for an ally, because you’re vastly outnumbered.”

“I don’t-” Harry stopped again, his words getting lost somewhere in his throat. He shook his head again and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he gave Remus a pleading look. “ _Remus, please_.”

“He’s not with you any longer,” Greyback interjected, sounding quite gleeful. “He’s one of my pups now, and no amount of begging is going to change that.”

Harry glared at Greyback before turning back to Remus, looking positively desperate now. “Tell me he’s lying,” Harry said, pointing his wand in Greyback’s direction. “Or that he’s just delusional.”

“I can’t, Harry,” Remus replied.

Harry didn’t reply for a long time, but Remus thought he could see the faint glimmer of tears in his eyes. Harry shook his head again, almost like he was trying to wake up from a bad dream. “I _trusted_ you,” he finally got out, his voice hard and cold.

Harry’s words, the hurt in his eyes felt like a punch in the stomach. Remus wanted so badly to tell Harry the truth, that he would never betray his trust, but he tried to keep his emotions in check, reminding himself that this was so he could protect Harry when the time came. “Sorely misplaced, it would seem,” Remus said instead.

His hand shaking, Harry aimed his wand at Remus next. “You _bastard_ ,” Harry snarled, but then he froze. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, not sure if he was believing what he was seeing or if he should act on it or not. In the end, he paused for far too long.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to point sharp objects at people?” Greyback scolded, knocking Harry’s wand from his hand. Greyback moved swiftly, which was surprising for someone so large, and the wand went flying, silhouetted against the bright green light from the still blazing Dark Mark.

Remus followed the wand with his eyes, watching where it landed in between the Carrows. It briefly rolled across the stone floor before coming to a rest near the corner of the tower.

“ _No_ ,” Harry snapped at Greyback. “My mother didn’t tell me a thing thanks to Voldemort.”

In all his time spent with Greyback, Harry was one of the only people Remus heard take such a tone with the hulking werewolf. Harry was clearly not the least bit perturbed by him, despite the fact that Harry now had no way to defend himself.

“Oh,” Greyback murmured, sounding genuinely surprised. “That’s right. Forgive me.”

“Go to hell,” Harry muttered.

“Such naughty language. Didn’t _anyone_ teach you _any_ manners, Potter?”

“Says the werewolf who eats people.”

Remus really wished Harry would stop antagonizing Greyback. Harry was never one to back down from a Death Eater, but he had never been around Greyback before; he had no idea how quickly Greyback could snap and lose control. Remus tensed, ready to spring into action if need be.

Greyback, however, seemed positively amused. He tilted his head and grinned, gazing at some random spot above Harry’s head, like he was imagining just such a meal. “Speaking of which,” Greyback said, licking his lips again, “I haven’t had a human meal in quite some time.”

It was then that Harry looked scared. He swallowed, and then he started walking backwards, away from the werewolf. Harry threw a glance back over his shoulder in search of the door, but Greyback wasn’t about let him get away that easily. The werewolf sprinted forward, overcoming Harry in just a few strides. Greyback got to the door first, pressing his palm flat against it until it slammed shut,

“I’m afraid I can’t let you leave just yet,” Greyback said, turning back to Harry. “Soon, though, I imagine.” Greyback started sniffing the air, like he was seeking out a suitable meal. His eyes were pinned on Harry, following his every movement.

Harry backtracked a bit, stepping away from Greyback, but then he whirled around, searching the others’ faces for a possible ally. “How can you just stand there?” Harry demanded of Remus.

Remus didn’t know the answer to that. He certainly wanted to tell Greyback to get the hell away from Harry. Remus _hated_ when Greyback made him feel like nothing more than a piece of meat, and he couldn’t imagine what it must feel like for Harry. Remus kept getting the intense urge to step in between the two of them, consequences be damned, but he held himself back. He was looking, waiting for the best opportunity to do so.

No one moved for a very long time. Harry stood in the center of what had more or less become a circle of Death Eaters. He looked more confused by the minute, not having any clue why they were just standing around. His eyes kept going to Remus, giving him searching and questioning looks. Remus eventually had to look away, because every time he saw Harry’s expression, it only served to remind him of what Harry now thought of him.

Greyback started chewing on his fingernails again, which had become his favorite pastime as of late. He kept watching Harry, however, following his every move as carefully as a cat would a mouse.

After what felt like forever, the chaos from below started to die down. There weren’t as many screams, not as many spells being fired as before. Remus tried not to think about what kind of sight might await them downstairs.

Finally, a gentle knock came from the door against which Greyback was leaning. Greyback approached Harry, placed his hand in the center of Harry’s chest, and thrust him backwards right into Remus’s arms.

“Hold him,” Greyback ordered, while he went to the door. “Can’t have him sneaking away.”

Remus immediately wrapped his arms very tightly around Harry, his back pressed up against Remus‘s chest. That was all Remus had wanted since this entire confrontation had begun, to have Harry safe and sound in his arms. Harry, however, didn’t seem the least bit happy about his current position. He started thrashing against Remus, trying desperately to pry the werewolf’s arms off of himself, but his attempts were futile; Remus’s werewolf strength easily overpowered him.

“I can’t _believe_ you,” Harry muttered desperately.

Truth be told, Remus couldn’t believe it himself. He still had no clue how he kept going with this charade, especially now that he was letting Harry believe the worst of him. Remus didn’t think he had it in him.

When Greyback opened the door, it revealed Bellatrix on the other side, her expression quite pleased. “The coast is clear,” she informed them. “As clear as we’re going to get it anyway. We should be on our way.” She scanned the top of the tower and greeted Harry, “Little baby Potter. It‘s been a while.” But when she realized that Remus was the one holding onto Harry, she glared at Greyback. “Why is Lupin holding him?” she demanded, aiming her wand at Remus. “I trust him about as far as I can sling a hippogriff. There’s no reason why _he_ should be in possession of the sole reason we’re here!”

“Because I said so!” Greyback roared. “We’ve had Potter up here the entire time and nothing happened, so there’s no reason to worry! Just…get the knot out of your knickers, why don’t you?”

Bellatrix looked livid. She seemed like she wanted to say something more, but couldn’t quite think of anything. Her eyes blazed at Greyback.

Greyback ignored her. “Yes, do let us be on our way.” He held his arm out in Remus’s direction. “You bring him, Remus. This rather excites me - the Boy Who Lived being taken to the Dark Lord by the very one who used to protect him.”

Another strangled gasp escaped from Harry, and he started struggling anew. Remus held onto him for dear life.

“Now wait one minute!” Bellatrix argued. “What about me?”

“Yes, what about you?” Greyback asked tiredly.

“I think _I_ should be the one to bring him to the Dark Lord!” Bellatrix argued. “After all, I am his favorite!”

“Get off that broken record. You sound just like my mother, you know that? And that‘s not a good thing,” Greyback huffed. “Come, Remus.”

Remus didn’t wait to be told again. The only thing he wasn’t keen on was leaving Harry’s wand behind. Remus had been hoping that he would have a chance to grab it before they left, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen now. But if it meant getting off this tower and having some space to maneuver in, then his chances of getting Harry out of here safely would vastly increase. Remus made his way for the door, Harry continuing to flail around in his arms. Remus just held on tighter.

“I said wait a minute!” Bellatrix thundered. “It hasn’t been decided-!”

“ _I_ decided,” Greyback interrupted, “and no one else seems to have a problem with it. Just you. The way you always have a problem with everything.”

Remus quickly left them and their argument behind, descending the stairs, Harry still trying desperately to get away from him. When they finally made it to the floor below, Remus saw that it was mostly deserted. There were still some duelers at the far end of the corridor, throwing spells back and forth, but it seemed as if all battles had moved out of the immediate area.

“Let go of me!” Harry cried, still tugging fruitlessly at Remus‘s arms.

Remus pressed his back against one of the walls, just in case any errant spells happened to come their way, and he took his chance. “ _Harry_ ,” Remus whispered gently in Harry‘s ear, keeping his arms tight around the boy’s thrashing form. “I haven‘t betrayed you. I promise. They think I have, but I’ve been spying on them. I _would_ rather die than betray you. You know that.”

Harry stilled, calmed by Remus’s familiar and kind tone. Harry’s breath was still coming in harsh gasps, and Remus could feel his heart pounding erratically underneath his hand.

“But…” Harry gasped, “I _am_ your friend, Remus. I-”

“I know,” Remus cut him off gently. “And I’m yours, no matter what I said up there. I am, but…I haven’t got time to explain. Just please trust me, Harry. I’m here to help. Always.”

Harry heaved in a breath of air and let it out slowly. He softened his grip on Remus’s arms, then grabbed one of Remus’s hands in his own. Harry nodded. “I’m sorry…I do.”

Remus squeezed Harry’s hand back. “Okay. We’ll get out of this. Just play along with me, because my cover’s not blown yet, and I prefer to keep it that way for as long as possible.”

Remus’s next thought was to just start running down the hall with Harry, to put as much distance in between them and the Death Eaters as possible, but he waited just a moment too long. Greyback had already made his way to bottom of the stairs before Remus had even realized it. Greyback had a habit of doing that, of silently sneaking up on people. Remus wondered how it was even possible for such a large creature to move without making a sound.

“See,” Greyback said, gesturing to Harry and Remus. “They’re still here. Nothing to worry about.”

“I still don’t like it!” Bellatrix grumbled, who had appeared just behind Greyback. “If he lets him get away, I’m holding _you_ responsible!”

Greyback stuck out his tongue in a mocking gesture, which Bellatrix didn’t see since she was still behind him. “Yes, as you’ve said. This is why I’ve never gotten married,” Greyback complained. “All women do is _nag_.”

“I’m not nagging!”

“Just _shut up_ for once in your life!” Greyback yelled. “Is that a possibility? If we could get back to the Room of Requirement in silence, I‘d be very happy.”

Bellatrix still looked furious, but she crossed her arms over his chest, which seemed to be her favorite pouting position. She didn’t say a word.

The Carrows and Rowle climbed down the staircase next, and Greyback gestured for them to take the lead on their journey back to the Vanishing Cabinet. Then Greyback let Remus go next with Harry, while Greyback himself and Bellatrix fell into step behind them.

Harry’s hand kept squeezing Remus’s, which he returned, trying to offer some comfort. But Remus was not very sure himself how they were going to get out this. They were both unarmed, right in the middle of a ring of five Death Eaters, four of them armed and one that could devour them in seconds. Remus wondered if he had already lost his only chance to get Harry out there safely.

_To be continued…_


	16. The Betrayal

Remus kept his arms tightly around Harry as they made their way back to the Room of Requirement among the group of Death Eaters. Harry’s hand was compulsively tightening around his, and Remus kept returning the gesture; as scared as he was, it comforted him the tiniest bit to know that he and Harry were in this together.

At the same time, the part that perhaps scared Remus the most was the fact that this wasn’t just about him any longer. The entire time Remus had been living among the werewolves, if something had gone wrong, he alone would have been the one to pay for it. Harry was involved now, and if Remus made the slightest misstep, Harry would have to suffer the consequences right alone with him.

Remus had never realized before just how narrow the hallways of Hogwarts were. When he had been a child running to and from class, the castle had seemed positively huge, but now with the Death Eaters surrounding them, it almost made him feel claustrophobic. His eyes kept darting about, looking for a way out, but the Death Eaters were much too close. They would have plenty of time to attack Remus and Harry in such an event before they got anywhere even remotely safe.

They were drawing closer to the Room of Requirement and to the Vanishing Cabinet, and Remus knew they were running out of time. They might have a chance to escape once they went through the cabinet, but Remus didn’t want to risk waiting that long. It would take them back to the very narrow and overcrowded Borgin and Burkes, and for all he knew, Voldemort might even be waiting for them there. There were simply too many unknowns if he waited to act, and besides, Hogwarts was familiar to Remus and to Harry. They had a better knowledge of where the hallways led and of the various secret passages, much more so than the Death Eaters. If Remus and Harry could find a way to get away from them, they would have a much better advantage in familiar territory.

Remus knew it would be stupid to just start running, but he was beginning to think he was out of other options. If he waited any longer, it might very well be too late. But then Greyback decided to be his predictable self, sniffing the air and licking his lips rather loudly and obscenely. It was making Remus uneasy.

“Will you stop that?” Bellatrix asked in disgust. “It’s so obnoxious.”

For once in his life, Remus couldn’t agree more with the witch.

“I can’t help it,” Greyback said. He didn’t sound annoyed like Remus had expected him to, the way he usually sounded when he spoke to Bellatrix; he sounded hungry. “So many children walk these halls everyday…I can smell every single one of them.” He inhaled deeply again, and Remus could feel the shudder that ran through Harry’s body at the sound.

Remus kept on walking, his arms still tightly around Harry. Remus knew that was putting them closer to the Room of Requirement, but on the other hand, Greyback was walking behind them. At the moment, Remus was far more interested in putting as much distance between them and the suddenly very creepy werewolf as possible. And with good reason.

“How can you tell?” Bellatrix asked. “I can’t smell anything but _you_.”

Greyback growled in response. “I can’t expect mere _humans_ to understand. I can smell _everything_.”

It was then that Remus felt Greyback’s hand on his left shoulder, gripping it tightly and forcing both Remus and Harry to turn around and face him. Greyback was still licking his lips and sniffing at the air, his eyes pinned on Harry. Harry tried to take a step backward, which was impossible with Remus behind him, and he only served to press himself even tighter against Remus’s body.

“Like Potter’s fear,” Greyback drawled.

He looked crazed. His yellowish-green eyes were so large and round, and they seemed to be following every single one of Harry‘s tiny movements, even his hand clenching and unclenching around Remus‘s. Remus had only seen that chilling expression on Greyback’s face one other time - just before he had devoured Talon.

“Give me the boy, Remus,” Greyback ordered, his voice low.

Remus didn’t respond, but simply tightened his already firm grip on Harry. They might have merged into one if possible.

“Excuse me!” Bellatrix yelled. “The Dark Lord wants him alive in case you’ve forgotten!”

Greyback took his eyes off of Harry just long enough to roll them. “I’m not going to _kill_ him! I do have some self-control.”

Remus wasn’t so sure about that. Before Remus had joined Greyback’s pack, he had been hearing more and more reports of Greyback killing children that he had apparently only meant to turn. Of course, those instances had been when he was in his wolf form, but the line between Greyback’s human mind and animal mind had blurred so much, Remus began to suspect that it was almost nonexistent.

“I shouldn’t have skipped dinner,” Greyback said regretfully. “I’m hungry.” He tilted his head, looking at Harry like he was nothing more than a piece of meat. “I said hand him over.”

Remus knew his time had come - the time to reveal his true loyalties to Greyback. He and Harry were still in the middle of five Death Eaters, and Remus was terrified of what they might do, but he would never willingly hand Harry over to any of them.

Remus shook his head defiantly, looking Greyback straight in the eye. “No.”

Greyback’s eyes quickly rose to Remus’s face. He tilted his head even more, so much so that it might have been comical if not for the very serious circumstances. “Remus,” Greyback said in surprise. “I _said_ give him to me. Don’t make me tell you again.”

“And I said _no_ ,” Remus replied curtly.

Greyback exhaled sharply, his teeth clenching his eyes growing even wider. He took one step towards Remus so that they were only about a foot apart, Harry squished in between them. Greyback leaned forward, his face mere inches from Remus’s, and his chest pressed up against Harry’s face. Harry squirmed, probably in order to try and get away from the smell, the fact that Greyback wanted to eat him momentarily forgotten.

“ _Remus_. You’re making me _very angry_.”

“Now the truth comes out, hm?” Bellatrix asked. She sounded quite gleeful at this latest turn of events, probably because she had been right about Remus all along, and now she could rub it in. “He doesn’t _sound_ very loyal to you,” she told Greyback.

Growling very low and deep in his chest, Greyback didn’t move. He remained with his body up against Harry’s, and his face just a short distance from Remus’s. Greyback looked like he was debating with himself, deciding whether he should say anything else or not. In the end, he simply reached out, clenched one clawed hand into the front of Harry’s robes, and tugged.

Remus tried with all his might to hold on to Harry, but he was absolutely no match for Greyback’s strength. Remus lost his grip on Harry, both of their arms flailing out for each other, but Greyback quickly dragged him out arm’s reach. Remus stepped forward and tried to grab onto Harry again, no longer scared for himself but for Harry, but Bellatrix stepped in between them. She raised her wand towards Remus’s throat.

“I wouldn’t do that if I was you,” she warned. “He’s angry enough in case you hadn‘t noticed.“

Remus stopped in his tracks. It wouldn’t help Harry at all if he got himself killed. Remus just tilted his head backwards, glaring down his nose at her. “Go to hell, Bella.”

“Such naughty language from you, too,” Greyback admonished. “Now we know where Potter learns it. And you say you’re not _friends_.” Greyback had backed up until he reached the wall on the other side of the hallway, a good distance from Remus. All of a sudden, the hallways seemed enormous again.

Greyback had one hand still securely grasped in the front of Harry’s robes, and the boy had latched onto Greyback’s arm, trying his best to pry it away. Greyback, however, didn’t seem the list bit bothered by Harry’s movements. Greyback might have been holding on to a tiny little mouse for all the exertion he was putting into keeping his grip on Harry.

“Now where was I?” Greyback asked, grinning across the corridor at Remus. “Oh. Yes, I was hungry, wasn’t I?” His eyes traveled back to Harry, his grin growing impossibly larger by the second. He returned to licking his lips and sniffing the air, that crazed expression engulfing his features again.

“Leave him alone!” Remus snapped.

Greyback’s gaze snapped to Remus. “You, Remus, are in absolutely no position to be giving _me_ orders. You’ll be lucky if you’re even alive after tonight. Either one of you,” he added to Harry.

“I’m the one you’re angry at,” Remus said. “Take it out on me. Not on him.”

Greyback huffed at being interrupted yet again. “You’re missing the entire point, _Lupin_. I’m hungry, and being here in the halls of Hogwarts where so many children walk each day has made me crave exactly that. I don’t want to eat you right now. Later tonight, perhaps, but now…I want _children_.”

In a flash, Greyback whirled around, turning his back towards Remus and the others. He fisted both hands in the front of Harry’s robes and shoved him forcefully into the wall, causing the boy to cry out when his back connected with the hard stone. But a moment later, Remus realized that that wasn’t the only reason Harry had screamed in pain. When Greyback pulled one hand away from Harry, Remus saw his fingernails were now stained a bright red color. Apparently, Greyback’s claws has pierced through Harry’s clothes and into his chest enough to draw blood.

Still keeping Harry pinned against the wall with one hand, Greyback brought his other one up to his mouth. He stuck out his tongue, licking the underside of one bloodied fingernail. There was a low rumbling sound from deep in Greyback’s chest, one of pure pleasure. Greyback shuddered for a moment before he grabbed the front of Harry’s robes in both hands again, drawing so close to the boy there was barely any distance between the two of them at all. Greyback bared his teeth, growling in hunger. Harry thrashed around harder, trying to free himself from the giant werewolf, but Greyback didn’t budge an inch.

As Greyback’s teeth drew closer to the soft skin of Harry’s throat, Remus knew he had to act, because Greyback was way past the point of talking. He had tasted Harry’s blood, and Remus feared he wouldn’t stop until there wasn’t anymore of Harry’s blood left to spill. The rest of the Death Eaters weren’t going to stop him. They had already warned Greyback that Voldemort wanted Harry alive, and they probably thought Greyback’s promise not to lose control was good enough. They had no idea that with the state Greyback was in right now, nothing was going to stop him, least of all some petty promise he had made just to shut Bellatrix up.

Bellatrix still had her wand aimed at Remus, but suddenly, he didn’t care. All he cared about in that moment was getting Greyback the hell away from Harry, making sure Harry was safe. Remus’s left hand flew out, connecting with Bellatrix’s and flinging her wand into the air. He heard the Death Eaters cry out in surprise, but Remus didn’t take any notice of them. He sprinted across the hall, hurtling himself at Greyback. Remus slammed into Greyback’s shoulder, throwing him off balance and knocking him sideways into the wall.

It was just enough for Harry to get away. He threw his arms up in an arc, easily slipping out of Greyback’s grip. Harry stumbled away from them, but he didn’t get very far before the remaining Death Eaters closed in, all aiming their wands at him. Harry froze, his gaze going back to where Remus now wrestled with Greyback.

Remus was the one to now fist his hands in the front of Greyback’s clothes, trying his best to throw Greyback into the wall again, hoping to at least injure the hulking werewolf just a bit. That, however, didn’t seem to work. Greyback didn’t flinch when his back met the stone wall at all. Instead, he simply looked at Remus, his anger growing more and more apparent in his eyes.

Greyback roared, perhaps the loudest sound Remus had ever heard him make. Greyback’s hands shot out so fast, Remus didn’t even have time to react. Greyback grabbed Remus’s shoulders so tightly, he could feel warm wetness against his skin where Greyback’s claws punctured his skin as well. Greyback shook Remus so hard and so fast, it almost felt like Remus’s brain was rattling around in his head.

Before Remus even had time to register what was happening, he was slammed into the wall next, the back of his head connecting with the hard stone. Remus’s mouth opened in a silent scream, his eyes beginning to roll back in his head. Remus steeled himself, trying to will himself to stay conscious, for his eyes to stop swiveling around in their sockets. When they did, he focused his gaze on the ceiling, but it seemed like the rest of the castle had started to move instead, tilting at impossible angles. If not for Greyback’s hands on him, holding him up against the wall, he almost certainly would have fallen to the floor. Actual stars started to flash in Remus’s vision next, and for a moment, he almost thought he was in the Great Hall, looking up at the enchanted ceiling. Then everything started to grow dark and fuzzy, but he couldn’t pass out, not when Merlin only knew what would happen to Harry if he did. Remus drew in some deep breaths, hoping that would help.

“How _dare_ you!” Greyback bellowed. “How _dare_ you lay a hand on me!”

For once in his life, Remus was grateful for Greyback’s putrid breath. The stench was almost like a slap in the face, snapping Remus’s mind back to perfect clarity.

“I see that I should have spelled some things out for you after all,” Greyback went on. This time, his voice was oddly calm, although there was a calculating tone to it that Remus didn’t like. “I thought you were smarter than this, _Lupin_. Smarter than to cross me.” He shook his head and scoffed. “What _exactly_ have you been _doing_ these last few months? Was it all an act?” He sounded distinctly curious.

Remus knew it probably wasn’t the best idea to be honest with Greyback right now, not when he was more or less at Greyback’s mercy, but Remus couldn’t help it. He had lied for far too long, he had allowed everyone to believe the worst of him for too long. He wanted everyone to know once and for all exactly where his loyalties lay, consequences be damned.

“I was never loyal to you, _Greyback_ ,” Remus said, using the same tone Greyback had with his last name. “I was and will always be loyal to Albus Dumbledore.”

Harry let out a slightly relieved breath. Remus had already told him, of course, that he would never betray Harry’s trust, but Remus supposed Harry was happy to hear Remus announce it nonetheless. Truth be told, so was Remus.

“Told you not to fool yourself,” Harry said smugly, speaking up for the first time since they had left the Astronomy tower.

Greyback shook his head in disbelief, still not taking his attention from Remus. “You bit a boy on my orders!” Greyback yelled. “Now why do I have such a hard time believing that Dumbledore would ever approve of that? Are you going to tell him? Tell him what you did for me and expect him to take you back? Expect him to accept you back with open arms?” Greyback threw his head back and laughed.

It was Greyback’s last ditch effort to try and hold on to the loyalty that he thought he’d gained from Remus. He was trying to make Remus think he would never be accepted among Harry and the others again. That almost made Remus want to laugh in return. If only Greyback knew that the entire thing had been Dumbledore’s idea. If only he knew just how much his side loved and valued Remus. Not just as a number, but as a person. Something Greyback would never know or understand.

Remus wanted to tell him the truth - that he never did nor would he ever bite anyone - but he couldn’t. If Greyback ever found out that Remus hadn’t truly turned Justin Farris, Greyback would go to the ends of the earth to find that boy and do what Remus couldn’t. As far as Remus knew, Dumbledore was keeping the Farris family safe, but it would be better for them all around if Greyback didn’t know the difference, and Remus would keep it that way.

“That would be assuming that I ever left his side to begin with,” Remus said coolly. “There’s nothing to take me back for considering I never left.”

“So what are you saying?” Greyback asked. “That Dumbledore _knew_? Knew you were off pretending to be a part of my pack and biting _children_ in the process? Now why don’t I believe that either?”

“Believe what you want. It‘s the truth.”

“The truth is,” Bellatrix said, “that he’s been making a fool out of you for months. I _told_ you he was with Dumbledore. Only a moron would ever believe otherwise.”

Greyback glanced back over his shoulder at her, his eyes narrowed dangerously. “No one asked you! This isn’t any of your business! This is between me and _Lupin_ , so stay out of it!”

“None of my business?!” Bellatrix scoffed. “When you bring Lupin here, when you bring him on a mission with the rest of us, it _is_ my business! I thought I made that perfectly clear from the moment this all began.”

“Just let me handle this in my own way!” Greyback snapped at her. When he turned back to Remus, he growled in anger once again. “You lost me my second-in-command! Who I always believed to be a perfectly good beta wolf until _you_ came along.” An expression of understanding spread across Greyback’s face. “You really did sneak out that night, didn’t you? You did do all those things Talon accused you of.” He laughed, a soft sound of disbelief. “Oh, Lupin. I underestimated you.”

Remus was barely paying attention. As far as he was concerned, as long as Greyback was talking, that was a good thing. It was when he lost control that things such as words failed to distract him. If Greyback was currently occupied with trying to talk this thing out, then let him. It only gave Remus more time to formulate a plan.

When Remus didn’t reply, Greyback shook him. “Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?” Greyback demanded. When Remus continued to remain silent, Greyback ordered, “Answer me when I ask you a question! And look at me for that matter! I told you it‘s a sign of respect!”

Remus was currently focused on the ceiling. It had occurred to him when he’d looked up at it earlier that he could use it. He didn’t have his wand, but perhaps he didn’t need it. He thought back to that night very early on in the compound, the night before the first full moon with the pack. He’d used wandless magic to summon the key to his cell from its resting place on a nail above the door. He’d never used wandless magic in his life before that, he’d never had a reason to even try, but he knew from that moment that he could do it. Dumbledore had told him once that it only required immense concentration and self-control.

It had taken him two tries to summon the key, but that wouldn’t do this time. If he failed once, as soon as the Death Eaters realized what he was trying to do, he wouldn’t have the opportunity to try again. He had to get it right the first time. Again he thought back to that night in his cell, what he’d been thinking about at the time, and how he had let everything else drop from his mind. Everything but the key and the fact that he needed it in order to save Justin from Greyback.

Remus tried to do the same thing again. He let his mind go blank except for the ceiling and the fact that he and Harry needed to get out of here. That Harry’s life depended on him and his ability to do this. He tried to ignore Greyback, forget about the hulking werewolf screaming in his face and the rancid breath that carried his words.

He could do this.

“I don’t respect you,” Remus said quietly, still not taking his eyes from the ceiling. His words didn’t even quite register to him, and his own voice sounded very far away, like it was coming from the opposite end of a long tunnel. Every fiber of his being was concentrated on the ceiling. Nothing else mattered to him at that moment.

“For the last time-!” Greyback began, but he didn’t have a chance to finish.

Remus raised his right hand over his head, stretching his arm and fingers out as far as they would go, like he was trying to touch the ceiling itself. His last thought was of Harry before he shouted, “REDUCTO!”

Almost immediately, parts of the stone ceiling started breaking off and raining down on them. Tiny pieces at first, and then larger ones as the ceiling’s support structure started to crumble. The Death Eaters started firing spells in panic, but they were all off-target as they tried to dodge the pieces of ceiling.

Remus tried to use the chaos to throw Greyback off of him, but the werewolf still didn’t budge. Greyback had raised one hand over his head to protect himself from the falling pieces of stone, but he somehow maintained a strong hold on Remus with his other hand. Then again, it was rather safe being trapped in between Greyback and the wall, as the bulky werewolf blocked most of the pieces of stone from hitting Remus himself.

“RUN, HARRY!” Remus yelled.

A few more spells were fired, but Remus couldn’t quite see what was happening. As the ceiling crumbled, the air started to grow thick with dust. Remus couldn’t see where the spells were coming from, or what they were hitting.

“I’M NOT GOING WITHOUT YOU!” came Harry’s voice through the murky air.

“JUST GO!”

“NO!”

“HARRY-!”

Just then, another spell narrowly passed in front of Remus’s face, flying in between him and Greyback and hitting the wall just beyond them.

Greyback let out a roar of anger and shouted, “Watch where you’re shooting! You almost took my nose off!”

One of the male Death Eaters - either Rowle or Amycus, Remus couldn’t quite tell - started mumbling about how he couldn’t see a thing. Greyback finally took his attention off of Remus and turned around, yelling about what a bunch of incompetents they were. However, he still kept one hand securely in the front of Remus’s robes.

“I said,” came Harry’s voice through the dust again, closer and quieter this time, “I’m not going without you.”

Suddenly, Greyback stumbled as if something had hit him, and then Remus saw what it was. Harry had apparently run at Greyback, hitting in the stomach. Greyback tried to hold on to Remus, but his grip had loosened just enough. Remus brought up his arms in an arc, just has Harry had moments before, and brought them down hard on Greyback’s arm. Finally, Greyback released him, continuing to lurch backwards as he tried to maintain his balance.

Harry’s hand found Remus’s in the chaos, and he tugged him away from the wall. Remus didn’t anymore encouragement. He got his feet moving, running after Harry as he led the way down the corridor. More spells continued to come their way, but almost all of them missed Harry and Remus by several feet. The air was still too thick with dust for the Death Eaters to see straight.

“The grounds, Harry!” Remus yelled as they went. “So I can Apparate us away from here.”

Harry didn’t say anything, but he tightened his hand around Remus’s in response.

They turned the corner, away from the spells and away from the frustrated cries of the Death Eaters. If Remus wasn’t mistaken, he thought he could hear Greyback and Bellatrix going at it once again. Remus had never been so glad to leave anything behind in his life.

Luckily, most of the battles still raging through Hogwarts had moved towards the back part of the castle, so Remus and Harry’s path was clear. Remus remained hot on Harry’s heels as they ran for the front doors, their hands still intertwined so tightly that their lives might have depended upon it.

After what seemed like the longest run in the history of the world, the two of them reached the grand staircase. They flew down the steps and across the entrance hall, throwing themselves at the front doors and pushing them open. It was dark outside, but the moon was nearly full in the sky, providing more than enough light for them to see by.

Harry still clung to Remus’s hand, the both of them running across the grounds for the front gates. Remus didn’t even stop to look behind them, didn’t bother to see if there was anyone around to fire anymore spells at them or not. All that Remus cared about in that moment was getting outside of the gates so that he and Harry could Apparate to safety.

They finally made it, emerging through the front gates, their shoes skidding a bit in the dew-dampened grass. Remus reached out his free hand, grabbing onto one of the stone pillars of the gate to steady himself. Harry’s free arm flailed, and he grabbed onto Remus to catch his balance. Without waiting, Remus wrapped both of his arms around Harry, shut his eyes, and focused on their destination.

As it felt like they were being shoved through a narrow tube, Remus vaguely remembered the last time he had Apparated - when he had taken Greyback to Knockturn Alley earlier in the evening which had started this entire ordeal. Had that only been a few hours before? It almost seemed like a lifetime ago now. So much had happened since then; Remus almost couldn’t comprehend how much had changed in those few shorts hours.

When their feet met with solid ground again, Remus opened his eyes to the very familiar and welcome sight of the exterior of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Never before had Remus been so glad to see it, never before had he been so very happy to return home.

Harry still held onto Remus’s hand, almost like Harry didn’t want to let it go. Remus didn’t blame him. When they had been in the castle, in the thick of the battle, Harry’s hand had been his only source of comfort, the only reminder that Remus wasn’t alone in it. They were safe now, but they were both gasping for air, their hearts pounding from the exertion and the fear that they had felt only minutes before. They still needed each other, still needed the comfort until they were calmed down.

They made their way up the steps of the house together, and Remus pushed the door open. They hurried inside and Remus slammed the door closed, leaning up against it and breathing hard and fast. Remus placed his free hand on one of knees, bending over a bit and gasping for air.

“You all right?” Harry asked in concern, still breathless himself.

Remus took a few more breaths before he was able to straighten up. He rested his head back against the door and swallowed before answering Harry. “I never realized how out of shape I was before. Or how big that castle is.”

Harry only grinned in response. He ran a hand through his hair and pulled off his glasses, which had started to steam up from his sweat. He dragged his sleeve over his face, trying his best to wipe it dry.

“Padfoot?” Remus called loudly, wondering if Sirius was there at all.

“He’s probably at Hogwarts,” Harry said, answering Remus‘s unspoken question. “I think everyone’s there tonight.”

It was then that Remus realized that Harry was bleeding, the front of his robes growing wet at the spot where Greyback had scratched him.

“Never mind me,” Remus said, pushing himself away from the door. “Are you all right?” He finally released Harry’s hand, reaching for Harry’s shirt instead. He pulled it open where it had been torn to shreds by Greyback’s claws, inspecting the damage the overgrown werewolf had done.

“’M fine,” Harry said. “Just some scratches. It stings like hell though.”

“I suspect it’ll scar,” Remus said apologetically. He used the sleeve of his own robe to rub at the wound, trying his best to wipe up as much of the blood as possible. He would need to take Harry down into the kitchen and clean it properly, but for now, this would do.

Harry shrugged. “Sirius told me once that girls find scars sexy.”

Remus snorted, and he had been about to protest. After all, his own scars hadn’t landed him very many dates, so he wasn’t sure that Sirius was correct, but he didn’t even get a chance to open his mouth. The front door had flown open yet again, and there he was - the very person they had been talking about.

Before any of them could say a word, Sirius had crossed the foyer and wrapped one arm around each of them. Remus didn’t even try to push it off, not like he would have done just hours ago. Harry holding on to his hand this entire time had seemed to open something up inside him, something he had closed off when he first went to live with the werewolves. He hadn’t been able to stand any kind of physical contact while there, but now, Remus didn’t think he’d ever get enough of it. He simply turned his head and buried it into his best friend’s shoulder, as did Harry.

“I saw you two running for the gates…” Sirius began. “I tried calling to you, but I don’t think you heard me. I only hoped to Merlin you’d come here.”

“Where else would we go, Padfoot?” Remus asked, picking his head up and smirking at Sirius.

“Stranger things have happened,” Sirius said.

“They were trying to take me to Voldemort,” Harry explained. “That’s why they were there, and Remus saved me.” He paused and narrowed his eyes at Remus. “After giving me a heart attack!” He gasped in a mouthful of air, ready continue yelling, but then his breath caught in his throat. He stared down at the floor, his cheeks growing red. He suddenly looking ashamed for ever suspecting that Remus was capable of such a thing. “I thought you betrayed us,” he whispered miserably.

“I thought you knew me better than that.” Remus’s voice was careful, guarded.

“So did I! That’s why you scared me half to death! Seeing you standing there with all those Death Eaters, the things you were saying…”

“What things?” Sirius asked, sounding completely out of the loop.

“About how we weren’t friends anymore,” Harry said, “about how he’d joined the Death Eaters because of it…”

“He’s been spying on them,” Sirius clarified.

“I know that now!” Harry cried. “Just scared me at the time. Merlin. Warn a bloke, would you?”

“Sorry,” Remus said. “We weren’t sure how long it would last, whether you needed to know or not. At the time, it seemed best to keep it to as few people as possible in case anyone let it slip.”

Harry shook his head, waving off Remus’s explanation. “No, I’m sorry.” His eyes were large and round now. “I _do_ trust you. I don’t want it to seem like I don’t…”

“Don’t,” Remus whispered gently, cutting him off. “It’s fine. I _wanted_ you to believe it, to make the Death Eaters as convinced of my loyalty as possible. You have nothing to apologize for. I just hated having to do that. Merlin, how I _hated_ it, _hated_ seeing the look on your face when you thought-”

Before Remus could continue, Harry stepped forward, burying his face in Remus’s chest and hugging him tightly. Remus’s words died in his throat, but he knew he didn’t have to explain himself anymore, knew that Harry understood exactly what it was he wanted to say. Remus wrapped his own arms around Harry, squeezing him back.

“I knew you wouldn’t, Remus,” Harry whispered, his voice softened even more against Remus’s robes. “Even when I started to believe it, deep down I knew that you’d never do that to us. That‘s why you scared me so much.” When Harry pulled away, he looked up at Remus and said, “Just don’t do it again.”

Remus laughed, a small and quiet one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hell no. My days as a Death Eater spy are over.”

“Then you’re home for good?” Sirius asked excitedly. “You don’t have to go back there?”

“My cover’s blown,” Remus answered. “I can’t exactly-” He stopped suddenly, something dawning on him.

“What?” Sirius asked.

Remus shut his eyes. For a few glorious moments, he didn’t think he’d ever have to return to the compound. That he’d never have to see Greyback or the other werewolves ever again, but that wasn’t true. “I do have to go back. I have one more thing I have to do.”

“Moony…” Sirius began desperately. “If Greyback knows you’ve been spying on him-”

“That’s why I have to go back,” Remus interrupted. The longer he heard Sirius talk, the longer he was there, the harder it was going to be to do what needed to be done. “I made a friend there. Althea - the one you joked about being my girlfriend. Greyback knows we were close and…” Remus pressed a hand over his eyes, only now seeing the problems he could be causing for Althea. “I got her a promotion…he’s going to think we were in on it together! He’s going think she knew the whole time…and she did.” When Remus lowered his hand, he gave Sirius a firm and determined look. “I _have_ to get her out there. If I’m not there, Greyback’s _going_ to take out on her.”

“Moony…”

“I _know_ him!” Remus said desperately. “I didn’t spend the last few months living with him and not learn a few things about what kind of person - _werewolf_ \- he is. He’s going to punish her for it. For my mistakes.”

“But you said she’s one of _them_ ,” Sirius reminded. “A part of _his_ pack…”

“She’s different,” Remus said. “I didn’t think so at first, but she is. She’s not like the rest of them. She knew all along that I was there to spy on Greyback. She didn’t say anything to him, but she knew. She protected me, and she deserves the same from me in return. She doesn’t deserve to be there, and she doesn’t deserve whatever Greyback might do to her because of me. I _have_ to get out of there, Padfoot,” he repeated, making it clear that there was no room for arguments.

“Greyback’s probably not even back at the compound yet,” Harry spoke up. “If you go now, you could get back before he even realizes you were there at all.”

Remus was grateful for Harry’s reasoning, and he looked to Sirius for his response.

“You’re going to do this whether I let you or not, aren’t you?” Sirius asked.

“Yes,” Remus replied. “Just this one last thing, Padfoot, and then I will be home for good.”

Sirius seemed to debate with himself for a moment, his eyes going back and forth between Harry and Remus. Finally, he grunted and said, “Fine, but if you’re not back in half an hour, I’m sending out a search party. It‘s been too damn long already.”

Remus threw his arms around Sirius. “I’ll be back soon,” he whispered into his best friend’s shoulder, “I promise.” He pulled away and added, “And I won‘t be alone.”

Before he could change his mind, Remus ran for the front door. The longer he stayed at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, the harder it would be for him to return to the compound yet again. In the few short minutes he had been home, he had finally started to relax completely for the first time in months. And then cruelly, like fate was somehow mocking him, it hit him all over again that his time at the compound wasn’t quite over yet.

Remus descended the steps of the house, not looking back. If he did, he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to do it, wouldn’t be able to rescue the girl that he had put in danger to begin with. Had he ever been foolish enough to believe that he could make a friend in the pack without endangering their very life when he was found out?

When Remus reached the grass, he squeezed his eyes shut and Apparated once more, returning to the place he had hoped he would never see again.

_To be continued…_


	17. Return to the Pack

Remus Apparated to the spot out in front of the werewolf compound - the place he always returned to after visiting number twelve, Grimmauld Place. He had hoped he would never see this godforsaken place again, and a part of him wanted nothing more than to just get the hell out there forever. To go home and put this entire place behind him once and for all.

But he knew he couldn’t do that just yet. He had one last thing to do. He was going to convince Althea to leave this place with him, to show her that she could have some semblance of a normal life if she only wanted it. He was sure she was still angry with him, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. Remus was pretty sure that her life might depend on it, because Greyback would certainly take his anger out on her, the one Remus had been closest to. It was the way Greyback was, the way he sought his revenge. The very reason why he chose to bite the children of those who had offended him.

Remus began to regret getting involved with Althea at all. It only now occurred to him that it would have been much safer for her if he had kept his distance. At the time, he had been trying his best to form contacts - part of the reason Dumbledore had sent him there at all, to try and get more people on their side. It had never crossed Remus’s mind that he’d be endangering Althea’s life by doing so, and that he would end up putting her in such an impossible situation.

This pack was all Althea knew, it had become her whole world. Remus knew it would be a challenge to convince her to leave it behind forever, but he also knew he had to try. He hated that she would be in danger by staying, that he had disrupted the only life she had known for so long. By leaving, she would be angering Greyback even further, and he wasn’t sure if she’d be ready to do that. She hated Greyback, yes, but he had taken her in when she had nowhere else to go. But now she did have somewhere else to go, she had options, and Remus was going to try his best to convince her of that. Was her friendship with Remus strong enough to override any sense of duty she might feel toward Greyback?

The compound looked deserted as it usually did in the evenings after dinner. Most of the werewolves lazed around in the woods, hunting on and off throughout the night. Remus only hoped Althea hadn’t gone too far.

Remus stalked purposefully down the center of the compound, pretending like he still absolutely belonged there. If Harry had been right, and Greyback hadn’t returned yet, no one would know what had happened at Hogwarts or that Remus wasn’t a part of the pack any longer.

The first sign of life Remus saw was at the mouth of the cave. A few of the epsilons were lounging around the entrance, looking very full and sated after dinner. They didn’t seem to care one way or the other when they saw Remus, so he took that as a sign that Greyback was in fact still at Hogwarts.

“Phinx,” Remus called out to the self-appointed leader of the epsilons as he approached, “have you seen Althea?”

The ginger-haired werewolf took a moment to finish picking at something in between his teeth, a habit he had certainly learned from Greyback. He licked his lips for a moment and then said, “She’s where she usually is, I think - back behind the cave.”

_Good_ , Remus thought. Althea was indeed nearby, and Phinx didn’t seem the least bit concerned about Remus’s presence. Without another word, Remus quickly made his way around the outside of the cave and towards the back.

Althea was in her customary spot, sitting with her back up against the outside wall of the cave, staring off into the woods, lost in thought. Remus suspected she was thinking about the argument they had had earlier that day, and he wondered if she was concerned in the least that Remus hadn’t been at dinner. Nor had Greyback, for that matter. Was she perhaps worried that something had happened, that Remus had maybe upset Greyback somehow and that he had gotten into trouble? Or was that wishful thinking, that she would even care about what had happened to him?

“Althea,” Remus said when he was close enough.

She quickly turned her head, her eyebrows going up in surprise. “Remus. You weren‘t at dinner…I was wondering…”

“I don’t have time to explain,” he interrupted, stopping just front of her. He knew she was going to think him crazy, but he didn’t exactly want to waste time here. Greyback could be back at any moment, and Remus wanted to be gone by then, so he figured the best way to go about that was to get right to the point. “I need you to come with me. Right now.”

She blinked up at him. “What? Where?”

“Home.”

“What?” she repeated, sounding absolutely baffled.

“I told you I don’t have time to explain,” Remus said. He glanced back towards the front of the compound for any sign that Greyback might be returning. “Greyback found out - that I‘m not loyal to him, that I’ve been spying on him.”

“Oh, Remus…”

“I was certain he was going to kill me,” Remus said hurriedly. “He tried to, and if he catches me here, I’m sure he’ll try to again. I shouldn’t even be here, but…I had to come back to get you.”

Althea blinked in confusion. “But I don‘t-”

“I’m afraid,” Remus went on before she could say anything more. He was sure she had about a million questions she wanted to ask, but they didn’t have time for it. “As soon as Greyback comes back, he very well might take it out on you, because you’re the one I was closest to here. He’s going to think we were in on it together or something, and I‘m sorry for that. I‘m sorry for bringing any attention to you that you didn‘t want. I never meant to do anything to make you uncomfortable. Or anything that would make you hate me.” Unable to hold her gaze any longer, he looked off into the woods. “Perhaps it would have been better if we never started speaking to begin with.”

“Remus, I don‘t…” Althea began again, but then she paused. She turned and grabbed onto the wall of the cave, climbing to her feet. She took a step closer to him before she went on. “I don’t hate you. Yes, I was angry that you got me a promotion that I didn’t want, but…I was being honest when I said you’re my friend. Friends fight sometimes. It doesn’t mean they hate each other.” Remus still wasn’t looking at her, so she took a few more steps forward trying to get into his line of sight. “And even if Greyback does hate me for it, I’m still glad we became friends. I told you that you’re the first person I’ve _ever_ been able to talk to here, the first friend I’ve had in forever. You don’t know how much more tolerable this place became once you joined.”

Remus nodded at her. “Then come with me.”

“What…?” She sounded so confused, like she didn‘t even know what question she wanted to ask first.

“Please,” he cut her off yet again. There would be ample time to explain later. He was getting really uncomfortable being there, not knowing where in the hell Greyback might be at that point or when he would be returning. There were still several hours until the next meeting in the morning; if he could just get Althea out of there, he could thoroughly explain everything to her. If she still wanted to return to the pack, she’d have plenty of time to do so before Greyback would even miss her. “I don’t have a lot of time,” he said, reaching out and gently grabbing both of her arms. “I just need you to come with me.”

She rested both of her hands on his arms in return, almost like doing so might make everything clearer to her. She opened and closed her mouth several times, looking completely lost for words.

“You wanted answers,” Remus said, “and I’ll give them to you. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me. We just need to get out of here right now. Before Greyback comes back.”

“But…” Althea stopped, shaking her head. “I don’t understand. Why…?”

“Althea,” Remus said, squeezing her arms, like this might make the conversation much less confusing for her. “It’s all true. All that stuff we talked about - about there being a place where we could live and be accepted as humans. I have a wonderful home with wonderful friends who _do_ accept me as a human, and you can have that, too.”

“But why would you…?”

Remus thought she knew what she wanted to ask. “This is one of the reasons I came here - to see if I could possibly get any werewolves out of here. To show them that they - that you don’t have to settle for what Greyback provides you with. I’m not close enough with anyone else here; you’re the only one I could possibly bring with me, and I‘ve come to do just that. Althea, you can have a life, just like the one I have.”

For a moment, Althea’s eyes seemed to tear up before she blinked it away. “I’m sure you do…I’m sure you have a lovely home and a wonderful life. I can tell from the way you talk about it all the time, I know you love it there-”

“It can be your home, too!”

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I’ve been here too long. This has been my home for over two years. This is where I belong now.”

“Doesn’t it matter to you that Greyback might kill you if you stay? He‘s going to be angry with you because of me!”

“He’d be angry with me - he’d kill me if I _left_! Once you join his pack, he doesn‘t let you leave. You _know_ that.”

“We can keep you safe!” Remus said urgently. “Once I go back, I’m not going to be the least bit worried that Greyback wants me dead. All the Death Eaters have wanted me dead for years, but…I’m safe at home - there are charms, spells. We can give you the same protection, but is that something you’d be willing to risk? Greyback’s anger for the rest of your life?”

“You know I don’t care about that, either,” Althea said, sounding on the verge of laughing. “I couldn’t care less if Greyback hated me forever and wanted me dead, because believe me, the feeling is mutual, but…Remus, I haven’t lived like a human for _years_!”

“I know,” he said. “I know it’ll be a big change. Hell, I’ve only been here for a few months and going home still feels so strange to me. I walk into my home, and I immediately feel like I‘m going stir crazy. It’ll take some time, but I know I can adjust, that I can get used to it again. I know you can, too.”

She looked at him uncertainly, and then glanced back towards the woods almost longingly. She fidgeted for a moment, biting at her lip uncomfortably.

“ _Please_ ,” Remus repeated.

Althea exhaled hard, her blue eyes meeting his again. “I don’t know…” She broke off, looking down at her shoes next. When she spoke again, Remus barely heard her. “Are they _really_ your friends?”

“They love me, Althea,” Remus said firmly. “They love me like family. They’re waiting for me to come home right now, and they’re ready to send out a search party if I’m not back soon. They could love you, too. If you just give them a chance.”

“And…you said you have a home?”

“I do, but I live with my best friend at the moment.”

She looked up at him in surprise. “He lets you live there?”

Remus smirked. “He does.”

“And you have a bed and stuff?” Althea’s cheeks suddenly turned red, and she realized she might have sounded like a little child, but Remus understood her fears completely.

“Indeed, and I have my own room as well.”

“An actual room and not a cell? With a real bed and not like the cots here?”

“Yes,” Remus said, “all of that. I’m allowed to come and go as I please, and my bed has the most comfortable mattress and softest blankets you could ever imagine.” Remus laughed breathlessly, the thought that he would be returning home forever very soon was so overwhelming. As hard as he knew returning home would be for him, as much of a change as it would be, crawling into his bed and burrowing under the covers sounded like the best thing in the world at the moment. “I miss it so much. And I have my own clothes-”

“Clean clothes?”

“Of course.”

“A shower with soap and shampoo?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re allowed to shower everyday?”

“As much as I want.”

“And food? _Real_ food?” Althea sounded positively excited now.

“Yes, as much of that as you want, too. Eggs, bacon, cheeseburgers - Althea, whatever you want.”

“Coffee? And chocolate? And _doughnuts_?”

“Always.”

Althea got a very faraway look on her face, like she was remembering some distant memory. “I miss those things so much. But…you don’t work, do you? How do you pay for those things?”

“They take care of me, Althea,” Remus said reassuringly. “My friends do. They don’t care if I have money or not. They have more than enough, and they’re willing to share it with me.” He sighed. “I‘m not necessarily one to be taken care of, but I know they do it because they love me. Because they wouldn‘t stand for seeing me starving or homeless.”

“And…you really think I could fit in there?”

“Yes, I do.”

“What if I don’t?”

“I promise you will. And I promise you’ll love it as much as I do. If you just try.”

Althea’s eyes started to tear up again. She pressed her lips together tightly, and then took one last look around at the woods. Her breathing had become fast and heavy, and she was trembling the tiniest bit in Remus‘s arms. When she returned her gaze to Remus once more, she held his eyes for quite a while, almost like she was searching them. Finally, when she seemed to find what she was looking for, she nodded. “All right,” she whispered, then she laughed, like she didn’t believe what she was saying. “I’m scared to death, and I don’t know what’s going to happen…but I’ll come with you.”

Remus grinned, cupping one of her cheeks in his hand. “You won’t regret it, I promise.” He reached for her one of her hands next, grabbed it tightly, and started leading her towards the perimeter of the compound. “Can you Apparate?”

“Er…I learned, but that was years ago,” she said apologetically, hurrying to keep up with him.

“It’s all right,” Remus replied. “I can Apparate us both, but we have to get outside of the compound.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Anti-Apparition wards,” he said. “When this place was a colony, they would have had them all over the place. It’s just not very safe to attempt Apparition if any of them still remain. You could easily splinch yourself. Can you imagine if Greyback came back and found only half of us here?”

Althea giggled. “He’d probably eat whatever we left behind.”

“Exactly, so I’d rather keep myself intact, thank you very much.”

Remus had a sense of déjà vu as he led Althea towards the line of trees that surrounded Greyback‘s domain. Not so very long ago, he and Harry had been the ones running for the front gates of Hogwarts. Remus couldn’t have asked for a better ending to that journey, and now he just needed for things would go just as well for him and Althea. Just one more bit of good luck, just another thirty seconds, and they’d be free of Greyback and his pack forever.

But it wasn’t meant to be.

Remus wasn’t even sure where he had come from. He seemed to come out nowhere like he did all the time. The way he always seemed to creep up on his prey unexpectedly. Remus didn’t even think he was seeing him at first; he appeared so suddenly, it took Remus several seconds to comprehend it. But he was there, standing several paces in front of them, conveniently in between them and their destination.

Greyback.

Remus stopped short, and Althea ran into him. She began to ask why he had stopped, but then she saw. Her hand tightened around Remus’s instinctively. Remus’s heart began beating so hard and so fast, he was certain it would pound right out of his chest. He had taken too long, he had spent too much time trying to convince Althea. If only he had been a minute faster…

“Wellll,” Greyback drawled, approaching them slowly. That grin that Remus hated was present on his lips, and his head was tilted at that angle that made Remus feel like nothing but a piece of meat. “The prodigal son has returned. And so soon. Remus, you’re just full of surprises tonight. I knew you were stupid to try and cross me, but to come right back here like nothing even happened…Do you have a death wish?”

Remus didn’t reply. He wouldn’t give Greyback the satisfaction.

Greyback didn’t seem to care. His eyes went to Althea, who was standing just behind Remus. “You two wouldn’t be leaving, would you?”

Remus swallowed hard. What was there to say? Hell yes, they had been leaving, getting the hell away from all of the nutcase werewolves, but he didn’t think that would a good thing to tell Greyback.

“Jameson,” Greyback said, drawing ever closer to them, “perhaps you’re not aware of the events that have transpired tonight, so allow me to enlighten you.”

Behind him, Remus heard Althea take a breath to respond, but he squeezed her hand tightly, hoping that it would be enough to keep her quiet. Greyback didn’t know yet that Althea was in the process of betraying him as well, that she was planning on deserting the pack, and as long as he didn’t, it would be safest for her. Greyback was probably upset at her regardless, but the less there was for him to be angry about, the better. Plus, Greyback liked to hear himself talk. If he took the time to explain things to Althea, that would postpone whatever physical action he was planning on taking against them. It would also give Remus time to look for a way out.

It worked. Althea didn’t say anything, and Greyback began to speak. “It would seem,” he said, “that Remus isn’t loyal to me after all. That he isn’t loyal to this pack. I took him on a mission with me tonight, because I trusted him above all others here. Do you know how he repaid me? By _embarrassing_ me and _betraying_ me right in front of the _Death Eaters_. I ordered him to do something, and he defied me.” Greyback paused in his steps, crossing his arms over his chest, and regarding them in interest. “Where is he now, Remus? The Boy Who Lived, what did you do with him?”

Remus wanted to laugh. If Greyback thought Remus would bring Harry here, or would actually leave him somewhere where the Death Eaters could get to him, he was even stupider than Remus thought. “None of your business,” Remus said coolly. Of course, it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to be talking back to Greyback, but Remus was really past the point of caring. Besides, this was about Harry, and Remus wanted to make it clear that he wasn’t any of Greyback’s concern.

“Oh, Remus,” Greyback hummed sweetly, almost like he was talking to a child. One that he didn’t want to devour. “How quickly they fall.” He laughed, a sound that bordered on a growl. “If someone had told me just this morning what was to become of you, I would have told them _they_ were crazy. Whatever made you think that you could come here, pledge your loyalty to me, and then _leave_?!” Greyback yelled, his tone quickly turning into one of anger. “I told you when you first came here that once you joined, I never let you leave. Did I not?”

“Yes, sir, you did.”

“Yet, here you are,” Greyback replied in disbelief, motioning behind him towards the forest. “Waltzing right out of here, and with another member of the pack with you.” He focused on Althea again, taking a few steps to the side so he could see her better. “I know that you weren’t aware of what Remus has done, Jameson. I understand that, and I’m not angry with you for any reason. This is between me and Remus. He needs to be taught a lesson. He needs to see what happens to young insubordinate werewolves who cross me. Just step away from him, Jameson, and return to your business. And don’t look back.”

Remus wasn’t so sure about that - that Greyback wasn’t the least bit angry with Althea. He would say that now, but Remus knew by now that that wasn’t how Greyback was. Of _course_ he was angry at Althea. He had no reason not to be, but if he made that clear, she might very well run and never look back. Right now, Greyback’s priority was Remus, and he wanted the option to deal with Althea later. Remus only hoped that Althea would be able to see through his lies, that she wouldn’t return to the pack in the hopes that everything would go back to the way it had been.

They were way past that point now. Nothing would ever be the same.

Althea might have sensed Remus’s apprehension, because she placed her other hand on his as well, holding it in between both of hers reassuringly. “I’m not going to leave him,” she said firmly. “If you want to punish Remus, you’re going to have to punish me, too.”

Greyback’s eyes widened in anger, his teeth clenching tightly. His hands drew into fists at his sides, and for a moment, Remus almost thought that he just might explode from the fury he was apparently holding in.

As much as Remus was relieved that Althea wasn’t buying into Greyback’s lies, he wished that she wouldn’t have just come right out and told him that she was turning on him. What Greyback didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, and she‘d be safer for now if she lied. Then again, Remus was sure Greyback would have forced her to leave the area in that case, and Althea obviously wasn’t prepared to do that. She had clearly made her decision, and she was prepared to stick by it. As scared as Remus was for her, a tiny part of him was comforted by the fact that he wasn’t in this alone anymore. That they were in this together.

“How _dare_ you, _Lupin_!” Greyback snarled. “Coming here and conspiring against me _on your own_ is one thing, but when you lead another pack member astray right along with you…” Greyback threw his head back and laughed, although it was a very humorless sound. “I really have underestimated you, haven’t I? How many others have you gotten to? How many others in my pack have you brainwashed?!”

“None,” Remus said. “And I haven’t brainwashed anyone.”

Greyback waved his hand dismissively. “Call it whatever you like. The fact remains that Jameson never would have failed to follow a direct order from me before you arrived here. She’s always been a good pup. Not worthy of much, but she’s never caused any problems, and she‘s never talked back to me before.”

Remus had the insane urge to laugh in return. Greyback certainly wasn’t going to gain any sympathy from Althea by saying she wasn’t worthy of much. If Remus had learned anything about her in his time there, it was that she didn’t like to be underestimated.

“He hasn’t brainwashed me,” Althea told Greyback. “Maybe I’ve always wanted to stand up to you, but I’ve never had the courage to do so until now.”

Greyback narrowed his eyes. “One more word from you, and neither one of you are going to live through the night,” he snapped. He began pacing, walking back and forth in the very center of their path to the woods. Greyback knew very well that they were trapped as long as they were inside the compound. He was watching them closely, his expression very cold and calculating. “Have you forgotten that I took you in when no one else wanted you? That you were _grateful_ to me for giving you a place to belong? Whatever happened to that appreciation?” He gestured to Remus in an offhand sort of way, one that made Remus feel like nothing but an afterthought. “Just because _he’s_ here now, you’ve suddenly forgotten everything I’ve ever done for you?”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Althea said quietly. She kept shifting around behind Remus, trying to keep him in between her and Greyback. Remus didn’t blame her. “I _am_ grateful that you gave me a place when I didn’t have anywhere else to go, but…I don’t have to settle for this.”

“ _You had nowhere else to go_!” Greyback yelled. He sounded positively furious now. “Your parents threw you out, and werewolves can’t find jobs to save their lives. I gave you a place to sleep and a steady supply of food when no one else would. Is that ‘ _settling_ ’ to you?! Besides, I didn’t hear you complaining about it at the time! In fact, I‘ve _never_ heard you complain about it!”

Suddenly, Greyback started stalking closer to them, and both Remus and Althea backed up. Remus almost had the urge to turn and run in the opposite direction, but he knew they’d never make it. Greyback had been living as an animal for a lot longer than either of them; he was fast, and they’d have no hope of getting outside the compound before Greyback caught up to them. Not to mention, if Greyback chose to call for help, there were plenty of other werewolves nearby who could head them off.

“Not until this upstart little werewolf started putting ideas in your head,” Greyback said. “He feeds you some lies, and all of a sudden, what I have to offer you isn’t good enough anymore?”

“They’re not lies,” Althea whispered, shrinking down behind Remus and bowing her head.

Greyback laughed again, loudly and cruelly. “Lupin has been doing nothing but lying since the day he arrived here! I didn’t see it at first. I’m rather embarrassed about that now. How could I not see it?” He looked over Remus carefully, like he might have been reading an interesting novel. “I should have known you were too good to be true. Should have known that _no one_ is as perfect as you were pretending to be. But I see it now. _Everything_ out of your mouth was a _lie_!

“What has he been telling you, Jameson? That you can leave this place and live somewhere as a _human_?” he asked incredulously. “ _You_ are an _animal_. We are all _animals_. We are by nature. You think you can return to the human world and live among them? You think they’ll ever accept you for what you are? Don’t fool yourself. They’ll try to tame you, but it’ll never work. You’ll never be happy. You’ll be nothing but a caged animal. They’ll deny you prey! They’ll deny you blood!”

“I don’t want blood!” Althea exclaimed. “I go after it here, because that’s what you expect of us. But the whole time I’ve been here, I’ve wanted nothing but human food.”

Greyback shook his head, and when he spoke again, he sounded patronizing. “That’s what you think now. You always want what you can’t have. You’d miss what you have here. Of course, if you’d like to fool yourself, if you’d like to gamble away everything you have now, that’s your choice.” When neither Remus nor Althea replied, Greyback added, “I’m not going to tell you again, Jameson. If you turn and walk away from Lupin now, I might let you live. Not without being punished for your insubordination, of course, but I’d consider going easy on you bearing in mind this is your first offense. And considering that Lupin’s brainwashed you.”

“Did it ever occur to you,” Remus asked, “that you’re the one doing the brainwashing?”

“I’m not talking to you!” Greyback snapped, then he clicked his tongue. “My my, how quickly we forget. You know very well not to speak out of turn. You’ll have your chance, believe me, but right now, I’m talking to Jameson.” He gave Remus a scathing glance before turning to Althea one last time. “So what’ll it be? You can choose to stay with Lupin and die, or you can be a good little pup, do as I say, and run along.”

Althea didn’t reply right away, but when she did speak again, her tone had grown oddly playful. “I don’t know, sir. Are you sure you want me to leave? Two against one are much better odds. And it’s been so long since I’ve had a human meal.” She released Remus’s hand and instead grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn and face her. Her eyes went furtively to Greyback before she returned them to Remus, licking her lips the way Greyback always did. Like she was hungry. “You like to share, don’t you?”

Just beyond her, that large, toothy grin had swallowed Greyback’s face again. “Indeed I do. I won’t deny you blood if that’s what you’d like. I like to take care of my pack, after all.”

Remus’s heart did a somersault in his chest, and then it felt like it had leapt up into his throat. He jerked away from Althea, his eyes going back and forth between the two.

“Sorry,” Althea said snidely. “Didn’t mean to startle you.” She pressed the fingers of one hand against her lips, staring at him curiously. “Did you really think I was going to leave with you?”

Greyback looked very pleased. He had clasped his hands behind his back and was leisurely strolling even closer towards them. “You see, Remus? I told you she was a loyal pup. Unlike you. She’s not stupid enough to betray me.” When he got close enough, he placed a hand on Althea’s shoulder, standing just behind her. “She’s been with me for far too long. Over two years. She’s not going to run off with some upstart who’s been here for two _months_.”

Althea looked back over her shoulder at Greyback. “Forgive me, sir, for stepping out of line. Thank you for reminding me of my place.”

“Not at all,” Greyback said absently. That expression had come over his face again, the one that Remus had seen twice before now - the one that meant he was starving and ready to devour his prey. “I like to think I’m a forgiving werewolf, and we all lose our minds sometimes.”

Remus shut his eyes against the sight of them standing so closer together, like they were lovers instead of just an alpha wolf and his subordinate. This didn’t make any sense to him. Althea had been so nice to him his entire time here. Had that all been an act? Had she been spying on him the entire time for Greyback? Remus didn’t think that likely. After all, if Greyback had had the slightest inkling that Remus wasn’t being truthful with him, he never would taken Remus to Hogwarts tonight. He never would risked being humiliated in front of the rest of the Death Eaters. Up until a few minutes ago, Althea had seemed positively excited about the possibility of leaving this place with Remus. She promised Remus that she was his friend. She couldn’t have just changed her mind again so quickly based on the few lies that Greyback had given her. Could she?

When Remus opened his eyes again, he gave Althea a pleading look, causing a very intense wave of déjà vu swept over him once more. He had just been in a similar situation with Harry, only the roles had been reversed. But this time, Remus wasn’t so sure that he was being lied to.

“All those things you said…” Remus began helplessly, but he couldn‘t go on. The silly thing was, he still liked Althea, and he still cared about what happened to her. He didn’t want to say anything that could possibly get her into trouble with Greyback, anything that would make him want to hurt her. And that seemed to be Remus’s downfall. He always cared too much about other people, he always put them first even when he should think about himself instead. He didn’t have to come here. He could have stayed at home with Sirius and Harry and let Althea worry about herself. But Remus had chosen to try and be the hero once again, and this was where he ended up. Had he come back here, had his risked his life to save Althea only to be betrayed by her? Only to be killed by her?

“You see,” Althea said, “I’m really good at acting, too, just like you’ve been this entire time. You understand, don’t you? Neither one of us was really being truthful with each other, so that makes us about even, I’d guess.”

“So how would you like to play this, Remus?” Greyback asked in amusement. “We can quickly put you out of your misery now, or we can let you run and see how far you can get. It’s been a while since we’ve had a good chase. You won’t get very far, believe me, but it would be good fun while it lasts.”

Remus swallowed hard, his eyes looking around wildly for a way out. This was not good. The cave was directly behind him with quite a few werewolves still hanging around in and near it. Althea and Greyback were directly in front of him, conveniently blocking Remus’s escape to the woods beyond. Not to mention, Remus was sure that quite a few of the werewolves were probably in the woods, hidden by the trees and brush. All it would take was one call from Greyback for those who were close to come running, and Remus would be vastly outnumbered.

Remus thought back to his and Harry’s escape from Hogwarts, and he supposed he could do wandless magic again. But when his mind scrambled for an appropriate spell, none of them seemed good enough. There wasn’t anything close enough to be blown up, not like he had with the ceiling at Hogwarts. If he tried to attack either Althea or Greyback, that would certainly give the other more than enough time to attack him in return or to call for reinforcements.

Ever since Remus had come to live with the werewolves, he had known that his luck would eventually run out one day. It seemed as if that day had finally come.

_To be continued…_


	18. Unlocking the Cage

Remus stood and stared at Althea for a long time, almost like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. She was standing so close to Greyback, just in front of him, and his hand remained on her shoulder. It didn’t seem to perturb her in the least. Quite the contrary. Althea seemed to be perfectly at ease next to the werewolf, the one that she always claimed made her sick to her stomach. Why hadn’t he ever noticed it before?

It still didn’t make any sense to him. Remus was beginning to trust Althea, and he had come back here for the sole reason of trying to help her, of giving her a better life than the one she had now. Had he really misjudged her that much? Was his trust really that misplaced? Then again, he had trusted Peter, too, and he had betrayed them all.

For a moment, Remus didn’t even care that Greyback was there. All he wanted was to talk to Althea, to ask her why she was doing this. He focused on her for a long time, the hurt evident in his eyes. “You said you were my friend,” Remus said quietly. They were probably going to laugh at him for it, for being so gullible, but he didn’t care.

Althea remained silent and finally broke eye contact with Remus. She turned her head to the right, towards Greyback, almost like she was waiting for him to speak for her.

“Remus…” Greyback hummed, shaking his head. “You see what those _humans_ have done to you? _Friends_ \- those are _human_ things, and feeling anything for them are _human_ emotions. Animals do not need friends. Allies, yes, because there is safety in numbers, but never friends. You think I’m going to miss you once you’re gone? You think I miss Talon? Given, I am angry with you - very much so - for the way you’ve interfered in my pack. I will deal with you accordingly, but do you think I _care_ that Talon’s gone forever?” Greyback scoffed, waving his hand like there was an annoying insect buzzing around his head. “He was dispensable. You all are. I’ll replace you the same way I replaced him, and I won’t spend one moment missing either one of you.”

Something occurred to Remus, and he crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his head to the side in curiosity. Since he didn’t have a plan of escape at the moment, he figured that the best way to distract Greyback from attacking him was to keep him talking. “So tell me,” Remus asked smugly, “where does the fact that once we join the pack, we’re never allowed to leave fit into that? If you don’t get attached to any of us, why would you care if-”

“It’s for our own safety!” Greyback roared, cutting him off. “I can’t have my pups running off, telling _humans_ where we are or about what goes on here. One word to the Ministry, and the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures would be here in a second, taking us all into custody. Use your _brain_ , Remus. I do it for our safety, nothing more.”

“That’s what you say, but…“ Remus paused for a moment, shaking his head. He knew he was treading on thin ice, but he doubted there was anything he could say or do that would make Greyback angrier than he already was, so he decided to stick with his present plan. “I wonder how much of that is true. Are you afraid of being abandoned, perhaps?”

“I’m not _afraid_ of _anything_!” Greyback snapped, and Remus knew he had hit a nerve. Greyback growled, a sound from deep in his throat. “The wolf doesn’t know what _fear_ is. You know that.” He looked Remus up and down for a moment, considering his next words carefully. “Or perhaps you don’t. Have you been tamed so much, that your wolf has gone soft as well?”

“I’m not talking about the wolf,” Remus replied. For the very first time, he saw the tiniest hint that maybe Greyback wasn’t entirely an animal after all. “There are human emotions inside of you after all, aren’t there?”

Greyback narrowed his eyes, then he laughed. He tried to make it sound mocking, but didn’t quite succeed, not in the way Remus knew he’d intended. “I know _nothing_ about what it is to be _human_ ,” Greyback snarled. “I haven’t been _human_ since I was ten years old, and no, I don‘t remember what it was like. Whatever human emotions might have remained afterwards were quickly stamped out by the way _humans_ treated me. They saw to that. I was forced to _become_ an animal to survive. That’s something you wouldn’t know about. Your _humans_ have coddled and kept you like a _pet_.”

Remus shook his head. “If you believe that, then you are sorely mistaken.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Greyback sighed overdramatically. “I had hoped that you would be able to let go of those things in time - of the bad habits and the molds those _humans_ forced you into. But now I see that you never had any interest in leaving those things behind, have you? This has all been one big joke to you, so I ask you again, Remus. How would you like to do this? Would you like to run and see how far you can get? Or shall we just put you out of your misery now?”

Remus steeled himself, clenching his hands into fists at his sides and standing his ground. “I’m not going to run from you.” Remus wanted nothing more than to turn and run, but he knew that was exactly what Greyback wanted - to chase him like he was nothing more than prey - and Remus wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction. “That’s what people do when they’re afraid, and I’m _not_ afraid of you, Fenrir.”

A gigantic grin broke out on Greyback’s face, perhaps the largest one Remus had ever seen. Remus thought he could see every single one of Greyback’s teeth, gleaming in the moonlight. “Perhaps you’re not quite as human as I thought, because you _should_ be afraid.”

“Of what exactly?” Remus asked incredulously. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was _very_ afraid of you when I first came here, but…you’re nothing more than a bully. A werewolf who uses physical means to intimidate those in his pack.”

Greyback suddenly stalked forward, brushing Althea out of the way as he went. She stumbled a bit, but caught her balance. She hadn’t said anything for a long time, and she didn’t even seem like she was paying any attention to either of them. Her eyes had wandered off towards the woods, and she almost appeared to be caught up in a daydream of some sort. It was like she had mentally checked out of the entire situation.

Meanwhile, Greyback had paused just a few feet in front of Remus, his teeth bared still bared. “I told you,” Greyback rumbled, “when you first came here that I could rip your throat out so fast, you won’t even realize what’s happening. That doesn’t scare you in the least?”

“Why should it?” Remus asked simply. He smiled a bit, remembering something that Dumbledore had told him many times. “There are far worse things to fear than death.”

“Let’s see about that,” Greyback growled, stepping even closer to Remus. He had that look in his eyes again - the crazed look that meant he was hungry, and he was ready to devour his meal.

Remus stepped backwards, swallowing hard. His eyes darted around, hoping to spot something, anything that would help him to escape. He tried desperately to think of something else to say, some other way to distract Greyback, but his mind blank. Besides, once Greyback fixated on a target, he wasn’t easily sidetracked.

“Look at you,” Greyback laughed as he came drew closer. “You look like a deer caught in a trap. A poor, defenseless animal that knows his time is up. And you tell me you’re not scared.”

“I’m not,” Remus insisted, “not of you.” He wasn’t sure that he believed that any longer, but he knew that admitting to fear would only make Greyback even crazier, hungrier.

Remus began to think that the only option he had left was to run. He didn’t want to. Greyback would just love to chase him, to know that Remus really was terrified, but on the other hand, Remus wasn’t about to stand there and let Greyback attack him. He was simply out of choices, but Remus didn’t have time to decide.

Greyback staggered. His arms flew out in opposite directions, trying to catch himself, but there was nothing to grab on to. He lurched forward, and for a very precarious moment, Remus thought it was part of Greyback’s attack. But it wasn’t. Greyback kept falling downward, well short of Remus. With a thud, Greyback slammed in to the ground face first.

The oddest thing passed through Remus’s mind at that moment, an expression he had heard many times - the bigger they are, the harder they fall. It almost made him laugh, but he tried to push it from his mind, because this was certainly not the time to be distracted by such petty amusements. At first, Remus wasn’t even sure what had happened. True to his animalistic reflexes, Remus had never seen Greyback lose his footing a day in his life, and definitely not when Greyback was about to feast. It was almost like he went on autopilot during those times, and his body automatically did everything it was supposed to so that Greyback could focus on his meal.

It was then that Remus noticed Althea was gone from the spot she had been standing in. Remus looked around, and then he saw her. From his vantage point, he could only just make out the top of her blond hair over Greyback’s massive form on the ground, but Remus now saw what had happened. Althea had tripped him. She had grabbed Greyback around the ankle, sending him to the ground.

Before Remus even had a moment register anything more, Althea pushed herself up a bit, still keeping her hands firmly around Greyback’s leg. She looked up at Remus, her pale blue eyes partially obscured by the strands of hair that had fallen into her face.

“Go, Remus,” she said quietly.

Greyback roared in anger, flailing around on the ground. He quickly got his limbs under him, easily ripping his ankle from Althea’s grasp. He spun around on all fours, turning on Althea. He growled again, and for a moment, Remus almost forgot that Greyback wasn’t in his wolf form. He was so wild, so animalistic crouching on the ground in such a fashion, it was an easy mistake to make.

Althea kept giving Remus a pleading look. She mouthed the word ‘go’ to him again, almost like she had lost her voice.

Remus knew this was his chance. Indeed, once Greyback was fixated on a target, he wasn’t easily torn away from it, unless he was angered so severely that he had no other choice. Greyback was so consumed with Althea right now, in taking his fury out on her, it didn’t seem like he knew or even cared that Remus might get away.

But Remus couldn’t. It was the very same reason why Harry had refused to leave Remus behind at Hogwarts and save himself. It was the very same reason why Remus had come back here to begin with. He couldn’t just walk away, he couldn’t just return to his life and let Althea be mauled or killed because of him. Because she was trying to help him. He wouldn’t. He wasn’t that kind of person.

And neither was Althea. Remus knew that now. The speech she had given Greyback just moments before had been an act. If she was really as loyal to Greyback as she said she was, she would never dare to lay a hand on him, much less trip him, and especially not when he was involved in disciplining a member of the pack. She had been fooling Greyback, drawing attention away from herself so that she could have a free moment to attack him and give Remus a chance to escape. Everything made sense to Remus now.

Althea screamed, slamming Remus’s thoughts back to reality. Greyback had backhanded her across the face, and she had sprawled out on her back. Greyback had dug the claws of his other hand into her leg, causing little spots of blood to appear in her tatty and worn robes. She struggled to get away, thrashing around and trying to hit at Greyback, but he wasn’t the least bit perturbed by any of her attacks. He kept coming, crawling up her body until his mouth was just above her throat. He opened his mouth impossibly wide, ready to feast.

Remus didn’t even know what had come over him. Perhaps it was the result of living around the animalistic werewolves for so long, but Remus had lowered himself onto all fours. It was the most insane thing he had ever done in his life, but at the same time, it felt strangely normal. He would have gone straight for his wand, but it was still back at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. He wanted to kick himself for forgetting it this time, but at the moment, he didn’t think he needed it.

Remus crept slowly at first, coming around to Greyback’s side so that he wouldn’t be caught. When he had a clear shot at Greyback, Remus crouched even lower to the ground, growled slightly, and leapt. It was almost like he was Moony, and he supposed he understood the fondness Greyback had of giving into that side of himself at all times. It was easy to let his wolf come out, to take over his mind. It was easy to be what Greyback was. So easy.

Greyback heard him approach, and he looked up in Remus’s direction, but for once, he wasn’t quick enough. Putting all his weight into it, Remus slammed into Greyback’s side. Greyback howled in rage and pain as he rolled over and slammed into the ground once again, losing his grip on Althea. Remus floundered for a moment, his momentum still driving him forward. He grabbed at the ground and then at Greyback, trying to remain on top of the werewolf. Remus wasn’t even entirely sure what he was going to do now, but he knew he had to keep Greyback occupied. He would certainly go after Althea again if he could, and Remus wasn’t about to let that happen.

Before Remus even had time to think about his next move, his world turned upside down. He hadn’t even realized that Greyback was moving, he was so swift and quick, like the predator that he was. He had flipped Remus over so that he was the one on the bottom now, conveniently under the seething werewolf.

“Leave him alone,” Althea said. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw that she had gotten to her feet and was standing just a few feet away.

Greyback’s head whirled around, and he glared at her. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out at first. It was almost like he had given in to his wolf so much, things like words were failing him. Greyback took a moment, catching his breath, his entire body shuddering with each gulp of air in and out. When he spoke again, his voice rumbled with his pent up anger. “Here we are again, Jameson. Just turn around and walk away. Perhaps I won’t kill you if you do as I say right now.”

“You’re going to kill me either way,” Althea said firmly. “I’m sure of that now, and I can either let Remus die right along with me, or help him get away from your psychotic _arse_.”

“How _dare_ you!” Greyback exclaimed, but then his gaze suddenly went back to Remus. Then he looked at Althea again, and he froze. It was almost like he had two different targets to go after, and he didn’t know which one to go after first. Remus had never seen him so indecisive.

“So many people to eat, so little time,” Remus said smartly, and he realized too late that that was a mistake. A very big mistake.

Greyback rounded on him once again, and before Remus even knew what was happening, he felt pain and a warm wetness erupt in his abdomen. Greyback had buried his claws deeply into Remus’s flesh, twisting his hand to cause Remus more pain. Remus opened his mouth to scream, but then he felt an odd sensation in his throat. It almost felt like he was going to be sick, the contents of his stomach rising, but not quite. It was more of a ticklish feeling almost, and it made him cough. Remus then realized that it had been blood he felt in his throat, because it splattered across the sleeve of Greyback’s robe.

Greyback inhaled deeply, like he was savoring the scent of Remus’s spilled blood on his clothes. “Not so funny now, is it?” he asked around a cruel laugh.

“You know,” Althea said casually, “you shouldn’t turn your back on people when they’re talking to you. It’s rude.” She was trying desperately to distract Greyback, but Remus wasn’t sure if it would work. Nor was he sure that he wanted it to. Althea was trying to save him, but Remus wasn’t about to stand for anything happening to her as a result. For a moment, Remus almost thought that she was about to rush at Greyback just like Remus had, but she didn‘t. Which was good. If Remus couldn’t get out from under Greyback’s grasp, then Althea would have absolutely no chance against him.

“I didn’t ask you,” Greyback thundered, “and I’ve had about enough about enough of your insolence! Can‘t even eat my meal in peace.” All of a sudden, Greyback heaved himself off of Remus and climbed to his feet, approaching Althea now.

Remus tried to get up to follow, but it still felt like Greyback was pinning him to the ground. An unusual, heavy feeling had settled in his chest, making it hard to breath. He coughed again with the effort to draw in air, and more blood spilled over his bottom lip. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that that would help, but the next time he opened them, he regretted it. The sky had grown even darker in the few seconds he’d had them closed. It had gone from deep midnight blue to black, and the many stars that were out had inexplicably disappeared. So had the moon.

Remus was very tired. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to close his eyes again and sleep. To forget about everything that was happening around him for a little while. But he couldn’t. He knew if he didn’t act now, he would never get another chance to. If he went to sleep, he was sure that he would never wake up again, Greyback would see to that, and Remus couldn’t break his promise to Sirius. His best friend had made him promise that he wouldn’t die, that he would come back so that he could bug Sirius until the end of time about falling into curtains. Sirius was waiting for him, and so was Harry. He couldn’t let them down.

The thought of them seemed to ease the pain a bit, and Remus used every last ounce of his strength to turn over onto his left side. Greyback was in that direction, and just beyond him, Althea. It was very dark and Remus had trouble seeing them, but he could see well enough to do what needed to be done. The only thing Remus could think of to do at the moment - the only thing he had the energy for - was exactly what Althea had done only moments before. Remus reached out in Greyback’s direction, almost groping around in the darkness for his target.

Greyback was currently caught up in yelling at Althea, telling her how useless she was and how he had no choice but to kill her now. Once again, for all Greyback cared, Remus might not have even been there. He didn’t even seem to notice when Remus’s fingers brushed up against the leg of his trousers. Remus reached further, stretching his arms out and trying his hardest to push against the ground with his feet. Finally, Remus wrapped both of his hands around Greyback’s ankle, threading his fingers together. He tightened them around Greyback and yanked as hard as he could, with every single shred of strength he had left in him.

It was enough. Greyback tripped again. He didn’t fall face first into the grass as he had when Althea had grabbed him; he simply lost his footing and plunged to his knees, but Remus would take it. Greyback caught himself, planting the palms of his hands against the ground and holding himself up.

This encouraged Remus. Before he had another moment to think about how extremely exhausted he was, about how he simply wanted to sleep, Remus forced himself to keep going. He dug his fingers into the dirt, hauling himself up, and trying this best to ignore the throbbing feeling in his chest and stomach. Once Remus was on all fours, he launched himself at Greyback again, landing squarely on the werewolf’s back and flattening him to the ground.

Greyback gasped for air, like the wind had been knocked out of him. Remus didn’t waste any time in threading his fingers into Greyback’s thick and matted hair. Remus supposed he understood how Greyback could let his anger get away from him, how he could let it control him so easily, because Remus was angry now. Mostly at himself because he had brought Althea into this, had caused her so many problems when she would have been much better off if he had minded his own business, but it drove him.

Remus pulled on Greyback’s hair, and when his head came a short distance off the ground, Remus slammed it back down. Greyback yowled, his arms and legs flailing around. Even in the still growing darkness, Remus could make out a puddle of something dark forming under Greyback’s head, and that was what made Remus stop. Greyback was a psychotic maniac, yes, and he tried to kill them both, but he was injured enough now for Remus and Althea to get away. There was no need to overdo it.

Greyback tried to scream, but only a strangled gurgle came out. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to scramble for purchase on his words. A moment later he got out a mumbled “help”, and Remus realized he was calling for reinforcements.

Remus looked up at Althea, and she was already approaching him. She grabbed onto Remus’s arm, trying her best to help him up.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” she gasped.

Remus stumbled a few times, his head spinning now, but he gritted his teeth, determined to see this through. He finally made it to his feet only to fall into Althea, the world suddenly turning every which way. Althea stumbled, but found her footing quickly, throwing all of her weight against Remus to keep him upright. She gripped his hand next, pulling his arm up and around her shoulders, settling it into place.

“Can you walk?” she asked anxiously, looking down at Greyback and then around the area to make sure that no one else was coming.

Remus nodded, even though he had no idea how he was still moving, still standing. It wasn’t just Althea, but it was like some unseen force, something much stronger than himself was holding him up and keeping him going. He got his feet moving, focusing his gaze ahead on the trees and allowing Althea to guide him. All he let himself think about at that moment was home and the fact that Sirius and Harry were waiting for him, depending on him to come back just like said he would.

“H-help!” came Greyback’s cry from behind them.

Althea gasped, holding onto Remus even more tightly and hastening her steps. Remus struggled to keep up, clinging firmly to her, and she never faltered. Remus had always heard of people doing extraordinary things in dangerous situations, being fueled by nothing but adrenalin, but Remus had never experienced anything like that himself. Not until now.

There was a commotion behind them. Remus could vaguely hear some of the werewolves talking, perhaps asking what had happened or exclaiming in surprise, but everything was too muffled to make out clearly. It was like Remus was underwater.

“Can you Apparate us?” Althea asked in alarm as they made it to the cover of the trees. “I can try, but-”

“I can do it,” Remus said firmly. He trusted Althea, but he didn’t exactly trust rusty Apparition skills. He thought he would have a better chance of Apparating them correctly, even though he was injured. He could Apparate in his sleep, he knew it so well, so maybe he could still do it, more so than she would so many years since she had last attempted it. Besides, Althea had no idea where they were going, and Remus wanted more than to go home at that moment.

“I can,” Remus repeated, more to convince himself than the fact that he was talking to her. He reached out his free hand, grasping onto the trunk of a tree for extra support. “Give me a moment.” He shut his eyes again, trying to collect his thoughts and focusing on their destination - number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Home. He was going home.

“They’re coming,” Althea whispered frantically, looking back in the direction of the compound.

Remus didn’t need her to tell him that, because he could hear them. Everything was still muffled, but the werewolves’ cries and footsteps were definitely coming closer. Remus tried to push that from his mind; he didn’t have the energy to think about anything else except Apparating. He took a few deep breaths before finally letting go of the tree trunk. He wrapped that arm around Althea as well, holding her close to him.

Remus looked back in the direction of the compound one last time. At the place that had been his home for the last two months, but would never be again. The place he was finally leaving behind once and for all. That gave Remus the extra bit of strength he needed to do this correctly. He was sure of it.

He could see the other werewolves now. They were running towards them, closing in quickly, but Remus closed his eyes against the sight. He buried his face into Althea’s hair, trying to block out anything at all to do with the werewolves or their so-called home. He thought of nothing but _his_ home, of Sirius and Harry, and he and Althea Disapparated.

It didn’t quite feel right. Rather than being firmly pulled towards the destination, they were going more slowly than normal and jostling around a bit, seeming to bump into the sides of the invisible tunnel they were in. At the same time, Remus thought he could feel all of his limbs, which was somewhat of a relief. He squeezed Althea more tightly to him, hoping they were headed in the right direction and that he wasn’t leading them to even greater danger. If he could, he would have apologized right then and there for any mistake he might have made in their Apparition.

When his feet found the ground again, Remus wobbled, but Althea was still there, propping him up. Remus gripped Althea’s shoulder tightly, his heart thumping as he opened his eyes to see where they had landed.

They had made it. Not more than ten feet in front of them were the three steps leading to the door of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. The light from the study and drawing room windows was pouring out to pool on the ground, almost like beacons to lead them. Remus let out a bit of a sob, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Then he looked down at them, checking to make sure they were both intact.

“You okay? Anything missing?” he asked quietly, but then he wished he hadn’t spoken at all. Doing so only served to remind him of how extremely exhausted he was, of how little energy he had left. He hardly had in him to keep standing, let alone speak.

“No,” Althea replied. “I’m fine.” She paused, looking up and down the street. “Where are we?”

“Home,” Remus panted, “my home.” But then suddenly, it appeared that the lights in the windows had been dimmed. Darkness was forcing its way into his vision again, making his head swim. He swayed on his feet.

“Stay with me,” Althea pleaded, trying her hardest to hold on to him, but it wasn’t enough this time.

Remus lost his grip on her shoulder, his fingers going completely loose, like they were full of water. He felt his arm slipping away from her, the ground rushing up to meet him.

“Remus!” Althea shouted, and he could feel her fingers scrambling against his arm, desperately trying to hold on to him, but he slipped right through them.

Somehow, though, it felt okay. Remus wasn’t worried, because he was home now. He could sleep, and he didn’t have anything to worry about anything anymore.

“Moony? Good lord, Moony!”

_Padfoot_ , Remus thought, but he was much too tired to voice it. Remus looked up at the house. Everything was so dark, almost like he was looking at the world through a piece of gauzy fabric, but he could just make out the figure standing in the front doorway, surrounded by a halo of light.

It was the last thing Remus saw before the darkness encompassed him entirely.

_To be continued…_


	19. Broken

Everything felt swimmy. It reminded Remus of waking up with a rather bad flu he’d had when he was little. Remus was pretty sure he wasn’t moving - he thought he was laying down on something soft - but it felt like he was. His head was dizzy, even though he wasn’t doing anything to make it that way. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought he just spent a minute spinning around in a circle.

Remus blinked his eyes open. His vision was blurry, so he squinted and blinked some more until it cleared. Then he was greeted with a very welcome sight - the ceiling in the sitting room of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. He had almost been fearing that he’d be in the hospital, so he was very happy to see that he was still at home. There wasn’t anywhere else he wanted to be at that moment.

“Moony.” Sirius’s voice was relieved.

Remus looked around and realized that he was on one of the sofas, a soft pillow from his bed under his head, and a warm blanket tucked in around him. That was soft, too, nothing at all like the sorry excuses for blankets that Greyback had provided him with. Remus curled a hand into the fabric, and turned his head to the left, savoring the feel of things he used to take for granted.

Just to his left, Sirius sat on the floor, watching him closely. There was a book propped open on his lap, but Remus rather doubted that he’d been reading a word of it. Knowing Sirius, he might have been sitting there for hours, staring at Remus intently and waiting for him to wake up.

“Padfoot,” Remus whispered.

Sirius smiled, his relief growing. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

“Here,” Sirius said, getting to his knees and letting his book drop to the floor. He reached to the end table behind Remus’s head, and Remus could hear the sound of liquid pouring. A moment later, Sirius slipped one arm under Remus’s shoulders, lifting him up a bit. He brought a glass of water to Remus’s lips with his other hand. “Drink. You’re dehydrated.”

Remus did as he was told, and at first, it burned. His might have been drinking acid for all he knew, because it felt like his throat was on fire. He grimaced and pulled away.

“There’re painkillers mixed in with it,” Sirius said, pressing the glass against his mouth again. “It’ll feel better in a moment.”

Reluctantly, Remus took another sip. He shut his eyes tightly, anticipating the pain, but this time, there was none. The water felt cool and soothing on his throat, and then he realized just how thirsty he really was. He drank more, finishing nearly the entire glass before pulling away.

Sirius let him back against the pillows, replacing the glass on the end table. “Feel better?”

The room was still spinning, but at least the pain had faded. Remus nodded.

“Madam Pomfrey was here,” Sirius said, settling back down on the floor. “We Floo’d her straightaway, and she fixed this-” he laid a tender hand over Remus’s stomach, “-in no time. It about gave me a heart attack when I saw it, but she said it wasn’t nearly as bad as it looked. It bled quite a bit, but the damage to you was minimal. Although if you got them how we think you did-”

“Greyback,” Remus interjected.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, in which case, it might hurt for a while, and it’s going to scar.”

That angered Remus, that Greyback had forever put any kind of mark on him, but he tried not to let it show. “A few more, no matter,” he said nonchalantly. “Besides, Harry seems to have gotten the idea from you that girls think scars are sexy.”

“Some of them do.”

“None of the ones I’ve ever met.”

“You just haven’t met the right one, is all.”

“Right,” Remus said sarcastically.

“Madam Pomfrey said your biggest problem was the dehydration,” Sirius said, getting back on the topic at hand. “She gave you a Replenishing Potion while you were out of it, but I’m under strict orders to make sure you’re getting enough to drink once you wake up. It’s the only reason she let you remain here instead of demanding you be taken to the hospital wing.”

“Thanks, Padfoot,” Remus said. “That’s all I wanted, to come home.”

Sirius smirked. “I know, me too. You should have seen me half the time you were gone.” He paused for a moment, appearing deep in thought. “Then again, it’s probably a good thing that you didn’t see me. I was a bit of a wreck, not knowing what was going on with you.”

“ _You_ were a wreck?”

“I know,” Sirius conceded. “It was nothing compared to what you were going through, but still…I’ve missed you.”

That was nice to hear. Of course, Remus knew that Sirius had missed him, but it was still nice to be reminded of that, of how much he was loved and needed. “Me too.” But then something occurred to Remus, something that forced him into a sitting position. The room started to spin anew around him, but there was only one thing he cared about, and it certainly wasn’t how he was feeling. “Althea - where’s Althea?”

Sirius was on his knees once again. He gently put his hands on Remus’s shoulders, pushing him back down to the couch. “She’s fine, but you need to lay down.”

“Where is she?” Remus asked again, settling back comfortably into his pillow. He wanted nothing more than to see her, to make sure she was okay, but he knew Sirius was right; if he tried to stand up, he was sure he would keel right over.

“Dumbledore was here,” Sirius explained, getting comfortable on the floor again. “He didn’t think it prudent to tell her the location of the house yet, so he took her to Hogwarts-”

“The battle-”

“Is over. They found out how the Death Eaters got in-”

“Through a Vanishing Cabinet.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “They’ve managed to secure the castle. It’s not in the best of shape, but it’s useable.”

“We didn’t lose anyone, did we?”

“No.” Sirius paused for a very long time, biting his lip.

“What?”

Sirius sighed heavily, looking down at his lap and playing with his hands. “Apparently, Greyback got really angry after you got away.” He looked up at Remus apologetically, like what he was about to say could be his fault in any way. “He attacked Bill.”

“He’s not-”

“No, no one‘s dead,” Sirius repeated before Remus could ask the full question. “But Greyback kind of…mangled his face.” He scowled. “He’s fine, he’ll be fine, but werewolf wounds-”

“Are cursed. And scar.”

“Yeah.”

“Damn it,” Remus muttered. He pressed a hand over his eyes, almost wishing that the last two months had never even happened. Then again, he wouldn’t have had the chance to save either Harry or Althea, and they were definitely both worth it. Remus just wished he hadn’t caused other people to be hurt in the process. “Maybe I should have killed him after all.”

Sirius’s eyebrows went up, and he briefly tilted his head back. “I can’t believe you would say that.”

“What?” Remus snapped. “Wanting to kill people for hurting my friends?” He didn’t know why he was getting angry, but being questioned about his motives bothered him. After all, Sirius had no idea what he had just been through, and Remus had no doubt that if he did, he’d want to kill Greyback just as much.

“ _Yes_.”

“I think you’re forgetting about Peter,” Remus said bluntly. “I was _more_ than ready to kill him for what he did to James, Lily, Harry, and you. I would have, too, if Harry hadn’t decided to be noble about it. Are you forgetting that you were ready to kill him right along with me?”

“No,” Sirius said softly, not wanting to upset Remus any further, “but have you forgotten what you told me about that night in the Shrieking Shack? We talked about that when Dumbledore sent me to your house that summer after the Triwizard Tournament. It was the first time that we really got a chance to talk about everything that had happened - in person, anyway - and you said that as much as you’d wanted to kill Peter in that moment, you were glad Harry stopped us. That people like Peter aren’t worth becoming murderers over. Not in that way - not when the would-be victim is alone and unarmed. Self-defense is one thing, but killing purely for vengeance is entirely another.” When Remus didn’t reply, Sirius spurred, “Would it have been in self-defense?”

Remus frowned down at his hands, trying to pick at some of the dirt that had long since settled under his fingernails. He kind of hoped that Sirius would forget about this conversation, but he was still sitting there on the floor, staring at Remus and waiting for an answer. Remus sighed, still keeping his gaze fixed on his hands. “No. Obviously not since I got away by hurting him just enough. I had him injured and trapped, and I could have killed him if I’d wanted to. With my bare hands. But I didn’t. I left him laying there…hurting, but still very much alive.”

“Killing him wouldn’t have changed what happened to Bill,” Sirius said carefully.

“I know that!” Remus was much too tired to be having conversations like this. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but he knew that Sirius would never let it go now. “I didn’t kill him, because I’m not that kind of person. Or I didn’t used to be.”

“You’re still not that kind of person,” Sirius reminded him. “The fact that you left Greyback laying there after all this proves that. You’re just angry about Bill. Don’t get the two confused.”

Remus felt tears prickling at his eyes. Partially because he was grateful that Sirius was being so forgiving about the way Remus kept raising his voice, but partly for another reason entirely. “I just keep thinking that as soon as he’s able, Greyback is going to go right back to hunting down children. How many more people are going to have to suffer because of him? And I could have stopped him once and for all.”

“Don’t, Moony,” Sirius said gently, shaking his head. “You know I wished many times that I _had_ killed Peter after all, because that would have prevented Voldemort from coming back and Merlin only knows what else. You were the one that always told me that things like that aren’t my - or anyone else’s - responsibility. Even if we could have stopped them, they make their own choices and it’s _their_ faults. Not ours, and especially not because we didn’t stoop to their levels.”

Remus nodded reluctantly. “I know you’re right.” He let out a humorless laugh. “Why are we our own worst critics?”

“We’re only human.”

Remus disagreed with that, but he didn’t say anything. He really didn’t want to drag out this discussion any more than absolutely necessary. Once he had a decent night‘s sleep, they could beat the subject into the ground all they wanted, but not now.

“Besides,” Sirius went on, “Dumbledore knew full well what Greyback was like before you went there. He never asked you to kill him, nor would he ever.”

“I didn’t do a whole lot of what he _did_ ask me to do.”

“How can you say that?” Sirius asked incredulously.

Remus stared at Sirius like he had a hippopotamus balancing on his head. “He sent me there as a spy,” Remus hissed. “I didn’t learn any earth-shattering secrets about the Death Eaters. I just wasn’t there long enough,” he finished miserably.

“You’re crazy.”

“What?”

Sirius leaned back, propping himself up with his hands. “Did it ever occur to you that the most important thing you could have done while you were there is exactly what you _did_ do?”

“What might that be?”

“ _Moony_!” Sirius cried. “You saved Harry’s life! Tell me, what on the face of the earth is more important than he is?”

Remus knew he would always wonder if he could have done more, helped their side more if he had been able to stay at the compound longer, but he knew Sirius was right. “Nothing.”

Sirius waved his hand and smiled smugly. “It may not have been what you were sent there to do, but all the secrets about the Death Eaters in the world would never equate to saving Harry. He told me what happened. If you hadn’t been there with the Death Eaters, they would have cornered Harry, and who would have been there to save him then? No one knew where he was, and we were all suitably distracted by other Death Eaters. They would have easily gotten him back to Voldemort, just like they planned.” Sirius snorted in amusement. “You were the part that they didn’t plan on.”

Remus could feel his cheeks growing warm. “Oh, I think Bellatrix saw me coming a mile away. She kept screaming at Greyback the entire time about how I wasn’t to be trusted. Once it was over, I’m willing to bet that she ran straight to Voldemort to tell him how it was all Greyback’s fault, and how _she_ knew that I wasn’t loyal to them all along.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “My ruddy cousin. I have to give it to her though. I suppose this proves that she does have at least a _couple_ brain cells in that otherwise empty head of hers.”

“Greyback wouldn’t stand for it, though,” Remus said, shifting around on the sofa to try and relieve the ache that was starting to creep into his back. “He liked me well enough to put her in her place whenever she tried to blow my cover.”

“Oh? I’m sorry I missed it then. I would have liked to see that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her be put in her place before…” Sirius said regretfully, pressing a finger to his thoughtfully.

“You would have been too freaked out over Harry to notice what they were bickering about,” Remus said knowingly.

Sirius paused for a while before replying. “This is true.”

Remus snickered, and that felt good. It was nice to be able to laugh again, to talk to his best friend for the first time in months, to know that he never had to go back to that hellhole ever again. He was home now, and things would be okay again.

A moment later, Sirius’s expression turned somber once again, and he leaned in closer to Remus. “Thank you, by the way.”

Closing his eyes, Remus shook his head. “You don’t have to thank me for anything. He’s just as important to me as he is to you. You know that, and I know you’re right. Even if nothing else came out of this, I still would have done it for Harry. All of it, without even thinking twice.” It was then that Remus realized he hadn’t seen Harry seen he’d been back at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. “Is he here?”

“Mhm,” Sirius hummed. “He went upstairs to lay down, he was so exhausted. I looked in on him a little bit ago, and he was sound asleep. He wanted me to come and wake him when you woke up, but…”

“Let him sleep,” Remus interrupted. “Almost getting eaten by Greyback takes a lot out of you.” He’d meant it as a joke, but it didn’t quite come out that way. He sounded bitter, and Sirius knew it. He opened his mouth to respond, but Remus went on before he could speak. “He needs the rest. I do want to see him, but we’ll have plenty of time to talk later.” After a moment, he added, “I want to see Althea, too.”

“And you will,” Sirius reassured. “As soon as you start feeling better, you can go and see her. Dumbledore said she can stay at Hogwarts for a while. I think he wants to keep an eye on her.”

“We can trust her. I promise.”

“Well, he’s just met her,” Sirius reminded, “and she’s just come from Greyback’s pack. Of course he’s a little leery of her.”

“She saved my life.” Sirius looked up at him, waiting for him to go on, so Remus continued. “Of course, if not for her, I wouldn’t have gone back there in the first place, but…” Remus trailed off, his head starting to hurt from trying to comprehend all the variables. He shook his head and said, “Anyway, I convinced her to come with me, but then Greyback showed up. He was going to attack me, but she stopped him. She grabbed him, and tripped him, and told me to run for it. Of course, if you do that - interfere in one of his _meals_ \- that makes him angry, and she knew it. Not to mention, she was showing him that she was loyal to me and not to him. She knew he was probably going to kill her for it, and she did it anyway. She was willing to die so that I could get out.”

“But of course,” Sirius said knowingly, “you couldn’t just leave her there.”

Remus hummed in agreement. “Greyback turned on her, so I attacked him. That’s how I got this,” he said, gesturing to his stomach. “But she distracted him, and he went after her again. I tripped him, and then I managed to bang his head into the ground before he could get up. It incapacitated him long enough for us to get away.” He let out a breath of surprise. “I’m not even sure how I managed to Apparate, because the world was turning every which way, and my vision was going black…”

“Neither was Madam Pomfrey,” Sirius added. “When she saw the state you were in, she said you were lucky you didn’t splinch yourself _or_ Althea.”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been so determined in my life,” Remus answered. “That _is_ the most important part of Apparition, after all. I just wanted to get the hell out of there and come home. More than I’ve perhaps ever wanted anything in my entire life.”

For the very first time since he had gone to live with the werewolves, Remus started to feel completely and totally calm, almost like his old self again. There had been times while he had been inside the compound when he had feared that that part of him was gone forever, just one of the casualties of going there in the first place. At that moment, however, it felt like he might be able return to his normal life almost easily.

Remus let out a relieved breath, pressing his head comfortably into the pillow and closing his eyes. He felt very tired all of a sudden, and he thought he would nap for a while. Sirius, however, had other ideas.

“I’ve never wanted anything more than for you to come home, either,” Sirius said in a very quiet tone, like he knew Remus was trying to sleep and he was trying hard not to disturb him too much. “And I’m glad you have. I’m not sure you could have handled much more.”

Remus’s eyes flew open, and he glared at Sirius. “What‘s that supposed to mean?”

Sirius eyes widened a bit, like he was completely surprised that Remus might take offense at his words. Sirius put up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Nothing! Just that…you’ve been a bit of a mess since you’ve been there.”

Just like that, Remus no longer felt tired, but angry. It was growing again, the brief moment when he had been calm quickly becoming a fleeting memory. “Yes, I have,” Remus huffed, “but don’t think for one second that I couldn’t have done it longer. From the moment I gave Albus my word, I was prepared to stay there for as long as possible if that’s the way it had gone. Yes, it was hard, and yes, I’m adjusting to being back, but I could have handled it just fine. I wouldn’t have cracked up then, and I’m not cracking up now.”

“I didn’t say you were!”

Remus sat up, and he was relieved that the room was no longer spinning. Sirius reached out for his shoulders, trying to force him back down to the sofa, but Remus shrugged them off. “I’m fine,” Remus snapped. “Look, I told you before that this is going to be an adjustment for me. It’s going to take some time before I’m back to my old self, but what I need more than ever is your support-”

“And you’ve got that!” Sirius interrupted.

“Then kindly quit making comments about how I’m a mess!” Remus snapped. “You think I don’t know that? You think it doesn’t make me feel worse to know - to be reminded - how different I’m acting? Which part of that is ‘supportive’ to you, Sirius?”

Sirius diverted his gaze to his lap. He didn’t say anything.

“I just need you to be patient with me,” Remus added, trying to control his tone. “I promised you that once I came home for good, that I would be myself again. And I will be. But I just can’t flip a switch and make myself that way overnight. There’s some things I need to work through - like the fact that I let someone die and I did nothing to stop it, all in the interest of proving my _loyalty_ to Greyback.”

Sirius looked up in alarm before frowning deeply. “What?”

Remus ignored the question. The last thing he wanted was to repeat the story of how Talon had died. Remus wasn’t even sure why he had brought it up. He hadn’t intended to; it had just come out before he could stop it. Actually, now that he thought about it, the thing he wanted the most in the world was a bath. Thinking about what had happened to Talon simply made his skin crawl, and he some crazy idea that he could wash it off. Besides, he was filthy. He hadn’t had a bath in nearly two months, and perhaps having one would be the first step in making him feel normal again.

Shaking his head, Remus pushed his blanket aside and started to stand up.

“You really shouldn’t-” Sirius tried to protest, reaching his hands out again, but Remus wouldn’t have it.

“I just need a bath right now,” Remus said, getting to his feet. He paused for a moment, almost expecting the world to start tilting every which way, but it remained surprisingly stationary. “I can’t lay here like this anymore,” he said, gesturing to the sofa. “I feel absolutely disgusting, and I think that’s making me more irritable. I think I’ll feel much better once I’m clean.”

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but when Remus turned and started to walk from the room, he closed it again. He still watched Remus go, and called to him just before he crossed the threshold.

“Moony?” When Remus stopped and looked at him, Sirius continued, “I don’t think you’re cracking up. At all. I just worry about you.”

Remus smiled, a tiny little gesture that didn’t reach his eyes. “I know, but there’s no need to. You should know I never break a promise. I will be the Moony you know and love eventually. Just like I told you I’d come back. I think it saved my life, you know. That promise. There was moment where I wanted to just give up, but I knew I couldn‘t let you down. Not when I promised you I‘d come back.”

They stared at each other in silence for a while, and Sirius smiled a little bit in return. “So you can bug me about falling into curtains for the rest of my life, hm?”

“Exactly.”

“Call me if you need something, okay? And how about if I bring you a tray of food?”

Just the mention of food made Remus’s stomach recoil and tie itself into a million little knots. He honestly didn’t know if he’d ever feel like eating again. He shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat something-”

“I said I’m not hungry!” Remus yelled. He didn’t know why Sirius’s offer of food made him so angry. He knew Sirius was just trying to be supportive, exactly what Remus had asked for, but he hated the way that Sirius kept insisting, even after he’d said no. Remus knew he hadn’t been eating well, and in addition to being dehydrated, he probably would have been well on his way to being malnourished if he had stayed among the werewolves any longer. Remus also knew he had to start eating better, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. Not on the same night that he had left Greyback. He felt like he needed some space from him first. Some time. “I just want a bath and to sleep in my own bed for a while. Maybe in the morning.”

Sirius nodded and bowed his head again. He looked like he was battling with himself, like he wanted to say something more, but he was afraid of upsetting Remus again.

That made Remus feel even worse than he already had. He didn’t want to keep losing his temper with Sirius, and he didn’t want his best friend to start censoring himself. After all, they had been friends long enough to be well past that point. Pretty much anything went between them, and that was the way they liked it. Remus didn’t say anything more for fear of getting into another argument, but he clung to the idea of a bath and sleep, and how he might feel better afterwards. Maybe things would start to get back to normal then.

Leaving Sirius alone in the sitting room, Remus turned on his heel and trudged up the stairs. He vaguely remembered the last time he had done so, just after the last full moon. It now felt like a million years ago, and if Remus didn’t know better, he would have thought he’d aged at least a decade since then.

When Remus got to the top of the stairs, he didn’t waste any time in unclasping his robe and letting it drop to the floor of the hallway. He didn’t stop to pick it up, and he didn’t care if he ever saw it again. He went to his room, pushing the door open and stepping inside. He hadn’t been there at all since he’d gone to live with the werewolves, and it felt strange to him to be there. Almost like he was intruding on something he shouldn’t be.

Then he spotted it. The one thing he had been desperately wishing for all night long - his wand, still sitting on his bedside table right where he’d left it. Remus crossed his room to it and picked it up. It was reddish in hue, made from red cedar, and it contained a unicorn tail hair. Ever since he had gotten it, his father had made it a point to remind Remus that unicorns were pure and good. As much as Remus might think he didn’t, he had to have those very same qualities for that wand to choose him. Perhaps that was the very reason his Patronus took the form of a unicorn, because he never forgot his father’s words, and he always wanted to live up to them. He just didn’t know if he was anymore.

The wand felt odd and foreign in his fingers, yet another thing that he wasn’t sure he would get used to again. Then his eyes went to his hand, and he realized just how different it looked since the last time he had held his wand. His was so dirty, it was almost black, and his fingernails had started to yellow and had so much dirt under them, he wondered if he’d ever get them clean. The worst part by far, however, was how long they had grown since he’d been away. Not nearly as long as Greyback’s, but still much too similar for comfort. Remus let his wand drop back to his bedside table with a _clunk_ , almost like it had suddenly grown hot and burned him.

Remus turned away from the table and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off and letting it drop to the floor as well. He stepped out of his shoes and started on his trousers next, undoing the button and zipper. He stepped out of them before bending over to peel off his socks. That’s the way they came off - they _peeled_. He had been sweating so much that night, it felt like they had been glued to his feet. He threw them across the room, not caring where they landed.

He went to his wardrobe, pulling it open. For a moment, he didn’t want to touch any of his clean clothes. He felt so dirty and like he might contaminate them all if he laid one finger on them. Remus wasn’t about to ask Sirius to help him though, so he quickly sorted through his clothing, like it would keep them clean if he kept his contact with them to a minimum. Finally, he closed his hand around what he had been looking for. They were his favorite pair of pajamas - red fleece with grey wolves on them - which had been a Christmas present from Sirius and Harry last year. He thought they would make him feel the most at home.

Remus crossed the hall to the bathroom, closed the door behind him, and set his pajamas down on the hamper. He plugged up the drain in the bathtub before running the water as hot as he thought he could stand it. While he was waiting for the tub to fill, he got a clean washcloth from the cabinet under the sink, setting it down on the edge of the tub. Then he stood and looked at himself in the mirror for a very long time. He needed a shave and haircut horribly. The longer he stood there, the more it became apparent to him that he was starting to resemble Greyback more and more. Groaning, Remus turned away from the mirror, pressing his hand over his eyes and rubbing at them harshly, trying to make that image of himself go away.

He was not like Greyback. He _wasn’t_.

It was then that Remus looked down for the first time and noticed the injury that Greyback had inflicted on him. Madam Pomfrey had cleaned the area, a square of pale white in the middle of his filthy stomach. She had healed it as best she could, but it would indeed scar. Five very pale and curved lines, shaped like crescent moons, one for each of the claws on Greyback’s right hand, stood out again his skin. Remus ran a finger over them, once again hating the fact that Greyback had done anything to scar him. They would remain there forever, yet another reminder of everything he had endured over the last two months.

Remus noticed that the bath water was almost to the top, so he quickly reached to shut it off. He wasted no time in shedding his last bit of clothing, his boxer shorts, and letting those fall to the floor, filthy against the pristine white tile. When he stepped into the water, it didn’t feel hot at all, but perfectly warm and welcoming. He sunk down into it, leaning his head back against the hard tiled wall, and he sat there for a very long time. He didn’t make any move to reach for his washcloth or the bar of soap next to it. He stared at the ceiling, like the pure whiteness of it might somehow make him clean instead. Might somehow make everything normal again. That was all he wanted, to feel normal again, and he wasn’t sure that he ever would.

That thought made tears well up in his eyes. He squeezed them shut, hoping to stop them, but it was no use. Even through his tightly closed eyelids, the tears began to pour, falling down his cheeks to drip into the bath water. Realizing that it was a lost cause, he let them come, his sobs seemingly very loud in the otherwise empty and silent room.

He felt broken, so much so that he didn‘t think he could ever be fixed. He felt _wrong_ , like he didn’t even belong in the human world anymore and never would again. And he felt dirty, a feeling that he was sure he wouldn’t be able to wash off no matter how hard he scrubbed.

_To be continued…_


	20. Almost Human

Remus stayed in the bathtub long after the water had gone cold. He had washed his hair three times and scrubbed every single inch of himself over and over, so much so that his skin was becoming red and raw. He finally put down the washcloth when it was becoming painful to keep using it. Still he remained in the water, staring down at it, almost unable to comprehend how black it had become. How much dirt he had washed off of himself. So why did he still feel dirty?

When he started shivering, he forced himself to get out, lest he give himself hypothermia in addition to dehydration. He pulled the plug out of the bathtub drain and stood up, gasping in a breath when the injury that Greyback had inflicted on him screamed in pain once again. He pressed one hand against his stomach and grabbed the wall of the tub with the other, letting out a very slow breath and waiting for the throbbing to lessen. It finally did, and Remus made a mental note to be careful in the future after he had been sitting for long periods of time.

It had been many years since he’d had a similar wound, but he certainly remembered them well. Back before the Wolfsbane had been invented, he had made many comparable injuries on himself. He always thought of them as ‘sneaky wounds’ when he was little. He always forgot they were there until he made a sudden movement, when they would make themselves known again out of the blue. It would stop hurting altogether eventually, but until then, he’d have to be extra cautious about his movements.

He gently stepped out of the bathtub and reached under the sink for a clean towel. He grabbed the thickest, fuzziest one he could find and dried himself off, finally wrapping the towel around his waist. Using a hand towel to wipe the mist that had formed on the mirror over the sink, he stood and looked at himself again. At least he was clean, something he wondered if Greyback had ever been, but he was still a little too shaggy for his liking. He spent some time shaving, brushing his teeth, and combing his hair. It was longer than he ever liked it to be, and he’d have to ask Sirius to trim it for him, but not right now. He was much too tired. And cold.

Pulling the towel from around his waist, he hung it on the towel rack and quickly pulled on his pajamas. He was still cold, and he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with a hot drink, but he’d feel bad asking Sirius for one. After all, Sirius had offered to bring him something, and Remus had nearly chewed his head off. Remus was much too exhausted to trek downstairs to get himself one, so it looked like he’d have to go without tonight.

However, it seemed as if Sirius had read his mind.

When Remus emerged from the bathroom, Sirius was just leaving Remus’s bedroom. They both paused in the doorways, watching each other from opposite sides of the hall, not saying anything for a long time. It almost felt like they hardly even knew each other, and Remus hated that.

“I was coming to check on you,” Sirius said, clearing his throat. “You’ve been in there for a while.”

Remus ducked his head. He thought the redness and puffiness had gone down in his face from when he had been crying, but he didn’t want Sirius to notice in case it hadn’t. He stared down at his bare feet. Those were cold, too, now that he thought about it, and he wished he had grabbed some socks in addition to his pajamas. “Took a while to get everything clean.”

“You look better,” Sirius said, desperately trying to keep the conversation going. “I picked up your clothes and took them down to the laundry room.”

“You should burn them,” Remus replied. He had meant it to be funny, but it didn’t come out that way. “They’re disgusting, and I’d wager to guess that smell’s never going to come out of them. It’s like Greyback.”

“I’ll leave that for you then,” Sirius said. “It’s what I did to my Azkaban clothes - burn them - and I think it’s rather healing.”

Remus let out a little laugh. “I have a project for tomorrow.” For the briefest moment, things had felt comfortable and normal between them, but just as quickly as it had come, that feeling was gone again.

“I, er…brought you a tray of food,” Sirius said carefully, gesturing back into Remus‘s room. “Nothing special, just some soup and tea. I know you didn’t want anything, and you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, but it’s there just in case.”

Remus found himself smiling. He hadn’t been hungry before, but the thought of hot soup and tea made his stomach rumble hungrily. “Thanks, Padfoot. That actually sounds really good right now.”

Sirius smiled in return, nodding awkwardly. “I’ll let you eat and get some sleep then.” He turned to go, but Remus called for him, so he stopped and turned back.

“Padfoot,” Remus said softly. He felt horrible for asking anything of Sirius after the way he had been snapping at him, but if he was alone again, he thought he’d start crying. Remus knew it was probably just the beginning of many tears to come, and there was nothing wrong with that, but he just wanted some peace for a while. “Don’t go,” he pleaded. Those pesky tears were prickling at his eyes again, and his voice cracked. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Moony…” Sirius let out a breath and quickly crossed the hall, wrapping his arms tightly around Remus. “You’re not. I’m here as much as you need me. And you don’t need to be afraid to ask. If there’s _anything_ you want or need, just say the word, and I’ll do it or get it for you if I can. Hell, if you want Swiss chocolate, I‘ll go to Switzerland right now and get you some.”

That made Remus’s eyes tear up even more, and he squeezed his eyelids shut, trying his best to keep them in. He buried his head in Sirius’s shoulder, reaching his own arms around Sirius’s waist and hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Sirius asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

“You’re trying to help,” Remus explained, his voice shaking, “and I’m not being very grateful.”

Sirius hugged him tighter, and then he started running his hands over Remus’s shuddering back, trying to calm him. “Don’t you dare apologize. After what you’ve just been through, you have every right in the world to be angry, and I don’t care even if you do yell at me. I know you don’t mean it, and I’m not made of glass, you know. Never have been, never will be.”

Remus snorted with laughter. If there was anything Sirius could have said to make him feel better, that was it. Sirius had been telling him the same thing for years, ever since they had been teenagers and had spent their very first full moon together. Even when Moony had inflicted bruises upon bruises on Padfoot, Sirius always insisted that it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t made of glass. It served to remind Remus that there was never anything he could do to hurt Sirius or their friendship beyond repair. That Sirius would always be there for him as much as he needed.

Neither of them said anything more. Sirius just held him for a very long time until Remus grew still in his arms.

“Are you all right?” Sirius finally asked.

Remus pulled away from Sirius. He almost didn’t want to, because being in Sirius’s arms made him feel so safe, and protected, and…human. Remus supposed it was because no matter what the textbooks said, Sirius always said that there was never any part of Remus that wasn’t human. Remus knew it wasn’t true, but whenever he was around Sirius, he always _felt_ human, because that was the way Sirius saw him.

Rubbing away the wetness that had accumulated around his eyes, Remus shook his head. “No. Not really.”

Sirius sighed heavily, but then he wrapped one arm around Remus’s shoulders, starting to guide him towards his bedroom. “Well, you know what James’s dad always used to say?”

“What’s that?”

“That things always look better in the morning,” Sirius said confidently. “Maybe you‘ll feel at least a little better after you get some food in your stomach and some sleep.”

Remus pressed his face into Sirius’s chest as they went. “Will you stay with me?” He felt almost like a child not wanting to be alone, but Sirius had told him he didn’t have to be afraid to ask for anything.

“For as long as you need.”

“All night?”

“It’s almost morning.”

Remus blinked. He hadn’t even noticed it, but Sirius was right. When they reached his bedroom, the very first rays of morning sunshine were just beginning to light up the darkened sky outside. “All morning then?”

“All day if you want.”

Sirius had already pulled down the covers on Remus’s bed and fluffed up his pillows. It looked so inviting, and Remus thought that was the only thing that could have made him want to leave Sirius’s arms in that moment. Remus pulled away from him and settled down in the middle of the bed, leaning back against the pillows and pulling the covers tightly around him. Merlin, he’d missed his bed.

Remus was going to reach for the tray of food on his bedside table, but Sirius did so instead. He picked it up, placing it across Remus’s lap. It was still warm, because Remus could feel it on his legs through the tray and blankets. He suspected Sirius had performed a Permanent Heating Charm on it, so there was no chance of it getting cold. There was a large bowl of cream of mushroom soup, Remus’s favorite. To one side of it, Sirius had set a small plate of crackers - the buttery-flavored ones that Remus loved. On the other side of the bowl was a large bar of Honeydukes’ Best Chocolate, and in the corner was a steaming cup of tea.

Remus’s stomach began to rumble anew when he smelled everything, and he began eating hungrily. He tried to pace himself, because he was afraid that eating so much for the first time in two months might upset his stomach, but he couldn’t help himself. Sirius wasn’t the best cook in the world, but the soup was the about the best Remus had ever had in his life.

Meanwhile, Sirius had pulled the armchair out of the corner and had settled it right next to the bed. He sat down in it, stretching his legs out in front of him and relaxing back in it. He was quiet while he waited for Remus to finish.

Remus ate everything. He almost hadn’t even realized just how hungry he was until his first spoonful of soup, but the amount of food that Sirius had placed on the tray was just enough. He suddenly felt very sated, and now that his stomach was full, he began to grow sleepier by the second.

He was getting so tired, he hadn’t even realized that Sirius had gotten up from his chair. He retrieved the tray from Remus’s lap, replacing it on the bedside table. “And you said you weren’t hungry,” Sirius teased.

“I wasn’t before,” Remus said around a yawn. “I think the bath did it - calmed me down a bit so my stomach wasn’t in so many knots.” He pushed himself down towards the foot of the bed a bit, laying back against his pillows. As soon as he did, his eyelids began to droop.

Sirius tucked the covers in around him, and then he said something else, but Remus was already drifting off the words lost to him. Before Sirius even got back to his chair, Remus was sound asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Remus’s mind swam to the surface of consciousness. For a very brief and terrifying moment, he almost thought he was back living among Greyback’s pack. After all, he had been waking up there for nearly two months; it was a little bit hard to believe that he was back home. But that was exactly where he was. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted with the sight of his very familiar and comforting bedroom, Sirius still seated in the chair next to him. Remus let out a contented breath, stretching out under the covers.

“Morning,” Sirius said, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

“How long was I out?” Remus asked, turning over onto his left side so he could see Sirius better.

“Dunno. I was out, too,” Sirius said. “Just woke up a few minutes before you did.” He sat up straighter, checking the clock on the bedside table. “And it’s not morning, it’s afternoon. It’s almost one.” Sirius grimaced, lifting his arms over his head and stretching as his back cracked in several places.

“I’m sorry,” Remus immediately apologized, “for making you sleep-”

“Don’t be,” Sirius cut him off. “I told you that I’d do anything in the world you wanted. I don’t care if it does give me a backache.” He paused and added, “Besides, I’m sure this chair is more comfortable than the sleeping conditions you’ve had recently.”

Remus hummed in agreement. “If you didn’t want to sleep on a cot that felt like a concrete slab, your only other choice was the forest floor.” It startled Remus a little bit just how easily he was able to talk about it; he thought the entire experience would haunt him forever, but he was beginning to wonder if that was true. Laying here in his bed at home, the entire pack seemed so far away, and he thought he was already beginning to forget some of the details.

Sirius seemed to sense this. “Feel any better?”

Remus nodded without even thinking about it. He took a deep breath, letting out a sigh that was slightly muffled by his pillow. “I do. I didn’t think I would for a long time, but I feel…almost human. Almost.”

“Give it some time,” Sirius said reassuringly. “You already look so much better than you did last night.”

“I needed this,” Remus sighed happily. “A bath, clean clothes, a full stomach, and my own bed. And you, too.”

“Me saying all the wrong things last night, hm?”

“Oh, Sirius,” Remus whispered, shaking his head against his pillow, “you didn’t.” He snorted, glancing up at the ceiling as he spoke. “I was a bit of a mess last night in case you hadn’t noticed. I was tired, I was hungry, I was dirty, I was still in pain…I’ll admit I was being oversensitive, and I apologize. If you said the same thing right now, I don’t think I’d be half as angry as I was last night. I know you say things sometimes without thinking them through. I’ve accepted that, but I know you never, ever mean anything horrible by them. I wouldn’t still be your best friend after all these years if I didn’t. You’re worried about me, and you just didn’t want me to have to be there for any longer than was absolutely necessary. I know that.”

“I didn’t want you to go there at all,” Sirius scoffed. “I tried to talk you out of it if you care to remember.”

“I can’t help it if I’m a stubborn werewolf.”

“Well, I’m rather glad you are,” Sirius said sheepishly. When Remus looked at him questioningly, Sirius sighed, leaning forward in his chair. “I wish you didn’t have to go there at all. I wish you didn’t have to go through all of this shite now as a result, but…I already told you this last night. It’s because of you going there that Harry’s here now. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“And I told you,” Remus agreed, “I would do it all over again in a second for him. I just wish a few things could have been different.”

“Moony?” Sirius asked hesitantly, playing with his hands in his lap. “If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to, but what you said last night about letting someone die-” Sirius cut himself off, not sure if his question would upset Remus or not.

Remus sighed, staring up at the ceiling again, like it might have all the answers. He’d known that question was coming, and he thought that talking about it might help him to feel better, but he still hated forcing himself to remember anything that had happened with the werewolves. “It was one of the other werewolves. I told you about him - Talon.”

“Oh, the one that didn’t like you, that kept trying to tell Greyback you were a spy?”

“That’s him,” Remus replied, but then he realized what he had said. “Or it was,” he corrected himself. “I also told you that Greyback doesn’t like that. Greyback chose to trust me, and he doesn’t let anyone tell him he’s wrong. He punished Talon time and time again for it, but Talon wouldn’t let it go. He insisted he was right, and he started telling anyone who would listen to him about how I wasn’t to be trusted. Greyback’s patience finally ran out. He asked me what he should do about it, and in the interest of proving how _loyal_ I was, I told him that he should kill Talon.” Remus laughed, a slightly hysterical sound. This was the first time he was explaining the entire situation, and it was only now that he realized just absurd it sounded, how _unlike_ him it was to let such a thing happen. “I know Greyback would have done it anyway, and I know Talon was just about the biggest bastard that I’ve ever met in my life, but…he was absolutely right! I _was_ a spy, and I told Greyback to kill him for it. I did nothing to stop it, and I _could_ have!” Remus realized he was rambling and then he laughed some more, but before he knew it, those laughs began to turn into sobs.

“Moony,” Sirius said, getting up from his chair and dropping down on to the edge of Remus’s bed. He placed his hands on Remus’s shoulders, gripping them firmly, like he was trying to stop the tremors that ran through Remus‘s body. “You should know by now that it’s not your fault what people like Greyback do. No matter what you did or didn’t do, unless you physically killed Talon, you’re not responsible for what happened. Just like I’m not responsible for what happened to James and Lily.”

Remus put his hand over his eyes, rubbing at them harshly. “I know. You’re absolutely right, and I‘d be a hypocrite if I said otherwise. It _isn‘t_ my fault that Greyback likes to eat people.” When he lowered his hand, his eyes met Sirius’s. “I don’t know why I even care. One less werewolf like Greyback in the world…”

“You care,” Sirius said firmly, “because you’re a good person. I know you doubt that sometimes, but it’s things like this that prove you are. That’s the difference between you and werewolves like Greyback - the fact that he can kill Talon with his bare hands and not give a second thought to it…and you’re left wondering - wishing that you could have done something different. Don‘t you see how utterly _different_ that makes you?”

Silence fell, and something occurred to Remus. He was pretty sure Sirius was thinking the same thing, and Remus knew he probably didn’t need to say it at all, but he did anyway. “You were right last night, too. I was angry about Bill. If I had killed Greyback out of revenge…I’d be laying here beating myself up over that as well. Wondering if I was more like Greyback than I already think I am.”

“You’re nothing like Greyback!” Sirius exclaimed. “ _Nothing_!” He shook his head. “If you saw yourself the way I do, you’d realize just how absurd that sounds.”

Remus already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway. Right now, he needed more than ever to have that reassurance from someone. “How do you see me?”

Sirius released Remus’s shoulders and leaned back, propping himself up with his arms on the bed. “I’m sure you know the answer to that by now. I’ve never seen you as anything but a human, Moony. A human who just happens to change into a wolf once a month, but a human nonetheless.” He paused, glancing across the room and squinting his eyes against the bright afternoon sunshine streaming through the window. “I suppose it was because we were already so close before I even found out you were a werewolf. When the friendship comes first, it takes a lot more than an earth-shattering secret to change things.”

“It depends who you ask.”

“Well,” Sirius replied, “you asked how I felt, not anyone else, and that’s how I feel. Mine is the most important opinion anyway, so it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks.”

Remus snorted even though Sirius was absolutely correct. Sirius was his best friend, after all; of course his opinion was more important to him than anyone else’s. Not for the first time, Remus was grateful for whatever fates had seen fit to give him such an amazing best friend.

“Besides,” Sirius added, “can you imagine me being best friends with anyone like Greyback? _Honestly_?” This earned a laugh from Remus, and Sirius continued. “It’s absurd, I know, and so is the thought that I would be best friends with anyone even remotely like him.” He gave Remus a pointed look.

Remus felt his cheeks grow warm, but he smiled up at Sirius. Remus moved to sit up then, feeling like this was too important of a conversation to not have it on the same eye level. He twisted around a bit, trying to fluff his pillows so he could lean back against them, but he sucked in a breath at the pain that flared up in his abdomen.

“You be careful,” Sirius demanded, reaching behind Remus to stack up his pillows instead. “How’s the pain? Madam Pomfrey left some Painkilling Potion if it’s bad.”

“It’s just because I’ve been laying here all night. I’m a bit stiff.” Remus settled back against the pillows, letting out a relaxing breath. “It’s not so bad, I just keep forgetting it still hurts. Nothing worse than after a transformation.”

“Then trying to get you to take more potion would be a lost cause, wouldn’t it?”

“Mhm. And don‘t you even _think_ about sneaking some into my food.”

“Well, there goes my plan.”

When the ache in Remus’s stomach faded to a dull throb, he asked, “Did I ever tell you what my parents used to tell me? They had a bit of a catchphrase, I suppose you could call it, for my lycanthropy.”

“I don’t think so.”

“When I was little, not long after I was bitten…I had a hard time accepting it. I didn’t remember a whole lot of what happened when I transformed, but I kept getting these flashes of my hands.” Remus opened his hands palm-up in his lap, looking down at them. “Only they weren’t my hands. They were paws with fur and claws. I kept asking my parents if that meant I was a monster, because those were things that monsters had - fur and claws. And I asked them how they could love me when that’s very clearly what I was.”

Sirius reached out for one of Remus’s hands, gripping it tightly and pulling it towards him. “You’re not a monster, Moony. Nothing about you is a monster.”

For a brief moment, Remus was reminded of the very first time Sirius had ever told him that - right after he and the rest of the Marauders had put two and two together and figured out Remus’s secret. Remus had been very insecure at the time, wondering why anyone would want to continue to be friends with a werewolf. It had taken Remus a very long time before he ever started to believe it, and here was Sirius, twenty-four years later, still proving it to him every single day.

“I was five years old,” Remus said a little defensively. “I was still so confused about what was happening to me, or even what it meant. I didn’t really understand it, other than the fact that I had…these things that a little boy wasn’t supposed to have. I constantly asked my parents how they could love anything that looked like that, and they told me it was because love sees more. Love sees more than just a werewolf, than the claws and fur, and later on, the scars. Any time I got upset or insecure-”

“And you’re still insecure,” Sirius interjected.

“They told me,” Remus went on, feigning annoyance, “love sees more.”

“And it does.”

“I know,” Remus admitted. “I don’t always act like it, and my self-esteem issues get in the way of it a lot, but I do know it.”

“I love you like a brother,” Sirius said intently, “and you know I’ve never seen you as _just_ a werewolf, and that I don’t care about those things. In fact, I’d go so far to say that I don’t see it at all. And you want to know the real reason for that?” Remus didn’t reply, but he waited for Sirius to go on. “It’s because of who you are. Because you don’t let it define you.” Remus opened his mouth to object, but Sirius talked over him. “You don’t. Not like Greyback does, and you _can’t_ argue with that. If you were anything like him, you’d be out there eating people, too, not caring who you hurt or killed in the process. You wouldn’t be here, living like a _human_ , and that’s exactly what you are.” Sirius raised his right hand, the one that was free, and pressed it against Remus’s chest right over his heart. “In here.”

Remus’s throat felt too tight to speak, so he simply leaned forward, burying his head into Sirius’s shoulder. When he felt Sirius’s arms wrapping around him, Remus took a deep and contented breath, letting it out slowly to try and calm himself. They sat like that for a very long time until the constricted feeling started to work its way out his chest. When he pulled away from Sirius, Remus gave him a brief smile.

“All right?” Sirius asked hopefully.

Remus nodded, running a hand through his hair. Then he laughed gently. “I think that’s the first time since this started that I’ve been able to give you a positive response to that question. I think I am. Or I will be. I’m getting there at least. And I’d really like to go and see Althea today to see how she‘s doing,” he added sheepishly. “After the way I’ve been, I‘m really worried about her.”

“I’m not the one you have to be concerned about,” Sirius said. “Madam Pomfrey might very well have a coronary if she sees you walking around Hogwarts for Merlin’s sake.”

“I think I’ll take my chances.” Remus frowned deeply then, thinking about Althea’s reaction. “I feel really guilty actually. I’m the one that convinced her to come with me, and then she’s left on her own with a bunch of people she doesn’t know.”

“She’ll understand,” Sirius said reassuringly. “She knows you weren’t in the best shape last night and that it might have been a few days before you were well enough to see her.”

“Well, I’ll feel much better once I do see her. My mind is kind of running wild at the moment, imagining what kind of shape she might be in.” At those words, Remus thought he vaguely remembered a nightmare from the night before. Althea had been crouched in a darkened corner of Hogwarts, growling and trying to claw at people, even though she was still very much in human form. He shivered.

Sirius appeared thoughtful for a moment before he said, “I’ll let you go as long as you let me feed you lunch first. I’ll make or get you anything you want.”

“Anything at all?”

“Mhm. I told you last night that I’d go and get you Swiss chocolate if that’s what you wanted, and that offer still stands.”

Remus wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly had a huge craving for one thing and one thing only. “A roast beef sandwich. With cheese. And chips. And cheese on those, too.”

“Roast beef it is,” Sirius immediately said, getting up off the bed. He sounded a bit smug over the fact that he was getting Remus to eat, and he was grinning. “I’ll run out to that Muggle place around the corner, they have good sandwiches.” When he turned for the door, he realized that Harry was standing in the doorway, watching them.

“I was wondering when you two were going to get up,” Harry teased. “I looked in a bit ago, and you two were still out of it, but I thought I heard you two talking just now.”

“We were up late last night,” Sirius argued.

“I thought you were going to come and wake me up last night after Remus woke up,” Harry said.

“We decided to let you sleep,” Remus explained. “We thought you needed the rest after last night.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “I did, but I was just worried about you and wanted to make sure you were okay.” He hesitated for a moment and bit at his lower lip. “Can I talk to you?”

“Of course.”

“I’m on my way to get lunch,” Sirius said, heading for the door again, “so I’ll leave you two alone. I hope you like roast beef sandwiches, Harry, because it’s what Moony wants, and he’s the boss today.”

“Love ‘em.”

“I’ll be back in a few minutes then,” Sirius said, stopping in the doorway next to Harry. He leaned in close to his godson and whispered, “Keep an eye on Moony while I’m gone, would you?”

“I will.”

Just as Sirius started to disappear around the corner, Remus called for him once more. “Padfoot?”

Sirius stopped, grabbing on to the wall for balance and leaning back into the room. “Hm?

“Thank you.”

Sirius grinned. “’Tis what best friends are for.” He winked, and then he was gone, leaving Remus and Harry alone together.

“Come here, pup,” Remus said, patting the mattress next to him, the same exact spot where Sirius had been sitting a moment before.

Harry started to come into the room, but then he stopped when he realized what Remus had said. He approached more slowly, giving Remus a confused look. “That’s what Greyback called you,” Harry said. “Are you sure that’s the word you want to use?”

“Oh, yes,” Remus replied, “quite sure. If I don’t do something to try and give that word a positive connotation, it’s going to haunt me forever.” He looked up at Harry cautiously. “As long as you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind,” Harry said, dropping down on the edge of the mattress. “That makes sense and…I kind of like that. That you would give me that nickname to try and make it a good word for you.” He grinned and shrugged. “It makes me feel special.”

“That you are, Harry. What did you want to talk about?”

“I never thanked you for saving my life.”

Remus shook his head. “You don’t need to thank me.”

“I know, but…” Harry paused for a moment, seemingly unsure if he should continue.

“Go on,” Remus spurred. “You can say it, whatever it is.”

“Well…Sirius and I were talking last night when you were out of it,” Harry finally continued. “He was telling me everything that you’ve been through these last few months, and if you hadn’t done all that, you wouldn’t have been at Hogwarts to save me last night.”

Remus suspected he knew why Harry had been hesitant to say anything at first. Harry probably thought Remus would be angry that Sirius had been telling Harry what had happened with Greyback. After all, Remus was more or less embarrassed by the entire situation, and the fewer people that knew the details, the better. But the truth was, he didn’t care if Harry knew. Harry was one of the few people Remus thought he could bare his soul to and not have to feel ashamed by any of it.

“It’s fine. I mean, that you talked about this with him,” Remus clarified. “I wouldn’t want many more people to know what happened, but…I trust you, Harry. I know that nothing you hear is going to change anything between us.”

“Never.”

“Sirius and I have already talked about this multiple times since I’ve been back, in fact.” Remus sighed, glancing up at the ceiling. He did trust Harry implicitly, but it still took some courage for him to open up to people about certain things. He knew that his entire experience with Greyback would be one of those taboo topics for him for a very long time. “It was horrible,” Remus finally admitted. “Much more so than I ever imagined, and it’s not something I would ever want to do again. But, Harry? If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant saving you. _You_ are worth it. Very much so.”

Harry’s eyes widened, but then Remus thought he saw the faintest hint of tears in them. Perhaps before Remus would notice, Harry wrapped his arms around Remus’s shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in Remus‘s ear.

“Harry…” Remus pulled away, not feeling comfortable having this conversation unless he could see Harry’s face. He placed his arms on Harry’s shoulders, holding them firmly. “What on earth for?”

Harry ducked his head, staring down at the bedspread and playing with his fingers uncomfortably. “I was just feeling really guilty about what I said to you last night - when you were trying to convince me that you were with the Death Eaters.” A blush rose up in his cheeks. “I said some horrible things to you.”

Remus shook his head. He released Harry’s shoulders and put his hands on Harry’s cheeks instead, trying to get Harry to meet his eyes. “You were hurt, and angry, and scared, and confused. I was saying things to you that I thought I’d never say in a million years. I told you last night that I was trying my best to make you think I was a traitor so I would look good for the Death Eaters.” Remus grimaced, glancing across the room. “Merlin, that sounds so insane, doesn’t it?”

“Which is why I never should have believed it!”

Remus tilted his head back knowingly. “You said you didn’t.”

“I didn’t,” Harry replied. “Not really. Actually, I was starting to think that you must have been under the Imperius Curse or something to be saying those things. I kept thinking there had to be some sort of logical explanation for it.”

“And so there was.”

“Which is why I’m sorry-”

Remus quieted him with a finger to Harry’s lips. “You have _nothing_ to apologize for. I know you didn’t mean any of them, and I know you’d never say things like that under normal circumstances.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Harry said firmly. “I love you, Remus.”

That tight feeling settled into Remus’s chest again, but he didn’t necessarily mind it; it was beginning to become a bit of a welcome feeling. “I love you, too, Harry. And I know you know this by now, especially after last night, but I’d _never_ betray you. Not in a million years. I don’t care what kind of laws they make against werewolves, or what Voldemort and the Death Eaters promise they’d do for us. I’ve chosen my side, and this is it.”

Harry smiled, reaching out for one of Remus’s hands. “I know that now. I always did, really. You just caught me off guard, that’s all,” he added around a laugh.

“Well,” Remus said thoughtfully, “I think you’ve more than made up for it.” When Harry frowned, Remus said, “I told you to leave me and save yourself last night, and you wouldn’t. You attacked Greyback for me. Do you know how many people would have done that? Because let me tell you, Greyback is, without a doubt, the scariest werewolf I’ve ever met in my life.”

Harry threw his head back, looking rather a smug, an expression that Remus was sure he had learned from Sirius. “I can’t help it if I’m foolishly brave and stubborn.”

“Well, thank you,” Remus said, tightening his hand around Harry’s. “It’s because of you and Althea that I’m still alive. God only knows what Greyback would have done to me if you two hadn’t been there.”

“You don’t need to thank me, either, but I guess that makes us about even, doesn’t it?” Harry asked.

“I suppose it does.”

A moment later, Sirius screamed from somewhere downstairs, “LUNCH IS HERE!”

Remus rolled his eyes. “It’s nice he could be bothered to walk up the stairs and tell us in an indoor voice.” He threw the covers aside, but then paused, not sure if his stomach might start throbbing again if he attempted to move.

Harry snickered, but then his expression grew serious. “Do you need help?” he asked, getting up off the bed.

Remus gingerly slid over till he was on the edge of the mattress, letting his legs drop over the side. “Just getting up, I think. It hurts when I’ve been in the same position for too long.”

Harry leaned over, grabbing Remus’s hand again and pulling his arm over his shoulders. Harry straightened up, gently tugging Remus up with him. Remus sucked in a breath as the pain came to life in his abdomen once again. He froze, still leaning against Harry until the pain began to subside. When it had settled down to a dull throb, he exhaled, but still kept his arm around Harry as they made their way down to lunch.

Remus was still terribly worried about Althea, wondering how she was doing at that moment. Remus knew he was only doing as well as he was because of the amazing friends he had to keep him sane. Althea didn’t have any of that. At the moment, she only had Remus, who had been too injured to see her. She had been in a strange place with a bunch of people she didn’t know since last night, since she had left behind the only life she had known for two years. What would that mean for her?

_To be continued…_


	21. A Single Step

Remus ate his entire lunch. It felt so good to have a full stomach for a change, and he became very drowsy afterwards. He almost wanted to trudge right back upstairs and fall into bed again, but he couldn’t. He still had something else he had to do. Something that was much more important than himself at the moment.

Under the guise that it would wake him up, Remus took a shower. He knew he didn’t _need_ it. After all, he had just taken the longest bath in the world not more than ten hours earlier, but he still felt so dirty. It seemed like there was invisible dirt clinging to him, because he scrubbed himself until his skin began to turn red again. There was no dirt that he could see, but that feeling wouldn’t go away. It was almost like being around the filthy Greyback for so long had permanently imprinted something on his aura, something that was sinking into his skin. Remus knew that was absolutely silly, but he also knew that that feeling - whatever it was - wouldn’t go away for a long time.

At first, Remus took his time getting dressed. He wanted to see Althea, of course, to see how she was doing, but a part of him was very scared. Ever since he remembered the dream he’d had the night before - the one of her crouched in a corridor at Hogwarts, clawing and growling at people even though she was still very much in human form - it kept replaying over and over again in his mind. The way she was cowering there like a caged animal. But that was also silly, Remus decided. There was nothing even remotely animalistic about Althea. If there was, he was certain she never would have chosen to come with him in the first place. Never would have chosen to try and reintegrate herself into the human world.

There would obviously be a period of adjustment for her. Remus was indelibly feeling the effects of living among the werewolves himself, and he had only been there for two months. Althea had been there for two _years_ , so things would certainly be harder for her for a while. But she would get through it. Remus knew she would, he would make sure of it. In fact, he almost felt like it was his duty now to keep an eye on her, to help her through this.

Armed with this new determination, Remus decided to finally stop beating around the bush about it. He quickly finished getting ready and made his way downstairs into the foyer, reaching for his traveling cloak that hung near the door. That felt nice - being able to do something as simple as put on his cloak - and just one of the little things he had taken for granted. He was about to open the door, to be on his way, but as always, Sirius could be counted on to hamper his progress.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Sirius asked, emerging from the stairwell to the kitchen. “Keep an eye on you in case you pass out again or something?”

“Yep, quite sure,” Remus said firmly, although he had to admit, it was quite nice to have Sirius fussing over him once again. He’d missed it. “I’m fine, Padfoot. But look on the bright side - if something does happen to me, Madam Pomfrey will be right there.”

Sirius stared at him. “That…doesn’t really make me feel any better.”

“I was kidding. I feel fine,” Remus repeated, “really. Nothing at all like I did last night. Some food and some sleep did wonders for me. Besides, I think you should stay here and keep an eye on your godson. He has a habit of getting in to trouble.”

“Harry’s fine,” Sirius replied. “After last night, I don’t think he’s going to go looking for trouble for…at least a week or so.”

“Only a week?”

“And don’t change the subject.”

Remus expelled a soft, short breath, taking a few steps closer to Sirius. “Padfoot…this is just something I need to do on my own. I need to talk to Albus about some things, and I need to see Althea, and…I guess it’s my way of trying to put this entire thing behind me. Of making sure that I couldn’t have done things any better-”

“You couldn’t have,” Sirius interrupted gently. “You know that. We talked about it already. Where Harry is concerned, there wasn’t _one single thing_ you could have done better.”

“I know.” Remus ducked his head and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. He knew he was being a bit silly, but he couldn’t help it. It was simply in his nature to question himself. “I just need some assurances from Albus, too, and I need to make sure that Althea’s all right.” Remus swallowed hard, looking up again to meet Sirius’s gaze. “I need to talk to them about some things that I’m just not ready for you to know yet.”

Sirius’s head tilted back a minute amount, and Remus barely noticed it. It was like Sirius was taken aback by what Remus had said, but was trying to hide the fact that it had hurt his feelings.

“And please don’t take that the wrong way,” Remus pleaded, closing his eyes. He felt uncomfortable looking Sirius in the eye, and he didn’t know why. It never used to be that way, but he suspected it might have something to do with being submissive to Greyback for the last two months, with ducking his head every time his alpha wolf spoke to him. It had become habit. “There are things about this that I’m just not ready for anyone else to know. Albus needs to be told everything, because that was one of the purposes of my being there, and Althea was there, so she already knows. But I’m not ready to repeat certain things to anyone else, not just you, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be.” Remus bit at his bottom lip in uncertainty. “Please don‘t be mad.”

“Moony…” Sirius took a step forward, just close enough so he could rest his hands on Remus’s shoulders. He lowered his head a bit, trying to get into Remus’s field of vision, which was currently pinned somewhere around the stairwell behind Sirius. “I told you when I asked you about the Talon thing that if you didn’t want to talk about it, you didn’t have to. That still stands, not just about that, but about everything else you‘ve been through. I know this whole thing has been difficult for you, so it stands to reason that talking about it will be as well. I understand that, and I’m not mad at you for it. Not a bit. If this is the way you need to deal with it right now, then you go right ahead. I told you I’m going to be supportive of you, and there’s nothing wrong with not being ready to talk about certain things yet.”

Remus was still staring off somewhere behind Sirius, but he tried his best to smile. He was having a hard time trying to find the words at the moment, and perhaps that was just another casualty of his time with Greyback. Remus had gotten so used to giving Greyback his silence that talking felt almost foreign to him. There were a lot of those issues with him now, Remus was coming to realize.

“You know, I was thinking about something,” Sirius went on. “The first time you came back here after you had gone to Greyback, you compared it to my time in Azkaban. About how I was uncomfortable around people for a good long while, and you were absolutely right. I was a downright mess when I came to stay with you, but you never got annoyed with me, or did anything or said anything that upset me. And I was very quiet at times, and the last thing I wanted was to dredge up everything that had happened by talking about it. I’m sure that must have been a bit maddening on your part, not knowing how I was doing or what was going on in that head of mine. But you never let it show. You never once stopped being completely supportive of me and letting me work through things on my own. I’m sorry I haven’t been that for you.”

“Oh, Sirius,” Remus gasped, finally meeting his eyes. “You _have_ been. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t. You’ve helped me _so_ much in the hours since I’ve been back. I really doubt I’d be standing here, having a completely sane conversation if not for you.”

“I’m trying,” Sirius said, “but I have said some things that I shouldn’t have.” Remus opened his mouth to stop him, but Sirius talked over him. “We talked about this already, and you said it was fine, but…I feel bad about certain things I said, certain things I implied. Not just last night, but since this whole thing began. Looking back, I _know_ those weren’t things you needed to hear. And you’re right. I shouldn’t be pointing out things that you’re obviously already aware of.”

Remus shook his head, reaching up with his own hands to place them on Sirius’s arms. “I meant what I said. It is fine. You _are_ helping me, and I don’t know what I’d be doing right now if not for you. I think I’d really be losing it.”

“Well, I’m going to try to stop saying things like that,” Sirius said firmly. “And whatever you feel is going to help you right now, I want to do it. If that means not talking to me about certain things, if you’d rather work through them on your own, I understand that. Better than I thought I did.”

Remus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He’d actually been afraid for a moment that Sirius would be angry at him for not wanting to immediately open up about everything. Sirius liked to know what was going on with him, and it sometimes drove him up the wall when Remus was particularly quiet, but Remus supposed he had forgotten something. Sirius was the person who knew him best in the world, so if anyone was going to understand where Remus was coming from, it was him.

“Thank you, Padfoot,” Remus whispered. “It means a lot to me that you do understand it. But just so you know, there are things that I do want to talk to you about. Just not everything, and just not right away.”

“And you know where I am,” Sirius replied. “Whenever you feel ready. I want to do everything I can to make this transition as easy as possible for you, so if that means waiting, I can do that.”

Remus gave him a wary look. “You’re the least patient person I know.”

“Well…” Sirius drawled, “normally that‘s true, but I think you’re forgetting something. I’ve done pretty much nothing _but_ wait for the last two months. Waiting for any kind of word from you, anything so I would know you were all right. If anything, it was a lesson in patience. If I can wait that long not knowing what was going on with you, I can do this. As long as you’re here, as long as I know you’re safe, it‘ll be a hell of a lot easier.”

“Fair enough,” Remus conceded, but he felt like he still had to explain himself. He gently pulled away from Sirius and turned around, taking a few steps closer to the door. He looked back over his shoulder at Sirius before continuing. “I suppose this feels like the last part of my time with Greyback, you know? I just have to do this one last thing, and then I can work on getting past it. And for some reason, I know I need to do it by myself. The whole time with Greyback, I was alone. Well, not truly, because I know you were here, but I was there by myself. It was _my_ mission, _my_ journey. I did it all alone, so I need to complete it alone, too.” He finally turned around to fully face Sirius. “Does that make sense?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, it does. It makes perfect sense.”

“I have this crazy idea that when this is out of the way, I can start trying to get back to normal…” Remus trailed off and stared down at the floor. “I don’t know. I keep thinking that. Thinking that as soon as I do certain things, like taking a shower and eating a full meal, it’ll make everything magically better. But I know it’s going to take a hell of a lot longer than that. It’s going to be a hell of a lot harder than that. It‘s going to be-”

“Moony,” Sirius cut him off gently. He closed the distance between them again, reaching out for Remus’s shoulders once more. “I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. I know it seems daunting, looking at where you are now and where you’d like to be, but sometimes you need to focus on where you are now, and how far you’ve already come. You told me just this morning that you felt so much better than you did last night. That you didn’t think you would, but you did. Try and think about that, how far you’ve come in the last twelve hours, because let me tell you, there is a difference. The person I’m talking to now is not the same person I was talking to last night.” Sirius momentarily released one of Remus’s shoulders to gesture behind him towards the lounge where they had been the night before. “At all.”

Just a moment ago, Remus had felt an intense ramble beginning, but now his words were dying in his throat. They were replaced by a powerful sense of calm that Remus hadn’t felt since before he had left to join Greyback’s pack. Sirius was completely right, and Remus didn’t think he could have said anything else that would have made him feel better. Remus didn’t have to be back to normal right away, and that was okay, because Sirius was going to be around to help him through it. That was all that mattered - the here and now.

“I am getting ahead of myself, aren‘t I?” Remus asked.

“One day at a time,” Sirius said. “And if that even seems like too much, take it one hour or even one minute at a time. One second.”

“I read once that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

“Indeed,” Sirius agreed, then he nodded his head at the door. “This is the next step in your journey, so go on. Go do what you need to do. I’ll be right here waiting when you get back.”

“Padfoot…” Remus stopped himself, because he didn’t think that anything he could say would show exactly how grateful he was. He simply buried his head in Sirius’s shoulder again, wrapping his arms around him. “Thank you. For everything. Because I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Told you,” Sirius said, hugging Remus in return. “It’s what best friends are for.”

Remus clung on to Sirius for quite a while longer, savoring the feeling of being completely safe and protected. He finally forced himself to pull away and said, “I’ll be back later.”

As Remus turned and reached for the doorknob, Sirius called, “I’ll have dinner ready for you. Anything you want.”

“We just had lunch.”

“I know,” Sirius said, “but I need _something_ to do. You’re right, I’m not patient. At all.”

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. Sirius was looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, so Remus paused for a moment. “Er…” Remus began, “well, it might be a bit late. I was thinking I would stay at Hogwarts for dinner, just to spend the time with Althea, making sure she‘s okay. I won’t eat there. I’ll wait till I get home, as long as you don’t mind eating late.”

“Not at all.”

“All right then.” Remus thought for a moment longer before he said, “Beef stew. Not the soupy kind, the thick stuff. And cornbread. That was how my mum always served it, with cornbread.”

“Consider it done.” When Remus reached for the door again, Sirius added, “Just don’t be _too_ late. It’ll make me nervous, thinking something’s happened to you, and I’ll want to send out a search party.”

“I won’t,” Remus promised, giving Sirius a smile before he opened the door. It was a genuine smile that reached his eyes, which was a feeling that Remus was still trying to get used to - being truly happy again.

When Remus closed the door behind him, he descended the three small steps to the grass below. An odd feeling of déjà vu swept over him, and he stood there for a while, staring down at the ground. Just last night, he had passed out there, wondering in the deep recesses of his mind if he was dying. When he blacked out there, staring up at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, he hadn’t been sure if he would ever wake up again.

Remus shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He had something he needed to do yet, and this was definitely not the time to be replaying and rethinking everything that had happened. Remus finally took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and Apparated to just outside the front gates of Hogwarts.

It was exactly the spot where he and Harry had Apparated from the night before. Now that it was daylight and he wasn’t running from Death Eaters, Remus got his first good look at the damage they had done to the castle. Windows were broken. A piece of one the towers had broken off, and the walls around it were crumbling. Remus could even see where a part of the roof had caved in. It had seen better days, but Sirius was right; at least it still looked useable, all things considered.

Remus sighed. He hated seeing a place that he loved so much, a place that had been his home at one point, looking so sad and dilapidated. It made him angry at the Death Eaters, that they had invaded one of his sanctuaries, and that of so many others, including Harry. If Remus was honest with himself, he even felt a tiny bit responsible, because he had been with the Death Eaters at the time. Perhaps he should have done something before they had even set one foot inside the castle. Remus didn’t know what. He had been so vastly outnumbered and unarmed, and he’d had no clue where the Death Eaters were even headed at the time, but he still felt like he should have tried _something_.

Remus shook his head again. This was already shaping up to be a long day, and it was going to be even longer if he stood around, thinking about the past every chance he got. He tried to push those thoughts from his mind as he began his walk to Dumbledore’s office.

He thought about going to the hospital wing first, but he was afraid. Terrified, in fact, of finally seeing Althea and even Bill, of finding out what kind of shape they were in. Besides, Remus knew he’d have to recount his entire story for Dumbledore, and in some ways, that part scared him even more. The last thing Remus wanted to do was relive it all, but he decided it was best to just do so and get it out of the way. Similar to the way he had always done his History of Magic homework first when he had been in school, because it was his least favorite subject.

When Remus arrived at the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore’s office, he realized that he didn’t know if the password had been changed recently. He could check with one of the teachers, but he decided to try the last one he had used. The one that had been in use when Remus came to talk to Dumbledore about going to spy on the werewolves. That now seemed like a lifetime ago. Had it only been two months?

“Red Vines,” Remus whispered. He hadn’t been expecting it to work, but surprisingly, the gargoyle leapt aside, and the wall behind it split open, revealing the spiral staircase. He stepped onto the stairs as they rose, everything that he wanted to talk to Dumbledore about racing through his mind. When he got to the top, he paused momentarily before reaching out and rapping the large brass knocker.

For a moment, a part of Remus had been hoping that Dumbledore wouldn’t be here. That Remus would have an excuse to go home and come back another day. But Dumbledore’s voice came clearly from the other side of the door.

“Come in.”

Remus fidgeted, but then he forced himself to open the door and step into the office. Dumbledore was seated at his desk, poring over what looked like a ring with a cracked stone in it. He looked up when he heard the door open.

“Remus,” Dumbledore greeted. “I thought you might stop by today. Come in.” He quickly set the ring aside and gestured to the empty chair on the opposite side of his desk.

Remus took his time shutting the door and making his way across the room. He really wasn’t ready for this, and he wanted to put it off for as long as possible. When he took his seat across from Dumbledore, Remus realized exactly how awkward this felt to him. Dumbledore’s office was so pristine, and considering how filthy Remus had been the night before, it felt like he was sullying the place by being there. Plus, he didn’t know where to begin. He thought it might make things even more uncomfortable if he just started dumping mounds of information out.

Dumbledore, however, chose to take the initiative. “How are you?” he asked.

Even that was a difficult question to answer. Remus didn’t exactly feel comfortable spilling out the details of how he was, not like he had done with Sirius. But at the same time, Remus didn’t think it fair that he should have to lie, especially when this had been Dumbledore’s idea to begin with.

“All right,” Remus finally decided on, his voice curt. “Not great, but all right. I’m getting there. Sirius is taking good care of me.”

“What would we do without him, hm?”

“No idea.”

Dumbledore pressed his lips together and leaned forward, staring down at his hands which were resting in the middle of his desk. “Remus,” he said slowly, apologetically, “perhaps it was unfair of me to ask you to go there in the first place.”

Remus also thought it was unfair for Dumbledore to tell him that now. It was a little too late for him to be sounding regretful, to be thinking about how much this would affect Remus. In fact, it was little too late for a lot of things. He didn’t know why, but ever since he sat down, Remus had been feeling a powerful anger rising somewhere in his chest. Perhaps it was only now occurring to him that if not for Dumbledore, Remus never would have gone to live with Greyback to begin with.

Remus shook his head and then turned to look out the window, hoping the bright afternoon sun might offer him some solace. “I had every right to say no, and I didn’t,” Remus replied. “I knew going in that it was going to be hard. I didn’t know how hard exactly, but I went anyway. I think you could have asked me to find the ends of the earth - something completely impossible - and I would have agreed. Because this is my side, and if there’s anything in my power to help us, I’m going to do it. Even if the idea sounds completely ludicrous to me at the time, because believe me, this one did.” He glanced back to Dumbledore and added, “That didn’t stop me.”

Dumbledore nodded. “I think I knew that. Perhaps that was precisely why it was unfair of me to ask you in the first place.”

Taking a deep breath, Remus realized that his hands were clenched into fists. He slowly opened up his fingers, resting his open hands palm down on his legs. “For what it’s worth, I don’t regret it, Albus. Not in the least. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I wish we didn’t even have to do things like this, and I wish it had been easier, I wish it didn’t affect my so deeply. I…wish a lot of things. But I told Harry just this morning that I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat for him.”

Dumbledore started folding and unfolding his hands, not meeting Remus’s eyes. “I know that, too. Which is one of the reasons why I asked you to do it.”

Remus frowned. “I don’t…follow.”

Leaning back in his chair, Dumbledore moved his hands to his lap instead. Then he looked over this glasses at Remus before going on. “It’s not a complete surprise to me that this is how things ended up. I knew they were going to make an attempt to get at Harry.”

Any words that had been in the forefront of Remus’s mind seemed to dissolve. His mouth fell open, and he sat that way for nearly a minute, trying desperately to find his voice again. “That’s why you sent me in the first place? Because of _Harry_? And you didn’t tell me?” he asked incredulously after a while, his voice barely above a whisper.

Humming in agreement, Dumbledore went on, “Because of how close you are with Harry, I thought it best if you didn’t know just how much was at stake. I suspected it might make you nervous if you did, and you would have done things very differently if you knew Harry was involved. I doubted you would fail - indeed, that was why I sent you - but in the case that you did…I didn’t want you to think that anything that might have happened to Harry was your fault.”

Remus’s mind suddenly went into overdrive, thinking about all of the decisions he might have made differently if he had known that they were leading to Harry. He could try to deny it all he wanted, but he knew that it would have made him a bit frantic, and that would have led to carelessness. As long as he thought he was only playing for secrets, it wasn’t personal. It was safer, even if he did fail.

“I think you’re right,” Remus breathed. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes against the rush of emotions it brought up. “I think I would have done a lot of things differently if I had known.” When Remus opened his eyes again, he asked, “It was a hell of a chance to take though, wasn’t it? Just letting me putter about aimlessly with the werewolves, hoping that we’d somehow stumble on to Harry?”

Dumbledore smirked, his blue eyes twinkling. “If you’re good at anticipating the human mind, it leaves nothing to chance.”

“Greyback isn’t human. Nor are a lot of the members of his pack.” It didn’t even occur to Remus that he hadn’t included himself in that non-human group, something he normally would have done. Perhaps some of the things Sirius had told him in the past twelve hours were indelibly sticking with him this time.

Tilting his head back and forth a few times, Dumbledore seemed to consider this. “I find Greyback easy to read nonetheless. I see you do, too. Otherwise you never would have gotten in as well as you did with him.”

Remus was still finding it hard to form words. His mind was still spinning with everything Dumbledore had revealed, but he tried. “I thought I did,” Remus said. “Other times, I wasn’t so sure. There were times when it seemed like he knew _exactly_ what I was doing. It was unnerving to say the least.”

“The thing with Greyback,” Dumbledore said, replacing his hands on his desk, “is that he’s forgotten what a human mind is like. He likes to pretend he knows exactly what it is everyone is thinking. That’s one of his defenses, I think, because it intimidates people. He scares them into submission with it.” Dumbledore shook his head. “But I doubt he knows even the first thing about what goes on in your mind or anyone else’s for that matter. Except, perhaps, for the most animalistic of his followers. They‘re the most like him, and therefore the easiest for him to relate to.”

“I don’t know if that’s true,” Remus disagreed, his mind immediately going back to Talon. However, he wasn’t quite ready to share that particular story just yet, so he asked another question. “I still don’t see how sending me to live with Greyback would have _anything_ to do with Harry - or why you would think I‘d have a chance to get anywhere near him at all as a result.”

“The answer to that goes back many months,” Dumbledore explained. “Back to the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Voldemort was angry, as we well knew, at yet another failed attempt to kill Harry. According to Severus, he became almost fixated on Harry, on trying to find a way to get to him once and for all. He was desperate enough to even ask for Greyback’s help in the matter, something he hadn’t done before, certainly not where someone as important as Harry was concerned. I wouldn’t even have believed it if Severus hadn’t told me. Voldemort _hates_ Greyback with a passion. He doesn’t consider him worthy of much, not even of carrying the Dark Mark. He uses him simply for another number on his side, and for the powerful intimidation Greyback provides. Nothing more.”

Remus laughed. He didn’t know why he found it funny, but he did. When Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, Remus clarified, “That’s exactly what Greyback accused me of being to you - nothing but a number. He tried to use that as a reason why I should be loyal to _him_ , because he would have treated me with more respect than that. He doesn’t realize that he’s nothing _but_ that to Voldemort.”

“Greyback gets prey in return for his services,” Dumbledore said. “He doesn’t care about much else. An animal’s number one priority is food, after all. But Voldemort suddenly somehow became convinced that since Greyback’s specialty was children, he’d do the best of job of bringing Harry to him. Nothing else had worked for Voldemort up until that point, so I suppose he felt he was running out of options. Why not see what Greyback could offer to the situation? That, however, was when I knew I was in a sticky spot.”

“Greyback isn’t around the rest of the Death Eaters on a regular basis,” Remus supplied. He thought he could see where this was going. “He wasn’t someone Severus could easily spy on.”

“Indeed,” Dumbledore hummed in response. “If Voldemort was going to use Greyback, and it became more and more apparent that he was, I needed someone close to him, keeping an eye on him. Severus has served me well as a spy, but this was something that was out of his league entirely. You were the only one I could possibly send. The only one Greyback would let get close to him.”

Remus felt like he should be angry. After all, Dumbledore had planned this entire thing, and he’d even had a pretty good idea ahead of time where it would all end up, and he hadn’t told Remus a thing. But Remus found that the initial resentment he’d felt towards the headmaster when he’d first come in had faded. It had all been for Harry. There hadn’t been any earth-shattering secrets to find out at all. Remus’s mission had always been to protect Harry, and Remus would never get tired of saying it - Harry was worth every bit of it and more.

They sat in silence for a long time, Remus still trying to comprehend everything Dumbledore had told him since he’d sat down. After a while, Remus broke the silence, sounding a bit desperate. “One of the reasons I came here today was to apologize for failing you.”

“Remus-” Dumbledore interrupted, but Remus talked over him.

“I had been so concerned,” Remus said, “with the fact that I hadn’t found out any of the Death Eaters’ secrets. I kept going over and over everything in my mind, trying to figure out what I could have done differently - how I could have possibly stayed there longer-”

“You did _exactly_ what I sent you there for, Remus,” Dumbledore cut him off gently. “Absolutely nothing about your time there was a disappointment. _Nothing_ you’ve ever done has been a disappointment to me.”

Remus had to wonder about that. He suspected that the headmaster had been at least a little disappointed in him at some point in his life, but Remus didn’t interrupt.

“Besides,” Dumbledore added, “let’s not forgot that you saved a seven-year-old boy from being bitten. From going through what you go through every month. Not to mention, you brought Althea out with you, convinced her to leave behind the only life she‘s known for two years.” Dumbledore let out a gentle breath. “That’s a hell of a lot to do in only two months’ time.”

Remus couldn’t stop himself from asking the question. He was still terrified of the answer, but he needed to know. “How is she?”

Dumbledore folded his hands together methodically, considering this. “She’s okay,” he said, nodding. “She had a bit of a rough night. She had trouble even getting comfortable and falling asleep, and then she had some nightmares when she finally did doze off. I think it was just the shock from being back in the human world. It was just very new and different to her, very uncomfortable. She did a lot of pacing around last night. She wasn’t quite able to stay still.”

“Yeah. I know the feeling,” Remus interjected flatly.

“But she’s doing a lot better today,” Dumbledore went on. “She had a shower and ate breakfast when she woke up, and she seemed much better after that. She was rather excited about the doughnuts and coffee the House-Elves offered her.”

Remus chuckled, partly from relief and partly from amusement. “She said those were two of the things she missed the most about the human world - doughnuts and coffee.”

“She was calm enough to take a nap this afternoon,” Dumbledore added, smiling in return, “and then she took a little field trip to the library. She’s doing quite well if you ask me.”

“I want to see her.”

Dumbledore nodded. “I’m sure you do, but there’s one more thing I must ask you to do for me.”

“What’s that?”

“I suspect you know already,” Dumbledore said, “and that it’s one of the reasons you came by today. It wasn’t why I sent you to spy on Greyback, but any shred of information about him and the way his pack operates may just help us in ways that you never imagined. You must tell me everything that happened since the last time we spoke. Everything you can remember.”

Remus had known that it was coming, knew that he wouldn’t be able to leave Dumbledore’s office until he bared his soul and told the headmaster everything. Some part of him had been hoping that he’d be able to put it off for a while, especially after he learned that Althea was doing okay. He was more anxious than ever to see her, but Remus knew this was necessary, and that the sooner he told it, the sooner he’d be able to put it behind him. That was all he wanted - to begin to put this mess behind him once and for all.

Remus took and deep breath and started to speak.

_To be continued…_


	22. Renewed Humanity

Dumbledore didn’t interrupt once while Remus was speaking, for which he was very grateful. With every word out, Remus felt like a little bit more of his energy and determination to go on was leaving him. Every word was becoming a struggle, and he was afraid that if he was stopped at any point in his story, he might not have the strength to continue. As he had a habit of doing, Dumbledore seemed to sense this, seemed to know that Remus just needed to get the entire story out and be done with it.

Remus spoke until he reached the point in his story when he had passed out on the front lawn of Sirius’s house. “And…you know the rest,” he added, letting out a shaky breath. He relaxed back in his chair and turned to stare out the window once more, unable to meet Dumbledore’s gaze.

Leaning sideways in order to try and get into Remus’s field of vision, Dumbledore said, “Remus, I told you before that nothing you’ve ever done has been a disappointment to me. None of this changes that. Certainly nothing that happened as a result of something I _asked_ you to do.”

“You never asked me to _tell_ Greyback to kill someone,” Remus retorted, looking at Dumbledore out of the corner of his eye. “To _let_ a man die and do nothing to stop it, even though I could have.”

“What I asked you,” Dumbledore corrected, “was to get as close to Greyback as you possibly could at all costs. Which you did. Better than I could have hoped for. And if everything you did was to try and honor my wishes, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.”

Remus took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He didn’t know why, but he had been so certain that Dumbledore would be angry at him for some of the choices he had made, even though he had done them on the headmaster’s orders. Remus was coming to learn that that was something he feared a lot - disappointing and losing the few friends he had left after lycanthropy and war had taken their toll. Even though a part of him had known that Dumbledore wouldn’t be upset, Remus was thankful nonetheless that he was making this so easy.

“I just…everything was fine for Talon before I went there,” Remus said miserably. “He was in so well with Greyback. As soon as I set one foot in that place, everything started to fall apart for him, and he was absolutely right about everything. He knew I was a spy.”

Dumbledore shook his head. “None of this is your fault. Talon was there long enough to know how Greyback would have reacted to such blatant disrespect. He’d seen the consequences of such actions more than a few times in his years there, I’m sure. I don’t care how sure Talon was that you were a spy, he knew _exactly_ what he was getting himself into. He had other avenues if he really wanted to expose you. He could have gotten a few of his closest ‘friends’ to watch you for a while, see what you were up to. Perhaps his accusations would have held more weight with Greyback if they were corroborated. As it was, he had to have known how much his behavior would have angered Greyback. You don’t get to be Greyback’s second-in-command by being stupid, you know.”

Remus wasn’t sure he agreed with that, but he didn’t really feel up to arguing the point at the moment. He knew he would end up going around in circles with Dumbledore for a while over the subject, and he didn’t have the energy for that. “That remains to be seen,” Remus sighed.

“Talon wasn’t stupid, nor are you,” Dumbledore said firmly. “You can deny it all you want, but I’m sure it’s crossed your mind that Greyback would have killed Talon _regardless_ of what you said. Once someone is dead in his eyes, no amount of arguing with him is going to change that. We both know Greyback never would have tolerated it if you tried to step in. In fact, having someone try and talk him out of it would have only make him more intent on killing Talon, and he would have tried to kill you too as a result. Your time there would have been in vain.”

“So there it is, isn’t it?” Remus asked. “I traded a life for a life.”

“Remus, when you first arrived here, you said you didn’t regret it,” Dumbledore pointed out. “I know you said you wish some things could have been different, as do I, but we both know there was no other way. You could not possibly have saved Talon and remained on Greyback’s good side. Those two things don’t go together, at least not in Greyback’s mind. You would have been out of the pack then and there. Talon might still be alive, but Harry might not be, so you tell me - is Harry worth that?”

Swallowing hard, Remus closed his eyes and simply nodded. There was no other answer. “Of course he is.” He gasped in a breath and added, “I feel like I’ve been telling everyone that since I came home. Yes, yes, a million times yes. I’d sacrifice everything and more if it meant keeping Harry safe.”

Dumbledore gestured into the air as if to say that his point was made. When he returned his hand to his desk, he leaned forward towards Remus and said, “Then don’t blame yourself. Not for things that were beyond your control, because if you really want to blame someone, blame me. I was the one who came up with this idea in the first place. I was the one who set this entire thing in motion. I was the one who asked you to go there. None of this would have happened without me, so blame me if you wish to find fault with someone.”

“Albus…” Remus gasped. “I could never blame you, not for doing everything in your power to protect Harry. He‘s part of the reason why we‘re here after all.”

“Exactly,” Dumbledore replied rather smugly. “You could never blame me any more than I could blame you. You only did what I asked of you. You didn’t even know it was about Harry in the first place, and you did everything in your power to remain there, to carry out my wishes. How could you ever think that that would disappoint me?”

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out at first. A lump had formed in his throat and he was trying desperately to swallow it away. He shrugged slightly before he got out, “I guess I just needed to hear that. Sirius told me you’d say as much, but-” Remus broke off, feeling lost for words again. He heaved a heavy breath, partly in frustration at his own inability to articulate what he was feeling, but also partially in relief.

“Sometimes it’s nice to be reassured by others that we didn’t fail horribly,” Dumbledore supplied for him.

Remus’s bottom lip began to tremble slightly, and he really wasn’t sure why. He fastened his teeth over it to try and still it, and he only nodded in response.

“And since we’re on the subject,” Dumbledore said, “perhaps I should confess some of my own failures in the matter. Leaving Hogwarts when I knew that the Death Eaters were about to make another attempt to get to Harry wasn’t one of my more brilliant ideas.” When Remus frowned, Dumbledore clarified, “I wasn’t here last night. I wasn’t here this week at all. In fact, I haven‘t been here an awful lot this term, and the Death Eaters knew it.”

Remus frowned. “Where have you been going?” he asked before he could stop himself. He knew the headmaster would never just leave the school regularly, especially when Harry was being targeted, not unless it was something of utmost importance.

Dumbledore’s eyes went to the ring with the cracked stone in it, the one he had set aside on his desk when Remus had arrived. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”

Remus wanted to respect Dumbledore’s privacy, but he couldn’t hide the expression of hurt that sprung up on his face.

“I trust you, Remus,” Dumbledore replied immediately. “You know I do.” He smiled. “I wouldn’t have put someone as important as Harry in your hands if I didn’t. But I haven’t told anyone else about it yet except for Harry, and right now, I think it’s safer if it’s kept that way. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much I trust you, but the fewer people that know about it, the better it is for our side. That’s all.”

“Fair enough.”

“Voldemort never would have sent them if I had been here,” Dumbledore continued on. “I rather thought Harry would be safe here regardless. I never thought that Voldemort would be bold enough to send them here at all, into my school, let alone find a way in. I was wrong. They only took the chance, because they knew they wouldn’t have me to contend with once they arrived here.” Dumbledore’s grey eyebrows went up above his twinkling eyes. “What they didn’t count on was that they _would_ have you to contend with.”

“Depends who you ask,” Remus said. “As soon as Bellatrix saw me, she knew exactly what I was doing there.”

“As I said,” Dumbledore replied, “I find Greyback easy to read. I knew he’d never stand for anyone trying to tell him who was and was not loyal to him. Not even Voldemort’s favorite, as she’s so fond of bragging about.”

“I guess you were right,” Remus said, and at first, he didn’t elaborate. Silence fell between them, and Remus hung his head, looking down into his lap. Dumbledore was quiet, waiting for him to go on. “I do find Greyback easy to read, too,” Remus finally admitted. He swallowed hard before he glanced up to meet the headmaster’s gaze again. “I guess I didn’t want to admit it at first. Didn’t want to admit that anything about him at all made sense to me. But it does. A lot more than I‘d like it to.” Remus’s eyes seemed to become unfocused, like he was looking at something beyond Dumbledore, something only he could see. “I think I see where he’s coming from a lot of the time. He flat-out denied it when I asked him, of course, but I think he’s mostly just afraid. Afraid of not having control over his life, because others have dictated it to him for so long. And perhaps the most absurd thing is that he’s afraid of being alone and being abandoned. No one’s ever been there for him his whole life. He’s been left alone so many times, so he makes all these rules and regulations for his pack to live by to ensure that doesn’t happen again. He insists that it’s for other reasons, to keep his pack safe, and that may be, but that’s not the full reason. I know it isn’t, because he just likes to feel secure. As do I.”

All of a sudden, it seemed to occur to Remus what he had just said, because he gasped in a breath when he was through. He definitely hadn’t meant to reveal everything that he had, because it abhorred him to think that he might have anything in common with Greyback at all. He ducked his head once again, staring down at his lap and feeling his cheeks grow warm.

“Remus.” Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see Dumbledore getting up from his chair and coming around the desk. He stopped just in front of Remus, leaning back against his desk and watching Remus closely. “Listen to me. You’re _nothing_ like Greyback. If anything, this entire experience should prove to you just how different you are from him. Just because you’re able to understand where he’s coming from doesn’t mean you’re the least bit alike. In fact, you must see that sympathizing with someone so much is a very _human_ emotion. That’s why Greyback is able to do the things that he does. Because he doesn’t have much sympathy for anyone but himself. You wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to do half of the things that Greyback does, because you care too much for people. You’d be too concerned about hurting them, but that’s something Greyback doesn’t concern himself with. The only one who matters to him is him.” Dumbledore leaned forward, placing a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “Do you think Greyback would risk his life to save _anyone_? Do you think Greyback would put himself through absolute hell for _any_ reason, even if he thought it would help their side?”

Remus only squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head in response.

Dumbledore reached out with his other hand, resting it on one of Remus’s wrists. “I don’t underestimate what you’ve just done,” he said, more quietly this time, “nor should you. You’ve given more of yourself these last two months than I had any right to even ask of you. How could you ever think that I would be disappointed in you? I’ve been nothing but proud of you since the day I met you - on your eleventh birthday, the day I came to invite you to Hogwarts. I saw something in you then, and I still see it in you now. That fierce determination that you wouldn’t accept the future that’s forced upon werewolves. I know your dad saw the very same thing in you. I know, because he told me so many times.”

The mention of his father finally caused Remus to meet the headmaster’s eyes.

Having finally gotten Remus’s attention, Dumbledore leaned back, placing his hands behind him on the surface of his desk. “I have no doubt that if Greyback would have tried,” Dumbledore said, “he could have had what you have. He isn’t stupid. On the contrary, he’s quite conniving, and he doesn’t take no for an answer. If he had just shifted that focus - if he had directed it at proving himself rather than exacting revenge on the humans that discriminated against him - he could have been so much more than the animal he is.”

Remus couldn’t find his voice to reply. He felt like his voice had died a long time ago, lost in the flurry of things Dumbledore had told him. But he thought he understood something, something that those in his life had been trying to tell him for a very long time. He supposed it didn’t matter if he _did_ share some characteristics with Greyback. After all, they were the same in a lot of ways and had dealt with a lot of the same discriminations. However, there was a difference between them, and it came right down to the decisions they had made in their lives. While Greyback might have accepted, maybe even grown into the prejudices that had been forced upon him, Remus never would.

“You may not always it in yourself. I think we always have a hard time seeing those things in ourselves,” Dumbledore added, “but it‘s something that I’ve always seen in you, Remus. I trust you know this isn’t something I would lie about. Not to you. Not to someone I respect so much.”

“I know,” Remus whispered, his voice still feeling caught in his throat, but there was an accepting note to his words now. “I know you wouldn’t.”

Dumbledore smiled, watching him closely for a while. “I’ve capitalized enough of your time these last two months. Go on and take care of yourself for a while. I daresay you’ve earned it.”

Remus let out a heavy and relieved breath. Finally, the end of this nightmare, the one he thought he would never see, was in his grasp. “I just have one more stop to make. I need to see Althea.”

Nodding, Dumbledore said, “She’s in the hospital wing.” At a sharp look from Remus, he explained, “She’s fine. With the frantic state she was in last night, we thought it best if she was kept there for a while, with easy access to Madam Pomfrey’s potions collection if need be. As I’ve said, she’s much better today, but we’ll probably have her stay there for a while longer just in case. Besides, I think it’s good for her to keep Bill company right now.”

Remus froze, dropping a hand on to the back of his chair. “Oh…” he breathed. With everything that had happened since last night, he’d completely forgotten about Bill. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling horrible for ever letting such a thing slip his mind. “Is he okay? Sirius told me he was the last he heard, but…”

“As well as can be expected, I suppose,” Dumbledore said. “Physically, he’ll be fine, if a bit worse for wear. Other than that, he is angry and upset, which I’m sure you can understand.”

Remus’s hand clenched even tighter around the back of the chair. “Do you think…?” Remus began to ask, but he found his throat too tight to speak once again.

But Dumbledore knew. Dumbledore always knew. “I’m sure a visit from you would do Bill a world of good right now.”

~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as Remus stepped inside the hospital wing, he was nearly barreled over. But then he felt a set of arms close tightly around him in an embrace. Althea tucked her blond head under his chin, and in the light from the hospital wing windows, her now clean hair shone more brilliantly than it ever had back at the compound.

“It’s okay,” Remus said, hugging her back tightly. He pressed his nose into the top of her head, smelling the scent of cherry blossom shampoo on it.

“I was so worried about you,” Althea said, pulling away a bit and looking up at him. “I had all these crazy dreams last night that you wouldn’t be able to adjust to being back.”

“I…” Remus began, but then he paused for a very long time. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have the same dreams about you, but it’s only been two months for me. That’s nothing compared to how long you were there. Dumbledore said you were a bit antsy last night.”

Althea let out a soft breath. “Doesn’t like to speak ill of anybody, does he? Because ‘antsy’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.” She gripped his upper arms tightly, lowering her voice significantly before continuing. “I had this crazy urge to be out there hunting. Because that’s where Greyback and the rest of the pack would have been. It took everything I had not to just run out of here and right back to…them.”

“I know,” Remus replied quietly. “I’m not even going to pretend that my night was anything close to yours, but…I had that urge, too. Maybe not to hunt, but to at least be back there, in the openness of the woods. This insane feeling that I was being caged here, but I think that was only Greyback talking, because that‘s what he tried to convince me that this place was.”

“Instead of the other way around.”

“Exactly.”

Althea looked down between them for a moment, from her socked feet to Remus’s shoes. “Well, my night may have been harder in that regard, but I also wasn’t the one on my death bed last night,” she pointed out.

“I wasn’t on my death bed!” Remus exclaimed, but then he lowered his voice once again when he remembered that he was in the hospital wing. A quick look around proved that the room was mostly empty, all except for a curtain towards the end of the room near Madam Pomfrey’s office. Remus imagined that it was giving Bill some privacy. “I wasn’t in the best of shape, but I was far from dying.”

When Althea looked up at his face again, she smiled. “You do look better.”

“I _feel_ much better. A long hot shower, a full meal, and a good night’s sleep in an actual bed do wonders for your humanity.”

Althea hummed in agreement, turning back into the hospital wing. She returned to her bed, crawling into it. For the first time, Remus saw that her bed tray was stacked with a bunch of food, including a plate of sandwiches and chips, several boxes of wizarding sweets including a couple bars of chocolate, a box of doughnuts, and what looked like a large steaming cup of coffee.

“Hungry?” Remus asked in a teasing tone.

“Almost constantly since last night,” she said, reaching for a doughnut with cream filling spilling out the edges. “That house-elf’s been here almost every hour on the hour…Bobby, I think he said his name was.”

“Dobby?”

“That’s him. Keeps bringing me food faster than I can eat it.” She took a moment to break off a piece of doughnut and eat it. “Help yourself if you want.”

Remus laid a hand over his stomach. “I couldn’t. Sirius just fed me a huge lunch.”

“I knew I was missing out on a lot of good food here,” Althea mused, “but I don’t think I realized exactly how much until last night. What Greyback offers us is _nothing_ compared to this. If that makes me weak, because I‘d rather eat human food than blood, then so be it.”

“Althea,” Remus said, coming closer and sitting down on the edge of her bed. “It _doesn’t_ make you weak. Quite the opposite, in fact. If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that Greyback is the weak one, because he gives in to those animal instincts. It’s easy to be like him. To let your wolf control you. It’s not so easy to control your wolf, but…that’s what we’re doing.” He took a moment to glance over the spread of food on the bed tray. “Besides, if this food appeals to you much more than what you had with Greyback, I think that’s a sure sign that you haven’t completely given in to your wolf yet.” Remus reached across the tray of food to press a hand over Althea’s chest. “That you’re still human in here.”

Althea focused on her doughnut for quite some time, he cheeks burning red. After a while, she admitted, “I wasn’t so sure at first, especially after last night, but…I think I’m really going to like being back among society. I already feel much more accepted here than I ever did with the werewolves. A bit ironic, isn’t it?”

“After all the speeches Greyback gives us about how his pack is one of the only places we‘re accepted, and how all humans shun us, yes. You just need to find the right humans, that‘s all,” Remus said around a smirk.

“How _did_ you ever find them?” Althea asked incredulously, replacing her half-eaten doughnut on her tray and picking up her still steaming cup of coffee. There must have been a heating charm on it. “Not even my parents wanted me after I was bitten. I never imagined that I could find people who weren’t even related to me willing to take me in.”

Remus sighed, absently running a finger along the edge of Althea’s tray. “I don’t know. I ask myself that every single day. I just got very lucky, I suppose.”

“You really have,” Althea said in between sips of her coffee. “Dumbledore was here already, asking if I’d given any thought to what I want to do with my life now, because he’ll do everything in his power to help me find something.”

“And have you?” Remus asked, but then something else occurred to him. “I can’t believe I never asked you before, but what were you planning on doing before you were bitten?”

“I don’t think I would have told you, even if you had asked,” Althea giggled. She was quiet for a very long time, replacing her coffee on the bed tray. She turned it around several times, as if she was looking for answers in it. When she met Remus’s eyes again, she admitted, “I worked for the Ministry.”

Remus was taken aback, but he tried not to let it show. He shrugged and said, “I can’t really judge you, because you’re not the only person I’ve met who’s worked for the Ministry.”

“It wasn’t what I wanted to do,” Althea immediately protested. She rolled her eyes. “My parents were kind of well-to-do. They had this crazy idea I could become the next female Minister of Magic someday. I was only eighteen when I was bitten, and I had only been working there for about six months. It was just an entry-level secretarial position, a far cry from being Minister, but my parents were certain I could do it.” She frowned deeply and stared down at her lap. “That, of course, all changed once I was bitten. I wasn’t a fit Ministry employee any longer, and my parents didn‘t think I was even worthy of the title of daughter, let alone Minister of Magic.”

“What did you want to do?”

“Something my parents didn’t approve of,” Althea sighed wistfully. “I loved to paint, and I wanted to be an artist. My parents insisted that artists never make it, that I’d end up poor and homeless. They said a Ministry job was the way to go if I ever wanted to make anything out of myself.” She snorted. “Yeah, look where I ended up anyway - poor and homeless, even _with_ my lucrative Ministry job.

“Anyway,” she went on, “since Dumbledore was here, I’ve been thinking a lot of about that - getting back into painting. I can work on my own time, and I’d never have to worry about having to hide my condition from an employer or coworkers. Plus, I can sell my work under a pseudonym, so the people buying them would never know they’re coming from a werewolf. I may not make a lot of money, but it’s got to be more than what I have now, which is nothing. And besides, it’s what I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Ever since I can remember. It would make me happy, and that’s the most important thing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” Remus agreed. “And for what it’s worth, I think you’d make a great artist.”

Althea giggled. “You’ve never even seen any of my work. I haven’t even painted for years. I’m probably horribly out of practice.”

“Well, like you said, it can’t be any worse than what you’re doing now. At least try. For me?” Remus urged.

Althea smiled a tiny bit, nodding in response. Then a moment later, she frowned deeply, her eyes beginning to well up with unshed tears. She gasped in a breath of air, her shoulders heaving.

Remus quickly pushed the bed tray aside so that he could move closer to her. “Hey.” He reached up with one hand, using a thumb to swipe away the tear that managed to escape one of Althea’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

She began fiercely swiping at her face, driving away any evidence that there had been any tears there at all. “I just can’t believe I wasted so much time there. _Two years_ ,” she said a bit frantically, a small sob escaping her again. “If I had known I could have had a place, I never would have…” Her eyes filled up with tears again, and this time, she did nothing to wipe them away when they began to fall. “ _I bit someone, Remus!_ I brought this on someone else just because I was trying to be accepted into the pack! If I had known I other options…”

Remus wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. She buried her face in his shoulder, quickly soaking it with tears, but he didn’t care. He ran his hands over her trembling back, trying his best to comfort her. “It’s okay,” he said, feeling a bit lost on how to reassure her otherwise. He had never bitten anyone himself, at least not for real, so he was sure that was something he could never understand. On the other hand, as far as Althea knew, Remus had bitten Justin in order to gain entrance into the pack, and he would let her go right on believing it. Perhaps that was best for now.

“I didn’t think I had anywhere else to go!” Althea said in between sobs.

“And I’m sure that’s something every werewolf can understand,” Remus said, trying his best to sound like he knew what he was talking about. “Desperation. I’m not sure who it was who bit me, but I’m not angry at them. I suppose I feel mostly pity for them, because they were doing something that was completely out of their control.”

Althea shook her head, pulling away from him. “I could never feel anything but hate for the one who bit me. Especially after I met him,” she added bitterly.

“Then you know who it was?”

Wiping at her face again, Althea nodded. “It was Talon. I was _his_ test when he joined the pack. Rather appropriate, isn’t it?”

“But I don’t…he told you?”

“No,” Althea replied. “If you ever meet the one who made you, Remus, you’ll know.” She took a deep breath, trying desperately to stop the flow of tears. “That’s why I’m not very sorry for what happened to him. I know you feel badly about it, and I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but…I could never feel sorry for the way he went. Not when it was his fault I had to turn to Greyback at all.” She broke off for a moment, staring across the room at one of the large windows that looked out over the grounds. “And then I turned right around and brought the exact same thing upon someone else.”

“For a very different reason than I’m sure Talon did,” Remus said. “You only did so, because you were desperate. I always imagined Talon rather enjoyed what he was doing, and I don’t doubt for a second that he bit even more people because he _wanted_ to. He was rather like Greyback in that regard. More animal than human. He enjoyed the prey. There‘s a very large difference between that, and doing so because you feel like you‘re simply out of options. This world doesn’t make it easy for us to find the few that are even there. It is not your fault that you felt backed into a corner.”

Althea gave him the best smile she could. It didn’t reach all the way to her eyes, but at least it was a start. She wiped away the remaining tears on her face, taking some more deep breaths to try and regain her composure. When she spoke again, she sounded calmer than she had only a few seconds before. “Speaking of Greyback, I never thanked you for saving my life.”

Remus shook his head firmly. “I believe I should be the one thanking you. You were ready to take on Greyback yourself so that I could get out, and we both know how that would have ended.”

“I didn’t see any other way out. Not for both of us. If I distracted Greyback long enough, then I thought you’d be able to escape unscathed.” Althea started playing with her hands in her lap, wringing them and folding them together in different ways. “I was really rather beginning to doubt whether or not I could fit into the human world or not. I knew you’d have the best chance of coming back here and leading a normal life, even if I was too far gone. I didn’t want you to lose that chance, especially not because of me.” She let out a breathless laugh. “I just didn’t know you wouldn’t be able to walk away.”

“Talon was one thing,” Remus said, “but you are another.” He tilted his head and placed a hand on Althea’s cheek, directing her gaze to his. “With the way I felt about letting a bastard like Talon die, how could you ever think I could allow you to follow the same fate? You risked your life for me.”

Neither one of them moved a muscle. Their eyes seemed to burn into each other, and they were close enough to feel each other’s warm breath on their mouths. Remus made the first move, leaning in a tiny bit more to close the gap, but then he paused again, not sure if his actions would be welcome. In response, Althea laid one hand over Remus’s, pressing it tighter against her cheek. When she didn’t pull away, Remus finally closed the remaining distance, softly kissing her.

When they pulled apart, Althea ducked her head under his chin, just like she had done when Remus first entered the hospital wing. He hugged her, and they stayed that way for a long time, offering each other perhaps the only support they had left to give.

They each were still broken, struggling to find the parts of themselves they had lost during their time with Greyback’s pack. But together, perhaps they made up something whole.

_To be continued…_


	23. Fang

Once Althea had calmed down a bit, Remus pulled over a chair and sat down next to her bed. They talked for a while longer, during which Althea had laid down in bed, her head propped up on a stack of pillows. As their conversation went on, however, Althea began to drift off. Remus decided to let her sleep. She had been up for a good majority of the night, completely frantic, so she needed the rest.

Remus got up from his chair, reaching for the blanket at the end of her bed. He tugged it up and tucked it in around her, smiling as she curled up under it. He then pushed some of the hair back from her face before making his way around her bed and towards the other end of the hospital wing.

Bill was in the very last bed, a curtain still dividing him from the rest of the room. Remus hesitated for the briefest moment before stepping around the curtain, a bit afraid of what he would find on the other side. Bill was apparently asleep, curled up on his side with his back to Remus. Pausing, Remus thought about turning around and leaving quietly, because he didn’t want to wake Bill up for a conversation that could certainly wait until later.

Just as Remus was about to retreat, Bill rolled over onto his back. Remus had to clench his teeth to keep the shock from registering on his face. If not for Bill’s long ginger hair and blue eyes, Remus might not have even recognized him. Bill’s once was handsome face was now hidden underneath a tangled mess of scarred flesh. Remus mentally kicked himself for being angry about the five small scars that Greyback had left across his stomach.

“I knew it was you,” Bill whispered. “I heard you.” He smiled half-heartedly. “I was hoping you’d come by today.” Then Bill seemed to register the expression on Remus’s face, and he closed his eyes, a faint blush creeping up in his cheeks. “I know,” he muttered, his lips drawing into a deep frown. He looked away, glaring at the back wall of the hospital wing. “It’s awful.”

“That’s not…what that look was for.” Remus spoke carefully, approaching Bill’s bed. “I’m no stranger to scars, Bill.”

“ _Three_ of them on your face. At least most of yours are in places that you can hide with clothes,” Bill said bitterly. “ _All_ of mine are on my face where everyone who looks at me will see them.”

An awkward silence fell, and Remus hung his head, wondering if he’d be able to come up with the right words for Bill, just like Dumbledore had for him a couple of hours ago. After thinking things over for a few moments, Remus took a deep breath and moved forward again to sit on the edge of Bill’s bed. Bill was still staring in the opposite direction, so Remus placed a gentle finger on the side of his chin, directing Bill to meet his gaze.

“And do you know what I see when I look at you?” Remus asked simply.

Bill’s eyes grew slightly larger and his chest starting heaving, almost as if he was afraid of the answer he would get. “A monster?” Bill finally replied. “Because that’s what I look like.”

Remus shook his head. “No. Not at all. I see someone who is brave and strong. Someone who isn’t going to let Greyback defeat him,” Remus said solemnly.

Bill’s eyes grew watery, and he tried to blink it away. “I want to believe that. Just every time I look in the mirror-” He broke off, an expression of disgust overtaking his face.

“I know. Believe me, I do. Mine may not be in the same place as yours, but…” Remus stopped and made a split second decision. He reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled it open, revealing the scars upon scars that crisscrossed his chest and stomach. Those, however, were only the tip of the iceberg; countless others covered nearly every inch of his body, damage he had done to himself during the full moons he had endured before the discovery of the Wolfsbane Potion, and before he’d had companions to protect him. “They don’t seem any less horrific to me.”

Bill gasped in a soft breath of surprise. “I had no idea. I mean, I knew. I could tell from the ones on your face that there must be others, but…” He opened and closed his mouth several times, not sure how to form his thoughts into words.

“Not that there were so many of them?” When Bill nodded, Remus said, “No, not a lot of people do.” He chuckled. “I don’t often go around shirtless for that very reason. And why I always wear long trousers and long sleeves if it all possible. I was terrified of letting anyone see them, afraid they‘d think I looked like a monster, too. But a few people have seen them over the years - my parents and healers, of course, and they become impossible to hide from Sirius, James, and Peter when I was spending so many transformations with them. You know, not a single one of them thought they were as big of a deal as I did. At first, I thought that my parents and healers said that because they had to, because they couldn’t let me think I looked like some freak, but Sirius told me once that he never even noticed them.” Remus furrowed his brow. “I found that quite hard to believe for a while, but…tell me, Bill. Do you think I look like a monster?”

Swallowing hard, Bill immediately shook his head. “Merlin, no. I could never think that about you, Remus.”

Remus smiled. “So why would you think that any of us could think that about you? At least not those of us who know you. Strangers might. I’m not going to lie to you about that, but I don’t imagine you’ve ever been one to worry over what people think about you.” Remus grabbed a lock of Bill’s hair in between his thumb and index finger, tugging at it gently. “Your hair wouldn’t look like this if you did.”

Bill couldn’t hide the smile that spread across his face and this time, it reached all the way to his eyes. He pointed to his left ear, flipping his finger against his signature fang earring, letting it swing back and forth. “I wouldn’t have the earring either.” Then Bill’s face fell and he added, “The fang’s kind of appropriate now, isn’t it?”

Remus hummed grimly in response before asking, “Has your family been here?” He didn’t want to doubt the integrity of the Weasleys, and he really had no reason to. After all, Bill’s family had never made Remus to feel any different, but a tiny part of him wondered how they were taking this current turn of events.

“Yeah.” Bill stretched and wiggled around, trying to find a more comfortable position. “They were here last night and earlier today. I didn’t wake up till this morning, but I saw them for a little while before Madam Pomfrey chased them out so I could get some rest.”

Remus’s eyes darted to the door of Madam Pomfrey’s office. “Should I even be here then? I’m disturbing your sleep.”

“Don’t be silly,” Bill replied. “It’s not like I was even sleeping.” He squinted his eyes in thought before going on. “I think she chased them out, because I was upset anyway. I…don’t even remember what happened last night. I mean, I remember the battle, but then…everything kind of goes black.”

“Yeah, the infection will do that,” Remus interjected. “Sometimes it’s better that way.”

“When I woke up,” Bill went on, “my family had to tell me, and…I was understandably upset. They didn’t even want to give me a mirror so I could see for myself what Greyback had done. They finally gave in after I started yelling, and…imagine finding out this is what you look like when you don’t even remember being attacked. I was a bit of a wreck, so Madam Pomfrey thought it best if I was left alone for a while to calm down. But I don’t care if she likes you being here or not. My family’s trying so hard to help. Even Fleur, but…they just can’t understand. You’re the only I’ve wanted to talk to since I found out what happened. The only one who could possibly answer some of the questions I have.”

“I don’t pretend to be an expert.” When Bill snorted, Remus repeated, “I don’t. For everything I do know, there are just as many things about this sort of thing that I don’t know. Especially in cases like this. But I’ll try my hardest to give you answers.”

“Yeah,” Bill sighed. “Madam Pomfrey said that this is possibly unique - a werewolf attacking someone while in human form. At least it is to her. She’s never seen anything like this. All she knew for sure was these things aren’t going to heal,” he mumbled, gesturing to his face. “She couldn’t even begin to speculate about some of my other questions.”

“What questions?”

Bill frowned deeply, suddenly looking like a deer caught in headlights. Almost like he didn’t really want answers to his questions after all. After nearly a minute, Bill was finally able to get out, “She…couldn’t even tell me for sure if I’m going to transform when the moon is full.”

“You won’t.”

Bill blinked. “You just said you’re not an expert.”

“I’m not.”

“But you didn’t even need to think about it.”

Remus held up an index finger. “One thing I do know for certain. It typically takes seven days for a werewolf to fully wake up after they’ve first been turned. If you’re completely coherent now - what? - twelve hours after the attack, you’re not a full werewolf. Not even close.”

Bill’s eyelids slid closed, and he let out a relieved breath. “But I am different,” he said with absolute certainty. “ _I_ feel different, my _body_ feels different.” Bill thought for a moment and corrected himself, “Actually, it doesn’t even feel like it’s _my_ body. It feels like there’s something under my skin, waiting to get out.” He paused, trying to come up with a suitable way of voicing his feelings. “You know that sensation you get after you’ve taken Polyjuice Potion, and your skin bubbles up just before you transform? It’s almost like that, but…” Bill looked up and down his arms, bare below the sleeves of his hospital gown. “Nothing’s happening, and I keep waiting for the feeling to wear off, just like with Polyjuice, but it doesn‘t.”

“And you want to tear your skin off to make it stop.”

“Yeah!” Bill quickly sat up, sounding excited that Remus knew what he was talking about. “That’s it exactly. I think if my family wasn’t here when I first woke up, I would have. The feeling isn’t as strong now as it was, but it’s still driving me nutters.” He shrugged his shoulders heavily as if to prove his point.

“It’ll fade in the coming weeks,” Remus reassured. “Maybe even in a few days for you. It’s just the infection settling into your body.”

Bill grimaced. “And…everything’s getting to me,” he went on, seeming rather anxious to have all of his questions answered, to know that he wasn’t imagining things. “Physically and emotionally. You know how when you’re sick, your senses seem ten times more powerful? You can hear every little sound, and they make you crazy, and even just laying in bed hurts, because your skin is so sensitive? That’s how I feel.” He pointed across the room to a large shelf with a bunch of potions vials on it. “Madam Pomfrey was over there before, checking her inventory, and the sound of the bottles clanging against each other was so loud! Like someone had performed a Sonorus spell on them. It was bothering me so badly, I felt like I was on the verge of tears. And then I had this insane urge to run over there and break them all. And then I can‘t even sleep to get away from it, because I can‘t get comfortable enough.” He started breathing hard, noticeably upset.

“Your senses are heightened,” Remus said calmly. Bill’s voice had grown more and more frantic, and Remus hoped that his own calm demeanor would rub off on him. “I know it seems impossibly bothersome right now, but you’ll get used to it.” Remus bit at his bottom lip before continuing, abhorring the fact that Bill would very clearly have to deal with some of the same things he did. “But has that ever happened to you before? Getting the sudden urge to break something?”

“No!” Bill exclaimed frantically. He ran his hand over his face harshly, like he was trying to wake himself up from a bad dream. “I’m losing my mind, Remus.”

“You’re not, Bill. You’re not.” Remus placed his hands on Bill’s shoulders, gripping them firmly. “Listen to me. This is important.”

“I am!” Bill cried, but then he seemed to realize just how serious Remus’s expression was. “I’m listening,” he said, softer this time.

“The fact that you’re getting sudden violent urges like that,” Remus said, “that isn’t you. That’s your wolf talking.”

“My _wolf_ talking?” Bill asked incredulously, almost as if they were the single strangest words ever spoken. “Merlin.”

“Don’t give in to it.”

“I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

Bill looked confused for a few seconds, like he had no idea how to respond to Remus’s question. “Because I knew it was an insane thing to do?” He scoffed. “I’m not that kind of person. I don’t just go around…breaking things.”

“And you listen to that voice inside you when it says something’s crazy,” Remus said urgently. “The feeling that sudden urges like that _are_ insane. That they’re something you wouldn’t normally do. _You_ , the _human_ part of you still has control over every single action you take.”

“Isn’t that hard?” Bill gestured to the curtain next to his bed. “I heard you talking to that girl - Althea.” A blush rose up in his cheeks. “I couldn’t help but hear,” he added sheepishly.

Remus smirked. “You’ll be hearing a lot more conversations that you’re not supposed to. Get used to it.”

“But you were telling her how it’s easy to be like Greyback,” Bill said. “It’s easy to give into those instincts, to let your wolf control you.”

Remus nodded. “And it is, but the very first animal instincts your wolf has are also the strongest. It’s testing the waters, seeing how dominant you are. This is still very new to you, very foreign, and sometimes they can come up so quickly, you don’t even have time to think about trying to control it. If you were able to before, without even knowing what it was, I doubt you’ll have much trouble with it. That’s not to say that you _won’t_ have these insane moments of anger. I’m sure you’ll be snapping at people quite a bit for a while, but it only gets easier from here on out. The more comfortable you get with telling your wolf that no, you won’t do it what it wants, the quieter it becomes. You just have to let it know that _you’re_ the dominant one, not the wolf.”

“And that still makes me want to tear my skin off. The fact that it’s in here.” He fisted his hand in the front of his hospital gown, tugging on it. “Changing me.”

“I know,” Remus sighed. He considered this and added, “But in that case, I think you should name it.”

Bill raised an eyebrow and stared at Remus like there was a Venomous Tentacula growing out of the top of his head. “Name my wolf? You mean like Moony?”

“Indeed.” Remus leaned back on the bed, propping himself up with his hands. “Sirius started calling me Moony not long after he and the rest of the Marauders figured out I was a werewolf. I think it was his way of proving to me that his feelings towards me wouldn’t change - by using a term of endearment, for lack of a better word. As time went on, though, it became understood that Moony was more a term for the wolf rather than just me. Normally, that probably would have bothered me - being called by the same name - but by that point, I knew that Sirius was still my friend and nothing was going to change that. Not even the wolf. He knew exactly who I was and who Moony was, as did anyone else in my life who’s ever called me by that name. That’s why it’s never bothered me, but…I don’t think either of us knew exactly how much that name would come to help me. It’s made my wolf seem much less intimidating, for one. Think about it. People generally give names to tame animals, don’t they? They usually don’t name big, scary wild animals.”

“Unless you’re Hagrid.”

“He’s an exception, yes,” Remus snickered. “But it’s made my wolf seem much less like a foreign entity and…something more accessible. More like a natural part of myself, and that doesn’t make it seem so scary. If that makes sense.”

“I never thought of it that way.” Bill was quiet, and then he leaned back against his pillows again, seemingly much more calm than he had been before. “Well, what do you suggest?”

Remus frowned in thought, his eyes going back and forth across Bill’s face for a bit of inspiration. Even now, after talking to him for barely an hour, the damage Greyback had done already seemed much less startling to him. When his eyes settled on Bill’s silver earring, Remus smiled. He reached out and used his index finger to set Bill’s fang earring swinging back and forth once more. “Fang,” he said simply.

The corners of Bill’s mouth slowly started to tilt up before a large smile engulfed his face. When he did that, he almost looked like his old self again, his scars nothing more but a memory. He snorted in laughter, the first true laugh Remus had heard from him that afternoon. “It already seems much less scary. People - my mum especially - are always asking me, ’Why does it have to be a fang? Can’t you pick anything more tasteful?’” Bill rolled his eyes. “Not like they think an earring on a man is tasteful at all, but…I like it. That’s why I wear it all the time obviously. I feel like it‘s me.”

Remus wasn’t entirely sure what Bill was even referring to - the earring or his wolf - but Remus supposed it didn’t matter.

A moment of silence fell before Bill pointed out, “Fang’s also the name of Hagrid’s dog.”

“And can you imagine him ever hurting anyone or anything?”

“No.”

“And neither would you.”

Bill opened his mouth to reply, but then he seemed to think better of it. He closed his mouth and shook his head.

“What?” Remus spurred. “Whatever it is, you can ask me, and you don‘t need to worry that I‘ll think any differently of you for it.”

Bill still didn’t seem keen on asking his question. He swallowed audibly, like he was trying to work up the courage to do so. “I just…How can you be so sure I’d never hurt anyone?”

“Because I know you.”

“But…I…” Bill stumbled over his words before letting out an exasperated breath. “I keep getting this crazy idea that I’m just going to snap. That it’s going to sneak up on me some day, just like you said, and I’m going to lose control before I even know what’s happening. Especially with Fleur. The thought of being alone with her almost scares me.”

“Don’t push her away, Bill,” Remus said, shaking his head. “Don’t push any of them away. I know that’s probably your first instinct. It’s mine, too, a lot of the time. Push them away before you have a chance to hurt any of them. I’m sure they’ll even be downright overbearing with you now, especially your mum, and even Fleur, I imagine. They’ll probably make you want to tear your hear out half the time, but you let them. Because they’re going to help keep you human.” When his words were met with a confused look from Bill, Remus asked, “Why do you think Greyback is the way he is?”

Bill open his mouth and shook his head, lost for words. “’Cause he’s crazy?”

Remus let out a breath of laughter. “Well, yes, that’s part of it.” He hesitated, suddenly not sure if he wanted to share certain things with Bill. In the end, Remus decided that if anyone had a right to know, it was Bill. After all, Remus wasn’t completely blameless for what had happened to him. “I’ve been living with him, with his pack for the last two months, spying on them.”

“Yeah. That’s what I could gather from what’s been said over there,” Bill said, tilting his head toward the front of the hospital wing and Althea’s bed.

“You don’t live with someone for that long and not learn a thing or two about him.” Remus hung his head, still feeling somewhat guarded about where he knew this conversation was going to go. “He never had that, I don’t think - family and friends wanting to coddle him over his condition. He was raised largely in a werewolf colony where they’re treated like animals.” Remus kept his head lowered, but glanced upwards at Bill with his eyes. “He only became what he knew, and I have no doubt I could have turned out just like him if I hadn‘t had a family and friends to love me. _That’s_ the difference they can afford you, so don‘t push them away.” Bill didn’t reply right away, so Remus urged, “Promise me you won’t.”

Bill slowly shook his head, appearing slightly scared at the prospect that Remus had presented him with. “I won’t,” he finally said. “I won’t.”

Remus frowned down at his lap, rubbing at a discolored spot on the leg of his trousers with his finger. He must have spilled something at lunch.

“What?” Bill asked.

Remus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I feel like I need to apologize to you for something.”

Bill looked aghast. “What on earth could you possibly have to apologize to me for?”

Grimacing, Remus forced his gaze up. Bill at least deserved that much from him. “Greyback found out I wasn’t loyal to him last night. That I’d been doing nothing but deceiving him for the last two months. And because of the misplaced trust he put in me, I was able to single-handedly stop the Death Eaters from getting Harry back to Voldemort.” Remus swallowed hard. “That was just before he attacked you.”

“Remus, you don’t think-”

“What happened to you is my fault,” Remus pressed on before he could lose his nerve. “Greyback was furious at me, and he took it out on you. Because you were there.”

“That any of this is your fault?” Bill finished anyway. “Remus, I thought we’d already established that Greyback is a complete and total nutcase. He certainly doesn’t need _reasons_ to go around doing things like this to people. He does it anyway, because he can. Because he enjoys it.” After moment of silence, Bill added, “Besides, we all go into these things knowing we may not come out of them, or that we may not come out of them whole. The knowledge of that’s never kept me away. If I got these-” Bill gestured to his face, “-because I chose to defend Hogwarts, I don’t regret it.”

“Then that’s a relief, because I don’t either.” Remus let out a frustrated growl and rubbed a hand over his eyes harshly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be making this about me.”

“Isn’t that what this conversation is all about? Honesty?” Bill asked around a smile. “I wouldn’t have wanted you feeling guilty about this and being too afraid to tell me. Especially when it’s something I couldn’t possibly blame you for. You‘re not responsible for what Greyback chooses to do. You know that.”

“No, I know that,” Remus said around a sigh. “I do.“ Bill certainly wasn’t the first person to tell him that, and Remus knew none of them would lie to him. Remus supposed it would just take him a while to come to terms with that. In the meantime, however, there was something he could do to help ease his guilt slightly.

“Listen,” Remus said, resting a hand on Bill’s shoulder. “I don’t think you need to worry. There’s a different side to you now, but in the hour or so we’ve been talking, it’s become very clear to me that _you_ are very much in control. You might get agitated and antsy sometimes. That’s to be expected, at least until you get more comfortable with everything you’re feeling, and if you ever do feel like you’re losing control, if you feel like you’re getting angry and you’re about to snap, I want you to come to me.”

Bill’s brow furrowed. “Can I?”

“Absolutely,” Remus said firmly. “Or even if you just have a random question that you want answered, no matter how insignificant it seems, don’t hesitate to come and find me. Any hour of the day or night, I don’t care. You know where I live, so come bang down my bedroom door if you have to. Okay?”

Throat too tight to speak, Bill only nodded.

“You’ll be fine though,” Remus said, nodding in return.

Bill opened his mouth then, but no sound came out. Instead, he reached out an arm, wrapping it around Remus’s shoulders and pulling him close. “Thank you,” Bill finally got out. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here to reassure me that I’m not crazy.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Bill, patting one of his shoulders and then gripping it tightly. “You’re not. Not at all.”

Any other words that had been in the forefront of Remus’s mind were lost, because something else had occurred to him. Something that he’d never quite realized before. Perhaps he was more important to the people in his life than he ever gave himself credit for.

~~~~~~~~~~

Remus stayed in the hospital wing until well after dinnertime. The sun had set outside, and the moonlit night was pressing in on the windows of the castle. Remus would have stayed even longer, keeping both Bill and Althea company, but Madam Pomfrey ended up chasing him out. She insisted that he had been there much too long, and that her patients needed some rest.

As Remus was leaving the hospital wing, however, he didn’t return to the grounds to Apparate home. Not just yet. He found himself returning to the seventh floor, to the very spot where he and Harry had gotten away from the Death Eaters the night before. There was a large chunk of stone missing from the ceiling there, the part that Remus had collapsed to distract the Death Eaters, but the pieces of it that had crumbled to the floor had been cleaned up. Remus stared up at the broken ceiling for a while, feeling in awe of himself that he had done that without a wand. He hadn‘t known he‘d had it in him.

Almost without even thinking about it, Remus made his way over to the staircase that led up to the Astronomy Tower. He climbed the steps, trailing his hand along the wall as he went. He almost couldn’t believe that he had been there just last night, descending those same stairs with Harry in his grasp, wondering how in the world they would get away. That all seemed like a lifetime ago to him now.

When Remus got to the top of the staircase, he pushed the door open and emerged out onto the top of the tower. He stopped, his eyes passing over the now empty stone floor. Even though the events of last night now seemed so long ago, he could still clearly remember how he had felt. The nearly overwhelming sense of fear that had taken up residence in his chest from the moment Greyback had told him they were going on a mission.

Remus took a deep breath, reveling in the fact that it was over. His days of living with Greyback, of pretending that he was something he wasn’t were done with. Gone. A part of him had feared that he’d never see this day, that he might just get himself killed in the process. But here he was; both he and Harry had made it out alive, and Remus definitely wasn‘t going to apologize to anyone else for that. Not anymore.

The adjacent towers kept throwing odd shadows across the floor, and Remus kept imagining that the Death Eaters were still there, waiting for him to prove his loyalty. But no. The tower was empty, and Remus had to keep reminding himself of that. Then Remus spotted something out of the corner of his eye. Something on the very edge of the tower floor, an imperfection of some sort had caught the moonlight.

Remus vaguely knew what it was. He had watched it settle there the night before, desperately hoping that he’d be able to use it in some way. In the end, he hadn’t even needed it. Remus had only needed himself. Nothing more.

Crossing the tower, Remus crouched down and reached for it, his fingers closing around the unfamiliar shape. Harry’s wand. Remus straightened and held it up, letting the moonlight glint off the wood and the fingernails of his own hand. It reminded Remus of the night before when he had returned to his room for the first time in two months. When he had picked up his own wand from his bedside table and became disgusted at the sight of his filthy hand. Had all of that only been yesterday? It still didn’t seem possible.

Taking a deep breath, Remus took a few more steps to the very edge of the tower. He rested his arms against the low wall, looking out over the grounds and then up at the moon. It was large and almost perfectly round, only two days from being full. Remus could already feel its pull, and he dreaded the impending transformation. He was still so tired from the recent events, he didn’t know if he had the energy to go through it again so soon.

And yet, something was different. _He_ was different, and not necessarily in the bad way he’d been thinking this entire time. Yes, this experience had had some negative effects on him. Ones he wished he could erase from his soul forever, but at the same time, perhaps it hadn’t been a total loss. Talking with Bill had made him realize that.

It only stood to reason that in order for there to be bad, in order for there to exist someone like Greyback, there had to be good. There had to be someone like Remus.

_To be continued…_


	24. Freedom

When Remus opened the door to number twelve, Grimmauld Place, he was overcome with the most amazing scents emanating from the kitchen. It was almost like going back in time to when he was little, when his mother used to spend all day baking. It made Sirius’s house seem all the more like home, and Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, content in the fact that his time with the werewolves was in fact over. That he was home for good.

A moment later, Remus heard footsteps on the kitchen stairs, and Sirius emerged into foyer. He was wiping his hands on an apron - a gag gift from Remus for Sirius’s last birthday - that said, “Alpha Dog” across it with a picture of a dog under it.

“Moony,” Sirius said around a grin. “Good. I was about to send out a search party.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Have you been _cooking_?”

Sirius scoffed. “Don’t act so surprised. I am capable of reading a recipe and following simple directions. I just pretend I can’t so no one ever makes me.” He wrinkled up his nose. “I hate cooking. But for you, I’ll do it. I wanted to surprise you. Besides, I told you I needed something to occupy myself while you were gone.”

A smile slowly curled around Remus’s lips. “It smells amazing. Like something my mum would have made.”

A smug expression passed over Sirius’s face, but then it quickly morphed into a frown. “Don’t think I’m going to start cooking all the time now. This is just a special occasion.”

“Until the next time I go off to live with a bunch of demented werewolves.”

“Which will be never if I have anything to say about it.”

“Never sounds good to me.”

Silence fell, which Sirius broke by pointing out, “You know your shirt’s open. I hate to think about what you‘ve been doing at Hogwarts for the last six hours.”

Normally, Remus would have immediately pulled his shirt closed to hide his scars, but for some inexplicable reason, he didn’t feel embarrassed about them anymore. “I was proving a point to Bill. If he doesn’t get to cover up his scars, then I didn’t either.”

“What scars?” Sirius asked, continuing to show Remus that he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, at least not around him.

“Exactly.”

Sirius looked proud. “Dinner is almost ready. I thought we’d eat in the lounge tonight, getting crumbs all over the place just to annoy my mum.” He thrust his chin in the direction of the wall behind Remus. “She‘s been yelling all afternoon about how I‘m going to burn down the house if I keep trying to cook.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Like I’m some stupid child and that doesn’t know what I’m doing.”

Remus could hear faint muttering coming from behind the curtain to his left. He picked up a few words like “dirty” and “mutants”. Normally, those things wouldn’t bother Remus. He had grown accustomed to hearing those words over the years, and he was more than used to simply ignoring them. Moreover, he would usually try and deter Sirius from antagonizing her, because when he acted out, it only served to make her even more outspoken. Then again, Remus had spent way too much time over the last two months following rules, however demented they may have been. He’d spent way too much time controlling his words and actions, being obedient to someone he despised.

If Mrs. Black thought Remus was dirty, if she thought he was sullying her house just by being there, then he didn’t owe her anything. Remus knew how he felt about himself, how those he loved felt about him, and those were the only ones that mattered. A tiny part of Remus wished he could bring Greyback home for a while, just to see Mrs. Black’s reaction; if she thought Remus was dirty, she’d probably have a coronary at the state of Greyback. But for right now, getting crumbs all over her floors would have to do. “Okay,” he said simply.

Sirius’s eyebrows went up in surprise, but then he grinned. “Harry’s already waiting the lounge. Why don’t you join him, and I’ll be up with dinner in a minute.”

When Sirius returned to the kitchen, Remus made his way down the hall until he reached the doorway of the lounge. Sleeping bags had been spread out on the deep, ocean blue carpet as well as many pillows and extra blankets from the bedrooms. Harry was laying stomach-down on one of the sleeping bags with his arms crossed underneath his head, propping it up. He was staring ahead into the fireplace, which was roaring with warmth and flames.

Remus leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are we camping out?”

Harry turned to look at him, humming in response. “Sirius thought it’d be fun.”

Aside from his transformations and his time with the werewolves, Remus hadn’t slept on the floor since he’d been a child. He certainly hadn’t done so for fun since he‘d grown up; it had all been out of necessity. Perhaps doing so for fun was exactly what Remus needed right now, and besides, Remus still wasn’t exactly keen on sleeping alone at the moment either. He hadn’t even told Sirius, not since they’d talked about it last night, and Remus was in awe of the fact that Sirius seemed to know the right things to do to make him as comfortable as possible. Sirius somehow always knew.

“I came across something of yours at Hogwarts,” Remus said, crossing the room and pulling Harry’s wand from inside his robes. Remus sat down on the sleeping bag next to Harry, holding his wand out to him.

Harry’s eyes immediately lit up as he reached for it. “You found it!” He rolled over onto his back, swishing his wand back and forth and alternately loosening and tightening his grip on. It was like he was he was making sure it was his, and also getting used to the feel of it again. “Thanks. I’ve been feeling naked without it.”

A moment later, Harry stilled and rested his wand across his chest. He looked up at Remus and said, “Can I ask you something?”

Remus nodded. “Of course.”

“I wanted to ask you this afternoon, but Sirius interrupted when he came back with lunch.” Harry bit his lip then and diverted his gaze to one of the walls.

“What?”

“It’s…a bit personal, I guess. But it’s been bothering me since last night.”

“Harry,” Remus said, scooting a little bit closer to him. “You don’t need to be afraid. I think we’re well past the point of such formalities like censoring ourselves around each other. Whatever it is, you can ask, and I’ll try my best to answer.”

Harry furrowed his brow. “But…I think it might upset you.”

Remus shook his head. “If it’s bothering you, I want you to ask. No sense in you fretting over it if it’s something I can help you with.”

Harry took a deep breath and swallowed audibly. “It’s about something Greyback said last night.”

When he didn’t go on, Remus prompted, “You’re going to have to narrow it down a bit. Deranged werewolf says a lot of things. He likes to talk out of his arse a lot.”

Harry snickered. He paused for a while, occupying himself with his wand before he looked up at Remus again. His eyes were wide and almost apologetic. “He said you bit a boy on his orders.”

Remus was proud that he could give Harry a negative answer to this question. “Just like I said, he likes to talk out his arse a lot.”

Pausing for a moment, Harry asked cautiously, “So you didn’t?”

“Harry,” Remus said as if this was the most ridiculous conversation on the planet. “On Greyback’s orders? Really?”

Harry’s face immediately turned bright red, and he covered it with his hands. “Ugh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

Remus reached out, pulling Harry’s hands away from his face. Remus smiled at him and said, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I would have been concerned, too, if I was you. But you can rest assured that I‘d never bite anyone. Not if I can help it, and certainly not because someone like Greyback ordered me to.”

“Then why does he think you did?”

Sighing, Remus leaned back a bit, propping himself up on his hands. He still abhorred having to repeat certain aspects of his experience to anyone, but if it would help to ease Harry’s fears, then Remus would tell him everything and more. “It’s how you gain access into his pack. He doesn’t let just anyone in. You have to prove yourself to him by doing whatever he asks of you. The first thing he asks is that you turn someone. He’s ensuring that his pack members most likely won’t try and return to the human world, because if a werewolf is looked down upon, imagine how a werewolf that’s bitten someone is viewed.”

Harry immediately pushed himself up into a sitting position so that he was closer to eye level with Remus. “How did you get out of that?”

Remus hesitated, not certain if he should disclose the full details of what had happened. He finally settled on, “Through some very creative magic, and a lot of help from your godfather.”

“And you were able to convince Greyback otherwise? He seemed so certain that you did what he asked of you.”

Or maybe Harry wouldn’t be so easily satisfied. Remus felt a blush rising up in his cheeks, but then he tried to remind himself that he didn’t need to be afraid. This was Harry, and Remus knew that nothing he could ever say would frighten him. “Sirius pretended to be the boy. He took Polyjuice Potion.” Harry opened his mouth to reply, but Remus talked over him before he had the chance. “Just before that, he transformed into Padfoot. As long as his last true form was that of his Animagus, the bite didn’t affect him.”

Harry was quiet then, appearing in deep thought. Just then, Sirius entered the room, using his wand to direct three trays of food through the air in front of him.

Harry looked up at him and asked, “You did that? Pretended to be bitten by Moony?” He sounded slightly in awe.

Before he replied, Sirius took a moment to set the three trays down in front of the sleeping bags on the floor. They each had a large bowl of steaming beef stew, and small plate with a couple slices of cornbread, a glass of water, and a cup of tea.

“I don’t know why everyone is acting so surprised,” Sirius said, plopping down on the other side of Remus. “After what I went through with Moony when we younger, it was nothing. He had the Wolfsbane, he was completely in control.”

“And Greyback _bought_ it?” Harry sounded on the verge of bursting into laughter.

“He’s not very bright, that one,” Remus commented, but then his expression turned serious. “But Harry? You can’t ever let anyone think otherwise. Greyback wanted that boy turned because he had a disagreement with his father, and Greyback wanted to punish them. After our little…show, Dumbledore made sure the boy and his family were in a safe place. As far as Greyback knows, that boy _is_ a werewolf. If he ever finds out he’s not, Greyback would go to the ends of the earth to hunt him down and do what I couldn’t. It can never get back to him that that boy is still very much human.”

“No,” Harry said firmly, “I promise I won‘t tell anyone. I’m just…relieved that you didn’t have to do that. I know what your principles are, and I was afraid you’d be beating yourself up forever for something like that.”

“Yeah. I would be.”

“Especially just to save me.”

Harry was teasing, but Remus still felt compelled to correct him. “Harry,” he said, “I said it before, and I’ll say it again. Whatever it took, you are worth it.”

They ate silently, each lost in their own thoughts, and something else occurred to Remus. He had done a lot of things in his time with Greyback that he now felt ashamed of. However, it seemed that as far as everyone else was concerned, Remus hadn’t yet lowered himself to Greyback’s standards. There were still some things that Remus would never do, and those things were what still separated himself from Greyback.

This day was turning out to be full of realizations, it seemed.

~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner, the three men climbed the stairs to change into their pajamas. Since his favorite pair was now in the laundry basket, Remus settled on his second favorite - blue flannel with yellow stars and crescent moons on them. They didn’t seem to make the real moon so big and scary, and with the transformation only two nights away, Remus needed all the extra comfort he could get.

Just as Remus finished buttoning his pajama shirt, Sirius appeared in the doorway of his bedroom. Sirius was dressed in his own pair of pajamas, which were bright red with brooms, Bludgers, and Beaters’ bats on them.

They were silent for a few seconds, but then Sirius quietly asked, “How are you?” He sounded like he was treading carefully, like he was afraid that Remus might be growing tired of his continual coddling. Truthfully, Remus didn’t mind it. Not now, not with the state he had been in recently.

Remus nodded and took a slightly shaky breath. “I’m okay. I did a lot of things today that I think I needed. I heard a lot of things that I needed to hear. Said a lot of things that turned out to be rather good lessons for me as well. I’m still not sure how I might feel tomorrow though. This all might come crumbling down again for all I know.”

“One step at a time, Moony,” Sirius reminded him. “Don’t worry about what tomorrow might bring. Just focus on right now.”

“Yeah, I’m trying, and right now, I am okay.”

“Good. I think I am, too.”

Remus stared at Sirius like he had a flock of owls flying circles around his head.

“Moony,” Sirius said slowly, “you have no idea what a wreck I’ve been while you were away. I don’t pretend that what I was going through was anything close to what you were enduring, but I was making myself sick with worry, not knowing what you were doing or if you were even okay.” When Remus didn’t reply, Sirius quickly added, “And I shouldn’t be dumping this on you, not when you’ve been in such a state.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Remus could say.

“And I don’t want you to apologize. It’s not your fault that I’m a spaz.”

Remus hung his head, wringing his hands together for a bit of a distraction. “It just didn’t occur to me that this might be affecting you so much.”

“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, either,” Sirius immediately added. “Merlin knows you’ve had enough of that lately. I just want you know how I feel. That you’re so damn important to me, I can barely function unless I know you’re okay.”

“Oh, Padfoot…” Remus paused, his throat suddenly feeling tight. He tried to swallow the sensation away before going on. “I can’t really hold that against you. You couldn’t exactly call me ‘functioning’ the twelve years you were in Azkaban. And that was when I thought you were a criminal.”

Sirius laughed quietly. “At least we are both suitably invested in each other’s happiness. Doesn’t make me feel so bad.”

“Never,” Remus said. Then he clarified, “You’re never alone.”

After a moment of silence, Sirius said, “And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a wreck while you were at Hogwarts today.”

“Why, you were afraid that I’d pass out again?” Remus teased.

“No,” Sirius said, and now it was his turn to blush. “I mean, yeah, I was slightly worried about that, but that wasn’t all of it.” He broke off, his eyes drifting across the room to the window, unable to meet Remus’s gaze. “You’re going to think this is obnoxious.”

“Try me.” When he didn’t receive a reply, Remus continued, “I’ve been honest with a lot of people today, and they’ve been honest with me in return, and I think we’re all better for it as a result. Complete honesty isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

“I know it’s not.” Sirius took a heavy breath before crossing the room to sit down on the edge of Remus’s bed. He clasped his hands in his lap and stared down at them. “I was worried, because I knew you’d be going to talk to Bill.”

Remus blinked in confusion. “And _that’s_ a bad thing?”

Sirius was quiet for a long time, still paying way too much attention to his hands. Finally, he said, “It’s just that Bill can understand a part of you now that I can’t. That I never could. I try as hard as I can. I try to put myself into your shoes, to sympathize with what you’re going through, but I know I’ll never completely get it.”

The truth slowly dawned on Remus. “You’re jealous of a _Weasley_?”

“Shut up!“ Sirius cried, hunching over and burying his head in his hands.

Remus watched his best friend in amusement for a moment. Not that he liked to see Sirius in distress, but because it made Remus feel terribly important to know that Sirius felt these things for him. “There’s nothing to be jealous of.”

“You say that now,” Sirius mumbled into his hands.

“Padfoot,” Remus said, approaching the bed and sitting down next to Sirius. He reached out and pulled Sirius’s hands away from his face. He hunched down a bit so that he could get into Sirius’s field of vision. “Yes, Bill and I might be talking a lot more now that he has this to deal with. In fact, I told him that he can come and find me anytime he needs to, and I‘ll always try my hardest to give him answers. It’s going to be difficult for him, and I want to do what I can to help him through it…”

“And I _want_ you to be there for him,” Sirius interrupted gently. “I do. I don’t want you think I don’t. You told me once that having someone to turn to through all of this has been one of the most important things in your life. I’m glad he has you to turn to right now, because I’m sure it’s helping him tremendously. I think it might even be good for you as well to have someone who can understand you so well.”

“I think it is,” Remus agreed. “While I was talking to him today, I realized a lot of things. Things that I guess I always knew, but never really admitted to myself. I think he’s going to help me come to terms with some things that I’ve been avoiding for a long time now. But Padfoot? He’s hardly a replacement for you.” Sirius still didn’t look convinced, so Remus asked, “How long have we been best friends?”

“Twenty-five years.”

“Just because Bill’s part werewolf now,” Remus replied, “it’s hardly going to erase all that. It’s not going to erase all those years you’ve spent by my side, looking out for me and protecting me. It’s not going to erase the fact that you became an Animagus for me. It’s not going to erase the fact that you’ve been one of the few constants in my life since I met you. I could never be more grateful to you for everything you’ve brought into my life. Yeah, Bill might be able to understand some things now that you can’t, but…I can say with absolute certainty that there are still going to be things about me that only _you_ would ever be able to understand. Sirius, you _get_ me like no one else ever has. Other than my parents, there’s never been anyone in my life that I feel absolutely myself with. Except you. And there’s Harry now, too, but no one can ever be a replacement for you. I could never feel about anyone else the way I feel about you. Ever.”

Sirius finally met his eyes. “Neither could I. But you know, I seem to remember you being jealous of a certain Weasley not too long ago - that day Arthur and I were bonding over my bike.”

Remus scowled. “Yeah, let’s not talk about that. Not one of my prouder moments.”

“These Weasleys are just a thorn in our sides, aren’t they?” Sirius asked. “There’s Ron who I sometimes feel jealous of where Harry’s concerned. You’re jealous of Arthur, and now I’m jealous of Bill.”

“And what did you tell me when I was jealous of Arthur?”

Sirius sighed overdramatically; he hated it when people threw his own words back at him. “That there’s nothing to be jealous of, because no one could ever replace you.”

“Indeed.” Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, pulling him into a tight hug. “You’re my brother, Sirius. The only brother I’ll ever have. I promise. I don‘t care if everyone else in my life was a werewolf except you, because no one can ever come as close to meaning as much to me as you do, and I love you for it.”

“I love you, too,” Sirius said, hugging him back just as tightly. “Not Arthur or anyone else who takes an interest in my bike and other things you don’t get. They‘re just friends. Not family. There‘s a difference.”

“I was wondering what was taking you two so long,” Harry suddenly said from the doorway. He was dressed in his own pair of pajamas - emerald green which were covered in bright white owls. “Now I know. You’re in here being cheesy.”

Sirius pulled away from Remus and yelled, “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, young man. There is NO CHEESE.”

“You and I were being cheesy not too long ago if you care to remember,” Remus pointed out.

“I know,” Harry said, “and I wasn’t complaining. I was just making a comment. I like cheese.”

“Speaking of cheese, do we have any popcorn?” Sirius asked suddenly, getting up from the bed. “I could go for some popcorn.”

Harry looked confused, like he didn’t understand how Sirius could get to popcorn from cheese. Harry shook it off and said, “How should I know? This is your house.”

“And candy,” Sirius said absently, heading for the door. “All this bonding makes me hungry.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours later, the three men were curled up in their sleeping bags in the lounge, suitably full of popcorn and candy. Sirius had just gotten through telling them a bunch of stories about some of the more insane things he’d done in his youth, and Remus’s sides were aching slightly from laughing so much.

Remus turned over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling and letting out a deep and contented breath. He was nestled comfortably in between Sirius and Harry, the two most important people in his entire life, and he was feeling completely sated and comfortable for the first time in a long time.

“All right, Moony?” Sirius asked, sounding slightly concerned.

“Mhm,” Remus hummed. “I needed this, a night like this. Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I think we all did after the madness we‘ve been through,” Sirius said. “You living with werewolves, me driving myself nuts with worry, and Harry almost being eaten by Greyback and kidnapped by Death Eaters.”

All of a sudden, Harry burst out laughing again for no discernable reason. When Sirius and Remus looked at him like he was a lunatic, Harry said, “Did you ever realize what weird names those are? _Fenrir Greyback_. And _Death Eaters_.” He snickered again.

“Yeah, that does it.” Sirius sat up and reached across the floor, pushing the bowls of candy and popcorn away from his godson. “No more food for you. You’re completely high on sugar.”

Remus yawned suddenly. He hadn’t realized just how tired he was until he’d laid down. It had been a long day, after all, and he hadn’t been sleeping that well when he had been with the werewolves.

“Moony needs his rest anyway,” Sirius said.

“I don’t mind,” Remus said as he curled up, pulling his sleeping bag tightly around himself. “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard laughing. It’s nice. And those are weird names, you have admit.”

Sirius snorted. “Like ours aren’t.”

“Don’t make fun of my name, Padfoot.”

“Fine, but mine’s weird. I’ll admit it. So was my brother’s. Only a couple of lunatics would name their kids _Regulus_ and _Sirius_.”

“Regulus’s name is irrelevant. _I’m_ your brother now.”

“This is true.”

Remus smiled as he closed his eyes. He could feel both Harry and Sirius tucking his sleeping bag in even more tightly around him. Remus took a deep and relaxing breath, completely content in the feeling of being taken care of. No sooner had the feeling swept over him than sleep claimed him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Remus awoke some time later, and he was immediately overcome with fear. The first thing his sleep-clogged mind registered was that he wasn’t laying in his bed, but on a hard surface. Next, he realized that there were people sleeping on either side of him. Remus’s heart began to beat hard and fast, feeling absolutely certain that he was back among the werewolves, sleeping in the cave along with the rest of them. His entire night, the wonderful time that he’d spent with Harry and Sirius had been nothing but a dream, dangling in front of him like a sick joke.

“Moony?” came Sirius’s voice in the darkness.

Remus sucked in sharp breath and began gasping for air. Up until Sirius had spoken to him, Remus had been more than certain that he was still with Greyback’s pack. He pressed a hand over his face, trying to force the image of sleeping among the werewolves out of his head.

“Hey,” Sirius said, concern clouding his voice. Remus could hear him unzipping his sleeping bag and shuffling out of it a bit. A moment later, a strong and comforting hand fell upon his shoulder. “Moony, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” Remus said in between heavy breaths. “I just…had this moment again, thinking I was still living with Greyback. Same thing happened to me when I woke up this afternoon.”

“You’re not there anymore,” Sirius reiterated, squeezing Remus’s shoulder. “You’re home. You’re free from that place.”

Remus took a few more deep breaths, trying to calm himself. “I know. I think it’s just going to take me a while to get used to being back.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Sirius said. “I’ll be here to remind you of that as much as you need.”

“Me, too,” Harry added into the darkness.

“And I couldn’t be more grateful,” Remus said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Either one of you.” He looked back and forth between them, even though he couldn’t quite see much of them with the lack of light.

“Nor do I,” Harry mumbled around a yawn. He wiggled across the floor a bit, cuddling up closer to Remus’s sleeping bag. “Someone saw fit to give me parents when I had none, and I couldn’t have wished for better ones if I had tried.”

“That makes three of us,” Sirius agreed. “After the ruddy family I had, at least I was able to find a proper one. You two more than make up for it.” He threw an arm over Remus’s chest, and his fingers ended up finding Harry’s in the black of night.

Remus wasn’t necessarily the most physical person, but in that moment, he wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else but snuggled in between the two people he loved most in the world. In the days, weeks, and even months to come, he knew they would be his rock. They would be there to carry him until he found his way back to humanity. With them, he know he could do it.

He would be okay. He would.

_To be **concluded** …_


	25. At Last (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: This story was originally completed over seven years ago. I wrote this epilogue to tie it into my ongoing series at the time, hence Remus's wife and daughters that were never mentioned in this story previously. Those older stories are not my best works (the name of Remus's first daughter may be a hint as to what they were like), which is why they're not posted here, but I feel this story is incomplete without its epilogue.

_Six years later…_

“Remus…I had no idea.”

“No, not a lot of people do,” Remus said quietly. “I still haven’t even told Sirius a lot of it.” He paused and added, “I’ve never told anyone as much as I’ve just told you. Not even Dumbledore. Oh, he knows the facts, but nothing about how deeply it affected me.”

Remus’s wife of five years, Tala leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. Remus wrapped an arm around her, taking extra care not to squish the slightly squirming bundle of blankets in Tala’s arms.

They were in the bedroom they shared, sitting atop their bed. The bed and the room in number twelve, Grimmauld Place that had once only belonged to Remus. He almost dreaded thinking back to those days now, when he fell asleep in an empty bed by himself. Tala and his now two children had grown to be such a big part of his life, he couldn’t imagine ever not having them. Had it only been six years ago that he‘d been living without them?

“We met just a few weeks later, didn’t we?” Tala asked, her voiced muffled by his robes. She pulled away and looked up at him, her deep brown eyes meeting his blue ones. “You were still having such a hard time with everything that had happened, and-” She broke off, burying her head in one hand. “Dear Merlin. I was making advances on you. I have awful timing, don‘t I?”

“You had no way of knowing,” Remus reassured her. “I wasn’t about to tell you, either. What did you want me to say? ‘I just spent two months living with the most savage werewolf that’s ever lived. This isn’t exactly a good time’?” he teased.

“Yes!” Tala exclaimed. “You should have…said _something_.”

Remus gave her a pointed look. “I reckon I did. Not about Greyback, but I used just about every other excuse I could come up with for why we shouldn’t get involved. It didn’t stop you.”

“So I’m determined.” Tala wiggled around in their bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. She finally leaned back against the stack of pillows behind her, readjusting the tiny baby in her arms. When she was settled, she asked, “Why are you telling me all this? Why now?”

Remus leaned in a little closer and reached out for the blankets in Tala’s arms, moving them out of the way so he could clearly see the newest addition to their family. Their first daughter was already five years old, and they couldn’t have been more thrilled to find out a few hours ago that they had another.

“Her,” Remus replied. “Because you asked me what we should name her.”

Tala giggled. “That was a rather roundabout way of answering me…and you still haven’t answered me anyway.”

“I’m getting there.” Remus took a deep breath, using one of his hands to prop himself up on the mattress and stretching one leg out in front of him. “Well, first of all, we got Shandurai’s middle name from my mum, Caitlin. And I think it’s only fair if we name our second daughter after your mum.”

Tala simply furrowed her brow. Her entire family - her parents and her older brother - had been killed in the war when Tala had been younger. It was a bit of an uncomfortable subjects, because she still had a hard time talking about them.

“I just don’t know her name,” Remus spurred gently. “You’ve never told me. So as long as it’s not ugly or anything…”

Tala smiled somberly. “Her name was Rianna. Rianna Roarke.”

Remus considered this. “I actually really like that. A lot.”

“Me, too.”

“Even more than the other name I had in mind.”

“Which is?”

“Which is why I told you about Greyback and the rest of the werewolves to begin with,” Remus explained. He looked down at the blankets beneath them, using his hand to smooth out some of the wrinkles that had settled into the fabric. “I’ve been thinking about Althea quite a bit lately. Especially since we found out we were having her for some reason.” Remus reached out a finger, allowing the baby to wrap her own tiny fingers around it. “About how neither her or her sister would be here if not for Althea, because I truly think Greyback would have killed me if she hadn’t been there stop him.”

Tala didn’t reply right away, but then she asked, “You’re not in touch with her anymore, are you?”

Remus couldn’t quite tell if her tone was accusing or curious, but he shook his head. “No. We never stayed in contact like we said we would. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in almost as long as I’ve known you.” Tala opened her mouth to respond, but Remus talked over her, knowing exactly what she had been about to ask. “And it had nothing to do with you. She actually moved to the states fairly quickly after we left the pack. I think she was having a difficult time remaining here, in the place where she’d been bitten and had spent so much time with Greyback. There were just too many horrible memories for her here. She needed a fresh start, and she got that. And our letters back and forth kind of stopped after that.”

“You could still write to her,” Tala suggested.

Remus closed his eyes for a moment. He looked pained. “No. I can’t.

Tala frowned. “She’s not…dead?”

“No. Dumbledore’s still in touch with her,” Remus explained, “so I know she’s still alive. In fact, he said she seems to be doing quite well. She’s really gotten into her art, and she’s making enough to support herself. She’s living a normal life, which was all she really wanted. I’m glad I was able to get her out of the pack and to get her on the road to finding happiness again. A part of me does miss her, and I wish we could still be contact, but another part of me is glad for the way things have turned out. To be honest, I think the fact that we stopped talking was rather mutual. Don’t get me wrong. We’d gotten rather close in the time we were together, and I don’t think we’ll ever stop being grateful to each other for everything, but…that was during one of the most difficult periods of my life. Continuing to be in contact with her was just too much of a reminder of my time with Greyback. My friendship with her was necessary at the time, a part of the reason why I had gone to Greyback to being with. I don’t know if I could have survived it at all if not for her, for the way she kept me sane while I was there, but she wasn’t something that fit into my actual life. It was simply time to put all of that behind us. We never talked about it either, but I got the sense that she felt the same way, so our letters just stopped. And neither one of us tried to rectify that. Not that there was anything to rectify. Our friendship had run its course. If that makes sense.”

“Yeah, it does,” Tala said. “I read somewhere once that some friends come into our lives for a season. Just to help us for a little while before we part ways again. That’s what Althea was for you, I think. And then there are friends like Sirius who end up being your friend for a lifetime. They just can’t all be like that.”

Remus smiled at the thought. “And I am glad Sirius turned out to be a lifetime friend. I couldn‘t have asked for anyone better.”

“You thought I’d be jealous of her,” Tala pointed out. “That’s why you never mentioned her before.”

Remus grimaced and tilted his head back and forth several times in indecision. “Partially,” he reluctantly admitted. “But that wasn’t the full reason I never told you about her. If I ever did talk about Althea, I knew I’d need to go into detail about where and how we met. I wasn’t ready for that yet.”

Tala smiled, raising a hand to cup Remus’s cheek. “How could I possibly be jealous of someone that saved your life? That‘s partly responsible for everything we have now?”

The frown still hadn’t faded from Remus’s features. “Because we kissed?”

Tala hummed in thought. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but the way you described it, it didn’t sound romantic to me. It sounded more like a gesture that was done out of comfort. Because you didn’t know how else to offer her your support. Nothing more. Certainly nothing for me to be jealous of. After all, I am the one you married. Not her.”

Remus leaned forward, lightly pressing his forehead against Tala’s. “And that’s exactly why I married you. Because you understand me so well.”

Grinning, Tala kissed him briefly before asking, “So that’s what we’re going to name her? Rianna Althea?”

“As long as neither of those names bothers you,” Remus said cautiously.

“Not at all.” Tala took a moment to look down at their new daughter, tucking in the blankets around her once again. “I miss my family. Of course I do. How can I not? I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing them. When you lose family that you love so much, that isn’t something that really ever goes away.”

“No,” Remus agreed, “it isn’t. It’s been decades, and I still miss my own mum and dad terribly.”

Tala took a shaky breath, trying to stay in control of her emotions. “But…I think you’re right. I never thought I’d name my daughter after her, but it only seems right to take her name from my mum. I think it might be nice to have her name in my life again. As for Althea…well, we already talked about her. She saved your life. I could never not be grateful to her for that. If you’re ready to have her name in your life again.”

Remus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I think I am. It’s been a long time, and to be honest, I’m not haunted by what happened anymore. I don’t think I could have even come close to telling you everything if I was. Yes, it changed me, and it’s a part of me, but it doesn’t define me. I won’t let it. Not anymore. I’ve moved forward, and perhaps it’s time to acknowledge it in some way, acknowledge it more than I have been. And what better way than by giving her such an important name?” Remus rested a gentle hand on Rianna’s head.

Tala didn’t say anything, but she leaned into Remus again, tucking her head underneath his chin. “Thank you for trusting me so much. I’m glad you told me.”

“I am, too.”

Remus placed a kiss on top of Tala’s head, feeling almost consumed with emotion. For a very long time, he’d wondered why in the hell things had to be so difficult for him. Why he’d had to put up with a condition that brought him so much pain and intolerance. But everything he had now more than made up for it. In fact, he’d willingly go through a million more transformations just to have everything he had now. As crazy as it sounded, he thought he’d even repeat his time with Greyback if necessary, because everything he had now was worth all of that and more. He couldn‘t say that enough.

_The end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Fun fact - this story was originally conceived as a one-shot. The first chapter was all I intended on writing, but when I got done with that, I realized how much more there was to the story. I once saw an interview with Stephen King (my favorite author), and he was talking about some of his novels that had started out as short stories ( _Misery_ and _Gerald‘s Game_ were the ones he specifically mentioned). He said sometimes inspiration just hits out of nowhere and gives some stories a life of their own. This has turned out to be what I consider my best and favorite work to date, so I'm very glad I let my inspiration take me on this journey. I hope it was just as enjoyable to everyone who has gotten to this point.
> 
> Until next time,  
> SpoonyLupin


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